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adaddysgirl -> RE: With drawing Dominance withdrawals (10/31/2006 4:23:56 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion
I think I see something different.
Punishment has to be effective in order to modify the unwanted action. If (for example) spanking a sub's bottom is not correcting the behavior & the sub actually enjoys getting their bottom spanked, then why would a dom continue spanking the sub's bottom as a form of punishment... this is rewarding bad behavior.
The interactions between partners that are mutually liked & incorporated into a dom & sub's "special time" their "play" (reward) cannot be the same activities that the dom would use for punishment. So if the submissive is masochistic & enjoys these activities a dom will have to find effective ways to punish so that the sub is not getting what they ultimately seek out.
To withdraw or even ignore a sub can really be viewed as the most severe form of punishment because the sub is now left to figure it all out. The ignore a sub should only be done after you have attempted many other types of correction. Myself, if it comes to ignore, that is typically the last step before complete & final release.
If a dom is using ignore without a set time limit & they not communicating with the sub after this time frame then they are actually not doing anything to correct the behavior & at this point the ignore is useless. The sub is just left hanging in the wind & this is what will have them question their place. I would view this dominant as inexperienced &/or most likely at the end of their rope... fresh out of ideas. Maybe they have simply lost interest.
Regardless to all I said here because this is all speculation, the only way to get it all worked out & find out just what is going on is for the two people involved to sit down & talk it out.
If the dom expresses that he is not happy with certain behaviors & tells the sub that these things will no longer be tolerated... in a perfect world the sub should respect their dom's wish & stop. Yet we don't live in a perfect world. At the time the dom tells the sub that I don't care for A, B & C & I want this to stop... the dom should also say... if this continues then I will do A, B &/or C as punishment & if this doesn't prevent this from happening then you will face being released.
Communicate the expectations. Define what it is you want from each other. Discuss what it is you feel are rewards & define what it is you will use as punishment. DO this ahead of time & that way you aren't frustrated dom or a freaked out sub not knowing what's next.
i don't think we are saying anything different as i tend to agree with what you say here.
The example you use about masochists......i am not a masochist myself and even the pain of a 'well administerd' spanking is painful enough to me....and works as a discilinary measure. But as a dom once asked....what good is a spanking for a masochist....if he/she craves that pain anyway? True....so in that situation, the dom would need to find something that effectively works with that particular sub.
Obviously we all have to look at what the point is to any attempted punishment and if it's not achieving the goal, then yes, other measures may be necessary. But i think what needs to prevail above and beyond the means of punishment is the emotional (or pyshcological) well being of the sub. If any action is such that it will cause such damage to the sub, or to the relationship, then what purpose does it serve?
And if the sub is the type that no punishment works....and she has a constant need to challenge the dom....then both should reevaluate if this is the partner for them.
So if i understand you correctly, i don't think we are seeing it differently at all.
DG
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