What label do you use? (Full Version)

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nikaa -> What label do you use? (11/4/2006 9:49:44 AM)

I am known for hating labels but the reality is society thrives on them.
 
Many people for varius reasons are not "out" about their lifestyle choices (ie D/s or M/s relationships) to friends, co-workers, or the general public. My Master is one of those people. We struggle with a way he can introduce me to "vanilla" friends without outing himself or us.
 
I know for me being called his girlfriend bothers me. In fact in my eyes calling me his girlfriend takes away alot from the role I have with him and the roles we have with each.
 
I am curious as to what labels others use in "vanilla" situations to intorduce their Master, Mistress, Dom/me, submissive, or slave.
 
Thank you in advance for your imput.



thetammyjo -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 9:55:44 AM)

When it is inappropriate to introduce Fox as my slave, I've said "this is my secondary partner, Fox" or simply "this is Fox".

In fact, I usually don't introduce Fox as my slave when we are in kinky company, I usually just say "This is Fox" and it is rather obvious after that that he is my slave from the other things I call him, his deference to me, and a collar or now his earrings.



crouchingtigress -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 9:56:53 AM)

perhaps he could introduce you as his dream girl....no one need ever know the sort of naughty dreams he is dreaming.[;)]



AquaticSub -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 9:57:26 AM)

I guess I really shouldn't answer this because we don't use titles on a regular basis. I'm Pet in the bedroom and he is Sir but outside of scenes we never use them so I introduce him as my boyfriend. But I was wondering, how would you two feel about the term "partner"? You two are partnered to each other and it conveys a bit of serious about the committment you have. Perhaps that will be more agreeable to you then being called his girlfriend.



AquaticSub -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 9:58:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

perhaps he could introduce you as his dream girl....no one need ever know the sort of naughty dreams he is dreaming.[;)]

*cracks up* That is wonderful



nikaa -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:00:19 AM)

crouchingtigress,
 
That simply made me laugh!

Aquatic sub,

I suggested partner but to him that term is equated with a same sex partner. We have lived together for the past 2 yrs as Master and slave, are building a life together and raising unmentionables together so being called his girlfriend or calling him my boyfriend simply doesn't seem approriate to me.



Elegant -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:02:43 AM)

Depends on the situation:

The Other half
The kids step-dad
Husband
The better half
Lord and Master (semi-jokingly...what do they know..lol)
The Man who pays the rent



Elegant -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:04:13 AM)

Before we actually married, even before we were engaged I often refered to him as fiance' to the PTA types of friends.



daddysprop247 -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:12:10 AM)

there was a period in our relationship where it was inappropriate for certain people in Daddy's life to know the nature of our relationship (Master/slave). and as these were people he had known for many years, they would obviously know i was not his daughter, so "Dad" couldn't be used either. so i came up with calling him "the Boss" around those people, which they probably thought was meant in a jocular or light-hearted way, but in reality it was very much the truth. ;) i.e. "i better hurry up and finish cooking the Boss's dinner". something else you could try is to not use titles around those people at all. when introducing you to others, your Master could simply use your name, without describing the relationship. and you could simply avoid introducing him, which would be appropriate as many subs/slaves are not permitted to introduce their Masters.
but good luck finding something that works for you both.



Fitznicely -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:21:08 AM)

Using "Girlfriend" and "Boyfriend" may sound odd and may detract from the depth of your involvement with one another, but if you're supposed to be undercover in the vanilla world, isn't a little de-intensifying to be expected?

I haven't had to label my girl to vanillas for quite a while because of the close circle of friends we have, but if I did, it'd probably be Missus or Wife or something. Labels don't mean a lot to us, though, so it doesn't really make a difference what we call each other to outsiders. We are who we are and as thetammyjo said, it's kinda obvious what we are to each other.



Emperor1956 -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:36:49 AM)

quote:

nikaa:  I am known for hating labels but the reality is society thrives on them.


You know what?  Society doesn't really care.  The issue is you and your Master's belief that somehow you have to interject "this is what we are" into EVERY social engagement.  In fact, all He has to do to introduce you is say "this is nikaa" and the world will not stop spinning, children will still be born, and the stars will still shine.

For some reason, this question comes up alot around here and also with same sex couples.  Couching it as "oh, society mandates we use some term" gives the issue truthiness, but it is really ego, plain and simple.  You want everyone to know what your relationship with Him is, and so you are seeking a way to convey it to "vanilla" folk without saying it.  That's fine, but own up to your desire to play with the minds of the straight folk, and don't couch your search for a label as some requirement from outside the relationship.

E.



juliaoceania -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:37:32 AM)

quote:

I am curious as to what labels others use in "vanilla" situations to intorduce their Master, Mistress, Dom/me, submissive, or slave.

 
I call him Daddy or by his given name, we are not that strict on what I call him even when we are alone. I like calling him Daddy though... I like the way it feels when it comes off my tongue

I am guessing he does not refer to me as his "submissive" to vanilla people. He does not believe in involving vanillas in our dynamic. I do not refer to him as my "dominant" either.



emdoub -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 10:42:17 AM)

For any relationship beyond casual dating that was not legally binding, I've always used 'partner' for the people who have no business knowing the shape of the relationship.

It's also widely used for same-gender relationships, but if the person I'm referring to has tits, and I don't, then the same-gender thing is rarely confusing to people.

Midnight Writer



Emperor1956 -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:09:22 AM)

quote:

emdoub:  For any relationship beyond casual dating that was not legally binding, I've always used 'partner' for the people who have no business knowing the shape of the relationship.


Practical point:  While I too have used "partner" to describe a committed, non-marriage, personal relationship, in the legal, investment banking and accounting professions (and in others, I'm sure) "partner" has a defined meaning that has nothing to do with "domestic partnership".  I have had conversations with the partner (domestically) of my partner (in a law firm) who have referred to their partner (domestically) in conversation with one of his or her partner's (domestically) clueless partners (law firm) and received a blank stare because the word "partner" has such different meetings.  Such as the innocuous statement "I like the new Lexus, too, but my partner wants a hybrid."    And no one knows who wants what for what purpose except maybe they are talking about cars.

E.

Edited to add (why post another post?):

quote:

 julia:  I like calling him Daddy though... I like the way it feels when it comes off my tongue


Which is the BEST reason for using any "label", yes?

E.



HollyS -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:09:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

I am known for hating labels but the reality is society thrives on them.


The only purpose for using labels is to convey an image to others in a sort of short-hand.  That's why we use terms like "wife," "girlfriend," or (god forbid, let's not get into yet another flame war about it) "submissive/slave."  Without the label, people need to come up with their own ideas for what you are to each other.  Does that bother you? Why or why not?
 
quote:

Many people for varius reasons are not "out" about their lifestyle choices (ie D/s or M/s relationships) to friends, co-workers, or the general public. My Master is one of those people. We struggle with a way he can introduce me to "vanilla" friends without outing himself or us.
 
I know for me being called his girlfriend bothers me. In fact in my eyes calling me his girlfriend takes away alot from the role I have with him and the roles we have with each.


When Sir and I are out in vanilla company, he usually introduces me by name.  Sometimes he calls me his friend, sometimes his girlfriend, but most of the time my name is sufficient.  The setting determines the terms he uses in order to make those around us more comfortable rather than less so, which is done with an awareness of all the ways others can relate to me.  The issue with calling me anything D/s-related in a vanilla setting is that it becomes a "one-up" -- people don't understand the terms "submissive" or "slave" and get confused because they're left out of the loop.  The focus of conversation shifts off common things -- ways in which you can relate to the people you're with --  and moves squarely on to you.  The people around you are left to wonder about the nature of your relationship instead of discussing things of mutual interest to you all.  This is a passive-aggressive form of attention seeking and is inappropriate for social settings.

I know that no matter how Sir refers to me in public, my position with him doesn't change in the least.  I am always his, even if it would be rude to refer to me that way in mixed company.  I seem to remember in another thread you posting about the duality inherent in being a married slave -- perhaps "This is my wife" would work best for you?  Just a suggestion...

~Holly



LadyOunce -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:14:25 AM)

I've been known to use both partner and lifelove as well as just my love to those not in the know. It never really lasted as I tended to slip in the end and would refer to him as pet or something along those lines. It gets looks but most dismiss it as quickly as anything else cute and endearing.
 
I had a friend once that called her dominant Master all the time and people thought it was adorable without realizing that she wasn't being teasingly sarcastic.



LadyHugs -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:27:48 AM)

Dear nikaa, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Good topic to start.  Thank you.
 
In regard to addressing each other in vanilla and non-consensual situations; my slaves have used in their introductions in regard to me;  "The Lady in my life;"  "The Alpha of my relationship," "The Lady who Hugs my spirit/heart;" or just Lady Hugs.
 
When I introduce my slaves, I often introduce them as; "The gentleman who serves my spirit/heart;" "The gentleman who supports my life's mission--happiness;" "The lad who I have and others only dream of;" "The person I asked for in prayer and he is my answer to it."  I then give the slave's name.   The religious sort, really stop dead in their tracks with the last one.  But, seriously--I do pray that I will find slaves that fit me.  I haven't been disappointed but, I do have to be patient.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



nikaa -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:32:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

You know what?  Society doesn't really care.  The issue is you and your Master's belief that somehow you have to interject "this is what we are" into EVERY social engagement.  In fact, all He has to do to introduce you is say "this is nikaa" and the world will not stop spinning, children will still be born, and the stars will still shine.

For some reason, this question comes up alot around here and also with same sex couples.  Couching it as "oh, society mandates we use some term" gives the issue truthiness, but it is really ego, plain and simple.  You want everyone to know what your relationship with Him is, and so you are seeking a way to convey it to "vanilla" folk without saying it.  That's fine, but own up to your desire to play with the minds of the straight folk, and don't couch your search for a label as some requirement from outside the relationship.

That said, I like the old 1970s term:  Postleque.

E.


I disagree. If society did not care then people would not constantly ask for labels that define relationships. Married, single, divorced, widowed. We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship.
 
 






nikaa -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:37:24 AM)

*laughs*
 
If we were married this would be an easy answer!
 
Just a note:That thread was started b/c of issues that have crept up during discussions about marriage.



MyNameisMaam -> RE: What label do you use? (11/4/2006 11:46:49 AM)

I have a husband and an "OSO" - other significant other.

-M



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