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RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/15/2006 10:53:06 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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The fact He doesnt have a home phone to Me is a little fishy,but in this day of cell phones its explainable.

I didnt know you had to have a phone to be found on the internet...I know people that dont have phones and have been contacted from people from their past...so that excuse raises a flag to Me.

I'm pretty certain that a Drivers License number would give you what you need,to run a check.It may cost you some money but its worth it in the long run.

The other thing I would mention is that if your feeling somethings not right...trust that instinct.

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 41

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/16/2006 12:46:37 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I was going to read through the whole thread, but then I got lazy. So I will just answer the OP directly.
If you feel you have reason to doubt this person is who they say they are, then by all means ask for whatever proof you feel you need. If the person refuses to provide said proof, then drop him/her/it (since the proof is not provided, we can't really be sure can we?)

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(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 42

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/16/2006 6:01:49 PM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

jeez, and all this because you're about to meet someone? everyday people meet someone new at work, at the store, laundry rooms, on the streets, in bars, coffee shops, etc., and they were all virtually strangers before they met; no proof of identity or anything.

I would agree completely, but if I am going to spend weeks chatting with someone, investing time and energy, it would be nice to know that they are being honest about who and what they are.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 43

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/16/2006 6:34:05 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I think that's the whole point.....if it's been weeks and more weeks, and doesn't seem to be going anywhere, that may be your answer right there! I'm talking progessing to his feeling more comfortable with personal information. He might be the rare exception to the rule, but if he continues to feel the need to hide information, I'd hide my heart. You could still talk to him, but let him know you're talking to others, too. Then do it.

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Post #: 44

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/16/2006 6:41:48 PM

PrimitiveLogic

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline

Hunting/planes/anonimity...hmmmm. Lets fly out to my isolated hunting shack...

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Post #: 45

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/16/2006 6:43:27 PM

PrimitiveLogic

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline

double response ...withdrawn

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 46

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/20/2006 4:32:43 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

something is very wrong here to have you have a webcam and him not use his is not right. have you seen his ppciture at all. i talk to someone one time they would not give their full name after talkinmg for some time. he would change his sn often i felt ok with him but never give anything about me out this was years ago. why did he give you a pciture iof his friend? you must be careful when speaking with someone who will not give his information after talking a certain amount of time there is nothing to hide but maybe a wife or another lover . so i do wish you luck and take care

mons

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 47

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/20/2006 9:17:05 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I think there is a gender bias on safety issues. Personally, I don't get it. I think men should be just as wary as women should be when allowing yourself to get close to someone. I would not give out my DL number. I would not give out my home number. I would expect that he could call me at any reasonable hour (certainly not 4AM!) and that I could call him.

I DO think that if the guy can own a plane he probably has enough cash on hand for a webcam. I personally do not own a cam, but I choose not to have people know me until I feel I know their personality, well enough. If I did get a cam it would not be shared until I felt that kind of comfort.

And there is no way I would have had that comfort in the OPs situation. It is all too one sided.

OT but off.. I work for myself in the computer security field. I have been a victim of identity theft, and fraud in the past. People really should be more wary about the details they give away.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I got to be honest in re-reading some of the responses I wonder if there is not some sort of double standard based on gender. I wonder if a man wrote questioning a woman he is talking to that does not web cam

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Post #: 48

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/20/2006 9:52:54 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

jeez, and all this because you're about to meet someone? everyday people meet someone new at work, at the store, laundry rooms, on the streets, in bars, coffee shops, etc., and they were all virtually strangers before they met; no proof of identity or anything.

I would agree completely, but if I am going to spend weeks chatting with someone, investing time and energy, it would be nice to know that they are being honest about who and what they are.

Everyone has been projecting their own experiences on this topic which for me has made it a real interesting one to read, but to focus on the posts you have made my question would be truly this, have you discussed with him what stage you are in the emotional part and proof part? To me these are the big questions.

If you have asked for more official proof directly and he has ducked the question then bright red flag, but if he has said he is not ready or waiting to see you in person then I do not see the red flag outside of possible incompaitblity. Is he on the same emotional plane as you? Everyone goes a different speed when only cyber and phone is involved. He might not be invested in the relationship until a face to face meeting happens.

Unless you have specifically talked this issue and asked for something and not just volunteered your own and hinted around the issue and depending on how he answers the question they could be huge red flags or nothing at all.

Is this truly one sided or are you two just at completely different stages?

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(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 49

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/20/2006 12:03:34 PM

Lenis

Posts: 28
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

There should be no double standard on safety IMHO. Women can be just as crazy as men, and have some legal tools to attack any man they know. The 209a is very much turning into a way a woman (or a man though its very rarely granted for males even with outstanding evidence) to get even/harrass men with. All the men I know around me, both in and out of the lifestyle are scared that one of those will be filed on them, and to have it removed costs a ton and even if it is removed it stays on your record.

If you have hesitation, talk with them some more. Two very important aspects of this lifestyle are trust and communication, which seems to be lacking at this moment.

-Brian

< Message edited by Lenis -- 11/20/2006 12:04:46 PM >

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 50

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/21/2006 6:31:15 AM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

I don't know how to verify that he is who he says he is, ie: widowed, business and home owner, etc. I was instructed to offer my webcam whenever we chat, so I feel that any question of my identity has been answered.
*SNIP*
He says he only uses a cell phone and doesn't have a home phone and that is one reason why he can't be located on the internet.
*SNIP*

Howdy all,

It's been a while since I posted. But this one has pulled me out of the woodwork. There are way too many red flags here as others have pointed out:

1. Business Owner
2. Owns his own plane
3. Cell Phone Only
4. Call any time – but often get voice mail
5. Only YOU have a web cam

It’s not just one thing, it’s the combination of things that speak very loudly – my opinion is that this guy is a lying to you – BIG TIME. Common sense should tell you this. If a girl friend of yours came to you with this story about a guy she had just met – what would your advice to her be?

You have invested a couple of weeks and a bunch of emotional energy – and you don’t want to believe what your gut is telling you.

If you ignore your gut then you get what you have asked for – to be taken advantage of.

If you listen to your gut then you will be disappointed – but safe, and wiser.

If he "really" owns a viable business then it has a real phone number and address. Unless he has a 9 to 5 and works for someone else – then giving you the business info would be a dead giveaway.

If he “really” owns a plane, then a short weekend trip wouldn’t need to wait until after hunting season – but if has a wife or other relationship, the end of hunting season would be perfect for him to get away from his significant other without having to explain.

Which explanation sounds simpler?

A. Has a business with no landline, has no landline himself, is so busy he cant fly his private plane up to meet you until the end of hunting season?

OR

B. Won’t give you landline info because he is married/involved and can’t see you until after hunting season because he
would have to explain to his wife?

To me, choice B is the most obvious and simplest explanation.

I do have friends that don’t have land lines – this IS becoming more common.
I do have friends that own private planes.
I do have friends that own businesses.

But those that own planes and own businesses – all have land lines – go figure. And they love taking short, spur of the moment trips in the plane.

Anyway just my .02

My prediction: Married, doesn't own a plane or a real business, but has a friend that does fly small planes, is scared of his wife finding out, and basically spends his life hiding.

< Message edited by ShadowHwk -- 11/21/2006 6:34:35 AM >

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 51

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/21/2006 9:04:55 AM

LaraVictore

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/23/2006
From: http://www.laravictore.com
Status: offline

When you are asking yourself questions ( after 1 month online dating), you are being perfectly human, which is a good thing. I am not an expert in on-line dating and even found it a creepy thing to do before... 4 months ago. My first serious e-thing seems, to be My Mr. Right: he did all the things they advise us not to do in security measures: he sent me money to pay a ticket from California to Europe and much more. My house is being built already. My decisive points were
1. To disappear from his life, cut all contacts for 3 days (even the phone line was disconnected on purpose), which was an eternity to him and most importatly made him realize that he was already in love with me
2. I took advantage of those 3 days, to check :), if I was missing him too
3. I wrote my own empowering affirmations to stay focussed in my own inner thoughts. You will be surprised how cheesy phrases will tame even the most stormy inner torments fueled by unhealthy imagination and remarks by people who cares... "I trust myself", "The answer is within me" "My heart knows the truth and will guide me; it cannot fail" write down your own. In case of doubts, look into your list of past victories and thank, by the way, the one you believe in, for having them
4. I took, unexpectedly, unwritten security measures (without warning him) because they were my own: the very last day, I asked him his office phone number. No man in the world will risk his job and reputation in this; except if he is resigning the day after.
You might be dealing with a trust issue starting at home... Blame it to the fear instilled times in which most countries are leaving in now.
Your friend has his private plane. You are dealing with a very successful man. A man of this caliber has another mindset than the next Jo. Do not neglect that little detail.
I will spare you the "He is not showing on webcam because .... In reality, I do not know the important facts about you, your friend and relationship. It all can be a fake, but it can also be the unexpected and undeserved gift of the universe entering your life, ... every 5 years?
Listen only to yourself, after purifying all the pieces of wisdom you will find in all answers. In the worst case scenario, you will still love yourself unconditionally; he will leave your life and make way for 10 other doors to open. The gift of good bye is a great one, to develop.
I was told that my slave who brought me love and a great new family, was actually planning to kidnap me to make me work in bordels. I am afraid I met my soul mate on-line.
Have a support system, some one who actually knows you in real life. It is too bad if you don't have one single confident... Talk about this and let them talk together too. But remain the one who makes the final decision.
Finally, do not be afraid. If all I wrote does not work for this one, (he has no legs and forgot to mention it), use some of the above for the next one, but do get the webcam dual viewing, from now on..

_____________________________

Nothing is sexier than a praying man:
"I revealed Your character & Your very Self, & I will continue to make [You] known, that the love which You have bestowed upon Me may be in them & that I may be in them. By Master King J.C. John17,26

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 52

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/8/2006 8:43:00 AM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

Just a little update: for anyone interested. Today we were supposed to meet. That says it right there.
I was feeling pretty good about him. I was excited at the prospect. But it didn't surprise me that yesterday he postponed the trip for 10 days (sudden business complications). Is he lying? I have no idea. But I'm moving on with my search. If he is real, eventually we will meet and see what happens. I won't close the door, but I am opening others.

(in reply to LaraVictore)

Post #: 53

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/8/2006 9:00:40 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Something to consider....

Those that are active in their local lifestyle communities can and will gratefully supply references from those groups. Keep in mind that a reference from a stranger, for a stranger, isn't very worthwhile. But a reference from a recognized group provides some level of confidence regarding the veracity for the source of the reference.

Such references are able to provide basic information (ie: marriage status), confirm any expressed technical expertise and/or experience, along with a general community reputation. References are not a guarantee either, but they do serve to remove a large element of doubt about the most basic elements.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 54

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/8/2006 12:19:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
Those that are active in their local lifestyle communities can and will gratefully supply references from those groups.

Uhhh, I won't.

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(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 55

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/8/2006 12:33:30 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I will note that Michael Jackson was once identifed by his penis.

You girls save your cockshots in your inboxes, and when it's time I will prove myself.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 56

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/9/2006 8:20:48 PM

DOM68005

Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

Politely advise your prospective Dom that you practice safecall proceedures. As such, before any real life meetings occur, even in a public place, you or your safecall person will need to see a scan of his driver's license.
Your first meeting should be a very public place. I've been partial to Village Inns,

but IHOPs will do in a pinch. The one exception that I made was to meet at a BDSM group meeting which was held in a public business located amoung other businesses like a downtown or strip mall.

I've always cooperated after some dialogue has occurred.

See:
http://www.evilmonk.org/A/bamm02.cfm

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 57

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/9/2006 8:49:07 PM

wantitnow569

Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

to the OP: first of all i need to tell You that this is the reason i emailed You on the other side first...*sigh* the more i read this thread the more things started to sound more and more familiar? Have You ever had that feeling like You are pulling up on an accident that You already knew the people there? *sigh* i'm really sorry, but i am pretty sure this "man" that You've been chatting with from IL is very much a fake, phony, player, wantabee, and various other words that i'm far far too kind to list for the general public...This man "faked his death" for me... *sigh* since then he apparently managed to get his hands on some photos of himself surrounded by planes..which is frankly, what he's sent the last few women that he's played...best guess on my part is he's married...ugh...
Anyway, i emailed You the name cause i didn't want to break any rules...sorry...cut Your loses and run now...

(in reply to DOM68005)

Post #: 58

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/9/2006 10:24:49 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm a believer in trust, but sometimes experience suggests you're being had.

Consider a private investator if the obvious doesn't work out.

And don't forget a mutual HIV test.

(in reply to wantitnow569)

Post #: 59

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 12/11/2006 6:04:20 AM

LaraVictore

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/23/2006
From: http://www.laravictore.com
Status: offline

Thank you for the update, pattiann. I just logged on for it.
You are coping with this wonderfully. Good continuation, girl!

< Message edited by LaraVictore -- 12/11/2006 6:06:26 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing is sexier than a praying man:
"I revealed Your character & Your very Self, & I will continue to make [You] known, that the love which You have bestowed upon Me may be in them & that I may be in them. By Master King J.C. John17,26

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 60

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