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Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 10:09:11 PM

kirkzhom

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline

Please humor me, those who are very experienced with this, but if things work out, I am sure my Mistress to be will require me to service another sub, a Dom, or an outsider of the same sex. She said to me today that is should be natural and, intellectually, it should be easier since at least I understand the equipment, but I am wondering how another sub who is not naturally drawn to the same sex triggered their brain so that their Mistress was not disappointed. I know there are hard liners out there who would walk from such a thing. I know there are those too to whom it is no big deal. I get that. I get both of those. I am trying to find out from a sub ... well, let's face it, a male sub, who would have sworn they were solely heterosexual what they did to deal with their Mistress pointing out their date and, well, we all can visualize the scene.

Post #: 1

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 10:22:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well first off, her logic is completely fucked up and lame. Sex may be an instintual action/reaction, but that doesn't mean sexual activity will be artful, skillful, or "natural" just because you've got the same plumbing.

Obey to submit to her wishes if it doesn't go against your limits- it doesn't make you bi or gay, it makes you obedient. It's just like licking a kitchen floor- you do it because you're told to, not because you get turned on by a kitchen floor.

But she shouldn't expect anything in terms of skill or good ability. If she is, she's got bigger problems than finding two guys to fuck eachother.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 2

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 10:28:39 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

kirk: although i am female, i too was wondering the very same thing as you.

how is it that although i am a woman and know what it takes to please me, that i am terrified of not being able to please another woman, therefore, not being able to please Him?

(although He is referred to as my Master in my profile i do not call Him Master......see "Your Doms Name" for an explanation)

my worries are: not pleasing H/her, therefore not pleasing Him, what if i'm clumsy in some way?, what if i giggle or break down and cry?

i'm kinda shy around others because i don't like how my body looks...... too many scars and there is another one to come due to another nasty surgery that needs doing, and being overweight.

He loves me as i am but as i said i'm kinda uncomfortable around others, see the other thing for me is that the most i have ever done and this was a long time ago was i kissed and groped another girl r/l, so i'm a bit nervous about whether or not i can please H/her.

He has said if a friend and His girl aren't willing to help i can put it in my profile that we are looking for a local Domme/sub/slave to where i am but that He would have to "Interview" T/them first before allowing me to meet T/them

and on that sweet yet sour note, i'm going to go finish making my tea and then go to bed like a good slave........after taking some ibuprofen to kill off this gall stone pain.

Blessed Be, Take Care, Have Fun, Play Hard, Stay Safe, Be As Wickedly Evil As Possible and Remember Bruises Can Be Fun

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 3

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 10:35:53 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Thats about the same logic of a woan can please anotehr woman better becasue she knows what makes her happy. I have been with lesbians who couldnt get me to come if they had instructions and diagrams. INTERCOURSE is natural. Thats the part that insticnt has brought around for us. Oral is not, thats something we have learned simply for pleasures sake. Just because you know how something feels, doesnt mean you hav a clue how to replicate it for someone else.
Ive been told that assuming I wanted him to do so, he would be with anotehr man to make me happy. It is not something that apeals to him, and it is not something he assumes he will do well (since he is lacking experience) however he will try if its what I wish. Thats all you can do. If you are the best blowjob he ever had or the worst, you have still obeyed. HIS happiness isnt the issue, HERS is.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 4

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 10:55:20 PM

kirkzhom

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline

"Her pleasure is the issue". You are right of course but I have this terrible little train in my brain that will NOT stay on any reasonable track it seems. And forgive me for not being more clear, but I think She stated the 'same plumbing' thing to calm me down because that's the silly way my mind works. I didn't mean to suggest anything about Her statement to make it the issue. Thank you all for the input. The reality is that if a Mistress commands, I will follow. I will stop bugging You all now ... famous last words ... but thank You all for the patience, humor, and input.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 5

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 11:23:20 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes...

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 6

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/5/2006 11:43:04 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

(fast reply)

I am not bisexual however, the few times I have been "expected" to play sexually with another female.. I was not able to get her off.. part of it was that I had no clue how to pleasure her because most of the time "MY" pleasure always came from giving control of myself over to someone else. That was not the dynamic I was placed in with the female partner. The other part was the simple fact that since I am NOT bisexual, I had no desire really to give someone else pleasure in that way. I was not comfortable with it and it showed. It had nothing to do with obedience. I was obedient. I did the best I could..by my best was not adequate.

I wish you luck in this. And just remember, use a condom without spermicide.. that will definitely kill the mood if you have an awful taste in your mouth. Lubricant doesnt taste generally, but that spermicide stuff will cause a very unpleasant feeling in your mouth not to mention taste. And just one more thing..... LOL

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you take the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it: .... In one second the sharp lime taste hits... .... At two seconds the Baileys curdles .... At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 7

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 4:56:53 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

Cariadi was worried about this as well with my first girl friend. i have one peice of advice. Try doing what you like. It worked great for me.

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 8

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 4:59:18 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well first off, her logic is completely fucked up and lame. Sex may be an instintual action/reaction, but that doesn't mean sexual activity will be artful, skillful, or "natural" just because you've got the same plumbing.

Obey to submit to her wishes if it doesn't go against your limits- it doesn't make you bi or gay, it makes you obedient. It's just like licking a kitchen floor- you do it because you're told to, not because you get turned on by a kitchen floor.

But she shouldn't expect anything in terms of skill or good ability. If she is, she's got bigger problems than finding two guys to fuck eachother.

I agree with what LA has said here. Just because you submit to her wishes does not mean that you suddenly become bisexual or gay; it just means that you did what you were told to do.

As for the statement that it should always be done artfully or skillfully; for the simple reason that it's two of the same gender; thats pure hogwash.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 6:35:55 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

my worries are: not pleasing H/her, therefore not pleasing Him, what if i'm clumsy in some way?, what if i giggle or break down and cry?

i've done both of those actually = ) With another vanilla male, i actually locked myself in a bathroom and broke down and cried. (locked cos i hate crying). My Dom wasnt displeased, more concerned that such a reaction would come from me and decided that being with another guy was not for me.

Now, he also threw me into an orgy with vanilla friends (that were already in the midst of one starting out) And well, i can be totally and completely shy. I was expected to "play" with the other girl. And well.... inserting my fingers in her got the response "oooo so thats what it feels like" from me - which had everyone laughing their asses off. Pulling said fingers out and seeing them SLIMEY - i merely said "ewwwwww goobers!" which sorta had everyone laughing again.

while i was massively shy, had no clue what to do and giggleed alot - it turned out okay. With that group of friends we have a running joke now... "how YOU doin?"

Whatever happens dont worry. Course there were also alot of other unpleasant experiences, eh - but everything works out in the end. If your Dom (or whatever) knows here you stand then he should be able to deal with any reaction you have.

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 10

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 8:35:13 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kirkzhom
She said to me today that is should be natural and, intellectually, it should be easier since at least I understand the equipment,

*snee...bullshit...eeze*

I echo LA. I've seen this tried between a het male and a bi male. The het male simply wasn't turned on...and thus, the bi male wasn't either. It was humorous at best, painful to watch, at worst.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 11

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 9:40:36 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I will not get into the personal responsibility and limits issue as you have already stated that you would do it, so I am addressing this as not making you do something but as having you do something you are willing to do but just for the first time. If it is the act of submission and following orders that is the issue and not that you are trying to turn the other guy on, as if it were just the 2 of you, just do as instructed. Ask questions if need be. Regardless of gender, each person is different. I am bi but what I like may not be the same thing as what another woman may like. In these scenrios I have participated in, unless both guys were bi and into each other there was a lot of interaction with the dominant(s). This is especially true when dealing with first times. Let her take the lead, you follow, do as instructed. If you get more comfortable with the scenario there may be a time where she wants you to entertain her and you will be able to do that. But communicate to your Mistress and let her move the scene along.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 10:00:49 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am bisexual my sub is not. I would never force him to have sex with another man, though if three of us were scening I may have him whip the other guy. But no I would never make him do something that I knew he would hate. I feed off his lust and desire, just as much as my own. To know he was disgusted would be a total turn off for me.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 13

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 2:10:09 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

To those of you who responded to my query, i thank you. The advice and support given is wonderful here.

Master and i sadly are not living together yet...He lives in Florida and i sadly am in Canada, but He knows i'm scared, nervous and fear that i may not be able to please another woman.

i just have to get up the courage to tell Him that i fear crying or breaking down and giggling before, during or after i do what He has asked of me because i have yet to tell Him.

i have a friend and His girl whom i am going to ask when i am fully healed from my surgery (gall bladder is coming out woooooohoooooo ........lol) if they would be willing to help me with this and if not i am allowed to add to my profile that i am seeking someone local to me to help me.

again i thank all of you who have aided me in my query.

Blessed Be, Take Care, Stay Safe, Play Hard, Be As Wicked As You Can Be and remember sometimes bruises can be fun *weg*

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 14

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 3:03:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Cariad, I can only hope this irrational fear and anxiety is coming from within you and not externally pressured from him.

I could go the direct route and tell you to sto making yourself so goshdarn important that you think if YOU don't do THIS perfectly and make someone else's dreams comes true that YOU will be utterly a failure and the world will END.

But that's not likely to really help you out (as true as it is) and only communication, trusting and accepting your humanity will help.

Scenes sometimes go bad- hopefully they go bad for reasons other than you messing up, but please make a first experience FUN and RELAXING. Performance anxiety isn't goingt o help anyone have a good time. Trust me, you being anxious about making her feel good will likely just make HER feel anxious.

So talk about it, laugh at yourself and your silly anxiety, go out and explore. Just try not to laugh too much when you go down on her and imagine licking a kitchen floor. Give your dom the fantasy visual that he's craving and please just remember that you're in this for the long haul- not for the one hot scene.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 15

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 3:30:03 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I don't think I'd "walk" from it, but it most certainly wouldn't be my thing. I'd have to really care about her a lot, to the point of love, before I'd ever even consider anything of the nature. Fortunately, I've never been with a woman that required that of me or even indicated a desire of that nature.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 16

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 8:04:25 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I am bisexual my sub is not. I would never force him to have sex with another man, though if three of us were scening I may have him whip the other guy. But no I would never make him do something that I knew he would hate. I feed off his lust and desire, just as much as my own. To know he was disgusted would be a total turn off for me.

~Lashra

I agree with this attitude...I am submissive...I am hetero...I would not could not have same sex ,sex...and I would hope any Dominant would respect that I will never have any wish to do so, and feel as Lashra does, that he would feed off of my lust and desire and be turned off by my disgust...Tempting

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 17

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 8:13:28 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

LA: Thank you for that post, it made me smile yet giggle a bit. i know that i'm being over anxious and that i need to "chill," a bit so that i don't make her anxious when it happens.

" Cariad, I can only hope this irrational fear and anxiety is coming from within you and not externally pressured from him." The fear and anxiety is coming from me, He knows now how i feel and chuckled telling me that as long as i try He will be pleased.

This is something we both talked about at length about me doing and now that He knows how i may or may not react before, during or after i feel better.

You're right though, there are scenes that go bad for many a reason and if i don't please her it won't be the end of the world, i will have at least been given the pleasure of trying to please her.

Again.....Thank You LA:

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/6/2006 8:35:34 PM

kirkzhom

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline

Hello all, and thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I spent some time in a relationship as a very true newbie with no one to ask anything, this is a very refreshing respite ... "I may be stupid professor, but at least I am here to learn" ... In any event, if same sex is not a hard limit, because if it is I presume that any Dom/me on this site would respect that and the inquiry would not go further ... but if it is not a hard limit but right up there on the "Holy Sh*t, are you kidding me?" reaction scale ... that is what I was asking about and I think I have my answer, but I await some constructive comments or clarifications thereto: 1) If it ain't your gig at all but you gave it a 'game effort', it will be obvious and ridiculously clear to every participant fairly quickly no matter what you hope to pull off because you have been commanded; 2) If it is really not your gig but you truly can do it for the pleasure of your Mistress, you ARE getting some pleasure out of it no matter how you justify it, even if it is indirect, and that is okay. Focus on her and stop there; 3) If you get off on it, then WTF are you complaining about here?

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 19

RE: Sub Performance on Same Sex - 11/7/2006 6:37:42 AM

substance78

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Victoria, Canada
Status: offline

i was put to that question myself
what would i do
and i said i would explain my non desire
She asked what would i do if she did not listen
and i said i would walk away

and thats what i would tell you to do
if this goes against your every being, walk away
the guilt you will feel for not obeying will be minimal compared to the guilt you will feel for breaking your morals. She as your Domina should accept this, and you as a sub should be able to talk to her about this. There are limits to be pushed, and there are limits to be respected. Know which side of the fence this one falls on

_____________________________

Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced.
Denied or feared it grows in perception if not in reality

(in reply to kirkzhom)

Post #: 20

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