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RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/15/2005 5:06:58 AM

Soapy

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

I love powerful people. I agree that they are alluring and attractive. I think it's important to quote Margaret Thatcher at this point, however: Power is like being a lady, if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

I've had that same thought when I have had people in various situations in my life (bdsm & nonbdsm ) go to lengths to tell me how wonderful they are.

quote:

Personal power comes in many forms and types of people. I find self confident people who are not afraid to be vulnerable incredibly attractive and significantly more alluring than someone who is unable to achieve vulnerability; but I'm sure that's because I see a willingness to be vulnerable as a strength.

I think that is true of vanilla relationships and as a character trait beyond relationships as well. Feeling vulnerable means feeling at risk.......especially if you let other people see it. Feeling at risk entails willingly putting yourself into a situation at risk. That requires courage, which is a strength.

IMHO this kind of strength is necessary for intimacy which is necessary for higher quality relationships.

In the real, vanilla world ( I know I am generalizing ) many men don't even have this concept in their mental landscape, let alone that kind of emotional strength.

I am generalizing again, but I think you also meet a lot of people like this in the bdsm world........people who are not strong enough to feel emotional vulnerability and who are not strong enough for deeper intimacy.

IMHO I think this is one of the reasons you periodically see threads like "why is it so hard to find someone who is into bdsm who would also be a cool person to have as a partner?"

(in reply to MizSuz)

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RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/15/2005 8:07:56 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Soapy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

I love powerful people. I agree that they are alluring and attractive. I think it's important to quote Margaret Thatcher at this point, however: Power is like being a lady, if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

I've had that same thought when I have had people in various situations in my life (bdsm & nonbdsm ) go to lengths to tell me how wonderful they are.

SOAPY!!!! So very good to see you on these boards (long time no see, eh?)

Unfortunately I leave for a trip in the morning and will be AFK for about a month, but I look forward to your posts when I return.

I'm not at all surprised you've had this experience (referenced above) in your life. I think we probably all have. I'm also not surprised you've had 'that same thought.' But then, your posts have historically (in other places) been thoughtful, so I'm not surprised that you THINK. <smile>

quote:

Feeling vulnerable means feeling at risk.......especially if you let other people see it. Feeling at risk entails willingly putting yourself into a situation at risk. That requires courage, which is a strength.

IMHO this kind of strength is necessary for intimacy which is necessary for higher quality relationships.

In the real, vanilla world ( I know I am generalizing ) many men don't even have this concept in their mental landscape, let alone that kind of emotional strength.

Too true and too sad. For me, this is the kind of strength I find attractive. Doesn't matter what the orientation is, I value this sort of strength for the very reasons you later suggest - it's necessary to cultivate intimate relationships and it's rare.

quote:

IMHO I think this is one of the reasons you periodically see threads like "why is it so hard to find someone who is into bdsm who would also be a cool person to have as a partner?"

Well said.

Welcome aboard! I look forward to your posts, Soapy.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Soapy)

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RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/16/2005 4:58:23 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

Yet some part of me wants a TOP + TOP relationship.

any of you Misses ever felt the same ?

M. Darth

I'm in a F/F relationship with my girlfriend of many years. We started out vanilla with a twist (some bondage during play was about as fun as we got at first) and after a few years of joking about getting houseboys to serve us, we decided that we probably weren't just joking and should probably talk about it seriously. We do occationally clash when we are both feeling particularly dominant, but overall, it works well for us, and it isn't a "get on your knees, no you get on your knees" kind of thing. We do switch with each other, but not often.

(in reply to Darthbetta)

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Post #: 23