sub/not sub

sub/not sub (Full Version)

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onlythewindknows -> sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:35:09 PM)
this may sound a bit cold... how many subs have wished they weren't?

MagiksSlave -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:36:50 PM)
why would they??? It doesnt make sence if you dont want to be a sub if it doesnt make you happy then dont be a sub.... Being a sub in the lifestyle and haveing a submissive personality are two different things, One is real easy to fix which is by getting out of it, the other can be fixed but takes work hard work!! Magik's slave

juliaoceania -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:40:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows this may sound a bit cold... how many subs have wished they weren't? I do not know the reason for the question, but I have wished this once upon a time after I had my heart broken by my first dominant. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I started all over again. It is like wishing I was not 5 foot 10, or I that my eyes were not blue, it just seems silly to wish I was or wasn;t something that I am. And I am happy being me again...

onlythewindknows -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:41:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave One is real easy to fix which is by getting out of it, the other can be fixed but takes work hard work!! Magik's slave i feel it is the complete reverse. for the first, the desire is always there even if never acted on. for the second, all you need to do is find things you enjoy that you are good at and empower yourself.

MagiksSlave -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:44:11 PM)
Interesting. though I dont think I completly understand... I think that if I wished to not be Masters slave or anyones slave that would be an easything to fix (not that I ever would because though it is hard sometimes I have never wished not to be Masters slave) but a fasat of ones personality isnt so easy to change Magik's slave

onlythewindknows -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:48:35 PM)
i don't mean in the matter of self-loathing but more as a reflection. without feeding the responses, i should clarify that for me it seems, not even like a sexual orientation but like an (often difficult) calling. plus the fact that the very role flies in the face of contemporary womanhood (which in turn is a reverse of what it was two generations ago - neo-family-values types notwithstanding.)

MagiksSlave -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 6:50:56 PM)
Like.... Master wants me to do something i really dont want to do so for that moment I really just wish I wasnt a slave (has never happend) or like when your single and cant find a Dom and you wish you werent a slave because finding a partner would be so much easier in the venilla world (been there) Magik's slave

DiurnalVampire -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:02:43 PM)
The role flies in the faces of most accepted society. Male slaves are going against the "real men" ideals, and female slaves against the"empowered woman" thought process. In both cases, I am sure that the thought has occured to several that life would be easier if they were not slaves. It would be easier to fit in if you didnt have to hide your submissive nature. It would be easier to find a partner if you could be content with a vanilla relationship and not crave more than that. Of course there are also those times when your Master or Mistress might make demands that you would love to be able to shrug off, but your nature wont alow you to. However, those same people also love their lives as slaves. They relish the attention and the power exchange with their owners. They are willing to put in the extra effort to find a lifestyle partner, becasue the interactions are just that much more fulfilling. And they know that when Master or Mistress trusts them with a chore, even one they dont particularly enjoy, it is something that is meaningful and it will make someone else happy and they derive joy from it. A little wordy for a non-sub, but I think I have made my point I am sure some do, sometimes. DV

onlythewindknows -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:16:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire A little wordy for a non-sub, but I think I have made my point I am sure some do, sometimes. DV ah you do all the time DiurnalVampire :-)

Quivver -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:18:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows how many subs have wished they weren't? Interesting thought. . . . . I've often wondered how life might be if I enjoyed that Dominant part of myself well enough to keep it up daily. But when given the opertunity once, I hated it. I do wish that I understood this calling a long long time ago, you know one of those I wish I knew then what I knew now kind of thing. It would have saved me from wasting a decade or two with the wrong men.......

articulateangst -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:22:13 PM)
I have definetly felt like that. I am a male sub (would not consider myself 'slave' unless owned). I have, in the past, wished; for lack of a better word, that I did not possess such a submissive nature. It remains something that I struggle to accept. Mainly for the reasons already proposed: it so goes against what mainstream culture has taught us and what our society does and does not accept as the norm.

darksdesire -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:24:06 PM)
Before i became a slave, i wished i were not submissive. But that was before i understood there was a name for what i felt and desired. Since becoming a slave, i've only had misgivings one time: that was when my ex discovered my life and tried to belittle and shame me, using words like "sick" and "ridiculous" and "disgusting" (Well, i should have been flattered by the "sick" term. lol) . i was so confused and couldn't talk to my vanilla friends about it, and at that point i realized how isolating this life can be, and how much misinformation and discrimination is out there. For a brief moment, i felt a little defeated and alienated, but i bounced back. i remembered how isolated and alienated i felt in the vanilla world, when i knew my desires weren't mainstream. So...what the heck. Might as well be happy and alienated in this life than miserable and alienated in the vanilla. Besides, communities such as this one help alleviate some of that isolation. i'm grateful for that.

onlythewindknows -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 7:25:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania It is like wishing I was not 5 foot 10, or I that my eyes were not blue, it just seems silly to wish I was or wasn;t something that I am. And I am happy being me again... true and that is why this is such a tricky and delicate type of question to phrase. i may have been able to find a more nuanced way to ask it. i admit that most ways of turning this question become games of "what if" and navel gazing. i believe in a concrete approach to philosophy - maybe i should be asking - for each submissive, what kinds of questions have you asked about what it means to be this way, and have you ever felt conflicted about it by your own philosophical stance?

Quivver -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 8:28:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows - for each submissive, what kinds of questions have you asked about what it means to be this way, and have you ever felt conflicted about it by your own philosophical stance? wow, how about the short list? I've wondered if this is a genitic trait........ I've wondered about creation, religion........... I've wondered if there isnt just some pill to take and make it go away....... I've wondered if I'd be different if I hadnt had demon spawn...... sigh, I could go on.

ladychatterley -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 8:41:53 PM)
I wish I weren't and spent years running as fast and far away as I could. I think 50 years ago, I probably would have been a nun. Most of the time, well it just is who I am. I've wished I looking like Marilyn Monroe, had a gorgeous singing voice, and a had George Soros as a grandfather. So why not? But seriously, sometimes, I wish someone took care of my needs too. That I wasn't ashamed of who I am. That I hasn't bought into a sexist, patriarchal society that continually demeans & objectifies women and has internalized that inside me. If I could wave a wand..... but then there is a man I really love....

juliaoceania -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 8:44:25 PM)
quote: i believe in a concrete approach to philosophy - maybe i should be asking - for each submissive, what kinds of questions have you asked about what it means to be this way, and have you ever felt conflicted about it by your own philosophical stance? I do not have a dynamic that is in conflict with my philosophical stance. I have not been attracted to men that conflicted with my beliefs about the rights of women. I can separate my own submissive desires from the belief that women are equal to men. I am treated as an equal to my Daddy. I submit from choice and not necessity. He is into women's empowerment and spends his time on this issue. Our power exchange is built upon the Yin Yang concept. The only time I felt in conflict with my submissiveness was due to submitting to one that I was not right for. I could not express myself very well in that relationship, and as a result I blamed the Ds aspect of the relationship for my inability to stand up to him and articulate my needs earlier. He did not create an environment where I was emotionally free to express myself, and that more than my submissiveness was not the problem, the relationship was/ I believe whether or not one feels good about their submissive nature is much dependent on how they feel about their relationship with their dominant. If they are alone it is dependent on happiness within themselves.

SweetEscravo -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 8:51:54 PM)
There was a time, years ago, when I wished I wasn't submissive because of an awful experience I had. I felt that my submission had made me a weak person who was manipulated too easily. After a lot of time, healing and deep thought, I finally realised that submission had nothing to do with it- that man would have raped me even if I'd been perfectly vanilla, dominant, gay or anything else.

babysburnin -> RE: sub/not sub (11/1/2006 10:01:33 PM)
Although my Dom thinks I am a "natural submissive", I don't necessarily agree. I'm a person who, when most is right, loves to give. There are times, when He wants submission, and I feel like ... "Not now ... I don't have it in me at this moment. I just need to relax and not cater to YOUR needs." Sometimes I submit even though it annoys me a bit, and sometimes he pampers me. It's a good balance so far ...

onlythewindknows -> RE: sub/not sub (11/2/2006 5:14:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ladychatterley I think 50 years ago, I probably would have been a nun. . ha you are not the only one [;)]

imtempting -> RE: sub/not sub (11/2/2006 5:20:20 AM)
Well I feel I have too high morels in real life which at times I wish I would lose as I do everything for everyone else before doing it for myself. I don't think that counts but its the closest i'll get.

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