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Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 11:30:06 AM

SweetSarijane

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From: KC area Missouri
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I've been topped by both women and men. There is a difference between the 2 and degree of sadism is not it. For me, though I am not bi, there is a deeper/different sensuality when it's a woman topping me. The Dominant lady friend who topped me last weekend isn't bi either, but we were talking after the session about how it was for us from our perspectives and she said it's more sensual, at least for her, when it's another woman she's topping. I definitely agree as that was my experience on the bottoming side. There was such a sensual energy flowing between us, but still not sexual. It was awesome. It's hard to really put the differnce into words. There's a sensuality when I'm being topped by a man, but it's just......different. It's still not sexual for me in either case but the sensuality is different. This is just during s/m play at parties and events I'm referring to...casual play if you will between friends rather than in a D/s relationship.

I'd like to hear others' views and experience with being topped by the same sex vs the opposite sex and/or topping the same vs opposite sex. What was different? Was one better than the other or both equally good and just different? Is it something you've discussed with those you've scened with? Is it something you've pondered and thought through deeply? I'd really appreciate hearing others' thoughts on this.

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 12:06:27 PM

TheShadows

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From: Southern Illinois
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We can, and do, Top/Dom both woman and men. Though, we prefer to Top/Dom women. Too many of the male subs/slaves we've encountered are very needy, clingy, "do me", or groveling, which we're not into at all. We've found that women are more open to the harder, edgy-er types of play, which we're really into. Most times, we have a pre-existing friendship with the woman, which makes negotiation and energy flow easier. There's less anxiety, on our part, of pushing limits too hard. The general theme seems to be that we have had the most fun experiences with women.

Our 3 Cents,

TheShadows

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 12:43:09 PM

Archer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheShadows

We can, and do, Top/Dom both woman and men. Though, we prefer to Top/Dom women. Too many of the male subs/slaves we've encountered are very needy, clingy, "do me", or groveling, which we're not into at all. We've found that women are more open to the harder, edgy-er types of play, which we're really into. Most times, we have a pre-existing friendship with the woman, which makes negotiation and energy flow easier. There's less anxiety, on our part, of pushing limits too hard. The general theme seems to be that we have had the most fun experiences with women.

Our 3 Cents,

TheShadows

Well if you throw in the additional factor of sexual orientation I can tell you that the gay men I have Topped have been the exact opposite of the clinggy wimpering I tend to see in many (NOT ALL) hetero male bottoms.
The Leathermen I know want to play rough, and make many of the edge players in the het community seem tame and for heavier yet sadism watching Leatherdykes play will make even the hardcore leathermen cringe at times.

(in reply to TheShadows)

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 12:55:52 PM

TheShadows

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From: Southern Illinois
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lol...Maybe we should start having more scenes with "other than straight" orientated people, then. Great info. Thanks!

MrsShadows

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 12:58:01 PM

raiken

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Well if you throw in the additional factor of sexual orientation I can tell you that the gay men I have Topped have been the exact opposite of the clinggy wimpering I tend to see in many (NOT ALL) hetero male bottoms.
The Leathermen I know want to play rough, and make many of the edge players in the het community seem tame and for heavier yet sadism watching Leatherdykes play will make even the hardcore leathermen cringe at times.

Oh yes, i can agree with that...i have seen play that for me borders on the psychotic and pathological edges...whew! Too heavy even for me...*grin But in the same regard, i believe that the emotional intensity and involvement differs greatly at times between men and women during heavy and/or intense edge play, at least from what i have experienced. Men can take the hard hitting physical aspects, but women seem to have a more deeper subtle grasp of the minutia involved. Can't find the right words to convey this thought...perhaps someone else may have noticed what i am trying to explain? *grin Something about emotional intensity brought out during edge play....Ah anyway, just personal observation in my little town...

< Message edited by raiken -- 11/1/2006 12:59:21 PM >

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 1:02:59 PM

LordVelvet

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I have dominated men and woman and have been dominated by a male once. Each was different for different reasons. The largest difference, for ME when being with a woman is there is an under tone of sexuality to the bondage while with a man it was all about the bondage. All ways very pleasurable and erotic just different.
LV

(in reply to Archer)

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 1:09:55 PM

charismagirrl

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Personally i think i'd find it really difficult to submit to a woman. i can be great friends with women and have no issues there and at one point i was very actively bi, but to submit to one, for me would be near to impossible.

It was similar when i was a pro-Domme, i couldn't see myself dominating a woman either.

Not really sure why this is but if it isn't broken for my world as a fem slave to a male Master/Daddy then i guess i don't need to worry about it. :)

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 2:14:26 PM

swtnsparkling

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I have had 3 d/s r/t relationships in 10 years
1st- Dom/sub
2nd- Dom(married) couple co-owned-collared
3rd-below
I understand exactley what you mean. My last D/s relationship my Dom was Female and not bi in the least. It was not a sexual relationship- it was however a beautiful relationship.D/s relationship ended due to her moving but she and I are still extremly close. I always have and will discribe her as my best friend- sister- mother- soul mate everything to me. My family adore her.

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 2:31:55 PM

aurora31

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I have bottomed to both men and women and for me their sex has little to do with it but rather the conection I feel with the Top. And it can very from time to time with the same Top. It also depends on the relationship I have with the Top as to wether it is sensual or sexual or both.

aurora

(in reply to charismagirrl)

Post #: 9

RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 2:34:10 PM

tade

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From: Tampa Bay, Florida
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Don't think I will ever top a man, just not my idea of a good time. Though I did put the fear of it into the one that my lovely wife was putting threw his paces awhile back. When he was good and tied on his stomach I walked around and had a seat directly infront of him so that if he looked up all he saw was me staring back at him. Little did he realise that the lustful stares were being sent to my wife. Love watching that lady work a riding crop.

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 3:24:48 PM

BalletBob

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Hi Sister Sub Sari. I have been topped by MADAM and her husband. Though it was new to me, I didn't mind her husband having me do things, but I much prefered her. I prefer pleasing the ladies. I don't feel right trying to please a man, like they don't need or deserve it, as much as the ladies do.

Baby Bob for Halloween, BallerBob

< Message edited by BalletBob -- 11/1/2006 3:25:55 PM >

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 3:49:38 PM

LotusSong

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From: Domme Emeritus
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I'm far more heavy handed with a woman than I am with a man. It could be because I really don't enjoy topping women. (I used to do it early on because I felt it was expected to be a well-rounded' dominant. I stopped when I realized this about myself. While they would have a GREAT Time, I felt nothing more than as if I was slimed afterward).

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/1/2006 3:51:32 PM >

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:03:31 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: charismagirrl

Personally i think i'd find it really difficult to submit to a woman. i can be great friends with women and have no issues there and at one point i was very actively bi, but to submit to one, for me would be near to impossible.

It was similar when i was a pro-Domme, i couldn't see myself dominating a woman either.

Not really sure why this is but if it isn't broken for my world as a fem slave to a male Master/Daddy then i guess i don't need to worry about it. :)

I can't submit to a woman either. I'm not submitting when I'm bottoming to either men or women friends at parties, it's an equal exchange. We are both getting our s/m needs met and very much enjoy the exchange.

I am building a relationship currently though no dynamic has been set yet, but I very definitely am drawn to submit to him. Submission is not the same as bottoming for me. I'm not at all submissive when I bottom to friends.

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:07:48 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

I understand exactley what you mean. My last D/s relationship my Dom was Female and not bi in the least. It was not a sexual relationship- it was however a beautiful relationship.D/s relationship ended due to her moving but she and I are still extremly close. I always have and will discribe her as my best friend- sister- mother- soul mate everything to me. My family adore her.

The friend who topped me last weekend is a very good friend and I was one of the few chosen to witness the recent ceremony where she collared her male slave. I felt very priviledged to be invited and actually they are both friends to me and great people.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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Post #: 14

RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:11:23 PM

SweetSarijane

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From: KC area Missouri
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Hi Bob,

I can see where you're coming from on that. I can bottom to women as well as men, but can only actually submit to a man. That's what feels right for me.

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Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:15:54 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I have bottomed to both men and women and for me their sex has little to do with it but rather the conection I feel with the Top. And it can very from time to time with the same Top. It also depends on the relationship I have with the Top as to wether it is sensual or sexual or both.

aurora

I agree with you that the connection to the Top plays a big part in how any scene goes and all scenes are different even with the same Top. I have just noticed for me that when I bottom to a woman there is a different kind of sensuality and energy there than with a man and it has nothing to do with sex. I am very blessed to have the wonderful friends I do.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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Post #: 16

RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:19:43 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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We all have to find what works for us and best fits us. Different experiences can and do help shape us in finding our niche. I know that's true for me.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 17

RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/1/2006 7:32:25 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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I enjoy play with either sex, but do favor women. I don't think being bi is the main reason, but do feel it comes into play somewhat. My husband has no desire whatsoever to top another male. He's very secure in his sexuality, but topping a male just doesn't do anything for him. That means I get a LOT more playmates at parties than he does.

Mistress Scarlet

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RE: Difference in Being Topped by Same Sex or Opposite Sex - 11/2/2006 6:53:40 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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<grins> and more opportunity for fun.

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Post #: 19

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