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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/2/2006 7:34:23 PM

Lordandmaster

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Maybe they're otherwise occupied, Powerman?

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/2/2006 7:50:45 PM

Powerman40

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Maybe they're otherwise occupied, Powerman?

Your probably right.. Dam them players.
a return phone call though would be nice.
Even if they just said thanks for the Awesome night.. LOL

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 3:32:36 AM

Heinz

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I am sorry to hear this and again a warning for every one who has hs first meeting with an Dom(me). Others told yo already it is not your fold, that so clalld Dom was abusing you, because you are new in the scene. Can you contact him? If yes. tell him what he did to you and how you are feening yourself now.

Master Heinz from Holland

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 6:46:34 AM

Arpig

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There is only one sure way to avoid getting burned....don't play with fire.

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 8:14:39 AM

jimbo747

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Trust is earned on both sides of the flogger indeed.

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 10:41:00 AM

agirl

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If you don't know someone terribly well and have an *intimate* time with them straight away, there is always the possibility that you'll be *fucked and left*. I'm not quite certain where he *really used you*, though. You didn't have to go to his place and scene and you enjoyed what took place.

The thing is, you CAN'T tell if someone's going to *be like that* unless you know them, at least a little more than the duration of one dinner.

Neither you nor he have done anything wrong, as far as I can see.

agirl

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 11:26:33 AM

happypervert

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[fast reply]

Would you be happier if you had just gone home that night and hadn't heard from him again, or hadn't gone out at all?

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 5:27:08 PM

adaddysgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Would you be happier if you had just gone home that night and hadn't heard from him again, or hadn't gone out at all?

If it were me, i would have.

One time, a guy i was talking to for 3 months cancelled 2 days before we were supposed to meet. The little worm left a message on my phone while i was at work....with no explanation whatsoever. When i tried to call him back, i got his voicemail....asked him to call me at least to just let me know what was going on. i never heard a word. i also emailed him....still with no reply. To this day i have no idea what happened.

But, had we met and been intimate...and then he pulled that shit....i would have wanted to kick myself right in the ass. i personally don't get into casual D/s stuff...so that would have been a struggle for me.

i am glad now that we did not meet. If his behavior was indicative of what i could expect in a future partner, i am better off without him. i guess i'm just not one of those 'Mr Right....at the moment" types. i'd rather be alone.

DG

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/3/2006 6:01:22 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gipsydelight

i met a Dom recently that i was very attracted to and we arranged to go out to dinner. After eating at the restaurant instead of going home he took me back to his place. That wasn´t regrettable in itself, we had a really magical scene together. Since then i´ve hardly heard a thing from him.
Its upset me really, more because i have been so silly.
He really used me and i should have seen it coming.
i didn´t ask enough questions beforehand and i realise now he plays the field.
How can you tell if someones going to be like that?
What did i do wrong?

If you enjoyed yourself and practiced safe sex, I say at least you got that much out of it

By the same token, be thankful that the letch didn't waste months or even years of your life on a fruitless endeavor of building a relationship that was never going to be... it happens.. it has happened to me more than once.

Take care of number one, and when someone worthwhile comes along they will prove they are worthy of you, and if they are not willing to do that, I say screw em (and not in the good sexy way either). You teach people how to treat you, and if you find somewhere down the line before there is real commitment that you are being played.. at least you found out before you put all your eggs in that basket. It is harder once you have invested yourself more deeply than a little sexy fun.

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/4/2006 2:31:42 PM

Fawne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

I would have to ask about how long it's been 'since then' and what exactly constiutes 'hardly heard a thing from him'. Has it been two days and one call/email? Sometimes one might have some distractions that keep one from reaching out promptly.

Have you done any reaching out yourself? I recently watched two aqquintances blow the begining of a promiseing romance, becase each tried to avoid being 'pushy' which the other saw as indifferance.

Seems to me that you had a nice dinner and a 'magical scene'. If nothing else comes of it, that's still a win in this world.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

Topcat said it well. Thank you, Lawrence.

I have been away for awhile.
Kinda missed the lot of you - fine Collarme people :)

Respectfully - to the OP, you call the man you had dinner and a scene with - a player, correct?

On what basis?

Maybe it is such as quoted above
maybe -
it is just him.

Does that make him a player?

Reach out... is a good answer.

Good luck, fawne

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/4/2006 3:10:09 PM

slavejali

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You could see it this way... "You both used each other..." Taking personal responsibility for the decisions we make is a hard thing sometimes. You made lots of decisions that night...

How to avoid getting burnt? Change your decisions

< Message edited by slavejali -- 11/4/2006 3:14:07 PM >

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/4/2006 6:14:33 PM

Celeste43

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Did you say that you weren't interested in playing with him on the first date? Did you ask if he was interested in long term relationships or just casual playmates? You got in his car and didn't object to going into his house. You didn't object to playing. You apparently enjoyed yourself as much as he did.

There was no using going on here. Only unexpressed expectations. If you aren't interested in one night stands, then don't agree to them. By not saying anything and not refusing when he did offer, he assumed you were also open to casual play. He's not a mind reader and neither are you. Learn to tell people what you want, act in a manner consistent with that, and ask them about their experiences and desires.

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RE: How can i avoid getting burnt? - 11/4/2006 6:25:19 PM

sonny2000

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Hmm I dident ask enough questions beforehand! It takes time and effort to get to know someone certainly those who tie you up naked and spank you are not exceptions

quote:

ORIGINAL: gipsydelight

i met a Dom recently that i was very attracted to and we arranged to go out to dinner. After eating at the restaurant instead of going home he took me back to his place. That wasn´t regrettable in itself, we had a really magical scene together. Since then i´ve hardly heard a thing from him.
Its upset me really, more because i have been so silly.
He really used me and i should have seen it coming.
i didn´t ask enough questions beforehand and i realise now he plays the field.
How can you tell if someones going to be like that?
What did i do wrong?

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Post #: 33