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Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 9:43:55 AM   
Nikita


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		I meet someone who i like we seem to have the same sort of ideas and he's voice turns me on so during one conversation i indulge in phone sex and hmmmmm i like it then he says 'is this how you get your kicks fone sex'? so i say 'no I would like to meet you in person' and we arrange a date.I offer to come to him as i would feel more comfertable and say we should go to the movies or something just to see if we like each others appearances( I am actuallly more turned on by the mind than physical appearance but it does matter a bit) then immediately after this he backs right off!! saying he has personal problems what the...?? so i point out to him that I just wanted to meet him for a couple of hours not marry him but he continues to fob me off then he admits to me that the pic he showed me was not him and he is extremely obese,this puts me off totally not just because of his obesity but the LIE why the LIE I hate that. Here i am becoming all excited over nothing but a FANTASY when i made it clear i was seeking real time what should I do? should i ignore the fact that he lied and the fact that he is not going to physically attract me just coz we had a meeting of the minds and why does this stuff keep happening to me? my one friend who knows about my involvement in the lifestyle finds it hilarious and says my life s like a soap opera and i am starting to agree this is the third time something like this has happened to me and on the serious side it is an emotional rollercoaster i dont want to ride.

footnote: I do not chat to everyone who messages me and actually thought i was quite selective the problem is i keep selecting the wrong peeps.

Thanx for letting me rant
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 9:58:57 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		You're meeting people on a forum where bullshit and whankers is rampant among the other good people. Go local, get involved in a group or a munch or something and meet local people who have something to loose if they're full of shit.

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 10:07:11 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I am assuming that when you said you met someone you liked that this occurred online, especially seeing as you said he sent you a picture. You have to remember that online anyone can "be" whoever they want to "be". You have to be concious of that fact and assume the risk that they will not be who they say they are. The internet is filled with posers and dishonest people.

I am not saying that you did anything wrong, only you can choose what is right for you. If all you are looking for is "Fantasy" online or phone sex, there is nothing wrong with that. However, I sense from your post that you would like something a bit more meaningful.

I can tell you that for myself, when I was searching, the topic of sex in any way, shape, or form was off limits until I found that we had enough in common in other ways to make me believe there was any possibility of it leading to something more. This included meeting them. Call me a "Doubting Thomas" but I don't believe it until I see it. Just because one is submissive does not mean that they have to blindly trust.

There are too many guys on the internet that are just looking for a solution to their "morning wood" issue and I am much more than mere "jerk off' material. I think you are worth more than that too, don't you?

My mother always said "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' I know that sounds cliche but there really is alot to that statement. Guys like that never have to take that extra step to something more real if there is someone willing to fix their immediate problem.

Anyway, please do not misunderstand and think I am trying to judge you, I am not. As I said, only you can decide what is right for you. These are just my thoughts.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 11:05:54 AM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

My mother always said "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' I know that sounds cliche but there really is alot to that statement.


A story I was once told (badly retold by me):

A guy and a girl were dating. They were fucking. The mother found out. She got all pissy and started screeching about the whole thing, and brought up that whole "Why buy the cow..." line with the boyfriend there. He responded: "Do you buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first?" The mother then screamed: "How dare you compare my daughter to a pair of SHOES!"

To which the guy replied: "Hey, at least I didn't compare her to a cow."

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 11:34:44 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

should i ignore the fact that he lied and the fact that he is not going to physically attract me just coz we had a meeting of the minds


The fact that he lied makes me thinks that he has some serious self-esteem issues.

I am a novice, and the last person to be giving advice. But I would have a hard time trusting someone who didn't like themselves and spread lies to cover this up. I think he needs some help to overcome this personal issue of his. Is this something you want to help him with? What other issues might he have?

< Message edited by onceburned -- 2/2/2005 11:35:57 AM >

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 11:58:40 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Over the year's I've heard this same story told over and over. Never by a female yet though. Mostly men, where the female sends a pic. When they do meet it is not them.
I've always asked, well what do you do at that point? Most usually end up brushing them off. Declaring them liars.

What do you think would happen if you then said, well I'd like to meet you anyway? I don't mind fat? Would he meet, or then have a new excuse? Perhaps he is married just cheating?
Perrsonally, I probably would not meet him. I'd chalk it up to me not being careful enough in the first place. Lesson learned and move on. People dobreak trust now and then. If he is that insecure about himself, can you blame him the rest of his life?


quote:

I am a novice, and the last person to be giving advice. But I would have a hard time trusting someone who didn't like themselves and spread lies to cover this up. I think he needs some help to overcome this personal issue of his. Is this something you want to help him with? What other issues might he have?


True, however you also have to assume the fat is indeed the truth. Who is to say it is or isn't at this point in time? It could be something much worse than fat.

Frankly, I see a lot of fat dominants claiming they need in shape subs. They don't seem to care anything about their own appearances. Myself, I'd say there is something more going on, but of course I could be wrong.


(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 12:10:20 PM   
MistressInNYC


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		You know what? When I start interacting with someone online, I seek their honesty.
Since we are already talking and will be (supposed to be) meeting soon, why lie?

Being able to trust a person that is high priority in my list to hopefully have a long great relationship.
If he lies, then I cannot trust him already.
How can you possibly start anything with him?
You'd constantly wonder if there is anything else he lied beside this...??
Thus, I don't waste any second on him

Move on!

Maybe he had a "low-self esteem" etc, but his problem is not your problem to understand and fix.
So, don't even try to help because his cannot be helped by anybody else, but himself.

Just my 2 cents....

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 12:22:26 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
I've heard this same story told over and over. Never by a female yet though. Mostly men, where the female sends a pic. When they do meet it is not them.
I've always asked, well what do you do at that point? Most usually end up brushing them off. Declaring them liars.

Hey Gloria,
It definitely happens with men too... I met someone on this site (well online/phone very recently), who has a 5yo picture where he's not unattractive (overweight/thinning hair); when we chat and I asked for another, he's gained a significant amount of weight and almost no hair... and when I asked (about this different person), he said, oh I've gained 20-30 pounds, but I look the same... Now, I'm not perfect, but I wouldn't put up a 5-10year old picture, with significant changes, and pretend I didn't see it.

Anyway, to the OP, you should not trust him, and you should not go out with him, and most of all, since it bothers you that they are taking advantage of you and running, stop giving them the opportunity to, by having phone sex with them before you meet.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 12:34:11 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It definitely happens with men too... I met someone on this site (well online/phone very recently), who has a 5yo picture where he's not unattractive (overweight/thinning hair); when we chat and I asked for another, he's gained a significant amount of weight and almost no hair... and when I asked (about this different person), he said, oh I've gained 20-30 pounds, but I look the same... Now, I'm not perfect, but I wouldn't put up a 5-10year old picture, with significant changes, and pretend I didn't see it.


Maybe they don't want to see it themselves? Who know's. I know I literally have hundred's of photo's of myself on disk. Some have told me I look different in many. Depends on hair style. Happy or feeling down when the photo was taken. Mysefl, I just don't see the difference. I can say, I've gained no weight so that definately is not a factor.
If I went from hair to bald, I think I'd notice.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 12:46:30 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

You have to remember that online anyone can "be" whoever they want to "be". You have to be concious of that fact and assume the risk that they will not be who they say they are. The internet is filled with posers and dishonest people.


I agree erin, any time that I talk to anyone online I remember the song Santa Monica by Savage Garden:

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
On the telephone line, I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

You almost always have to assume that people are faking something. That may not be a good way to live life, but it does help put things into perspective sometimes.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 12:47:56 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		This is another reason I like to meet people in realtime relativly fast. (Assume we actually want to do things with them) Also another reason I keep my profile pictures current. I figure I'll represent myself exactly as I am, and people can take it or leave it.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/2/2005 1:27:42 PM   
panthergoddess


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

This is another reason I like to meet people in realtime relativly fast. (Assume we actually want to do things with them) Also another reason I keep my profile pictures current. I figure I'll represent myself exactly as I am, and people can take it or leave it.


Heck I took it even further...I have an entire website dedicated to my pictures, writings, profiles, bio, and other links to places I like to visit on the web. This website lets the person know EXACTLY what they would be getting in addition to them discovering me through online, phone, or real time interactions with me. I've run into far to many that love me online but are too shallow to look past my appearance. And I decided that I'd stop messing aroudn with people I thought were decent and end up being shallow by cutting making them review my website right away. Thus cutting out the emotional attatchment. And once they review and if they are ok with me (as I am with myself) then we continue on. If not, nothing lost..."NEXT" lol.



_____________________________

"No good deed goes unpunished."

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/3/2005 5:54:43 AM   
wetrope


Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline 		U should never meet someone who has already lied to you, trust is everything in this area particularly. I doubt your prince charming is anything like what he told u, and it is even more unlikely he has any experiences or background that is worthwhile.

Time to flew-d-coup.

_____________________________

Wetrope

(in reply to panthergoddess)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/3/2005 11:54:38 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I keep a cam plugged in to circumvent this issue. I can turn it on and prove I haven't uploaded a pic of someone else. I find this to be effective in establishing that I'm willing to provide some assurances that I am who I claim to be. I also steer those I'm corresponding with to read my writings to get a better feel for my opinions and beliefs. I feel that establishing my credentials is a small price to pay when establishing a dialogue online.
Timothy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikita

I meet someone who i like we seem to have the same sort of ideas and he's voice turns me on so during one conversation i indulge in phone sex and hmmmmm i like it then he says 'is this how you get your kicks fone sex'? so i say 'no I would like to meet you in person' and we arrange a date.I offer to come to him as i would feel more comfertable and say we should go to the movies or something just to see if we like each others appearances( I am actuallly more turned on by the mind than physical appearance but it does matter a bit) then immediately after this he backs right off!! saying he has personal problems what the...?? so i point out to him that I just wanted to meet him for a couple of hours not marry him but he continues to fob me off then he admits to me that the pic he showed me was not him and he is extremely obese,this puts me off totally not just because of his obesity but the LIE why the LIE I hate that. Here i am becoming all excited over nothing but a FANTASY when i made it clear i was seeking real time what should I do? should i ignore the fact that he lied and the fact that he is not going to physically attract me just coz we had a meeting of the minds and why does this stuff keep happening to me? my one friend who knows about my involvement in the lifestyle finds it hilarious and says my life s like a soap opera and i am starting to agree this is the third time something like this has happened to me and on the serious side it is an emotional rollercoaster i dont want to ride.

footnote: I do not chat to everyone who messages me and actually thought i was quite selective the problem is i keep selecting the wrong peeps.

Thanx for letting me rant


(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/10/2005 10:27:12 PM   
LongRiverWolf


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Don't take it so hard, keep trying b/c good things come to those who wait; it's true. I don't want someone who gives up so easy either, I want a tough cookie who can take a lot, has patience and faith in her life force. Peace and Best if Luck, LRW

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/11/2005 6:44:11 AM   
SinTwister


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		When I met someone and had discovered that they had lied the meeting did not go any further. A D/s is a relationship built on trust, and if they'd lie to me about something statistical like age, height, weight, hair line, etc., what else would they lie about?

(in reply to LongRiverWolf)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/11/2005 8:29:23 AM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		I had an interesting experience.

I am still new to this online dating. at least it feels new from the short period I tried it in 99. I did meet a woman who I had a 4 year M/s relationship with back then though so I know it does work to some extent. (to be specific we met randomly in an rpg chat room and then met face to face just as randomly while I was traveling.) so I took a phone call from someone and during the conversation about ex's she got the feeling I was holding out on her. She was very suspicious and I didn't make it any easier because I found it kind of funny. So in other words all these guys who are lying are really fu**ing it up for me!

But when I thought about it, even in "regular" dating I run into women with their defenses up because the last three guys they dated were lying. Comes with the territory I suppose. Go local as was said above. This little community has already found me all the hot spots and meetings I need to go to and get some face to face time which is really important to me.

4 years of owning a woman and it still sounds crazy when I hear myself talking about it. Once I get out among people who dont think it's crazy maybe I'll be able to talk about it with more clarity.

I should use that journal thing and go blog it, seems impersonal for a personals site but what the hey.

(in reply to SinTwister)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 2/11/2005 7:12:39 PM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikita
why does this stuff keep happening to me?


Hey Nikita,

It happens to all of us. Funny story: I was on the phone with a guy last week for a couple hours and a phone kept ringing in the background on his end while he tried to convince me to meet him. I thought little of it, and really just stalled 'cuz it's my "standard policy" rather than any glaring concerns about this guy .... Well, when we hung up, I signed into my email account and found a message originating from his email account saying that he was a lying cheating jerk with a kid. I'm still thanking God for the angry woman who broke into his account... who said she was dumpling his sorry ass too! <g>

The point is, it happens to all of us. You can't control who's on the other end of the phone, but you can control how much you pin your hopes on someone new. That emotional rollercoaster feeling comes from the 10-second trip from the pinnacle to the pits. Try not to invest quite so quickly in a stranger - even though it's hard when you're lonely and hopeful -and put some reality checkpoints in place for yourself, and then when the drop comes - which it definitely will, sometimes - it won't be so bad.

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 4/14/2007 9:01:46 PM   
Arabella21


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

This is another reason I like to meet people in realtime relatively fast. (Assume we actually want to do things with them) Also another reason I keep my profile pictures current. I figure I'll represent myself exactly as I am, and people can take it or leave it.


It's true. Most people that are not timewasters, or trying to hide something about themselves will not have any problem turning on their cam, and then meeting in a neutral safe place, without having had a prolonged online/phone relationship. 

I always ask for a photo if we are getting along well, and then respond with one of my own. I only ever send face/clothed body shots.

Obviously WIITWD is not just about the physical, but I think it helps if you are attracted to your Dom / Domme / Master / Mistress and vice versa. If only we could all find that perfect mix of mental, physical and emotional chemistry...

One last point. Always listen to your instincts and they will serve you well.

bella xo

_____________________________

I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy ~ Anais Nin

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Ok so i meet someone - 4/15/2007 4:53:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i was quite selective the problem is i keep selecting the wrong peeps.


It's not your fault he misrepresented himself.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Nikita)
Profile   Post #: 20
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