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Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/6/2005 1:59:06 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Ok, a post from GentleLady in another thread (which I'll include in a second) made me think of something funny that happened in one of my sessions. That led to thinking about some of the bone head things subs have done or said to me. One of the best things ever said to me was a sub who wasn't as thrilled about CBT as I am, asking after I had about 20 clothespins on him if we could call in a stunt penis.

The most bone headily male thing a sub ever did to me was:
I had been in a relationship for several months with the sub. He lived two hours away and we saw each other every weekend. We often chatted via yahoo messenger. One evening, I typed out an erotic scenario I planed to enact on his vulnerable naked body that weekend. I ended the scenario with a humorous "Then we'll order a pizza." His response? WOW, that pizza sounds good. (jerk! )

Anyone else have funny stories to share?

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady
last year I was flogging a favourite submissive and he had taken considerable pain already....I had worked My way from spanking to cropping to the flogger...and he suddenly started to snore. I was caught between laughing My head off and killing him. he also enjoyed making Me laugh but paid for that one.


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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/
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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/6/2005 3:50:59 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		HAHAAH too funny....That just proves that Gentle lives up to Her name!!

since I do not as a rule
speak to commonly about
My Own posessions, I
will tell a story about a scene
I witnessed at a local
dungeon I was attending and
this is just one of many:
It was a simple thing that
happened but the way it happened
just made the croud burst
out laughing... it was a flagulation
session and the Master had been
into the whipping for about 20 mins
or so when He had whispered out
to the slave, would you like to run?
and just as He had whispered this
the poor slaves nose gave way and
snott started ozzing out of his nose
over the horse and there was no
stopping it and it dangled from his
nose to the floor and the scene had
to be stopped as the Master carefully
whiped up the gooie mess dangling
three feet from the boys nose and of course
that was the end of that spanking session
and a good laugh had by all cept the red
faced slave whom was left hanging by the
snot for a time........" Lesson " dont session
if you havent taken your alergy meds or have
a cold. It makes for a really funny scene
when your hanging over a horse!JMPO

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 2/6/2005 3:52:26 AM >

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 12:45:29 AM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		*just howls with laughter*...I should explain that I chose the name Gentle Lady to weed out the kind of submissive that does not attract Me. It has worked well over the past years. As soon as they look beyond the name and the avatar and start looking at Me the pain sluts can tell I am into pain-giving.

I had a few hilarious experiences meeting submissives through the BDSM Intorduction Agency when I was visiting Australia for 6 months. The funniest line said to Me was "when would you like me to start acting submissive?" The funniest complaint from a submissive after a session was that I had a much better time then he did ie had more orgasms. The Owner of the agency just laughed and told him that I was supposed to because it was not for his pleasure after all.

I had sent one submissive (the one who snored) into a store to check out the various strapons for Me. he mentioned to the saleslady that the cock seemed awfully small. Her immediate come-back was (again) that it was not for his pleasure but for Mine.

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 12:52:56 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady


I had sent one submissive (the one who snored) into a store to check out the various strapons for Me. he mentioned to the saleslady that the cock seemed awfully small. Her immediate come-back was (again) that it was not for his pleasure but for Mine.


OMG OMG.. LOL, I was taken by a sub to buy my first strap on. I let him pick out the attachment for it also. He got this big ole substantial 9 inch thing. The saleswoman kept trying to tell him that maybe he wanted something smaller while he insisted he knew what he was doing. I couldn't help myself.. I leaned over and said.. "Do you mean his eyes are bigger than his asshole?"


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 12:59:06 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 1:07:09 AM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Absolutely beautiful BeachMystress....how long did it take before the saleslady stopped laughing??

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 1:32:51 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
The poor thing didn't know what to say back. She smiled politely. Any salesperson at the store I usually frequent would have died laughing. While this is a branch of the same store, a name is all they shared. I ended up feeling a bit bad for making an off color remark in an adult store.. :-O I stick with my one by home now. They are used to me.. *remembers the incident when they handed me this new vibe called a Deep Space Probe. It looked like the lock ness monster.. I kept making it swim along the counter and go after my compa.. well, I'll stop there. But I had fun playing with it and did eventually buy it. :-D*




Attachment (1)

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/7/2005 1:33:58 AM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 5:22:07 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
Oh good heaven's...You are as bad as I am....the adult shop I was using in Australia watched Me come in to make purchases with 5 different submissives over the 6 months.....and on My very first visit there I asked if I could try on the strapon harness to make sure it fit because I am so small....they had to clear a closet out enough for Me to use and twice I took male submissives into the change rooms.

I keep asking them questions about the vibrators and toys that they do not know the answers to. And that does look like the Loch Ness Monster....*chuckles*


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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/7/2005 5:52:54 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		It actualy realy do, i think i would like that one for my colection for monster figurines. ;)

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/12/2005 1:21:09 PM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		One story of mine that still cracks me up was one of my first sessions with my favourite sub playmate. He was chained up to the bed in my playroom and with his one free hand was playing with my pussy. I was *obviously* enjoying it judging my the shine on his fingers. i leaned over to steady myself on the foot of the bed and just then a very loud guinness train went along the trainline right at the back of my house, making a loud grinding noise and shaking my 130 year old house down to the foundations. My sub got a little grin on his face and said "was that you, Mistress ??"

The scene had to end after that as i was shaking with laughter at the idea of one of my orgasms grinding so loudly and shaking the house. He paid for it at the next session

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/12/2005 1:52:17 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		*tears of laughter*......the really good submissives seem to know how important laughter is.....and I can see from Your story why he is still one of Your favourite playmates

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/12/2005 3:02:02 PM   
panthergoddess


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline 		Ok from a subbie point of view...

I was recently with a new Dom that I have a great friendship with online and thus we decided to meet. I'd expressed an interest in breat bondage and he'd assured me that he has the ropes for that.

I'm standing there naked and blindfolded, having seenthe ropes beforehand and I was very much loving the feel of the rope being strung under my (DDD gravity challenged) breasts. He then tries to wrap the rope over the top of them and tie it, as he did this my (floppy-full) breasts popped out of the rope. So he tried a different way and was just as unsuccessful. He tried a third time and they popped out again. By this time I was shaking with laughter and apologizing perfusely for laughing. I head him snicker as well which was good and put be back at ease. After laughing well for a couple of minutes we both regained our composure and then continued with the scene but left out the breast bondage having attributed the failure to my "untrained breasts"

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/12/2005 5:34:17 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Redb
very loud guinness train went along the trainline right at the back of my house, making a loud grinding noise and shaking my 130 year old house down to the foundations. My sub got a little grin on his face and said "was that you, Mistress ??


LOL, I've heard of cumming like a freight train; first time I've heard of special effects being associated with it....

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/12/2005 5:40:08 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panthergoddess
"untrained breasts"


*shakes finger* bad bresties, bad! Behave! *is sure that has taken care of the problem..*

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/15/2005 6:15:29 AM   
MistressLlyoness


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline 		My submissive and I were laughing about this just the other night...We were having a session one night and all was going wonderfully well. He was tied to the bed, moaning and moving in just the right way to let me know I was incredibly awesome. The moans got louder and the movements more frenzied. About this time I was thinking that I had finally gotten the hang of this CBT thang. I straddled him and leaned over to kiss him when suddenly the cat attacked my hand! She had been chewing on his elbow and play fighting with his arm. In the dark, I had not even noticed she was there. Now whenever things seem to be going even better than I thought they were, no matter where I am, I look for the cat.

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/17/2005 7:25:52 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
ROFLMAO.. My housemate is male. He and I are not sexually involved, but he is casually nude around me. (It is long time friendship, not him being rude and trying to interest me.) He was sitting on the couch one night after a shower.. starkers. The female cat jumped up on the couch next to him and laid her head on his leg. He said "Aww, look how sweet!." I look over and my thought.. man that cat is close to his dick. Before I could open my mouth and say anything.. she BIT his dick. Don't you just love cats? LMAO

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/17/2005 10:45:06 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		LOL oh my. Ever figure out why she bit him or just being a turkey?:P

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/18/2005 12:05:37 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Who knows.. cats work in mysterious ways.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/18/2005 2:44:06 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		As much as things biting penises make me cringe....unless, of course, we're talking about a Domme doing what makes Her happy...the cat bite reminds me of something that happened to me about 20 yrs ago...and still brings a tear to my eye.

i was with a vanilla girlfriend (this was prior to my discovery of bdsm), and we were at a hotel...i had the bright idea of buying some 'sexy' underwear for myself...a g string of sorts with a zipper.

While i forget, or maybe have blocked out why the zipper came down...when my girlfriend went to re-zip me, the head of my cock got pinched...there is really only one thing to say to this and that is YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW....and not in a good way...i saw colors that i never knew existed.

i had one similar experience about 6 years or so ago when i went to upsize my PA ring...when the piercer went to screw on the end of the curved barbell, she didn't pay close enough attention and pinched the crown as she was screwing the end on...that wasn't as bad, for whatever reason...but neither of these experiences can be considered a good kind of CBT!


sting

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RE: Session Funnies and Bloopers - 2/23/2005 9:12:31 AM   
webeeknky


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline 		*TEARS THE SIZE OF SILVER DOLLARS and butt melting away with laughter**...subby/hubby likes to be tied up tight...very tight...and most generally,I keep him gaggedfor this process...the cat story is just too funny...did you know that when you are sitting across a man's chest and tying his hands behind his head,you cannot see the cat swatting his erection? I just thought he was really excited and that I was da BOMB! lol...Neesa-jo

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