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increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are we a... - 11/12/2006 8:59:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

So I gave Fox a new assignment for the forseeable future that made him pause, frown and then nod his head.

The new assignment? Add two more times of masturbation each week -- but they cannot be using the same techniques or positions you normally use. I'm going to have him keep a record of it and of the results.

Why am I doing this? Frankly its this board's input. So often I see the idea that curbing or refusing men orgasm will increase their sexual/submissive interest and help them stop being so focused on their own orgasm. I tied that in with the thread about how hard it can be for both sexes to orgasm on command or with their dominant partner.

Then I thought: maybe we get too used to having sexual pleasure in only one or two ways.

I know for a fact this is the way for Fox. Same position, technique and even time of day since he hit his teens. That way and that position is not that entertaining to me. So I'm going to see if this assignment will help him be more entertaining for me when I do have him jack off in front of me.

Anyone else use sexual control not to limit but to increase sexual flexibility and skills?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

Post #: 1

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 9:25:19 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

Two MORE times? Wow, you’re generous Tammy Jo. Just curious how many times he is permitted and what position is it?
My favorite way to allow a male to orgasm IF I’m *there* is this.
I have him lift his legs up into the air using a bed or chair if needed. He is basically rolled into a position where his cock points towards his face. He is trained to come on command and only to the count of 10. During the count it might be slow and I might say things in a teasing or threatening manner but he must hold on until I get to 10. I can pretty much tell when he’s peaking. When he does finally come I want it shot as close to his mouth as possible. The more he shoots into his mouth the happier I am & he knows this. If he gets it on the floor he licks it off therefore motivating him to keep it on himself.

I may deny him for several weeks so by the time he gets to this stage its pretty hot.

_____________________________

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 2

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 12:42:01 PM

aimtopleaseyou22

Posts: 20
Joined: 5/11/2004
Status: offline

Ms Dianna,

That is so hot... wish i had a Mistress like You

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 3

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 2:17:48 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aimtopleaseyou22

Ms Dianna,

That is so hot... wish i had a Mistress like You

Its true actuallly and works every single time. In fact I have a few recordings like that and when I'm doing this on the phone you can here me yelling into the next room. Once my mother was here, I had my door closed and she asked me when I got out, "Why were you yelling and counting?" lol

True story.

_____________________________

(in reply to aimtopleaseyou22)

Post #: 4

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 2:50:43 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

My Daddy dom has me masterbate for him. We never were interested in restricting my sexuality or sex time. quite the opisit. We were and are interested in nurturing it.

There's one position I know I can come almost instantly from it. If I want to cum hard and fast and pretty quick I go to it. if not I vary.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 5

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 5:08:53 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

Two MORE times? Wow, you’re generous Tammy Jo. Just curious how many times he is permitted and what position is it?
My favorite way to allow a male to orgasm IF I’m *there* is this.
I have him lift his legs up into the air using a bed or chair if needed. He is basically rolled into a position where his cock points towards his face. He is trained to come on command and only to the count of 10. During the count it might be slow and I might say things in a teasing or threatening manner but he must hold on until I get to 10. I can pretty much tell when he’s peaking. When he does finally come I want it shot as close to his mouth as possible. The more he shoots into his mouth the happier I am & he knows this. If he gets it on the floor he licks it off therefore motivating him to keep it on himself.

I may deny him for several weeks so by the time he gets to this stage its pretty hot.

Fox can orgasm as much as he has time for in his downtime. He only needs my permission when we are physically together.

See, like FelinePersuasion's dom I want Fox to have a healthy and full sexuality. I just don't see denying orgasm to be a path to that because I think it just feeds into the very sexist idea that men are only about sex or only into BDSM or Ds for sex. I find that insulting to men and to women especially to me. I want someone who wishes to and does serve because he feels I deserve it and because it makes him happy, not just because he wants to orgasm or have kinky sex.

Now he does need to keep track of these extra times and how they are different from his regular masturbation.

*laugh* he did say to me this evening when I gave him a journal to keep track in "Two more times a week sounded great then I realized how little time I have currently. I'm gonna have to make the time." I just looked seriously at him and said "yes, you will."

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 6

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 7:36:45 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

Two MORE times? Wow, you’re generous Tammy Jo. Just curious how many times he is permitted and what position is it?
My favorite way to allow a male to orgasm IF I’m *there* is this.
I have him lift his legs up into the air using a bed or chair if needed. He is basically rolled into a position where his cock points towards his face. He is trained to come on command and only to the count of 10. During the count it might be slow and I might say things in a teasing or threatening manner but he must hold on until I get to 10. I can pretty much tell when he’s peaking. When he does finally come I want it shot as close to his mouth as possible. The more he shoots into his mouth the happier I am & he knows this. If he gets it on the floor he licks it off therefore motivating him to keep it on himself.

I may deny him for several weeks so by the time he gets to this stage its pretty hot.

Fox can orgasm as much as he has time for in his downtime. He only needs my permission when we are physically together.

See, like FelinePersuasion's dom I want Fox to have a healthy and full sexuality. I just don't see denying orgasm to be a path to that because I think it just feeds into the very sexist idea that men are only about sex or only into BDSM or Ds for sex. I find that insulting to men and to women especially to me. I want someone who wishes to and does serve because he feels I deserve it and because it makes him happy, not just because he wants to orgasm or have kinky sex.

Now he does need to keep track of these extra times and how they are different from his regular masturbation.

*laugh* he did say to me this evening when I gave him a journal to keep track in "Two more times a week sounded great then I realized how little time I have currently. I'm gonna have to make the time." I just looked seriously at him and said "yes, you will."

You are still generous. That’s’ how you have it with them and it works for you, however having spent a great deal of time with submissive men I would say that 80 or more % prefer to be controlled in that regard. Of course that is my opinion.

_____________________________

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 7

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 8:03:48 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

You are still generous. That’s’ how you have it with them and it works for you, however having spent a great deal of time with submissive men I would say that 80 or more % prefer to be controlled in that regard. Of course that is my opinion.

At the risk of sounding arrogant: It isn't about what they want; it's about what I want. Otherwise I don't think I have much business calling myself a dominant let allow a slave owner. That's my philosophy behind why I do DS and BDSM.

I also think we get the submissives that we believe in and set expectations for. Of the dozens of men I've trained and those select few I've owned, none of them had their sexuality as the main reason for being submissive or for service. We never parted ways because of sex but because of other life issues.

Why do we all seem to buy into this notice that it (Ds or BDSM) is all about sex for men? Is that true or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy that we support?

I know, I know, I'm in the minority here. I guess I was hoping my attitude about submissive and male sexuality was such a teeny tiny minority.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 8

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/12/2006 8:10:32 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta
You are still generous. That’s’ how you have it with them and it works for you, however having spent a great deal of time with submissive men I would say that 80 or more % prefer to be controlled in that regard. Of course that is my opinion.

Indeed chastity or orgasm denial is a common kink. I am not sure what percentage of men might be interested in it. Analytical as I tend to be at times, I am wondering if the ratio you see is affected by the types of relationship or kinks you attract.

I'll add another point. While I see potential for orgasm control and teasing to be hot, I think masturbation helps my physical and mental health, which lessens my enthusiasm or willingness for this kink.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 9

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 6:47:44 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta
You are still generous. That’s’ how you have it with them and it works for you, however having spent a great deal of time with submissive men I would say that 80 or more % prefer to be controlled in that regard. Of course that is my opinion.

Indeed chastity or orgasm denial is a common kink. I am not sure what percentage of men might be interested in it. Analytical as I tend to be at times, I am wondering if the ratio you see is affected by the types of relationship or kinks you attract.

I'll add another point. While I see potential for orgasm control and teasing to be hot, I think masturbation helps my physical and mental health, which lessens my enthusiasm or willingness for this kink.

Cheers,

Sea

I'm hoping these a typo above because this reads to me like being healthy physically and mentally is the opposite of wanting BDSM.

That just really worries me a lot.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 10

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 7:21:07 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I'm hoping these a typo above because this reads to me like being healthy physically and mentally is the opposite of wanting BDSM.

That just really worries me a lot.

There is not a typo in my post but perhaps there is room for clarification, which I will gladly make.

I think orgasm denial and teasing have BDSM potential. And I think masturbation is healthy for mental health and physical health. These two considerations are independent. I do not consider chastity and the like to be a strong interest. The point about health and masturbation further lessens my likelihood to engage in chastity.

When I say, "lessens my enthusiasm or willingness for this kink," I am referring to chastity and orgasm denial. I don't consider masturbation a kink like I do chastity and orgasm denial.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 11

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 7:43:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I'm hoping these a typo above because this reads to me like being healthy physically and mentally is the opposite of wanting BDSM.

That just really worries me a lot.

There is not a typo in my post but perhaps there is room for clarification, which I will gladly make.

I think orgasm denial and teasing have BDSM potential. And I think masturbation is healthy for mental health and physical health. These two considerations are independent. I do not consider chastity and the like to be a strong interest. The point about health and masturbation further lessens my likelihood to engage in chastity.

When I say, "lessens my enthusiasm or willingness for this kink," I am referring to chastity and orgasm denial. I don't consider masturbation a kink like I do chastity and orgasm denial.

Cheers,

Sea

Thank you for clarifying this, Sea.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 12

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 8:09:29 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Right now I have my sub on a calendar. Each day he does something sexual in nature and it varies from day to day. This week he is on orgasm denial and is in chastity during the day. At night I have him remove his chastity device and then do some anal play with his plugs. Then while wearing his harness to hold the plug inside of his ass, I have him jerk off to the brink of orgasm only for him to stop and let it pass without. Then he starts up again, I have him do this 3 times and then put the toys away. Sexually frustrated? Oh yes but it is to teach him to control his orgasms and to teach him how to deal with the frustration until he is allowed to cum. My sub is the biggest grouch when he cannot cum and I've told him its time to learn to deal with that frustration in a more positive way. So that is this months lesson and so far he is doing very well. We will be going away this weekend so I know he will be one wild tiger

Exactly what this Mistress desires.

Next month I will have new ways and positions that I want him to try. So he never gets bored as I have a real big imagination.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 13

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 8:14:31 AM

leatherzack

Posts: 59
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Sexually frustrated? Oh yes but it is to teach him to control his orgasms and to teach him how to deal with the frustration until he is allowed to cum.

What a great way to learn how to control orgasms. Your sub is really lucky !!!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 14

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 10:02:52 AM

KaramelGoddess

Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

Love it, Lashra.

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to leatherzack)

Post #: 15

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/13/2006 10:19:06 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

I love teasing and denial. I love getting them to the brink and watching them suffer via frustration. It turns me on. I will purposely do this. Dealing with their frustration is good but honestly I don’t notice them getting grouchy. Maybe they do and don’t show it. If a sub copped an attitude with me about that which I loved so much then I’d have to show him the door.

_____________________________

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

Post #: 16

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/14/2006 12:34:51 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Right now I have my sub on a calendar. Each day he does something sexual in nature and it varies from day to day. This week he is on orgasm denial and is in chastity during the day. At night I have him remove his chastity device and then do some anal play with his plugs. Then while wearing his harness to hold the plug inside of his ass, I have him jerk off to the brink of orgasm only for him to stop and let it pass without. Then he starts up again, I have him do this 3 times and then put the toys away. Sexually frustrated? Oh yes but it is to teach him to control his orgasms and to teach him how to deal with the frustration until he is allowed to cum. My sub is the biggest grouch when he cannot cum and I've told him its time to learn to deal with that frustration in a more positive way. So that is this months lesson and so far he is doing very well. We will be going away this weekend so I know he will be one wild tiger Exactly what this Mistress desires.

Next month I will have new ways and positions that I want him to try. So he never gets bored as I have a real big imagination.

~Lashra

There are several things you've touched on Lashra that I personally like about your approach. First, is that you seem to have a purpose behind what it is that you have your sub do. Its not just arbitrary, and has real meaning to the both of you!

Second, is that you do it with variety, so it doesn't get boring for either of you.

And third, it sounds as though you have a genuine plan that goes beyond more than this week or this month.

As a man who is working toward certain personal goals I've set for my own self-improvement that would also benefit the next Domme I should happen to serve, it sounds as though perhaps you have something of a plan of your own for where you'd like to eventually take your sub; or at least a plan that is intended to work toward helping him reach his own goals of self improvement that are also consistent with what you'd like to have from him or that would satisfy your own needs from him. To me this seems like an ideal way in which a D/s relationship between a Domme and a sub can naturally become a synergistic one; which to my way of thinking, has a great deal of appeal to me!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 17

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/15/2006 1:15:17 PM

Anklette

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

Goddess,

I had a Mistress in Miami who tried that with me, but for some reason I was unable to cum in that position; however...

....if I lie on my back with my head propped-up by several pillows, I'm able to shoot directly into my face nicely. Before I ever met a Domme, in fact, I used to do it myself to see what cum tasted like. :)

xoxoxoxoxoxo,
nelly

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

Two MORE times? Wow, you’re generous Tammy Jo. Just curious how many times he is permitted and what position is it?
My favorite way to allow a male to orgasm IF I’m *there* is this.
I have him lift his legs up into the air using a bed or chair if needed. He is basically rolled into a position where his cock points towards his face. He is trained to come on command and only to the count of 10. During the count it might be slow and I might say things in a teasing or threatening manner but he must hold on until I get to 10. I can pretty much tell when he’s peaking. When he does finally come I want it shot as close to his mouth as possible. The more he shoots into his mouth the happier I am & he knows this. If he gets it on the floor he licks it off therefore motivating him to keep it on himself.

I may deny him for several weeks so by the time he gets to this stage its pretty hot.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 18

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/16/2006 8:01:35 AM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Yes I have TammyJo, behavioural modification techniques were, and are, an important part of philosophy and my relationship. The modification of orgasm patterns and triggers was imperative, due to my lack of interest in the controls and direction of his previous training in this area. I proceeded as you have, with; targeting the behaviour, measuring it, setting goals and positively reinforcing his successes. It has increased his sexual flexibility and greatly enhanced his skills, thus allowing me what I wanted and needed from or relationship. As always, I welcome private discussion of the targetted behaviours and the technique used to adjust them.

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 19

RE: increased masturbation in a Ds relationship -- are ... - 11/16/2006 10:23:05 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Anyone else use sexual control not to limit but to increase sexual flexibility and skills?

Yes, my experience with submissive men has been that I require more, not less like apparently a lot of their previous relationships. I'm blushing as I think of this, but for my favorite boy (the one I spent the longest time with), I had to do training to teach him to relax about and enjoy sex (oral and intercourse), because he is simply unaccustomed to receiving, and finds it awkward...

The areas where he was permitted to work on/do, he excelled in, so I simply needed to show him that indeed there is more than one way to be with a domina sexually. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

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