Competiveness amongst subs

Competiveness amongst subs (Full Version)

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[Poll]

girls are more competitive than boys

38% (10)

boys are more competitive than girls

19% (5)

neither is more competitive than the other

42% (11)

Total Votes : 26

(last vote on : 11/9/2006 9:50:17 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

darchChylde -> Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 8:32:41 PM)
Ok, here's the situation; until recently, i never really spent much time around other subs and i am now in a poly family. We have a male Dom (who i treat with respect, but am not submissive towards), his wife who is a switch (sub to Him and Domme to us subs), there are the two sub-girls who both were there before me and are His/Hers/or Theirs to various degrees depending on the particular dynamics of their relationships, and then there's me... i am of course a subbie-boy and i find that i have been unofficially placed in the role of alpha-sub and everyone seems to come to me, including the Dominants (even if it's as nothing more than a sounding board) ok, now to the question... like i said, i've never really spent much time around other subs, and now i'm around a number of female subs... i have noticed that the girl-subs are very competitive with one another, and Ma'am is also quite competitive with subs outside of our family (particularly with subs under her previous Master, who She's very protective of) i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub?

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 8:37:37 PM)
Well, from personal experience, Angel can be VERY competitive with other male subs. He defers to female subs, becasue he beieves he is lower than any female, even if they are submissive. However, I do know that he believes that he could best any male who was trying to compete with him for my attentions. He remindes me... often. DV

darchChylde -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 8:43:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Well, from personal experience, Angel can be VERY competitive with other male subs. He defers to female subs, becasue he beieves he is lower than any female, even if they are submissive. However, I do know that he believes that he could best any male who was trying to compete with him for my attentions. He remindes me... often. DV thank you DiurnalVampire (i always think of Blade when i see your nick, but you are much more attractive than Wesley Snipes) i would appreciate that others also bring in their unique observations Need more input. Johnny 5 from Short Circuit

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 10:18:32 PM)
Sir is poly and i tend to be monogomous. Yes i have some competiviness but don't really feel all that threatened at this point. I don't like the idea of playing with others but that is not my decision. My decision is whether i wish to remain in a relationship where there will always be interest on his part in other subs. I don't think i have it in me to be particularly mean to another sub but then i guess will only know that when the right one comes along to awaken those feelings.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 10:22:45 PM)
I am VERY competitive and I get VERY jelouse. I am to be the only one period. So maybe I am not the right person to ask lol.

justheather -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 10:23:50 PM)
Maybe you just happen to be involved with a group of highly-competitive people. Some people tend to be competitive in and out of their love relationships. I don't enjoy a spirit of competition at home. I much prefer cooperation. I don't think that competing for the attention of another in a triad* is something that ultimately benefits the relationship. Some people might act out their feelings of insecurity in the relationship indirectly, by being competitive about other things. I don't think it has to do with male vs female but rather personal inclination, maybe in some cases even a little bit of emotional maturity or lack thereof as well. But, each relationship dynamic is different. If all the people in the relationship enjoy it and thrive under those circumstances, let the games begin! * or other configuration

slavejali -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 10:40:15 PM)
I don't have a competitive bone in my body in regards to relationships - if I felt a situation arising where I have to compete - I would withdraw. I think it may have something to do with pride..perhaps, maybe, I don't really know..something inside me says I'm beyond competing, it seems inane and childish and cough "below me".

Vendaval -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 10:55:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub? The economic principles of suppy and demand apply in this situation. Men and women express competitiveness in different manners. Men are usually more direct and prone to physical agressiveness. Women are usually more subtle and likely to use emotional tactics. YMMV, Vendaval

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 11:07:29 PM)
I think its all about personality and how someone was raised, honestly. If someone was raised in a household where competition was the way of life, be it with multiple siblings or a group of friends who made everything into a competition, then you are more likely to carry that into your romantic or home life. I dont necessarily think competitiveness and jealousy are one in the same. Angel isnt jealous, hes more than happy to share my attention if I choose to do so. He does, however, not see other males as a threat to his position. His competitive nature does lead him to want to outdo anyone else who is trying to get my attention. This is not necessarily only in romantic situations, eithe, since I have no other romantic interests aside from him. This is in general,even among his vanila friends. DV

juliaoceania -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/8/2006 11:09:13 PM)
fast reply This is why I would not make a good submissive in a poly household unless I was the alpha of the group and the other subs looked up to me for guidance. If someone challenged my place I would either leave the situation as not worth dealing with, or they would be gone very quickly. I play second fiddle to no one though... period end of story. I would rather be alone then deal with catty vindictive or competitive people in my zone.. life is hard enough without that drama in it. I do not like drama and avoid it.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/9/2006 3:51:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub? I have found that competitiveness varies widely by individual among male submissives. Currently, I am seeking only one sub, but have owned multiple subs at the same time in the past. Some of them didn't seem to mind at all and accepted it as My choice and their fate. In a way, I think it turned some of them on to be in this situation. Others expressed that they would have preferred to be the only sub, but were basically okay with there being others. One willingly entered a multiple sub situation but didn't like it at all and clearly said so, yet chose to remain in the relationship for over a year. This one was very competitive and would have been a real trouble-make if I had not kept him in line constantly. Fortunately for him, he had compensating qualties that made him with the effort, or I would have gotten rid of him much sooner. I met another Domme who owned him after I did and found out that he felt very competitive with her female sub and tried to stir up trouble with her also. With the very last sub I owned, he was the only one and stated that he would have taken a hike if any other subs were brought in. So I would say I have experienced the whole spectrum. Lady Topaz

farmbound1 -> RE: Competiveness amongst subs (11/9/2006 9:57:00 PM)
i'm not really competitive, don't need to be the only slave or sub, but one thing i don't want to do is to be an alpha sub. if there are other subs in the household, i prefer to be at the bottom of the heap (so to speak). i don't care if the subs are male or female or both, the same with the dominant. I feel submission is submission whether to a man or a woman. whatever the Master says, goes.

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