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ProtagonistLily -> RE: Your intro: community vs. one-on-one (2/3/2005 5:14:51 AM)
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Hi everyone,
I knew long before I ever found BDSM that there was something 'differant' about my sex fantasies. I read the 'bodice ripping' books....you know the ones. And with my bf at the time, I'd make little side bar jokes about things like that, which he never really picked up on or took seriously.
In the 10 years I was with that man, we did 2 kinky things. One he found mildly interesting (his comment was 'I saw cartoons when I came) and one he found so abborant that he was physically ill after. Neither one did he want to build on or explore again and after that kind of rejection, I stopped trying to introduce kinky things into our sex life. And the funny thing was, this was a man who didn't have sexual hang ups...he wanted it (and usually got it) at least twice a day under normal circumstances frequently in positions I didn't realize was humanly possible ~grin~
Once that relationship dissolved, I found myself in a gorean chat room on-line. As someone who'd always enjoyed role playing, I of course enjoyed the gorean atmosphere that was presented, but wasn't someone who took Gore very seriously. From there, I started poking around the web to try to find some links about BDSM.
One day, as I was skipping around from site to site, I happened to find the PEP (People Exchanging Power) website and as I looked it over, I saw a Mistress there who was from Buffalo, and had her phone number on there. I decided to call her up, and see if she could help me figure out if I was A) crazy and B)if not, what the hell to do next ~grin~
Mistress Kali Ward was an absolute Gem and a total Lifesaver for me. Had she not been willing to listen to me and be nice, I would have run away so fast from BDSM my head would have spun. She talked to me for almost an hour, gave me resources and a contact name for someone who was a younger woman like myself in my local Kink organization. I emailed the woman and she got right back to me, and she and her Master befriended me and Mentored me through my first year of being in the scene. We became good friends, and that submissive remains one of my closest and dearest friends.
My entry into the Scene was absolutely wonderful. But I couldn't have done that if I wasn't willing to take a risk and reach out. In the continuum of human behavior, I pretty much fall in the 'nice Catholic girl' range, so of course, the visions of sickness and debauchery that I thought would be an every day occurance in the lifestyle were at the core of my fear about coming into the real scene. As I stated on another thread recently, I have never, in the 7 years I've been out in the scene here where I live, ever compromised my morals or values. But I was fortunate early on to have the guidance of people who cared about me to learn, grow and mature in the scene.
I was talking with a friend last night and we were saying that really, this community is relatively small, that those of us who are 'out' are really about '6 degrees of separation' from each other. If you are someone who's looking to connect to your local scene, there's probably someone traipsing around here who knows someone who knows someone who can be a contact for you.
I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't willing to take the risk and stretch myself and be in the scene. In fact, I'd probably be unhappy and more than a little crazy. If nothing else, being out in the scene has made it possible for me to talk about this part of my life, and have others who are open to it, rather than being alone and afraid.
All the best to you in your journies,
Lily
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