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Mitzie -> 39 things you should have learnt by now (11/11/2006 5:23:34 AM)
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39 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNT BY NOW
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and alaxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it veryoften. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore thanstanding in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you'venever tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life isserious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite governmentprogram. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably needthe trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed ofcheques. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other partsfeel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a beer in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness ofthe waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw awaythree weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you torecognise a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast tothe real world. 25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat. 26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why thehuman race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, thatword would be "meetings". 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mentalillness". 28. People who want to share their religious views with youalmost never want you to share yours with them. 29. You should not confuse your career with your life. 30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up anddance. 31. Never lick a steak knife. 32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear andcompelling reason why we put the clocks back. 34. You should never say anything to a woman that evenremotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual babyemerging from her at that moment. 35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting otherpeople to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless ofage, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers 37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, isnot a nice person. 38. Your friends love you anyway. 39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a loneamateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
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