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RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 7:27:19 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
omg would a male sub please respond before M passes out!

Breathe!!!! Breathe!!!

LMAO, very funny.... I had to breathe when I started lauging... Thanks for reminding me not to wait on boys, as they always seem to come too soon or too late, lol... M

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 10:37:05 PM   
ravenna


Posts: 121
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Put me down on the side of complete faith in my owners. i own nothing, not even the breath in my lungs, and i have no privacy and no secrets from them... (Except of course for those secrets deep inside me that even i don't know, secrets that they and i keep discovering for the first time...)

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/6/2005 12:03:09 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		When Master first came to visit me He did smething that made a HUGE impact on me. He told me His passwords. i didn't ask He just gave them to me.

The biggest reason this made such a HUGE impact on me was because my former "Dom" refused to tell me his passwords even though he knew mine. i found out on Christmas day that the former was promising r/t to 80 other women and telling them all the same lies that he'd told me.

Master and i were friends long before the "Dom" moved in and Master knew what had happened after i kicked the "Dom" out. He made very sure that i knew from the start that i could trust Him.

Looking back i can see that He never acted like we were anything other than a long term relationship. Everything He said and did from that first day on implied that we would be together along time if not forever.

Back on topic YES He knows my passwords but has neer used them because He trusts me. Yes He also knows my pin number this He has used a number of times but He saves the recipts so that He can show me what He has done.

Trust does goes both ways. If it only goes one way is it really trust? i think not.

lil_joy

(in reply to ravenna)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/6/2005 9:29:36 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy
When Master first came to visit me He did smething that made a HUGE impact on me. He told me His passwords. i didn't ask ...

The biggest reason this made such a HUGE impact on me was because my former "Dom" refused to tell me his passwords even though he knew mine

Back on topic YES He knows my passwords but has neer used them because He trusts me. Yes He also knows my pin number
Trust does goes both ways.
lil_joy

Thanks lilJoy for one reply where the man was very open and trutsting...
I'm still waiting on male subs' answers, but won't hold my breath. M

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/6/2005 10:30:42 AM   
cailinTC


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Trust...hmm that used to be a sore subject for me until Master snatched me up. Wwe've known each Oother for nearly 6 years, but 8 months ago He made me His. Generic Trust with Master was already a given when i came to Him. Generic meaning email passwords, online accts, etc. Just recently have Wwe opened a checking account in Bboth Oour names. i know all of His passwords but never use them and He knows all of mine and only uses them to let my friends know what is going on. For the most part, i make the financial decisions and take care of all of the bills. He takes care of the rest. BUT, the most important Trust that Wwe have just overcome is the "i trust You with my life" kind. Because i am into breathplay, that came a little difficult seeming that an ex of mine tried to kill me like that, but it's just one of those things, but now since Wwe trust each Oother with Oour lives, it makes everything else run so smoothly. But don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy and sure didn't take a short amount of time.


~cailin TC

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/6/2005 6:22:29 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What i find sad is there are subs who will consider a man her master, and trust that man enough to let him tied them up and make them completely vulerable and helpless....yet they wont trust them with their material things like money!!


I posted something along the same lines, a few days ago. It was here for about 5 hour's then disappeared and never came back yet. Hmm, wonder if it ever will.

Anyway, the point was. If you claim to have complete trust then how come that trust is only trust in certain area's? Is that 100% trust...or 50% trust?
In the lifestyle I believe we must have complete trust. Yes, I trust Doug with my bank accounts. Does he abuse that? No. Will he, well I sure hope not. I just have to have the trust he will not. I guess if in 20 year's I'm here I'll be saying lesson learned if things go bad.

Today, he was talking about winning the lottery..and the two of us retiring. So, that is where we sit with one another. It is not mine, or his anymore but ours.
It definately is a great life I sure hope never ends.

(in reply to silksoul4u)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/6/2005 10:02:45 PM   
soulreaver67


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		As a dominant, trust is the only coin I deal in. Even if a relationship were to change and we hated each other's guts, I would still keep every promise to the fullness of it-- not hedging. I may be unusual, but I do not break my word ever. Because who I say I am, as a Dom is everything to me.

After all, at the end of the day, it isn't just my slave's trust in me that is important-- it is my own. The true measure of one who can handle power, is that they don't.

In my 2-decade long career as a Dom, I made the mistake of lying exactly once at the very beginning of a relationship with a sub. We didn't even know one another yet, and the lie was not significant. But it bothered me to the point that I finally confessed it. That ended what would have been a tremendous relationship because she practically worshipped the ground I walked on. She was devastated, choosing to believe that *everything* I'd said was a lie.

It was only afterwards that I fully realized what I had done-- what it meant that I could lie to one who was willing to open themselves to me completely and utterly. I could not really tolerate myself for some time, and it still bothers me.

So, I never lie. I would rather the truth be known up front, and a sub decide to walk away for whatever reason, than to crush their dreams later over a foolish, stupid, lie.

Trust is, in the end, what the entire BDSM lifestyle is about. Not sex. It is the mental dynamic between two (or more) people, irregardless of gender. Sex is merely a pathway to the mind, to reinforce the trust dynamic.

----

If you have true trust and respect, not only should you not worry about sharing anything, no matter how personal, but you both should respect one another that if things do go South, you separate cleanly without using gained information against one another. The flipside of turst is honor.

I regret that lie everyday. Every single day.


SoulReaver
"You Are My Angel of Death-- My SoulReaver."-- The Guardian.




(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/8/2005 9:01:14 PM   
ravenna


Posts: 121
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Soulreaver67 --
i found your story so very moving. Thank you. i agree with you completely -- trust is everything. i feel i could not lie to my owners even to save my own life, though i could, perhaps, if it were necessary to save theirs... It is not my place to judge or forgive anyone, only to thank you humbly for what you shared. But i have one small thought to offer: Surely your life, which you live with honor, has redeemed that one little lie? And perhaps your own awareness of it may have led you to act with even greater honor and integrity than another might have?


(in reply to soulreaver67)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/8/2005 9:57:09 PM   
fire2heart


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		It would have to be someone very special to earn that kind of trust with me.

_____________________________

fire2heart


(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/9/2005 5:53:15 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		"So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such? I haven't seen a thread on TRUST in a while and figured I'd just start a new one for all the new members we've been getting."

id like to know how long it took for You to give Your sub Your account numbers and all the rest of the stuff You just asked about ?, great question , btw.


_____________________________

**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**


(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/9/2005 7:32:22 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Many people who would never dream of striking/harming/damaging a person's body won't think twice before cleaning out their bank accounts.


I think songbird's post nailed it, though I'll add just a bit anyway. Just like in any relationship, trust grows with time as the relationship develops. But relationships can go sour too, and then folks can do nasty things to get back at the other for perceived wrongs; financial screwing is a bit of human behavior that is the bread and butter for divorce lawyers, but folks don't need lawyers to drain accounts they have access to.

It is one thing to trust someone to tie you up, another to trust them with your emotions and opening up financial accounts comes at a point where you're getting married or otherwise committing permanently. So I think trust develops bit by bit as you give additional pieces of yourself to the other, and it is something both partners in the relationship do.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 2/9/2005 7:36:14 AM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to songbird26)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/9/2005 9:26:43 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
It is one thing to trust someone to tie you up, another to trust them with your emotions and opening up financial accounts comes at a point where you're getting married or otherwise committing permanently.


Yes, in marriage a person is financially vulnerable to their partner. Well, I guess in this era of pre-nuptial agreements people might opt to keep private accounts that their spouse had no access. But I wonder if doing so is a hesitancy to trust fully their partner, unwilling to put full faith in their mutual commitment to each other and making things work out.

Being divorced, I know things sometimes don't work out - despite the best efforts of one or both parties in a marriage.

So should partners in a D/s relationship open their financial accounts to the other? I think this is a rare and precious level of trust. It would take great openness, great love, great commitment to one another. As someone else mentioned, "it would have to be someone very special" for me to make myself so vulnerable again.


(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/10/2005 9:54:54 PM   
soulreaver67


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		My $0.02 worth.

By the very nature of the relationship, the dom/domme arguably has the greater responsibility to not abuse trust.

As a matter of rule in my house, I have an unspoken promise to every female I touch-- if they leave my house or interest for whatever reason, they will be better off for having known me. I will never take their money- it isn't mine. If they give it to me, I will put it in a trust fund, and add to it. If they need education, I will provide for it. If they have innate skills, I will encourage them to follow them and explore them.

There is no point in my being here if I cannot improve the lot of my fellow man/woman/slave. For in the end, I answer to God. And if there is no God, then I must answer to myself. In fact, in every interaction with another life form (human, animal, insect, plant), I promise first atleast no harm, and second I try to improve their lot.

The woman who can't afford all of her groceries at the store... I meet her in the parking lot with what she couldn't afford.
The young black kid who can't start his truck and doesn't know why-- I teach him how to figure it out, I get the parts, we fix it.
The 21-year old on the streets of Gotham with her only possessions in a basket in her hands because she's been thrown out and has nowhere to turn but prostitution or worse... I shelter her, I feed her, I clothe her, I provide organization to her life... and she has never seen me.

These are just a few real events in my life.

I reach out across the world and touch people's lives. I _make a difference_. And no, I'm not rich at all. I work for a living, 3 jobs. I've spent every dime I have on other people.

My motto-- Pay It Forward. I live by it.

If you're going to be a Dom/Domme, do it with honor.
Otherwise, you're not really a Dom/Domme

SoulReaver
"You Are My Angel of Death, My SoulReaver."-- The Guardian


(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/10/2005 10:24:58 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: soulreaver67
By the very nature of the relationship, the dom/domme arguably has the greater responsibility to not abuse trust.

My motto-- Pay It Forward. I live by it.

If you're going to be a Dom/Domme, do it with honor.
Otherwise, you're not really a Dom/Domme
SoulReaver

I'm inspired by your level of love/trust for your fellow human beings...
I hope you meet a worthy sub/slave someday. M

(in reply to soulreaver67)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/18/2005 1:44:47 AM   
RhapsodyInBlue


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
It is one thing to trust someone to tie you up, another to trust them with your emotions and opening up financial accounts comes at a point where you're getting married or otherwise committing permanently.


Yes, in marriage a person is financially vulnerable to their partner. Well, I guess in this era of pre-nuptial agreements people might opt to keep private accounts that their spouse had no access. But I wonder if doing so is a hesitancy to trust fully their partner, unwilling to put full faith in their mutual commitment to each other and making things work out.

Being divorced, I know things sometimes don't work out - despite the best efforts of one or both parties in a marriage.

So should partners in a D/s relationship open their financial accounts to the other? I think this is a rare and precious level of trust. It would take great openness, great love, great commitment to one another. As someone else mentioned, "it would have to be someone very special" for me to make myself so vulnerable again.



Long ago, I married a man that I did not know well enough to trust completely. (Don't jump all over me yet !) We were fairly young, he had previous problems with drink and drugs. There is more about him that I choose not to get into here.

Anyway, do NOT be in any hurry to combine your finances with any partner, be it a husband, friend or Dominant. Anyone that's talking to you about combining bank accounts, giving them control over yours, etc. is a train wreck waiting to happen... with you as the victim. You should not be required to support your Master unless you agree to it beforehand, and are fully aware of the ramifications should you choose to leave. Check your local State laws regarding property and debt distribution before making that decision... please.

As onceburned said above, combining finances or sharing financial info such as pin #'s should be done only if you have extraordinary trust in that person. Read that as time and experience, preferably living together before making the decision to do so.

You don't want to move in with a Dominant that takes you for everything that you're worth, and find yourself out in the cold if you are put in the position where you need to leave. What will you do when you can't get a $50.00 cash advance to buy food on that credit card while your ex-Dominant is living off of your wages or credit?

Nothing. You're beat.

Live wisely, never cave into things that don't seem right. Peace. ;)




< Message edited by RhapsodyInBlue -- 6/5/2005 9:54:31 PM >

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: ? about Trust. - 2/18/2005 7:08:53 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think how we deal with things is sensible and practical.

I don't live with the Owner. He lives with his primary and they are set up financially as a couple sharing expenses and assets. I live on my own and keep my finances independently.

However, if the Owner ever wants something, he tells me. It is his to do with what he wants. He has me manage it because I'm on my own and it would be unnecessary work for him to deal with it, and he knows it's there if and when he desires it.

I don't know that it's a "special" level of trust that we have, we just don't go in for half measures. Just because someone is a dominant doesn't mean they can do everything, doesn't mean they are the best person for managing finances, and it doesn't even mean they are a good person. When you get into a relationship you have to not only weigh and judge whether that person is compatible with you long term, but what their strengths and weaknesses are and how well they deal with them.

Love is a very small part of what makes a long term relationship work- and it is work.


(in reply to RhapsodyInBlue)
Profile   Post #: 36
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