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Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 5:02:38 PM   
deepdesires22


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings to All and thank You in advance.  i'm having a problem and i dont quite know what to think anymore.  Let me start off by saying this is sort of a long post cause the background info is necessary.
For respect im going to refer to people as MsH, L1 and L2.
I started talking to MsH in mid September.  i was very entralled with Her and really took a liking to Her right away.  However because of scedules and issues, to date i have only met with her three times.  Talked in between when possible but i hadnt even had any training accept for the basic behavior rules.
i have a friend (L1) that awhile back had some major issues with, but we resolved them.  Though i was at times still leary (burn me once type of thing)of her , she and i continue to become good friends again.
Around the same time another Mistress started talking to me..L2.  Well it turns out L2 had just moved to the area.  Her and L1 use to go to middle school together.  L1 didnt know L2 was in the area...or on collarme...and L2 didnt know L1 was Also a domme.  *hopes i havent lost anyone). 
Well turns out, MsH was also talking to L2, and upon figuring out this triangle, she thinks/thought that L1 and L2 are the same person.  the thought Had crossed my mind, but i went on vacation and decided not to bother with it until i got back. 

i lie not when i say i got into L1's vehicle (who picked me up at the airport) and she said, Hi...you have a mess to clean up.  i promptly then had to deal with a 7 hour mess that night...emails between L1, L2, and MsH.  Lots of threats, and accusations and tears.  i had nothing to do with any of it, yet ended up having to clean it up.
Being the submissive in the entire triangle...i found myself having to sort out and maturely deal with the entire damn mess.  Still boggles my mind how i did it.

Well turns out MsH confronted L2 in email sayng she knew she was L1, and both L1 and L2 (both at this point talking to each other), wanted me to break up with MsH because of the threats and that MsH wasnt safe etc, and MsH wanted me to no longer be friends with either L's because she thinks they are playng with my heart and a hoax just waiting to hurt me.
i found out that L1 and L2 Are two different people.  i spoke to L2 on the phone, different voices, diferent person.  So i thought it would be a done deal and sent an email back saying such and that i had no plans to break friendships/relationships off with anyone and that if anyone wanted me to, then i didnt mean as much to them as they do to me.  (Whats funny is that, that night all three were saying how much they care for me and want to protect me..i kid you not all three were willing to say goodbye to me that night...and i had nothing to do with any of it!  i was out of country for 6 days!!)

So here we get to the question.  MsH...still wants me to break off friendships with them, even though her theory isnt correct.  She says that as her submissive i should obey because she's doing it in my best interest.  That even though i dont agree with her, that i should trust her judgement.
i understand that "acceptance" is a part of the submissive's side, and often the hardest thing to grasp.  i know and understand that. However, the acceptance to me seems o go hand and hand with the trust and giving of one's self to Her. 

The thing is, i've only met her three times in person, i barely know what she is about.  i just dont feel right getting rid of a friendship for a reason that in my mind has been nolified.  If L1 and L2 were the same person, yeah i could understand her forcing me to get rid of them.  But it seems like an awful lot to ask after a 1 month relationship and 3 meetings.  Still...i have to wonder is She right?  i'm not trying to bash anyone.  i'm simply evaluating the situations.  If i stay true to my morals and stay friends with L1 and L2 (both whom dont have a problem with me talking to MsH), then i lose MsH, but if i want to be with MsH i have to break off two friendships.  i dont take friendships lightly.  When i say im "your friend" i am loyal to the end. 

Sorry for any confusion and the longevity of this.  But i Really need help.  Am i wrong?  Should i give up the right to decide whom my friends are after three meetings?

-jess
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 5:10:21 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		This is the drama and angst of youth................

you have had 10+ or so years with R2D2 and 3 meets with MisstressH........you are not the only bisexual in the world who is married...........

I think you aughta drop MzH, if she is telling you after 3 meets this cut and dried shit, with no discourse and no willingness to view the overall picture......

Life is way to short to fuckwad everything to lick some pussy............

get some lifelong priorities straight..............the drama is with MsH.............lose it...

End of joke.

Ron




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 5:23:59 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		i would not give up a established freindship because someone i had just met online told me too...in fact i wouldn't give up L2 either. i would have to be in a real life relationship before i would allow someone to try to control my friends and even then, there would have to be good reasoning behind it.

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 6:20:41 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
you have had 10+ or so years with R2D2



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 6:33:28 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		1. Why did L1 ask you to clean up the mess? If the mess began in communications between them, it is their responsibility.
2. The types of threats made are relevant for they could suggest an immediate parting with MsH.
3. Why does MsH think L1 and L2 are playing with your heart? Can she give a reason?
4. Why did you think L1 and L2 are the same person?
5. If you did think they are the same person, are you now sure they are not. If L1 could indeed pretend to be L2 to get to you, L1 could have gotten a third friend in on the scam to pretend to be L2 over telephone. Was the conversation you had with L2 enough to ascertain that the voice you heard was the same person with whom you had email exchanges.

I am not seeking answers to these questions but inviting you to think about them as you contemplate your situation.

With the information in the post, I am not getting a good feeling about any of the L's nor about MsH.....unless you like drama, in which case you should host a slumber party and invite all of them. Serve only finger food so that there are no knives or forks in hand.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 11/7/2006 6:35:28 PM >

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 6:37:11 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deepdesires22
Sorry for any confusion and the longevity of this.  But i Really need help.  Am i wrong?  Should i give up the right to decide whom my friends are after three meetings?

-jess



You're not collared in any way. You don't really know her, in actuality.You're an adult and you can make your own decisions. What's your gut tell you to do? It's often right.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 6:42:13 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Jess:

3 meetings and you are wondering if she should have the right to say "get rid of your friends"?

Frankly, I personally do not think I should take that right with my slaves even after 7 years. They are adults and they must be capable of making positive adults decisions. If they can't do that, then what the heck am I doing with them in the first place.

Second, if you were owned by her or you were living together or even had negotiated this authority for her, the situation would be entirely different. She did not buy you in a market place, you are, I assume, a fully functioning adult so you have the right to say what authority you will respect from another person.

Doesn't sound to me like you want her to have this type of authority over you at this time, maybe never, that's up to you. If she doesn't realize that her consensual authority ends where your negotiationed ended, then she may not be the appropriate top for you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 7:13:33 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		It's too early to make such drastic measures for someone you barely know.  If after you get to know her and you "want" to give up your friends for her, do it.  But I personally think it's unreasonable for her to even suggest you do that. 

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 7:21:31 PM   
deepdesires22


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		i really appreciate all the advice. Thank You E/everyone.
i suppose the reason i'm delayed is because she said that her being my mistress means that she makes decisions that she feels is in my best interest and that its for my own good and because i cant/wont accept Her decision is the problem and trusting her reasons.

its not that i wouldnt eventually be willing to give those kinds of decisions up once the trust was built that She truly Does have my best interests in mind.  But again its the whole acceptance thing and im wondering if im just being stubborn or if im justified in wanting to decide whom im friends with as long as they arent trying to get me to do illegal things and such.



(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 7:59:42 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deepdesires22

i really appreciate all the advice. Thank You E/everyone.
i suppose the reason i'm delayed is because she said that her being my mistress means that she makes decisions that she feels is in my best interest and that its for my own good and because i cant/wont accept Her decision is the problem and trusting her reasons.

its not that i wouldnt eventually be willing to give those kinds of decisions up once the trust was built that She truly Does have my best interests in mind. But again its the whole acceptance thing and im wondering if im just being stubborn or if im justified in wanting to decide whom im friends with as long as they arent trying to get me to do illegal things and such.





Let me try to make this clearer.

She has zero authority unless you give it to her.

It really is that simple.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 8:11:57 PM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		Wow.

My hat is off to all the posters that responded to this thread.  I bet y'all can read James Joyce, too.  I couldn't make heads nor tails out of that post to save my damn life.

--M

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 9:45:43 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		One of the clearest signs of abuse is actually trying to get you to distance yourself from family or friends, so I am always wary of people who would want that.  It is especially bizarre, since you have hardly established any real-time relationship.  I am also curious as to what made anyone think that two people might be one.  I know people are strange, but I simply cannot figure out why someone would pretend to be 2 people vying for your attention and friendship.  It seems that all the behaviour is a bit odd. Proceed with caution on all counts.

(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Really needing advice - 11/7/2006 10:08:25 PM   
deepdesires22


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		i did appologize for the confusion in the post Ms Morrigel.  However it was the only way to adiquately explain the situation and still maintain respect for Everyone involved.  *sheepish grin*

Well see this is how it happened.  L1 and L2 went to middle school together.  L1 moved to Florida, and they sorta maintained contact but not a lot just the vague once and a while stuff.  Well years later, i met L1 through my hubby, and then a few months later, met L2 on collarme.  Now the funny part is that neither woman know the other is into D/s or a Top.  Well i got L2's picture during an email.  i didnt think anything of it, until i saw the same picture on L1's computer.  i was in such shock i blurted out that i knew her from collarme.  Since they knew each other, made for a very interesting phonecall LOL    Well because MsH had been talking to L2 online, and because i told her about L1 and the picture, and the coincidences, i guess the thought crossed our heads that it might be a joke and the same person.  i mean i did consider it.  But as i mentioned i was getting ready for a trip so i didnt put much though into it.  i guess MsH thought the coincidences were too many in such a short period of time.  Well that and some other details but i wont go into those.  i'm a firm believer in the supernatural and people being pulled together for various reasons. 


(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Really needing advice - 11/8/2006 11:15:39 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		OWW my head!!!

Hon My Master has never told me to get rid of friends, He has told me I may not talk to a few of them unless given permition by him only because they had hurt me and they really where causeing more harm thing good, but i was still aloud to talk to them with his permition. He did so not to show me he had athority and I should trust his desitions becuase he knows I do, he knew so when he collard me. But we are collard he OWNS me it is so different then with you you met her 3 times she has no right to tell you who to talk to and she shouldnt be asking you to do such things. You arent hers yet and i really think she is playing games or is on a power trip. You prolly should think about getting involved with her further in my opinion anyway.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Really needing advice - 11/8/2006 12:45:31 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Gotta love the drama.
I might be inclined to not speak with any of them for a bit.But that is from a Domme point of view.

It sounds like They are fighting over you which can be very cool....
But comes with a lot of heated discussions.
Just not worth it sometimes... IMO

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to deepdesires22)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Really needing advice - 11/8/2006 1:03:23 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

thetammyjo:  Jess:

3 meetings and you are wondering if she should have the right to say "get rid of your friends"?

Frankly, I personally do not think I should take that right with my slaves even after 7 years. They are adults and they must be capable of making positive adults decisions. If they can't do that, then what the heck am I doing with them in the first place.  [snipped, but what was snipped is equally relevant and clear]


Exactly.  I have never ordered anyone bound to Me (as property or as a submissive) to cut out a friend from her life.  I have very rarely and with a great deal of forethought suggested that certain people in her life are toxic, or do not appear to have her best interests at heart.  Any flavor of "top" who plays the "I will decide who your friends/family/communicants are" is questionable; to do so after negligible contact early in a relationship sets off the alarm bells.

I'm not real big on L1 or L2 either.  Seems sort of stuck in Jr. High, to me.

And on another front:  Morrigel:

yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

--Ulysses, James Joyce.   Last paragraph.

Come on, hon.  It doesn't get sexier.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Really needing advice - 11/8/2006 2:01:48 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The James Joyce part I got..........the rest, not so much so.........

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Really needing advice - 11/9/2006 6:02:29 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		well no wonder there is a short supply of dominant women... they're all talking to jess

All kidding aside... If I'm reading this correctly, you have contact/communication going on with 3 dominant women. You did say that you had met with MsH & you indicated that this may be a potential relationship. I assume since you didn't say you were dating the L's that these were only friendships... Am I following this correctly so far?

You indicate that the L's may be the same person to MsH & then you are gone for a period of time... L1 picks you up & tells you that you have a mess to clean up.

I find it odd that 3 identified dominant ladies have a mess & that they can't clean it up on their own.

If MsH was concerned that the L's were one & the same then the best way to do so would be a face to face meeting with the both of them or a 3-way call... at any rate, bickering & empty threats were tossed about online & this resolved nothing.

Skip forward:

You resolve this in your mind that indeed the L's are two different people. You obviously have a pretty good friendship with L1 since she picked you up at the airport & you've been to her home (assumed: you saw a photo on her computer)

Have you met L2 or is it just an online friendship?

You tell MsH that you know that the L's are two different people yet she insists you break off further friendship & communication because SHE thinks it is in your best interest... this is over-stepping the lines a bit & quite honestly, this counts as a bad mark toward her.

So here we are... 3 dominant ladies that can't get along & seem to get a kick out of jerking your chains since they each threaten to break it off with you based over confusion that could have been easily resolved over coffee or a phone call.

Seems as though there is enough going on here to question each.

It seems that you have a fairly established friendship with L1 at this point. Her knowing L2 since way back when really doesn't support who L2 is today & that is something you both will have to discover now & in the present. You have 3 meetings with MsH & she is already taking control of who you can be friends with... not good.

I agree with what another suggested on here in that you need to take a step back & evaluate just what each of these people mean in your life & then ask them right out... but not in any type of sub mode... just flat out, where do you fit in with them. I would do this with L1 first because, from your story, she seems to be the one you are most familiar with & if this is the case, you stand to lose more with her if it goes bad than any of the others. As to MsH, by your own words... you really don't have much of anything established with her & it doesn't seem to be all that serious at this point, at least in your mind, look at your words here:

quote:

However because of scedules and issues, to date i have only met with her three times.  Talked in between when possible but i hadnt even had any training accept for the basic behavior rules. 


Is there a considerable distance between you & MsH?

I'm sure you probably already know what it is that you must do here & only fielded this story/question to confirm some of your own suspicions. Good luck with this.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Really needing advice - 11/9/2006 6:13:21 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I bet you are pretty good at the game of Clue, n'est ce pas?  It's ALL about the Passion!!!!

Admiringly,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Really needing advice - 11/9/2006 6:22:34 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I excel at visual mechanics


_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 20
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