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Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 8:07:37 AM   
newsubneedsDomme


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		I am seeking to be trained and used by a Domme in my area but have not a clue how to go about it. i will do all that she asks that is safe and not illegal. i have a few limits but am unsure how to aproach her to ask for help. this is not a whim and i am in need to serve. have had 2 offers to be live in slave but feel the need to understand lifestyle before commiting to 24/7 relationship. please help this unknowing fool to be great sub for excellent Domme.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 8:13:11 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubneedsDomme

I am seeking to be trained and used by a Domme in my area but have not a clue how to go about it. i will do all that she asks that is safe and not illegal. i have a few limits but am unsure how to aproach her to ask for help. this is not a whim and i am in need to serve. have had 2 offers to be live in slave but feel the need to understand lifestyle before commiting to 24/7 relationship. please help this unknowing fool to be great sub for excellent Domme.


One thing is to find out whether or not the domme in question actually offer training.

Most people only offer training when it is for a relationship with them.

A few offer training as a way to help someone learn.

A few see training as a way to see whether or not there is a connection there between them without the assumption that there will be a long-term personal relationship.

As you find out the answer to these questions then that will help you figure out how to approach her.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 8:24:44 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Have you actually approached this Domme, or is she unaware of your existance? If you already know each other, simply sit down over a nice cup of tea/coffee (whatever she prefers), and talk. If you are uncomfortable asking her what she wants, perhaps you could try writing her a note/lette, and giving it to her after dinner... tell her its sort of a business proposition that you would like her to  peruse... or something along those lines . If she is unaware that you exist, introduce yourself and get to know her. That is the only way you'll find out what and if she's looking for... every Domme is different (there is no Domme Cookie Mold), and so are their needs/wants/desires/etc. Heh... she may even be a lesbian... theres nothing you can do short of a sex change to get her interested in you...  Oh, and DO NOT assume that sex will be part of your training... bad, bad, BAD move!!! I have yet to meet a woman, of any lable, who has a difficult time getting laid & wants offers to do so. 'Cause if all you want is sex... then imo, you're just looking for kinky sex, which is quite different from a D/s et a. relationship. And, any prostitute will be quit happy to "train" you for a certain fee...

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 11:12:25 AM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Answering this as if this were Me...

I personally want to know that a sub who approaches Me with a desire to serve wants to serve Me, not just that he is seeking any Dominant female located close enough to be accessible. I want to know that he has an initial familiarity with My interests, style, experience, and viewpoints, and feels he shares enough common ground to foster a mutual connection and interest.

For most, this means more than reading a website or exchanging a few e-mails. I would much more respect a sub who writes a polite introductory letter, showing he has read My thoughts and contemplated My interests, explaining the type of relationship he is interested in and what he feels he has to offer within same. An invitation to share a cup of coffee, to meet in person and discuss things face-to-face would also be welcome within the letter of interest and would indicate his (apparent) sincerity. Take the time to sort your thoughts, prepare, write a thoughtful and considerate letter, but do try to make contact and meet in real-time as soon as possible.

To let this continue to build as a fantasy, one tends to build up both expectations and anxieties that can overburden the budding friendship/relationship. Do stay realistic, with both feet always on the ground, and take one day at a time.

Finally, from your post, it seems you want to be trained in preparation to seek 24/7. Do take some time to think about what it is you are asking this Domme for: to be trained and molded to a particular Domme's specifications through ongoing training and servitude does commit you, to a degree, to her own ideaology, methods and preferences. If she devotes the time to preparing and refining you for her own useage, I'd encourage you place your focus back on your real-time experiences and enjoying the journey, instead of focusing so directly on some specific goal or situation as the epitome of your existence, (as suggested by your profile.)

You may find that you so enjoy committing to your heart's desire and engaging in long-term servitude and training that you find the fulfillment and purpose you were seeking.

Best,

~Thea

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 3:06:41 PM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I think the very first thing you need to remember is that just because you've met a dominant doesn't mean that a) She's looking to train a submissive; b) that you're the right submissive for her. I think I run into the later more often than not. Too many subs assuming that because I am a domme, that I will immediately take them in as they are submissive. For some of us there needs to be more connection than the proverbial Tab A fitting Slot B.
 
If you've determined that she is indeed considering taking on a submissive, or may well consider you as her submissive then begin by being open and honest. Explain what it is you have to offer, what you wish to learn and why you've selected her over all the others you might have turned to.
 
Always show respect, don't be overly familiar and never, ever assume that because she could accept you that she will, or has - not until she has said as much.

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 5:14:17 PM   
draba


Posts: 81
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline 		I get the impression that you have never seen or served a Domme before. I suggest that you try a few sessions with a Pro first to see if you like BDSM and to work out your kinks. She may also be very useful in giving advice in your quest for servitude.

(in reply to LadyOunce)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 5:57:02 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree.  A pro might be good, at least once, so you know what it is you like and what you don't like. Remember a lifestyle Domme is taking a great deal of time and effort to train you...for what? So you can serve someone else?  At least if you go after a lifestyle Domme, have in  mnd the possibility that you might want to serve her long term if it works out.  Otherwise it's like the young "stud" who wants to "try out" the older woman.  Doesn't go over well in the vanilla world, either, lol. 

(in reply to draba)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 10/31/2006 8:35:17 PM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to assume that you meant the OP with this and not mysel as  I only spent 3 years with a dominant as his collared and exclusive slave as well as been a dominant myself for two long term relationships. Not to mention that I have been in the D/s lifestyle for nearly thirteen years and the BDSM one for sixteen.  
 

(in reply to draba)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 11/4/2006 7:27:27 AM   
newsubneedsDomme


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		thank you all for such good advice and i changed my bio and reapplied what you have taught me but she does not reply. i asked a slave i know who has been here for many years and she said that a real Domme will always respond and the fakers almost never do.

_____________________________

on my knees i shall wait for your guidance and training to be what you most desire. i seek to know what only you know and to enjoy your pleasures.

(in reply to LadyOunce)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 11/4/2006 7:32:38 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		i agree with all the advice you have been given
but ihave to say i dont agree with the statement that a real domme will always reply
im a real domme and i dont reply to all my messages becasue frankly 80% of them i recieve on here are laughable and not worth a response which doesnt make me fake i dont think
good luck with your search though

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 11/5/2006 3:18:32 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
try asking someone here to give you advice i am sure someone will. your need to serve is so strong why did you not take the potions offer to you you will have to learn sometime ok take care and good luck
 
mons

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Looking for help on how to ask a Domme for training - 11/5/2006 6:30:14 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubneedsDomme

thank you all for such good advice and i changed my bio and reapplied what you have taught me but she does not reply. i asked a slave i know who has been here for many years and she said that a real Domme will always respond and the fakers almost never do.


Reply rate really has nothing to do with how "real" a person is or not.   The reality is that Dommes get a landslide of such requests on a fairly consistent basis - and many see it as a waste of time to respond to each and every one of them.   If you look, there's a bunch of threads on this topic.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to newsubneedsDomme)
Profile   Post #: 12
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