RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully

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windchymes -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 6:09:24 AM)
Most things that sound too good to be true usually are. He's a widower (awwwwww), business owner (status symbol, he's powerful), home owner (I'll bet he's told you it's a fabulous home), owns his own plane (more status) that he'll be flying himself (Oooh, how exciting). I wouldn't believe the plane story until I see it land. And what a convenient way of staying yet more anonymous...avoiding making airline reservations commercially...that would leave a huge paper trail that could be traced....by the wife. I would never meet, consider meeting, or even continue getting to know anyone who won't exchange as much information with you as they have requested FROM you. If a man is reaching a comfort level where he's talking about flying to meet you in person, then he should be willing to share his name and address and phone number. You say you haven't seen a photo of him yet. I'd be willing to bet that his physical description of himself is nothing short of "tall, dark, and handsome". Most men who consider themselves extraordinarily good-looking are usually more than willing to share photos of themselves. Lots of them. Stay cautious!!!! There's a really good chance that this guy is just a HNG (Horny Net Guy) having a little adventure, hoping to have his friend fly him down to you so he can get laid. Make it clear to him that, when he comes down, you're ONLY meeting for coffee and/or dinner. Tell him there will absolutely be no sex until you've met at least a couple of times. Then see what happens. I won't be surprised if the plane has mechanical problems, or some unexpected business meeting has him "cancelling" at the last minute. See, the problem here is, you shouldn't HAVE to "respectfully ask for identification"! He should be respectful of YOU and your safety concerns, and be trying to reassure you that he is trustworthy and on the up-and-up! I have met quite a few guys from online, and they have been great about giving me information that I COULD check out, and I felt comfortable about them before we actually met. My ressurance was the fact that they WERE willing to share! Your guy feels the need to keep his own comfort level where it is, while yours is at a level WAY below! Doesn't seem right, does it???

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 7:25:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 You don't need to exchange any info because you aren't going to be meeting. If you do meet for coffee, all you need to do is say you'll wear a red shirt and have him say he'll wear a blue one or some such. However if all he will give you is a cell phone number, then that's all you should give him. If you're using a cam, then he should also. Until such time as you know him well enough to accept him as your dom, then he has no right to demand things he won't do. Ditto. I only have a cell line and it's going to be a more common occurrence in the coming years. But I agree, being able to call at random hours is a good sign. However, when I meet someone, I pick a place I'm already going to be, usually a social event, and say "I'll be at the door at 9" If they don't show, I still have a good time. No one needs to worry about proving anything- if they are at the meeting, they prove what they need to prove. Granted, I rarely make cyber connections with long distance people anymore and they tend to carry more pressure on them to meet privately and have a romantic getaway weekend together.

juliaoceania -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 9:07:34 AM)
quote: not haveing a landline at home isnt always an issue ,,,,, I dont have one ... both my phone and my internet conection are both mobile (cellular) conections but I would be surprised at a business (that generates enough income to buy your own plane ) doesnt have them ... He might believe he is at risk in giving out such ... afterall its much harder to change business numbers if things go pearshaped ..... but it seems not so great if he expects to get more things from you than he gives .... Or my thought is that he may be married... but that is just my suspicion because I am suspicious about men that demand things from me but will not prove who they are...

LadyHugs -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 9:18:46 AM)
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen; I have been reading the postings following my post, to which have been interesting indeed. I don't have a web cam in my home, nor do I expect anybody else to. Besides--I don't want to always get dressed to sit at the computer and socialize with all you sweethearts. If I came on without make up, I might crack the web cam and monitor. [Giggles/teasing/humor] I do agree though, with taking down license plate number and other things and seal them in an envelope should something happen. I got to thinking about those common names, such as Jones, Johnson, Smiths and the like. I would be concerned that even if I got the name, it might not be the name that I run through a police officer or other searches. Now, IF it was a unique name--like mine, Lady Hugs well--then you might get a 'hit' or something.... Safe calls are good, and make sure there is a code message that sounds like a normal conversation but, the check in person knows that you're ok or not. Having somebody watch from a safe distance is a good idea. But, what bothers me the most about pattiann's particular case; is that there isn't a land-line phone line. It isn't like he cannot afford it and hard to trace without a subpeona or court order, if it is unlisted. But, I do agree, many people have forsaken their land-line phones, due to service and rates. My father was thinking about it at one point. With people just meeting at a munch or a neutral place, identity is not as critical as you're not alone. If there are scene people that no this person, then that is a help. Respectfully submitted with a bit of humor, Lady Hugs

BDSM05478 -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 11:05:44 AM)
been there done that, except mine had an accent (fake) spoke galice (like i would know what that sounds like!!) was in the Navy at one time, was a single parent to like 6 kids, had a cell for cambridge Mass, but claimed to actually live on a ranch outside austin tx most of the time....... trust your gut, if your already questioning you already have the answer......... did i mention this guy had a heart condition too?? what a kwinky dink

agirl -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 12:50:47 PM)
Well, meeting isn't that momentus an occasion, nor does it mean a great deal.....and it's not that tricky to meet without qualms......(public place, coffee shop, pub etc).......but ......... You are already harbouring doubts. If you're just meeting up for a drink, there's no REAL need to have any more info than you have for keeping yourself safe. I don't ask for masses of info just to meet people for a Hello, so this is me and that is you type of thing. Personally speaking, I'd be wary if I was instructed to do ANYTHING by someone I had only known for a matter of weeks and hadn't even met. agirl

toservez -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 1:51:24 PM)
No home phone is common. I do not have one. No web cam is also quite common. Not everyone is of the communicate 99% of the time through the Internet. Now after a month and if he can afford a plane buying a web cam would not be out of line. Now he certainly should have a business email address and may or may not have a business web site. Now safety is a two way street maybe he is try to be safe by not giving that information out. Personally I would be calling him at different times and days to make sure he is free to talk to you and not with a wife. To me though it seems that both of you need to get on the same page of where you at. If he is hiding something or waiting to meet you in person before giving up vital information I do not think anything the OP wrote is a giant tip off, but the one way info sharing is off putting but I would not lump it with out more smoke of hiding something or in the safety category. If you do not have the smoking gun and still like him, why not meet him in a safe and public place but do not even think about anything else until he steps up to the plate.

LaTigresse -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 2:05:30 PM)
Regardless of wether or not the guy has a landline phone, if he owns a business and property odds are you should be able to find something about him. Heck if you google my name you can find me and I am not wealthy. Ask for the tail number on his plane and what airport he is flying into. I don't remember the time frame but he will have to schedule the incoming flight. Also, if you get the tail number you can find info on him. Just from what you have said, I am going to agree with the masses here and say someone is feeding you a line of bs. I would even be surprised if said Mr Bigshot shows up. I am not a betting woman but I would bet money that something comes up once you start demanding some facts. Sounds like another HNG to me. Yes, I am a pessimist. Unfortunately too many people seem bent on keeping me that way.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 3:34:46 PM)
If you have his name and home address you can find out who is on the mortgage, if he is married( if his wife is deceased as well) or has been, aircraft ownership is a matter of public record too. There are plenty of companies out there that do background checks. Check this one out for a start: http://www.whoishe.com/

Noah -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 4:38:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie If you have his name and home address you can find out who is on the mortgage, if he is married( if his wife is deceased as well) or has been, aircraft ownership is a matter of public record too. There are plenty of companies out there that do background checks. Check this one out for a start: http://www.whoishe.com/ True enough. As agirl suggested, though, two people meeting for coffee are two people meeting for coffee. If you want to do that and he wants to make the trip, all the rest of this seems like drama-queen stuff to me. When you've seen and spoken and felt one another's vibe it will be very easy to ask for and provide how ever much information either of you wants to. It will also be easy to say to yourself: "Oops. Better luck next time" thank him graciously and excuse yourself. Several threads will offer suggestions like having a friend along which should be just as acceptable in this context as it is in any other. If the guy can't cope with meeting you and your friend or any other reasonable precaution you care to take, how much more data do you need about his ability to handle all the sorts of things which might arise if you were to get involved? But really, it seems to me that anyone who inspires in you the desire to stoop to all this police check, mortgage search, airplane number secret agent crap should be politely walked away from. I mean those are good ideas if for some reason you are compelled to meet with a guy from AxeMurderers.org, but nothing compels you here. Whereas choosing a meeting place where you know the staff, or any other precautions of the sort you might take on a normal blind date could hardly be objectionable. Yeah, part of the uneasiness you feel can be attributed to the potential for kinky stuff as opposed to pinning it all on him, let's say. And that can be hard to sort out, particularly if you aren't experienced. But that still doesn't let him off teh hook for your uneasiness because at the same time it is reasonable to hold this guy to a higher standard of "making you feel at ease (even if excited)" at the prospect of meeting. Since the role he is putting himself in line for (in some eventuality anyway) is a more powerful role than that of the typical non-kinky blind date. For a moment set aside your kink and set aside the fact that you met him online. Is there anywhere else in your life where you'd go out of your way to make the personal acquaintance of someone who inspires so much uneasiness in you? As for the No Kissing On The First Date Rule people. That sort of thing strikes me personally as immature. If I were to meet someone who announced that she had surrendered her decision making autonomy to a pre-fabricated rule I would be just as unfavorably impressed as if she had surrenderd that autonomy to her mother--or to me, for that matter. Just use your head. You're a grown up. Be sensible. Don't do things you feel you are likely to regret. And when you meet someone who gives you all the good feelings without the clammy heeby-jeebies (unlike Mr. Redflagowicz here,) follow your heart and take responsibility for your actions and choices--as well as your fulfillment and pleasure.

pattiann -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 5:34:52 PM)
Everyone has been most helpful. I would have to agree that there are several red flags, and being the pessimist that I am, I've noted them all. I do have his cell # and he has said call anytime. Now just because I get voicemail everytime I call... He has sent pictures. I'd love to be like one dom on here and be able to say, "send me a picture holding a sign with my name on it". To me that might be a little much. There is actually a picture of the plane...I wonder if I can see the tail number....hmmm You've given me things to consider, and for that .....Thanks very much.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/10/2006 5:48:06 PM)
As far as I am concerned, I give very little information about me. I don't give out phone number and never, ever address. I don't automatically have red flags thrown up if someone else is equally hesitant. What I do have a problem with, though, is when someone won't meet fairly quickly. Once the meeting occurs, I am a lot more apt to give out additional information. What concerns me is someone who has his own plane, is only 4 hours away and can't meet til after deer season. 4 hour trips are a short weekend. Someone who owns their own plane I doubt would have any problem hopping into it, jetting down Friday evening after work and hopping home Saturday morning to sit in a deer blind all weekend. Taken alone each of the issues are not necessarily a big deal. It's the whole picture that sends up a few flags. Be careful with what you tell him and protect yourself. I also sincerely hope it is all simply extreme caution and it all works out. Keep us posted :)

mystictryst -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/13/2006 6:48:53 AM)
As everyone has said, there are 'red flags', but it might also be that he is just leery of pattiann as well... We've explained the home phone and web cam... Call my cell, it's always in a different room than me (at home) and I regularily forget it at my desk at work (when I'm off working in the building). As for work, I wouldn't tell a someone where I work! My job is important to me and I don't want some weirdo wandering around looking for me... My suggestion would be to use your best judgement. If you feel sketchy or skeptical, than likely, your inner self is giving your reason. We all have to apply a certain amount of logic to any decision we make, if you get bad vibes or unsure ones, protect yourself (like the things previously suggested). Only you can be the judge as your are the only one who spoke to him! Intuition - use it. When I met my Master (8 years ago today, btw) I only knew his first name. We met via telephone dating service - there were no pictures or webcams. I made a judgement based on my conversation with him (the previous night before). He was a different than what I knew (he was dom and I knew nothing of this 'lifestyle') but he sounded sane and reasonable, so I went forward with it (and am glad everyday that I did)... I know my sister was paranoid about it - I had his first name and code name in my computer desk in case something happen (he had to pay for his account so the company would have record of it)... Just be smart and use your intuition!

toservez -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/13/2006 8:57:20 AM)
I got to be honest in re-reading some of the responses I wonder if there is not some sort of double standard based on gender. I wonder if a man wrote questioning a woman he is talking to that does not web cam or will not give out her work place or personal addresses before actually meeting the person we would see the same responses. My guess is there would be a lot of do not push and for safety reasons that is why she does not give out that information. I just know I do not give out anything like that before first meeting a person live, so I would not expect someone to give me their's as well. Also living in the Midwest, deer hunting is that big of a thing to a lot of people. If anything a man not wanting to cut it short is a sign you might be dealing with a very normal man. Good or bad...

windchymes -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/13/2006 1:18:47 PM)
I believe what's good for the goose is good for the gander. The rules apply to both, IMO. One party should not be doing all the giving while the other holds out, I believe both should progress towards each other at an equal, or darn close to equal, pace. If one party DEMANDS information from the other, but is not willing to share equally, then I see that as a problem. I'm not saying that if one party spews out information, the other has to comply. I'm saying that one should be willing to give as much information as IS EXPECTED FROM the other person. And if they are not comfortable giving out information, they have no right to demand information.

ChaOz -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/14/2006 8:33:09 PM)
if you feel uncomftable just be cautious. He has a business, ask for the website, ask him to email you from the official email of the business. If its his company his face/profile should be on the homepage of the business. Have a friend come with u when u meet him. He might be a psycho.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/14/2006 8:51:45 PM)
jeez, and all this because you're about to meet someone? everyday people meet someone new at work, at the store, laundry rooms, on the streets, in bars, coffee shops, etc., and they were all virtually strangers before they met; no proof of identity or anything. just because you're into kink, bdsm and/or the like, doesn't make your meeting more/less special than everyday people in everyday circumstances, unless of course, you're deciding to play with them from the get-go and virtually sight unseen... the only real information i ask for is what color of shirt will you be wearing, and i usually tell them how i'll be dressed; it's worked out just fine for years now.

carolsea -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/14/2006 9:02:53 PM)
Exactly what I was thinking! Plane but no webcam and no house phone? hmmm I'd be scratching my head mightily over this one, just as everyone else has said. quote: ORIGINAL: Mikal If you have his first and last name, do a police check on him. It might cost you a little money, but if you're nervous... it's money well spent imo. Also, who has their own plane, but no webcam (or friend with a webcam) and no landline? Why can't he go to a internet cafe and use the webcam there? I'm assuming you use MSN or something similar, so it's no threat to him if someone looks over his shoulder. If you don't have his first & last name by now, I'd RUN!!!

juliaoceania -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/15/2006 8:58:03 AM)
quote: I just know I do not give out anything like that before first meeting a person live, so I would not expect someone to give me their's as well. I never have expected information given to me, that is a gift. I will say that those who were more willing than not to share information were always on the up and up. Those unwilling to were unfailingly flaky. I will say that if someone lives close by it is a lot easier to meet at a munch, coffee shop, what have you, then if they live a considerable distance away. Like LA stated before, she only dates people close by because of the pressure to make it a romantic weekend. This subject has been rehashed a few times, but there is a double standard between the sexes, I am one of those that acknowledges this and has little trouble with it. My view is this, people should only do what feels comfortable to them, if one person's comfort level wants a license number and background check, the other person can honor that need or tell them to get bent... For me it is a happy medium...lol

Bitchonaleash -> RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully (11/15/2006 10:42:15 AM)
Totally, I just got over a relationship with my Master because he lied to me. H etold me he was 22, later i found out her was 35! Man, why do they think they have to lie to get us women?

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