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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 4:10:31 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		LMAO Aileen...
 
You two ever consider doing your own thread? People could ask Ron questions, you translate, and Staples get a lot more people in to replace their laptops and/or screens.... Good for the soul, good for the economy.

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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 4:51:32 PM   
medievalwench


Posts: 249
Joined: 10/31/2006
Status: offline 		do you really need to explain a bruised wrist? if you don't want to say what happened then maybe say you banged it or something?
i actually broke my wrist playing with Master a few years ago, the ER doc thought i was being abused despite my explaining that it was my own fault as i twisted over and fell off the bed, she gave me a leaflet about domestic abuse, i wish i'd had one on my lifestyle that i could have given her <lol>.

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 5:20:39 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

I didn't get the impression you guys were wrestling from your original post. If you were actually *fighting*, as in I'm mad at you, and you were trying to hit him or something, then there's not a whole lot of room to complain about being held down. If you were arguing, and it turned physical, and he tried to restrain you--even though you weren't being physically aggressive toward him, then you may have a problem. Hitting someone, or restraining someone, out of anger isn't okay, and being in a d/s relationship doesn't change that fact.



I have to kinda disagree here; If a *s* raised their tone in a manner that displeased their *D* and got the back of the hand..... well thats the prize for being mouthy, if rules are set you can not turn boundry issues into abuse....

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to empresschaos)
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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 5:57:24 PM   
DonDeago


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline 		CD~ No, lol, they didn't try to "save" me. I am open about my lifestyle, for the most part... I did have a couple of guys want to "kick his ass" (not guys I knew well, either) but they kinda blushed once they realized they were the kink equivalent of a hickey.

BDSM~ If a sub mouths off, and she has asked for or consented to physical punishment for something like that, then fine. BUT if a sub mouths off, and her dom simply feels that he should be able to punish her physically, that's abusive. SSC, right?

[edited to add] ooops. not my profile. this is empresschaos. I didn't realize it wasn't me that was logged in here.

< Message edited by DonDeago -- 11/11/2006 5:59:11 PM >

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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 6:07:56 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Having been in this situation...
Angel enjoys fighting me. Its part of the inability to escape that is exciting. He knows he is going to lose, he always does, even if he puts some solid effort into the fight.
He bruises, but not terribly easily.  When he id have one, his friends were a bit concerned.  They do not know what srt of relationship we have, nor do we plan on telling them.  He just said that I was teaching him some of the karate I know, and he got bruised up during the lessons. When I restrain him, I do so physicaly, and I do not plan on watching to make sure he doesnt bruise again, it would take the fun out of things. 
For a female, its a bit harder.  Domestic abuse isnt the first thought that comes up when the male is the one with the bruises.   The only way to make sure that you arent investigted for domestic violence at least a few times is to educate your friends IF they are going to be in a position to see anything. Be open with your doctor about the type or relationship you are in, also, since doctors tend to think along the same lines.  As a karate instructor, I was bruised and battered often. They always looked at my relationships, even though I told them about my karate.  Better they know what you are into, rather than risking the "involvement" they could force on you.

sorry if thats long, thought it might help
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DonDeago)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/11/2006 7:02:56 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Ron...I'm off the market for the time being.
I'm only allowed to have one evil motherfucker in my life.
 


Is that why you're no longer from Jersey?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:12:10 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Hon if your posting here then you already are worried about it.

Sorry the shrink in me speaking here but it seems as if the bruise took you a bit by suprise, maybe it isnt normaly where you expect bruises from your play. If it is bothering you on an emotional level i think you need to talk to you Master. me and Master play fight like that all the time it is part of the dynamic. I dont bruise easily but his nails are really sharp. Today Im doning a nail indent in my thumb knuckle complaments of them. Its a haserd of the beast its the way it is. But if i was bothered by it (and Im not) I would talk to him.

Now it if hurts like abnormaly maybe see a Doctor. Only becuase there are many sensative bones in the wrist and the wrist is easily damaged and can cause problems with nerves muscles and tissues and bones. Pain is the bodys way of telling you something is wrong (LOL it is kinda funny considering the M/s involved) So if your body is telling you something is wrong listen and worry about explaining it to a Doctor at a later time (there are even kink friendly Doctors and such if you are really worried about how it looks)

But honestly Hon I think you are just a little shocked about it and that is normal. We are human its how the mind works. So please talk with your Master comunication is so Importent!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:17:20 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Well we all know that Ron can be a hard mother to figure out, especially if one is new to the boards.


Aileen Im not new to these boards and i STILL havent an idea what Ron is saying Most of the time!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:25:50 AM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Ron...I'm off the market for the time being.
I'm only allowed to have one evil motherfucker in my life.
 


...well, we'll always have the admirers list.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:41:41 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
... Pain is the bodys way of telling you something is wrong ...

Magik's slave


And here all along I had thought it was her body's way of reminding her that she is Daddy's Special Little Girl.

Or one of them, anyway.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:54:22 AM   
Bluebird


Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arkansasheather

Well I was kinda fighting my Master ( I know stupid on my part) but He was holding me down, and well He was holding my wrist and it left a bruise....do you think I shouldn't worry about it? Because I'm not sure if it is or not.


Heather - I don't know your dynamic and what parameters you have established.  If you play rough with a parter who is bigger than you, you should expect to get routinely bruised - regardless of the dynamic. However, the two of you need to clearly outline what is play, what is punishment, and what constitutes unacceptable abusive aggression.  And you each need to have some signal in case one inadvertantly is hurting the other (e.g. you kneel on his left nut while getting out of bed) - a standard "OW" doesn't mean as much in this lifestyle!

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Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

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RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 3:37:22 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Ron...I'm off the market for the time being.
I'm only allowed to have one evil motherfucker in my life.
 


Is that why you're no longer from Jersey?

Nah.  I'm still in NJ.  I changed it when I didn't want to get associated with another Jerseyian who was quite vocal on the "Did you vote" thread.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 6:16:46 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Ron...I'm off the market for the time being.
I'm only allowed to have one evil motherfucker in my life.
 


Is that why you're no longer from Jersey?

Nah.  I'm still in NJ.  I changed it when I didn't want to get associated with another Jerseyian who was quite vocal on the "Did you vote" thread.



Shit, I missed that thread.  Do I need to start packing?

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 6:29:52 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Ron...I'm off the market for the time being.
I'm only allowed to have one evil motherfucker in my life.
 


Is that why you're no longer from Jersey?

Nah.  I'm still in NJ.  I changed it when I didn't want to get associated with another Jerseyian who was quite vocal on the "Did you vote" thread.



Shit, I missed that thread.  Do I need to start packing?

It's a train wreck if you can get through the whole thing.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_670935/tm.htm

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 7:22:42 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		WOW.    I don't normally have a second cup of coffee, but today I am. I read the whole thread.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 7:34:11 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		i dont actually ever remember having bruises from play wrestling with my Dom.  Tons of bruises from scenes, but never from just fooling around being silly.  Though that might just be the fact that he have my way mostly.  Yes, he actually lets me sit on his chest, pin his arms down with my knee's or something and tell him how much imma kick his ass (while he laughs hysterically at me).  You know, i used to actually think i was winning  ::sigh:: 

I think also that my Dom is especially concerned about harming me when we play wrestle because of our size difference.  I do remember him saying once that he never uses full force when it comes to me.  i think he's worried he'd break me.  Plus, it doesnt take much effort on his part to restrain me.  All he has to do is put his body weight into me and i'm screwed = (  I may be tough and strong, but there is no way in hell i can move 220 lbs that doesnt want to move.  I know i've tried = )

i think i'd honeslty be pissed if he bruised my wrist while we were playing, simply because he doesnt need too.  Either that or i'd think.... ooooo  i gave him a run for his money.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 10:29:42 AM   
arkansasheather


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

I didn't get the impression you guys were wrestling from your original post. If you were actually *fighting*, as in I'm mad at you, and you were trying to hit him or something, then there's not a whole lot of room to complain about being held down. If you were arguing, and it turned physical, and he tried to restrain you--even though you weren't being physically aggressive toward him, then you may have a problem. Hitting someone, or restraining someone, out of anger isn't okay, and being in a d/s relationship doesn't change that fact.

If the above posters were accurate, and it was a tickle fight or jovial wrestling, then yeah, sometimes bruises happen. And I've had two black eyes from face-slapping in a scene, which led to many questions which I delicately addressed by assuring friends that I had been a consenting party.


no we were not having a tickle fight, and no we were not trying to hit each other, I ment like I went to get up and then he told me no and he held me down and I try to fight to get up and in the process he left a bruise. I know I should have just sat there as I was told.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 10:37:21 AM   
arkansasheather


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Hon if your posting here then you already are worried about it.

Sorry the shrink in me speaking here but it seems as if the bruise took you a bit by suprise, maybe it isnt normaly where you expect bruises from your play. If it is bothering you on an emotional level i think you need to talk to you Master. me and Master play fight like that all the time it is part of the dynamic. I dont bruise easily but his nails are really sharp. Today Im doning a nail indent in my thumb knuckle complaments of them. Its a haserd of the beast its the way it is. But if i was bothered by it (and Im not) I would talk to him.

Now it if hurts like abnormaly maybe see a Doctor. Only becuase there are many sensative bones in the wrist and the wrist is easily damaged and can cause problems with nerves muscles and tissues and bones. Pain is the bodys way of telling you something is wrong (LOL it is kinda funny considering the M/s involved) So if your body is telling you something is wrong listen and worry about explaining it to a Doctor at a later time (there are even kink friendly Doctors and such if you are really worried about how it looks)

But honestly Hon I think you are just a little shocked about it and that is normal. We are human its how the mind works. So please talk with your Master comunication is so Importent!!

Magik's slave


your right, I was in shock, b/c I do not bruise easy.  I think really I'm making a big deal about nothing

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 11:32:49 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Some people like bruises, some don't. I don't but that's because I don't want to have to explain things to the younger generation with sharp eyes. He doesn't find them aesthetically pleasing either.

I do get them occasionally but luckily(or not) I'm a klutz, I'm always bumbing into things and getting hurt as is so people don't take too much notice of them on me.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is it okay if..? - 11/12/2006 12:28:22 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arkansasheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Hon if your posting here then you already are worried about it.

Sorry the shrink in me speaking here but it seems as if the bruise took you a bit by suprise, maybe it isnt normaly where you expect bruises from your play. If it is bothering you on an emotional level i think you need to talk to you Master. me and Master play fight like that all the time it is part of the dynamic. I dont bruise easily but his nails are really sharp. Today Im doning a nail indent in my thumb knuckle complaments of them. Its a haserd of the beast its the way it is. But if i was bothered by it (and Im not) I would talk to him.

Now it if hurts like abnormaly maybe see a Doctor. Only becuase there are many sensative bones in the wrist and the wrist is easily damaged and can cause problems with nerves muscles and tissues and bones. Pain is the bodys way of telling you something is wrong (LOL it is kinda funny considering the M/s involved) So if your body is telling you something is wrong listen and worry about explaining it to a Doctor at a later time (there are even kink friendly Doctors and such if you are really worried about how it looks)

But honestly Hon I think you are just a little shocked about it and that is normal. We are human its how the mind works. So please talk with your Master comunication is so Importent!!

Magik's slave


your right, I was in shock, b/c I do not bruise easy.  I think really I'm making a big deal about nothing


You may be makeing a big deal (although your feelings CANT be wrong so if you are feeling this way you arent wrong for it) but thats natural aspecially if your friends have said something, I still say it cant hurt to talk to your Dom, youll feel better just saying it to him. We are emotional creatures and we cant always controll how we feel. I think he will be pleased that you came to him with your feelings though!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to arkansasheather)
Profile   Post #: 40
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