Welcome to our bunny hutch

Learn how to talk "Southern" right here, uh . . . ra'chere.

1. DIRECTLY:
(pronounced drect-ly) Soon, as in "directly we'll go an get us a bite to eat."
2. IF'N:
(pronounced if-n) "We can go an get a bite to eat if'n you want to."
3. WHITE ON RICE:
Close, as in "He stuck to that pretty girl like white on rice."
4. SAM HILL:
Bewilderment, as in "What in the Sam Hill are you doin'?"
5. NARY:
Not, as in "Nary one of them showed up at church Sunday."
6. RECKON:
Wonder, as in "Reckon why none of them showed up at church Sunday?"
7. HIT:
It, as in "Hit's a gonna rain today."
8. FIXIN' or A'FIXIN':
Going to, as in "I'm a'fixin' to go get me a bite to eat."
9. BIG TALKER: "That Billy Ray is windier than a bag of assholes."
10. ABOUT TO: "Now, just hang on. I'm fixin' to take care of it."
11. CUSS: "Uh huh, she went and blessed me out!"
12. BAD CLOUD: Yankee Americans say a thunderstorm blew in, but in the South we say--"It come up a bad cloud."
13. FROG STRANGLER: A lot of rain. "That was a sure nuff frog strangler."
14. GO ON: A little extra something we put into sentences to get people moving. "You just go on up there and give it your best shot."
15. HARD RAIN: It's rainin' like a cow pee'n on a flat rock!
16. EXTREMELY SLICK: That sidewalk is slicker than snot on a doorknob.
17. PUT NYE [pretty near]: We put nye there, Ma?
18. He looked awful -- like he was rode hard and put away wet.
19. My dog's dumber than a box full of owl poop.
20. The fool's so lost he don't know if he's afoot or on horseback.
21. That thang's 'bout as useful as teats on a boar.
22. She's so dumb her elevator don't go to the top floor.
23. I'm hungry enough to eat the south end of a north bound skunk.
24. Jim's so confused he can't tell his butt from 3rd base.
25. Ol' Rabbit's so mixed up he don't know daylight from dark.
26. William's so dumb he ain't got both oars in the water.
27. My mama's meaner than a junkyard dog.
28. She's also madder than a wet hen.
29. "Some days you win, some days you lose, some days it rains!" - Crash Davis [from the movie BULL DURHAM]
30. YONT: "Do yont that last piece of pecan pie or not?"
31. To describe somebody who's really, really short: "He's 'bout knee high to a grasshopper."
32. about as big as a bar of soap after a day's washing.
33. lost as a goose in a snowstorm.
34. about as useful as gooseshit on a pumphandle.
35. can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
36. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.

More great
SOUTHERN SPEAK:

RAISE SAND--Marvelous couple of words which, when combined, mean the person being discussed has just generally thrown or will throw a hissy fit. "If you not in church ever time the doors open, yo mama gon raise sand, and you can pretty well bank on it."

NEAR 'BOUT--This is a most popular southern expression which means "almost," as in "Jimbo near 'bout broke his neck when he bailed outta the bed of that pickup."

Peter Rabbit McGarrh, circa 1978: "And if that ain't true, grits ain't groceries, eggs ain't poultry, and Mona Lisa was a man."

"Don't forget AN'NEM." Right. We must include that southern vocabulary staple--as in: "Don't worry about Mama an'nem. We gon take care of her and all her lady friends."

candystripper