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Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 2:25:32 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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Until about a year ago, when I became free, I had been owned for nearly ten years straight which was pretty much my entire adult life. In the past year I have experienced things, made decisions and power over many things that I was not use to. Some I liked a lot, (buying a car that I exactly wanted!) others I could not stand (dinner for one :( ). Now that I am making a serious effort to become owned again I am starting to try to prepare myself mentally for the change in life again.

My question is this, what type of things did you find cause you trouble in giving up again and any general tips in how you dealt from being single to being owned if there were any?

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 2:34:31 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
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The hardest part I have found by talking with subs is allowing someone to dictate their lives which they fought hard to get back/control over. You will not be able to recreate the level of ownership in your past relationship, so keep in mind that it will be different but can be just as fullfilling if not more so.

(in reply to toservez)

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 2:50:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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That's a toughy- obviously there's no set checklist here. Some of my relationships progressed so slowly and naturally that I can't really attribute any of the problems we encountered to be "growing together pains" and some of my relationships happened so fast that I'm not sure if the problems we encountered were "growing together pains" or "catching up from the speedy pace pains."

I think if you make a good match and are fulfilled by eachother, you'll get through whatever growing pains there are to go through just fine. You're a completely different person in some ways than you were and I think whatever choice you make at whatever place you are, as long as you stay true to yourself, you'll be fine.

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 7:42:31 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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I LOVE this question!
I have been single for seven years...
And pretty much my own Master for....
Uhm...forever!
It's VERY difficult for me to listen to another tell me not to shop somewhere...not to do certain things that I'm just used to doing...to go to sleep at a certain time....
And yes, I'm well aware my Master is very lenient....prolly a good thing since I'm...uhm...naughty...
But seriously, it can be very difficult.
I'm the type who has a lot of pride...
So...
If someone pushes me, I tend to ...not be as pliable as the 'perfect slave' would be.
I generally make up for my 'imperfections' the next day by being even more 'slave like' than usual.
But thats just me.
You should only be yourself.
It works in most situations, and helps you sleep better.

Good Luck!

~Christina

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 8:38:03 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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I found the hardest part is giving up alot of the control again. Even though i crave it i fight against it as well.

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 10:48:00 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I'm kind of in the same boat. I was owned for years, and then I've been free for a number of years while going after my graduate degrees. Now, I am back in the search mode again, but I just find it really hard to get back into the swing of things.

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/2/2006 11:08:59 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have never been owned per se, but I have given up control before my present situation. I have to say I am more inspired to give control to my Daddy then I was before. I think that it is just a matter of expectations perhaps? Asking oneself what they expect in a new situation?

At first I wondered how I would give another access to what is in my head, and I wondered how it would feel to be with a new person in a power exchange dynamic. At first it felt a little strange because some things were so engrained into my head I felt like I needed to be deprogrammed. I called the person I was with before a different term (master and sir depending on where we were), he was much more authoritative.

It has turned out that authoritativeness and calling someone a term like master does not a power exchange make necessarily. I feel as though the present power exchange I am involved in is more intimate than before. I feel more submissive too....

Time is on your side....it takes time I suppose to move into that mindset again? I think it was wise on your part to regain your sense of independence before moving into another dynamic because it gives you a sense of control from which to make the decision to submit again. I guess the right person will inspire you to slowly yield it all to them perhaps?

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 3:37:19 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Until about a year ago, when I became free, I had been owned for nearly ten years straight which was pretty much my entire adult life. In the past year I have experienced things, made decisions and power over many things that I was not use to. Some I liked a lot, (buying a car that I exactly wanted!) others I could not stand (dinner for one :( ). Now that I am making a serious effort to become owned again I am starting to try to prepare myself mentally for the change in life again.

My question is this, what type of things did you find cause you trouble in giving up again and any general tips in how you dealt from being single to being owned if there were any?

It was not so much the giving up of things that I found difficult again; but rather the sharing of things. I had become used to keeping problems to myself and found it hard to share, once again, with another ( and yes, I still struggle with that ). I just take it one day at a time. Master is wonderful in that he is able to talk to me in a way that sharing becomes a natural course in our relationship; one that I do not even think about half the time.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 9:23:08 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Until about a year ago, when I became free, I had been owned for nearly ten years straight which was pretty much my entire adult life. In the past year I have experienced things, made decisions and power over many things that I was not use to. Some I liked a lot, (buying a car that I exactly wanted!) others I could not stand (dinner for one :( ). Now that I am making a serious effort to become owned again I am starting to try to prepare myself mentally for the change in life again.

My question is this, what type of things did you find cause you trouble in giving up again and any general tips in how you dealt from being single to being owned if there were any?

Just let it happen... If he's the right guy for you then you probably won't have too much trouble adjusting or getting back into "the routine"......
When my ex left I was kinda freaked out for abit? House was quiet again....missed seeing some of the feminine touches around the house...the smell of her hair... nobody to touch or talk to... driving to town alone,etc. But on the other hand.... after she left things got simple again? Relationships are work and always constant.
With your looks and intelligence you won't be single for long so maybe just reflect on your situation now and enjoy it for what it is because it's gonna change?

(in reply to toservez)

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 1:36:56 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

It was not so much the giving up of things that I found difficult again; but rather the sharing of things. I had become used to keeping problems to myself and found it hard to share, once again, with another ( and yes, I still struggle with that ). I just take it one day at a time. Master is wonderful in that he is able to talk to me in a way that sharing becomes a natural course in our relationship; one that I do not even think about half the time.

I think the sharing thought very much resonates with me. I tried to find someone too soon after the breakup and found that I was not in the proper mental space. I was still self indulging on the newness of freedom and found myself not ready to move forward.

Now I have come to realize that simple things like buying clothes just because I like them is OK but not any better then finding an outfit that my Master would really like, so on the individual physical things I think I will do fine with. It is the sharing that worries me. I am not good at doing that normally and it has always been difficult for me to do and I am not sure if it is going to be harder or easier this time. Hopefully it depends on finding the right person!

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 2:03:02 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

It is the sharing that worries me. I am not good at doing that normally and it has always been difficult for me to do and I am not sure if it is going to be harder or easier this time. Hopefully it depends on finding the right person!

I really think it does just come down to that; in any relationship. I had a time span of almost 8 years inbetween Masters; and in that time a couple people that I talked with said that they felt like they needed a shovel and pick just to get me to tell them anything of importance. With Master, from the first day we started talking, it was so easy. He is so easygoing though that talking with him was a pure joy. It fit me then and now; so yes, I think it's just a issue of finding the right person who opens up that door for you without pressuring you to do it all at once.

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Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 3:47:32 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira
It was not so much the giving up of things that I found difficult again; but rather the sharing of things. I had become used to keeping problems to myself and found it hard to share, once again, with another ( and yes, I still struggle with that ). I just take it one day at a time. Master is wonderful in that he is able to talk to me in a way that sharing becomes a natural course in our relationship; one that I do not even think about half the time.

I am in my first D/s relationship, and that is one of the things I have a problem with. Because He is in pain much of the time, I don't like to bother Him with things....but He insists that He wants to know what is going on with me, and how I'm feeling. Sometimes I struggle to find the words, but with a little prompting I can usually stammer out what's on my mind.

My ex husband never cared about me and so I got used to keeping everything bottled up inside. It is very new, even after nearly 3 years, to be with someone who really cares and who shows it. He is very observant (He has studied body language in the past) and can nearly always tell when I am brooding about something. He's also noticed things about my body that I had no idea about, e.g. my breath will become very acidic just before my period is due to start. No one else had ever told me that

He says that no one cared enough to notice

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RE: Getting back into the life - 11/3/2006 5:26:45 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

He says that no one cared enough to notice

Ahh but Rayne, someone did care enough to notice; and he is blessed by your presence every day

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Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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