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Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 2:18:19 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

This is a question about the dynamics and boundaries of a D/s relationship.
I have only recently come to terms with my Dominant personality, it has always been there but since in lots of areas of my life I strongly believe in equality between women and men, I thought of my dominant sexual needs as something that was dark and wrong.
I have spent the last half year educating myself and now feel ready to put my long suppressed personality into operation. I realise that some women want to have a total power exchange with their master. I confess that this is a big turn on for me, but in reality it wouldn't square with my need for equality and sharing in many areas of my life.
Other couples seem to divide their lives into scenes coupled with an otherwise vanilla existence but this wouldn't suit me since I want my life and relationships to be holistic.
Which brings to me how I see things working out for me. I have a need for more or less total dominance in my physical relationship with my partner and she should expect to completely submit for the whole time that we are together. This could include some aspects normally associated with slavery: nudity, no privacy, humiliation, can't use a chair without permission etc. But in other areas such household chores, cooking, intellectual discourse, politics etc I would see no reason at all for submission and would want complete equality.
Is such a lifestyle a realistic option and does anyone out there live such a life ?
I am particularly interested to hear from female subs/slaves in Germany (especially Berlin) who might be interested in an email or real life friendship, which might or might not develop into something more.

< Message edited by dvart -- 11/6/2006 2:28:51 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 2:29:18 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

This sounds more like "advertising" than a sincere question... but since you did ask if anyone lives this way before mentioning your geographical preferences.... yes, i live a very similar dynamic with the One who owns me.

Master's dorei

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 2

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 2:30:50 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Why wouldnt slaves and Dom's be equal? You think too much. Go play. Not all slaves think they are less then their Dom, and even if they do, how would that differ from a Dom who thinks the slave isnt? If you want her to do half the housework, tell her that. Explain it makes you feel better to share it. No problems. Why stress? The fact is they get as much or more out of the experience as you do.

< Message edited by ChaOz -- 11/6/2006 2:31:22 AM >

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 3

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 2:32:49 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

It is a very genuine question and thanks for your reply.

< Message edited by dvart -- 11/6/2006 2:33:18 AM >

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 4

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 2:46:39 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

But you seem to be talking of a situation where the Dom. has all the power and cedes some of it back to his sub/slave and shares the chores out of his benevolance. This isn't equality in my book. Sorry if this seems intellectual because that's how I am. But I need to sort this issue out before embarking on my real life as a dom. so I very much appreciate any more comments.

(in reply to ChaOz)

Post #: 5

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 3:05:44 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

But you seem to be talking of a situation where the Dom. has all the power and cedes some of it back to his sub/slave and shares the chores out of his benevolance. This isn't equality in my book. Sorry if this seems intellectual because that's how I am. But I need to sort this issue out before embarking on my real life as a dom. so I very much appreciate any more comments.

I am intellectual, just cant be bothered at the moment. Its like this. You realised your a dirty little man and have been waiting for what? God to tell you its ok? Get over it. You share a mutual experience with someone who enjoys it and needs it as much as you do. Think about kissing, its.. passionate, physical, intimate, emotional and so much more. Do you make someone less equal by kissing them? How is that different from a slave polishing your wooden table, knowing that later she will have to perform upon it for you while you eat the supper she cooked for you then lick up the mess to make sure its all clean. Do you think she wouldnt enjoy that? Wouldnt get anything out of it? Every action that reinforces slavery is a joy for some, as is a Dom who truly loves and needs to offer Dominance. So get over it ok? Its just like every other relationship but you get the last word and the sub/slave does and should set the boundries and be comftable within them. Everything is the same as a straight relationship, married women get over looked and used all the time but at least in kink they get better toys and harder orgasms and there's better communication and attention given to each other. At the end of the day You are the one that makes sure its all moral and ok and healthy and shit right? So stop imagining and actually do it and talk to your slave and make sure shes ok then its all sweet and spice.

btw.. anything and everything done between two concenting adults is OK as long as you dont push hard limits and everyone is happy and looked after. You dont want to spend ur life in missionary dreaming of doing something kinky, its healthier to actually live your fantasies with that special someone you love and it only goes as far as you let it. Trust in yourself and maintain your cool, dont get carried away and it will be fine. Power is given, its allowed, the slave needs that for many reasons. Imagine two people with the only thing not equal between them is simply a powershift, control, and then know that control is allowed by the slave for the benefits it brings her.

< Message edited by ChaOz -- 11/6/2006 3:21:15 AM >

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 6

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 4:22:57 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

This is a question about the dynamics and boundaries of a D/s relationship.
I have only recently come to terms with my Dominant personality, it has always been there but since in lots of areas of my life I strongly believe in equality between women and men, I thought of my dominant sexual needs as something that was dark and wrong.
I have spent the last half year educating myself and now feel ready to put my long suppressed personality into operation. I realise that some women want to have a total power exchange with their master. I confess that this is a big turn on for me, but in reality it wouldn't square with my need for equality and sharing in many areas of my life.
Other couples seem to divide their lives into scenes coupled with an otherwise vanilla existence but this wouldn't suit me since I want my life and relationships to be holistic.
Which brings to me how I see things working out for me. I have a need for more or less total dominance in my physical relationship with my partner and she should expect to completely submit for the whole time that we are together. This could include some aspects normally associated with slavery: nudity, no privacy, humiliation, can't use a chair without permission etc. But in other areas such household chores, cooking, intellectual discourse, politics etc I would see no reason at all for submission and would want complete equality.
Is such a lifestyle a realistic option and does anyone out there live such a life ?
I am particularly interested to hear from female subs/slaves in Germany (especially Berlin) who might be interested in an email or real life friendship, which might or might not develop into something more.

I'm extremely keen for women and men to be seen as and treated equally too, in terms of respect, manners, pay, you name it. I'm also a Dom. which kind of gets in the way of My belief in equal rights for women.

The way it works for Me is probably complicated or to some, just daft but anyway, the way I seperate the two (to My mind conflicting views) is when-ever and where-ever I meet a woman I have no idea as to whether she's in the lifestyle or not, I treat her with all the manners and respect I can-if a woman is coming through a door way at the same time as Me, then I wait for her, and if I'm going through a door way and a woman is behind Me I hold the door open.

When I was going to munches and met a submissive woman I treated her with the same respect. This is for two reasons:

1 She wasn't mine.

2 submissives submit as,when,if,and to what ever degree, they want.

The point is, that you should have enough respect for women to give them as much space as they need to be who ever and what-ever they want. Even if, from time to time they want to be ordered around, told off or even experience some form of pain.

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 7

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 5:10:58 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

I realise that some women want to have a total power exchange with their master. I confess that this is a big turn on for me, but in reality it wouldn't square with my need for equality and sharing in many areas of my life.

It really comes down to what YOU perceive as a TPE relationship. There is no set rule or way of life for this.

Master and I do not live together and yet, we would both define ours as a TPE ( and I am sure that there are others who would say that since we don't live together, it can not be a TPE )

Master and I are not equals; he is my owner, I am property. For us, this means inequality ( and yet, others would state the exact opposite )

Despite our own belief that we are not equals, Master is still very polite and mannerly to me. Our beliefs which shape our relationship do not change the upbringing that he had.

Take what works for you and you only and build relationships based on that and that alone.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 8

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 5:20:30 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

It always foxes me when people say they are in a D/s relationship and believe in equality. In a sense it is possible because it is all fantasy but if the dynamic is real, I don't see how there can be equality because by definition there won't be a power exchange then.

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 9

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 5:23:49 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

I have a need for more or less total dominance in my physical relationship with my partner and she should expect to completely submit for the whole time that we are together.

Consider that what you have described IS equality. Two things being equal does not mean they're identical (the lb. of butter and lb. of ball bearings being an example). You can be measuring one characteristic and find them equal, while all the other characteristics are considerably different.

Back to the original point... you desire to give total Dominance in a relationship, and you desire a woman who wants to give total submission in a relationship. They are surely not identical, but they are equal (total and total). Call it a "balance" if you prefer (but that also infers an equality of weight). And it's that equality (or balance) that makes them compatible.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 10

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 5:41:42 AM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

Much depends on what you mean by 'equality'.

Personally, I've never met my equal. If I were to, they'd have to pretty much be my identical twin, no better or worse than me at anything. That we haven't met is a Good Thing - one of me is more than enough.

Consider intercourse - one inserts a body part into another's body cavity. It cannot be an identical experience for both - but they can both enjoy it. In certain, very rare circumstances, they may even enjoy it equally - but don't count on it.

The last slave I owned, I used to singletail on occasion. This was not an 'equal' act, by any means - it took far more skill on my part, a tad more courage on their part, and they enjoyed it even more than I did. Not fair, but mostly, life isn't.

Equality is a nifty ideal, but on a practical level, it rarely exists outside of equal opportunity, equal rights - the big-picture stuff. In the areas of life that require fine brush strokes, it pretty much disappears, even in vanilla relationships. There can be balance (though that's not easy, either), but equality?

The closest you'll get to equality in a TPE is equal amounts of enthusiasm for the relationship - strive for that, and you'll do well.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 11

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 5:55:40 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

He must have amended his post because i did not get "advertising" at all.

Dvart: yes i have and i know others who have lived that exact tihing....right now its probably pretty confusing, but trust me when you have your girl, things will fall into place....

you will evolve a style of dominance she will evolve a style of submission that perfectly ballances yours, and trust me you will both make plenty of painful mistakes in the process.

but think of it like ballroom dancing....at first you will be clumsy, awkward, and mash a few toes but in time, you will be dancing gracefully elegantly and in perfect harmony...

and just like in dancing you will have to have the girl first...one cant learn to dance from books...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 12

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 7:11:01 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

He must have amended his post because i did not get "advertising" at all.

It seemed ok until you get to the last line, and then everything before that can easily be interpreted as being nothing more than a thinly disguised personal ad. That last line hasn't been edited out yet as I write this.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 13

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 7:16:10 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Yes it is achievable but you need to learn a little first. This slave would be placing alot of responsibility on you to protect them and be consistent with things. Go out and play and learn as you do. Then maybe work up to the TPE thing. I practice TPE with my Master and certianly dont feel less than him. I dont feel his equal but I certainly do not feel lowly. He lifts me up and makes me feel alive.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 14

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 7:23:24 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

It seemed ok until you get to the last line, and then everything before that can easily be interpreted as being nothing more than a thinly disguised personal ad. That last line hasn't been edited out yet as I write this.

Yes Sorry - won't do it again - actually the question was genuine and I just kind of tagged the last bit on. However I seem to have lost the ability to edit it out.

< Message edited by dvart -- 11/6/2006 7:24:28 AM >

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 15

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 7:39:19 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

But in other areas such household chores, cooking, intellectual discourse, politics etc I would see no reason at all for submission and would want complete equality.

Is such a lifestyle a realistic option and does anyone out there live such a life ?

We do not use the word equality, although he feels I am his equal in some ways, not others, and I have areas where I excel that he is proud of me for. He is of the idea that if he wants a servant he will hire one, I am the one with the house cleaning fetish...smiles. It is possible to find what you are looking for though.

If you are the dom, you set the parameters for the relationship you want, then you find a submissive that fits them. It really is not complicated.

My Daddy tells me what to do when he feels like it, doesn't tell me when he doesn't feel like it. It is not about who cooks dinner, or who is naked, it is about the power I give him to direct me. He has this power anytime he wants, it is up to his discretion when to use it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 16

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 8:28:30 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Just want to add myself to the "Yes you can"'s.

Julia, that's just about how our dynamic works, too.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 8:31:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

The only time that things can be equal is if you have a clone. Other than that someone has to be in charge.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 8:47:05 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

Is such a lifestyle a realistic option and does anyone out there live such a life ?

The sort of relationship you seek is very common. Don't make the mistake of hooking up with someone who wants something different so be sure to communicate 'exactly' what you want and don't want and don't settle for something different. Also, try avoid the thinking that you can 'mold' someone into wanting what you desire.. look for someone who already desires the same things and go from there.

Just find someone who is compatible with you and I'm sure you'll have loads of fun.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 19

RE: Can a "new man" be a dominant ? - 11/6/2006 8:47:22 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

This is a question about the dynamics and boundaries of a D/s relationship.
I have only recently come to terms with my Dominant personality, it has always been there but since in lots of areas of my life I strongly believe in equality between women and men, I thought of my dominant sexual needs as something that was dark and wrong.
I have spent the last half year educating myself and now feel ready to put my long suppressed personality into operation. I realise that some women want to have a total power exchange with their master. I confess that this is a big turn on for me, but in reality it wouldn't square with my need for equality and sharing in many areas of my life.
Other couples seem to divide their lives into scenes coupled with an otherwise vanilla existence but this wouldn't suit me since I want my life and relationships to be holistic.
Which brings to me how I see things working out for me. I have a need for more or less total dominance in my physical relationship with my partner and she should expect to completely submit for the whole time that we are together. This could include some aspects normally associated with slavery: nudity, no privacy, humiliation, can't use a chair without permission etc. But in other areas such household chores, cooking, intellectual discourse, politics etc I would see no reason at all for submission and would want complete equality.
Is such a lifestyle a realistic option and does anyone out there live such a life ?
I am particularly interested to hear from female subs/slaves in Germany (especially Berlin) who might be interested in an email or real life friendship, which might or might not develop into something more.

I think that one of the problems you're having is that you are assuming that the slave is NOT equal to the Master. In a healthy relationship, the two partners ARE equal human beings of equal worth. What makes Ms relationships different from most vanilla relationships is that one person has decided to transfer authority to another and, in doing this, we create clearly defined roles for one another. Being a slave doesn't mean always being meek and passive. It CAN, but it doesn't always. I prefer my slaves to have minds and opinions of their own and they are allowed to interact with me in such a way as to express this. However, due to the transfer of authority, I have the final say. Period. Being a Master doesn't make you God/dess.

Of course, this is simply my opinion. I see that it disagrees with many. Take what works for you and toss out the rest, even mine.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 20

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