RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay?

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 7:47:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I’m going to go ahead and do some outing here, which I don’t think anyone will mind overly much. I think it’s VERY interesting all the different perspectives and “possibilities” that people have brought up and it shows me just how little we can give adequate advice without knowing personalities and details involved.

It turns out that *I* am the one that Doc felt the need to apologize to.

Let me first state that I truly had no idea of that when I read his post, responded, and even when I saw the email from him, I was confused and it took a few minutes to connect the name with the time in my life and respond appropriately.

But I’ll explain the background. This started a few years ago- early 2004. I was living in NJ and recently got involved with the man who is now my ex-master. I was going through a very difficult time of things for the first part of the year. At a bdsm club one night in NYC, my ex and I happened to bump into Doc and his wife and I learned that they had known eachother for a few years and enjoyed much fun together in the past.

The four of us actually had a great scene time together that night, and afterwards my ex encouraged me to be with him, let him help me out and offer support, as well as to hopefully keep a reciprocation open to be able to play with Doc’s wife freely.

While Doc did help out and get a start on things, he did also mismanage things badly and caused me a lot of grief, which my ex was not at all happy with. I went away from the situation thinking he was simply a total horndog who was very insecure and inept at dealing with women and found that “dominating” them was the only was he knew how to feel secure.

Knowing who I was and am- no he didn’t cause me lasting damage. However it could have happened, and certainly would have if it were someone with a different personality and perspective. I simply stopped communicating with him, with my ex’s blessing and found other ways to get things settled.

And my life moved on and here I am, happy and content and in fine shape in Austin, Texas with my partners.

I have to say that WITHOUT this thread, if I had simply received his apology out of the blue, I’d likely have just ignored it or pondered for a few days and perhaps sent a brusque reply. I’m not often in the mood to play someone’s “forgiveness fairy” just because they decide it’s time for it. But because of this thread and knowing he’d seriously thought about it- I felt more personal and involved and as if it was just closing a chapter. I’d say that only real lasting notion for me is that he was allowing an amazing spacious NYC apartment to go completely to waste with its décor, color and set up.

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 8:48:22 AM

MisPandora

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I'd say apologize to her! What could it hurt? Just have thick enough skin to know that if she fires something back that's not-so-nice, she probably needed to get that out in order to cleanse and heal.

You didn't address this, but I'd also recommend that if you're going to be using someone else's property and things didn't go well, to be SURE and communicate what happened. A apology could easily go through the owner, and if they chose to deliver it, so be it. I'd be pretty ticked if I loaned someone something and to hear that it went badly from someone other than the person that was responsible for the well-being of my property!

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 11:05:28 AM

adaddysgirl

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LOL LA....you were the first one to respond Who woulda thought?

DG

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 2:51:16 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Have had late apologies before and they are always healing. Doesn't mean i wanted to renew the relationship or that i would have anything nice to say to the individual but it would give you some closure and hopefully her as well. Good luck regardless of what You decide to do.

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 2:55:28 PM

Kalira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I am going to go the other route and say I dont think that an apology NOW is a good idea. If things went bad and she got over it, an apology might dredge things upfor her that realy dont need to be brought back to the forefront. After all, it has been years. It might look a bit strange that after all this time of silence, you all of a sudden decide to randomly apologize for something you did back then. Personally, I'd let it lie.

DV

I would have to agree with this.

Personally, I would have to question your reasons for wanting to apologize NOW.

edited to add:

that will teach me to read ALL the replies before saying anything

< Message edited by Kalira -- 11/3/2006 2:56:41 PM >

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 5:43:00 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

It seems that females may forgive, but they really don't forget.

Having gone through a divorce a few years ago, I can attest to the veracity of this statement. Brings back memories..."You prick, 7 years ago you did.....OI!!, I don't even remember where I lived 7 years ago let alone what I said.

Oh God, can I identify! My ex can recall each and every detail of what I did wrong (and I did plenty as has been noted in some detail by me on other posts) and dismiss or only vaguely recall what I did right.

Odd isn't it, that she was so anxious to be married to me? And stay married, even when the hope was gone?

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/3/2006 6:39:27 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

It seems that females may forgive, but they really don't forget.

Having gone through a divorce a few years ago, I can attest to the veracity of this statement. Brings back memories..."You prick, 7 years ago you did.....OI!!, I don't even remember where I lived 7 years ago let alone what I said.

Oh God, can I identify! My ex can recall each and every detail of what I did wrong (and I did plenty as has been noted in some detail by me on other posts) and dismiss or only vaguely recall what I did right.

Odd isn't it, that she was so anxious to be married to me? And stay married, even when the hope was gone?

Been there, done that.

This sort of thing has been moved to my list of Hard Limits.

Will talk for hours to find a consensus on handling the issue, but after that it needs to stay dead and buried. Revisiting it every 3 weeks is something I wont do anymore.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/4/2006 7:27:10 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

It seems that females may forgive, but they really don't forget.

Having gone through a divorce a few years ago, I can attest to the veracity of this statement. Brings back memories..."You prick, 7 years ago you did.....OI!!, I don't even remember where I lived 7 years ago let alone what I said.

Oh God, can I identify! My ex can recall each and every detail of what I did wrong (and I did plenty as has been noted in some detail by me on other posts) and dismiss or only vaguely recall what I did right.

Odd isn't it, that she was so anxious to be married to me? And stay married, even when the hope was gone?

Been there, done that.

This sort of thing has been moved to my list of Hard Limits.

Will talk for hours to find a consensus on handling the issue, but after that it needs to stay dead and buried. Revisiting it every 3 weeks is something I wont do anymore.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.
Sinergy

Exactly.

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/4/2006 10:04:20 AM

MagiksSlave

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Sir I think you already know the answer to the question. You wouldnt be posting here at all if you didnt have a need to apologise. I dont know if she will care or if it will make her day or if she'll think your an idiot for trying but that isnt really your problem. How she expets it is up to her and her alone. But I do know that it will make you feel a lot better. Now i dont sugest that apologise are selfish and should be done soley to make the persons guilt go away but if you feel a need to apologise and it will make you feel better you needent really worry about how in this perticular situation the person is going to take it. If you had to deal with her day to day or you had a real relationship with her that would be more of a priarity and issue. But this seems more like the issue is in you court not her as she isnt seeking the apology but you are seeking to give it the catharsis would be for you, and hopefully for her too.

What Im saying and i know Iv rambled is that you can't really make things worse but you can make them bettter and make yourself feel better at the same time!!!

Magik's rambling slave

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/4/2006 10:36:57 AM

crouchingtigress

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Drats now that i sort of know the person who was mismanaged i suppose it would be rude to ask for the gorey details of the mismanagement....*slaps own hand for even thinking sucha thing*

"forgiveness fairy" ....awesome word to describe it....i actually like being the forgiveness fairy i dont know why, maybe its because i like forgiveness so much...or maybe because i need to be more self forgiving...or maybe i just like the cute lil outfit and the magic wand....

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/4/2006 11:38:08 AM

beltainefaerie

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I'm always in favor of apologies. Also, since it's on this site, she could even have run across this thread and know how sincere the applogy was and that you were even taking care to check in with others that it would be the right thing to do. I'm glad that went well for you.

oops, I responded and missed the second page. I wrote before I read that LA did find the post. Anyway, glad it worked out.

< Message edited by beltainefaerie -- 11/4/2006 11:56:30 AM >

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RE: Apoligize formally or just let it lay? - 11/4/2006 11:48:21 AM

desoutter

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Its better to be a live dog, then a dead lion...

apologize... if its important to you...
no shame in manning up to mistakes... its human nature... its natural and apologies keep the human in humanity...

desoutter

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