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How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 9:29:24 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		I have known my new Master for over 12 months, as an aquantaince, we have chatted online on and off during that time. He stayed away cos I had a master already. Unfortunately that master decided that I should "move on" and so I was effectively dumped. Because I have been communicating fairly regularly with his new guy he found out that I was free and we started to become more than acquaintances.
After less than a week he has asked me to be his sub, I have accepted.
Is this too soon?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 9:41:06 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Does it matter what others think?  Is a question to be answered between you and Master is my thought.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
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RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 10:00:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The fact that you have to come to a board of cyber strangers and ask means that the answer is probably yes.

But only time will tell.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
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RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 10:02:49 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I would say it might be a bit of a rebound thing, especially since he asked as soon as he knew you were released. However, it might work out just fine. I agree with LA though, the simple fact that you are here asking us does imply that you think it might be to soon. 
However, since you already agreed, its a little late to ask for the opinions now.  Youve made your decision, and unless your going to back out of it on our account, it doesnt rightly matter what anyone else thinks.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 10:48:37 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I will say the same as DV and say its rebound

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 11:12:45 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		Well I have said yes. I guess what I was really wondering was what is "normal"? LOL
I know in my own mind its not too soon for me, was just wondering what others thought.
Sam

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 11:17:59 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		Yes, I agree that it may well be a rebound thing, the need to be owned etc.
I'm afraid my question wasnt too clear, I wasnt asking so much for validation of my own decision, rather more a general question as to how quickly others have or would accept a new Master.
Sorry, I seem to have caused some confusion.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/7/2006 11:47:08 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Oh don't worry. But asking if there is a normal time limit, is something none of us can answer for you. There is no normal way. For me it all depends on how much that relationship was intertwined in my life. You will find that same thing for you. Though not giving yourself time to greive the lost of your ex-Master (is that the right terminology?) will require that your new one understands that you will need time for greiving. i wish you two the very best.

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
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RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 3:36:54 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Too soon in my opinion. I've never agreed with the idea of immediately starting a new relationship on the tails of a relationship that just ended...whether it be BDSM or vanilla.

Edited to add...just my opinion......good luck

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 11/8/2006 3:37:40 AM >

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 6:20:55 AM   
dommalemn


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		Just a few words on the subject. In a vanilla relationship the studies say that it takes 1 year for every 4 years that the couple was together. However  that is in a relationship that doesn't go as deep into the bonding of most D/s relationships. But that is not the set rule. People and relationships are different. Some people plan to leave and run it over in their head long before it happens. Some are taken by surprise. There are way to many variables to tell anyone an exact time that they need to grieve a lost relationship. 

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 7:05:49 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		You have to do what feels right to you.  You have known him over a year - is that too soon?  FYI, I have belonged to my Master for over two years now.  He introduced himself to me online just 4 days after I left my last "Dom." Two months later we met in person and he took ownership of me. 

An old friend of mine went from one Master to another in a matter of weeks.  She's been his wife for 5 years now.

Sometimes it works just fine.  Sometimes it doesn't.  I think it depends on the reasons you're going into it, and what you both want out of it.  Best wishes to you.

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 8:25:51 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		To me i don't think it it too soon,  It is not like you just met him and agreed to be his you have known him for a while.  If you are happy is all that matters.  I wish you both the best.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 9:13:02 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		For me personally it would be too soon. I went searching a few months after I left my former Master and quickly found out I was not ready at all. Each person based on their personality and circumstance is different in terms of when is the right time. Obviously strangers cannot tell you if it is too soon but maybe give you and others some sample data of what goes on with others. It appears from this sample that most would not be ready like you but that does not make your thoughts wrong just because of that.

My question though is have you met in real life and if so how much? The way you worded the intial post it sounds like you were online friends and not been real life together. Is that true?


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 1:11:20 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

My question though is have you met in real life and if so how much? The way you worded the intial post it sounds like you were online friends and not been real life together. Is that true?



Yes, thats right, we have been online friends online for a little over a year. He was ready to come visit me, but because I already had a master I had told him not to. Now there is nothing to stop us meeting we hope to do so within the next few weeks or so leading up to Christmas.
That will be the true test, when we meet face to face.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 1:17:05 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Though not giving yourself time to greive the lost of your ex-Master (is that the right terminology?) will require that your new one understands that you will need time for greiving. i wish you two the very best.


I guess thats where I a extremely lucky, my new Master has been there for me through the ups and downs with my previous master. He knew/knows all about him and the relationship we had, so has been understanding.
Thanks for the good wishes.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 2:08:17 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

I have known my new Master for over 12 months, as an aquantaince, we have chatted online on and off during that time. He stayed away cos I had a master already. Unfortunately that master decided that I should "move on" and so I was effectively dumped. Because I have been communicating fairly regularly with his new guy he found out that I was free and we started to become more than acquaintances.
After less than a week he has asked me to be his sub, I have accepted.
Is this too soon?


Ok..your old master decided  you should "move on"..was that because he knew about this "new" master that you have been communicating with for the last year?

I am just curious because if in fact this is so...it sounds as if you were perhaps more than just acquaintances before you took his collar.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 2:38:41 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

I have known my new Master for over 12 months, as an aquantaince, we have chatted online on and off during that time. He stayed away cos I had a master already. Unfortunately that master decided that I should "move on" and so I was effectively dumped. Because I have been communicating fairly regularly with his new guy he found out that I was free and we started to become more than acquaintances.
After less than a week he has asked me to be his sub, I have accepted.
Is this too soon?


Ok..your old master decided  you should "move on"..was that because he knew about this "new" master that you have been communicating with for the last year?

I am just curious because if in fact this is so...it sounds as if you were perhaps more than just acquaintances before you took his collar.


He knew that someone else was interested in me, I told him who when etc etc I was always 100% when dealing with my master. He ordered me not to communicate in a sexual way with him, so I did not. I did however still chat with the new master as a friend, the old master knew this and was okay with it.
The old master was supposed to be coming out to be with me, he was supposed to be doing this for the past 15 months. He had a hell of a time getting a passport, eventually his state denied him his passport based on the grounds he owed a huge amount of child support back pay. It was then that he told me to move on, as he couldnt pay the debt he owed (well not for some time) and despite my telling him that I was willing to wait for him for however long it would take, he still told me to move on, believing it may be years etc He felt he was "doing the right thing" by me by releasing me. After (and only after) I realised that he wasnt wanting me any longer did I alter the communication type with my new master.
For the record I never cheated on my master, he did however cheat on me :-(

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 2:46:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I would ask you to explain to me why you chose to become a slave to a master to someone you've never met offline after being wrapped up in a relationship that went bad with someone you'd also never met offline?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 2:59:39 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

my telling him that I was willing to wait for him for however long it would take,


What?  Are these relationships on-line only?  If so, does it really matter what you do?  This sounds like fantasy play to me.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How soon is too soon? - 11/8/2006 3:11:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
What?  Are these relationships on-line only?  If so, does it really matter what you do?  This sounds like fantasy play to me.

I don't think it's fantasy play, I think these feelings and senses of commitment are very real to her.

However, the responsibility that people have to put forth with an online only commitment is extremely different from the responsibility that comes with an long distance and a daily offline relationship.

It's real based on what she knows.  But I think she doesn't know what she could really have and what that will demand of her.  That's not a bad thing in itself, but she needs to be making these choices for the reasons of security and happiness, not out of fear and lack of options.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 20
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