Noah
Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: riiayna
thanks, as i say going to take things really slow but as i have an insatiable curiosity i often how others know that they have found the right Dom.
Well I suppose you meant "insatiable" figuratively but I'm goiing to take you literally there for a moment in order to explore an idea that you just might find value in.
Here's the thing about an insatiable curiousity: you can't satiate it.
Sometimes--as I think Goethe suggested--it comes down to accepting or even loving the unanswered questions. This, combined with accepting (without trying to address or resolve) your desire for the answer.
If you had a satiable curiousity, well that would be like an empty pool in your back yard. Put the hose in and turn it on. Demand an answer to your question. You'll get what you want.
But if what you have in your back yard is a ravine--an insatiable vessel--you'll do much better to learn to process in a different way your desire to have it filled.
Be curious. Go ahead: want the answer. And as calmly as you can, go about your life paying attention to what is there rather than to ruminating about what might be there someday and how you will or might not recognize it when and if it comes.
Chances are, if and when Mr. Dreamboat sails into view the person who has spent her life attending to and fully inhabitting the here-and-now will be better equipped to recognize him than someone who has distanced herself from her present--from the everyday practice of recognizing things for what they are--in favor of dreamily inhabiting some amorphous hypothetical future. And this kind of guy you're hoping for ... which woman do you suppose he'd be more attracted to? The one ever-so-tuned in to the current moment, the moment they might share? Or rather the woman who is well practiced at dreamy hypothesizing?
I suppose both kinds of guy exist.
I realize that these two approaches I'm describing are not entirely mutually exclusive. I'm drawing the lines dark in the hope of revealing the picture in a certain way. I hope you'll take a moment to view it like that, then back up again to take it all in any way you choose.
It turns out that some answers which can't be told can still somehow be shown. You have to live through the answer, though. And this seems to get going better for people who are willing to fully inhabit the question, as compared to those who worry it to death or lash it to a chair and go after it with a rubber hose. Even if you cataloged all the possible answers to your question, how far ahead would you be? I know one girl who knew by the shape and the textures and the smell of his hand. I'm sure there are others who decide based upon checkbook entries. I'll bet you aren't just like either of these.
Live your life with patience and a sense of restraint, and faith if you can manage to. If he's out there, he's out there. If he isn't I don't know that you can will him into existence.
So many would-be submissives seem to be saying: "I'm incapable of self-restraint (figuratively) so please find me and apply the restraint (again figurative) to my life which I have failed to and symbolize it by applying physical restraints from time to time." I'm not damning them. I wish them luck.
Some would-be submissives have already learned some lessons about restraint--and not lessons from some trainer dom. They can apply self-restraint. They can discern between the the merely desireable and the achievable. Between the actual and the imaginary. Anyone can offer a dominant her drama to contain and control for her. It is asking a lot. That is to say that it is tantamount to demanding a huge service from the one she imagines herself offering service to.
Some dominants, though, are able to appreciate a partner who can offer them her calm; a partner who understand both contingency and necessity, can sort them accurately and respond to them appropriately.
Please consider that coming to terms with your insatiable curiousity--rather than trying to fulfill the unfulfillable--can be a wonderful exercise in preparation for your eventual attempt to subjugate your will to that of another.
There are dozens of would-be submissives focusing upon "offering him her passion" for every one who focuses at least as much on offering him her calm, cool depth. And lip service won't do it (well it will do for the passion side, in a manner of speaking.) It is a doing not a thinking. It takes showing, not saying. And to imagine that though one has never mastered self-restraint she will quickly, almost magically achieve comfortable near-perfection under imposed restraint, well I think that is naive.
I've obviously gone well beyond your topic. I used it as a jumping off point. Please don't take offense, imagining that I have attributed to you the various characteristics I have mentioned as I went along. I don't know you. It just seemed a reasonably good moment and context in which to offer some observations.
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The right One - 
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I think of it more as self protection. Thing is, I may not say the words, but it's usually fairly apparent in my actions if they care to recognize it.
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