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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

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ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Perhaps you are right Intempting.  Perhaps in my situation i was out of place.  Situation being there is bad blood with my older brother.  I landed into the wall, got a knot on the back of my head.  I ended up flipping going into some wierd sort of panic/anxiety attack.  Imagine me hysterical, in utter fear, only being able to utter "i'm okay" 

So yeah, my Dom wasnt pleased with my brother after hearing about this.  Saying that my brother was invited into town by my mother and that i was expected to "attend" would not have pleased him.  I knew excatly what he would think, say, and feel.  There was nothing to do.  Its my brother, things are in the past, and i do love him. 

So i was presented with saying "my brother is coming into town" and there be nothing my Dom or i can do about it.  Telling him did no good.  Except upset him.  Yeah and he was utterly livid when he found out. 

Or i can "not" say it and wala - nothing negative comes about.  Make the best of the situation.

So that goes back the question.  What if the information that is being with held does no not help the dominant in any way?  If there is nothing a Dom can do to effect a situation?  If they must just sit and accept something they find highly unacceptable. 

Hello Riot..well from what I am understanding from many of the posters is that by not informing your Dominant of this info, whilst it may not change anything and upset him, You are still taking the control from him, disrespecting  and not trusting his abilities to deal with said situation. Not necessarily topping as I had thought but a way of denying him his rights.......the info I have recieved thus far has certainly made things a bit more clearer....until of course when I run across another thing that will have me wondering which is up and which is down..~g~...Tempting..

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was just in another post when as I typed I began to wonder about Topping from the bottom..(yep another one of those from me!..cant seem to get it right..~g~)So here's the question...We all know that we as submissives attempt to make our Dominants/Masters happy, free as much from stress or causing it in any way possible.So the said submissive decides to handle a situation that she/he knows will upset said Dominant, she keeps the info from him to protect him, to keep him from unnecessary turbulance in his life.He of course (being Dominant and a mind reader..grin.) finds out and he is angered or not by the what he may feel is either his submissive lying or with- holding of the info. Would you consider this topping or protecting?....Tempting

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

RG:  I am glad you didn't take my post personally.  It was not meant to be critical of you.  :)

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was just in another post when as I typed I began to wonder about Topping from the bottom..(yep another one of those from me!..cant seem to get it right..~g~)So here's the question...We all know that we as submissives attempt to make our Dominants/Masters happy, free as much from stress or causing it in any way possible.So the said submissive decides to handle a situation that she/he knows will upset said Dominant, she keeps the info from him to protect him, to keep him from unnecessary turbulance in his life.He of course (being Dominant and a mind reader..grin.) finds out and he is angered or not by the what he may feel is either his submissive lying or with- holding of the info. Would you consider this topping or protecting?....Tempting

Put me in the camp of not being sure whether or not I'd call it either but would sure call it a damaging factor to a relationship.

Good relationships have trust as a cornerstone.  If your dominant trusts you to follow through on being communicative and you are not, then you've broken that trust.  If you are trying to protect the dominant and he has deemed...and you agree...that he protects you, not the other way around, then you've broken that trust.  And, as kyra noted and as talked about on the Passive Denial thread, isn't this a case of a submissive denying the dominant to act in his/her authority on a situation?  Finally, I would also look at it as a power grab done under the guise of protection...which of course is a justification when (more likely than if) the information comes out...as Holly noted.

Of course...playing devil's advocate...if the dominant has told the submissive that she may handle things without first consulting him as long as the submissive decides that the situation is one which warrants her self-handling and that it is better for her to handle it without disturbing the dominant and that she is to bring this information to light with him later, then she is simply doing what he has taught her to do.  Hopefully, she will know each time when the time is right for her to self-handle. 

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Neither one. I'd consider that playing fast and loose with a relationship which, like all relationships, will do better if it's built on honest communication. Anything less can and probably will damage trust.

Celeste

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

We all know that we as submissives attempt to make our Dominants/Masters happy, free as much from stress or causing it in any way possible. So the said submissive decides to handle a situation that she/he knows will upset said Dominant, she keeps the info from him to protect him, to keep him from unnecessary turbulance in his life.He of course (being Dominant and a mind reader..grin.) finds out and he is angered or not by the what he may feel is either his submissive lying or with- holding of the info. Would you consider this topping or protecting?