Forgive me Father for I have sinned (Full Version)

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Gauge -> Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:03:33 PM)

Forgive me father, it has been 40 years since my last confession... actually, I have never confessed and believe me, the police tried everything. I have strayed away from Collarme. I have spent my time with other websites out of wedlock. I have found that I am taking Collarme's name in vein and let me tell you something... injecting that shit hurts! Oh... sorry Father, at least I didn't say God Damn. Goddammit... I said it again! And again! Jesus... what the fuck is wrong with me?

You see Father what a poor and wretched soul that I am? Am I ever to be forgiven or am I lost forever? Can I return to the fold of Collarme and be embraced as the prodigal son or shall I be cast out and remain exiled for all eternity, fated to live my remaining days as a hideous outcast?

Father?

Ohhhh Faaaaatherrrr?

Um... Hello?

Are you fucking snoring?

Christ, if you want anything done around here, you have to do it yourself.

So... you decide...

What shall my penance be?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:05:22 PM)

Say fifteen Hail Benjis and call us in the morning.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:10:22 PM)

Well, I dont now about that prodigal son stuff, but I think we have an opening for a sacrificial lamb somewhere.  Let me find that application.
Say your Hail Benji's, light a leather scented Candle and wait for a sign (or a List from LA enumerating all the other penance threads ever created on CM forums)

DV



Gauge -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:16:32 PM)

quote:

Well, I dont now about that prodigal son stuff, but I think we have an opening for a sacrificial lamb somewhere.  Let me find that application.


Hold the phone here. Sacrificial what? Does this mean I get laid on an altar? Kinky!

No... seriously... I am OK with the sacrificial part if there is no killing. I have never tried dying before and I am fairly sure that I won't like it. Perhaps we could just skip the sacrifice and I'll just get laid?



RazorJAK -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:25:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
No... seriously... I am OK with the sacrificial part if there is no killing. I have never tried dying before and I am fairly sure that I won't like it.


Meh,  it's overrated.  When I died,  I didn't get any white light.  No cherished loved ones who'd passed beyond.  Nothing. 

All I got was a nurse who gave me her phone number because I was flirting with her in korean after they brought me back but I was still unconscious.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:26:05 PM)

Have you said your hail benjis?
Hail Benji, full of piss
Harried be thy name
Thy will be done
Thy's flys undone
On the forums as it is in PMs

Amen



LadySeraphina -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:44:53 PM)

Nicely done, DV! Can we hide this thread from Saint Benji before he gets any more swelled a head? Pretty soon his halo won't fit.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:46:29 PM)

Here I thought we were waiting for him to come down and give his Saintly pardon
If we believe this, does that make us Benjites?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:51:58 PM)

I think it might - or is it 'Benjiites' (pronounced like 'Shiite')?? I suppose Saint Benji will just have to declare what followers of the Church of Benji are called.

Have we created a monster?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:54:03 PM)

I dunno, Benji was pretty much a monster well before this thread started. 
I can just imagine the religious rules this one might have...



Level -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/8/2006 11:57:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

Well, I dont now about that prodigal son stuff, but I think we have an opening for a sacrificial lamb somewhere.  Let me find that application.


Hold the phone here. Sacrificial what? Does this mean I get laid on an altar? Kinky!

No... seriously... I am OK with the sacrificial part if there is no killing. I have never tried dying before and I am fairly sure that I won't like it. Perhaps we could just skip the sacrifice and I'll just get laid?


Maybe a banana sacrifice would do?

[sm=banana.gif]

Welcome back, Gauge. [:D]



LadySeraphina -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 12:01:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I dunno, Benji was pretty much a monster well before this thread started.
I can just imagine the religious rules this one might have...



Commandments:
1) Thou shalt not scold Saint Benji for doing His business anywhere He pleaseth.
2) Thou shalt practice sarcasm and irreverence wherever thou shalt have the opportunity.
3) Thou shalt ____ (fill-in-the-blanks)


Okay, I'm off to bed - good night all!



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 12:27:32 AM)

I'm here if you need more bad advice...  And don't ask
quote:

What shall my penance be?
after I just read about whether mistresses enjoy menstrual servitude. [8D]
*Laughing*     M



BitaTruble -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 12:56:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge



What shall my penance be?


40 lashes

::bends over::

[;)]

Celeste



Aileen68 -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 3:56:08 AM)

You must suffer for your indiscretions (this is the Catholic Chuch, remember).
Every post you make from now on must contain or reference the BANANA.
[sm=banana.gif]
Welcome back.

Edited to add...I think the Mods should change your title from deranged to Banana Man. 



spankmepink11 -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 4:03:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

You must suffer for your indiscretions (this is the Catholic Chuch, remember).
Every post you make from now on must contain or reference the BANANA.
[sm=banana.gif]
Welcome back.

Edited to add...I think the Mods should change your title from deranged to Banana Man. 



Thats got my vote.....Welcome back Gauge



KatyLied -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 5:05:58 AM)

quote:


What shall my penance be?


Regale us with tales of couple dysfunction from the other site.



Aileen68 -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 6:54:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


What shall my penance be?


Regale us with tales of couple dysfunction from the other site.



Yeah, we want the scoop on all of the happiness spilling forth from over there.



candystripper -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 7:27:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Forgive me father, it has been 40 years since my last confession... actually, I have never confessed and believe me, the police tried everything. I have strayed away from Collarme. I have spent my time with other websites out of wedlock. I have found that I am taking Collarme's name in vein and let me tell you something... injecting that shit hurts! Oh... sorry Father, at least I didn't say God Damn. Goddammit... I said it again! And again! Jesus... what the fuck is wrong with me?

You see Father what a poor and wretched soul that I am? Am I ever to be forgiven or am I lost forever? Can I return to the fold of Collarme and be embraced as the prodigal son or shall I be cast out and remain exiled for all eternity, fated to live my remaining days as a hideous outcast?

Father?

Ohhhh Faaaaatherrrr?

Um... Hello?

Are you fucking snoring?

Christ, if you want anything done around here, you have to do it yourself.

So... you decide...

What shall my penance be?


Firstly, i think You messed up the Act of Contrition.
 
http://www.catholicsupply.com/exisiting/practof.html
 
Second, i think You'd be welcome anywhere.
 
However, i have seem You claim to be Gawd.  This violates various Commandments (though i have not engraved Your image anywhere....but then i guess that'd be my sin.)
 
http://www.10commandments.net
 
So, without knowing more, i'll just assume You have violated all the  Comandments repeatedly, and here's Your punishment"
 
You must come up with a humorous thread Op which s'how prevents P/posters from calling on Benji for help.  They must struggle through, unaided.
 
candystripper
 
 
 



eroticangel -> RE: Forgive me Father for I have sinned (11/9/2006 7:49:22 AM)

welcome back Gauge...it's very good to see you!



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