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Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 8:10:39 AM   
wernturn


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Howdy,

How does a newb into the D/s scene establish credibility? I can understand the need for references due to safety, but it sometimes appears like a chicken/egg situation for learning Dom.

Thank
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 8:17:25 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Never mind, I keep forgetting I'm not a man....

Lily

< Message edited by ProtagonistLily -- 2/7/2005 8:22:57 AM >

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 8:23:32 AM   
Ojedieu


Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Best way? Find your local bdsm community, attending a munch is the easiest way to network. Get to know other Doms who have done this for a while. Ask if they can teach you or at least give you a few tips on effective domming. (Everyone's got their own style, but there are a few universals, like saftey.) If you get the opportunity to attend a play party or other scene event, watch the other Doms in action. Ask questions about their scenes *afterward*. If you have a chance to play, ask them to give you feedback later, or if you feel it didn't go quite the way you'd have liked it to, pick their brains (and your sub's!) for reasons as to why.

Speaking of which, you can learn a lot not only from Doms, but from talking to and listening to lots and lots of subs. Ask about best and worst experiences they've had and why.

If you're willing to take the time to learn from others and are serious about making it enjoyable for not only yourself but your sub as well, you'll build up credit much faster than anything you could do online (however, well thought out posts also help). I'd never sub to a Master who claimed he'd learned everything there was to know -- ones who are willing to admit that this is a lifelong learning process and that they're still learning, are much more appealing (and human).

Ojedieu

(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 8:24:12 AM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		you have to sign up for HNG 101. it is an online 3 credit course at BDSM-U

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 9:00:28 AM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		By attending your local munches and also find a mentor who could train you. Another way to do it is by attending events like my bloddy Valentine which I think was canceled due to personal reasons. I have Doms and Dommes I can always ask queastion any time I need to. It is going to take time to build up crediabilty by attending local munches and public play parties. :) Good luck.

(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 9:01:50 AM   
panthergoddess


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline 		Well we all need the following:

Your Personal, Profession, Financial, Educational, Criminal, Religious, Medical history,
Your 150 page application in triplicate form
Samples of the following:
-Blood
-Hair
-Urine
-Writing
A Current photo ID
A 20 minute "session" video tape as a sample demo of your skills
A non-refundable application fee of $120,000.00

Now once we review your application materials we will contact you to set up the interview process:
Interviews with all of your friends and relatives
Interviews with you which may include a sub for you to demo your skills live and in person on

Our strict panel of Admission Board members consists of 12 people. 4 Masters, 4 Miastresses, and 4 slaves. All of whom will need to speak with you in one on one interviews and then there will be a collective meeting with you and then a collective board meeting to discuss your credibility into this lifestyle.

(edited to include that I'm in a smart arse mood today and the above post is highly reflective of that)

< Message edited by panthergoddess -- 2/7/2005 9:22:40 AM >

_____________________________

"No good deed goes unpunished."

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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 9:19:03 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Here I was going to suggest get a little less bed credit. Apparently that is a typo.

I'd do as other's have suggested. Get out, meet people. Attend munches. Don't just ask anyone to mentor you. It must be someone you respect and not because they tell you that you should respect them or they are respected in the community.
Subs are good sources as well. Some subs will be more dominant than you are. Some will be more submissive. We are all on a sliding scale here. There is no one right way.
Read some. Go to a munch and ask about what you read if you don't understand it. Or just want to start conversation. The person that awes you, well ask them to mentor you.
They can teach you certain ways to play. Also perhaps provide the victim.
They can also send you to the right people to learn certain things.
So, network yourself in short. You cannot go wrong that way.


(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 11:12:42 AM   
SirD2


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline 		Anewb establishes credit when it is determine that they truely want to serve. Of course you are looking for someone to serve but without proper training how can anyone know your true worth

(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 4:22:58 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		This has come up before, I think, though the answer is pretty simple. The more you learn, the better off you are. One of the first things you should really ask yourself is what are you really looking for? Are you interested in an hour of kinky sex? Are you looking for a masochist? Or is the intellectual Ds style relationship interest you? Lots of people come into the 'alternative' scene looking for something they can't describe or name. After a while of exploring, they get a better idea of what they are looking for.

A quick look at your profile says you're a gay Dominant male, apparently looking for a submissive. Asking yourself if you're looking for a partner for the night, or a boyfriend long term, or a slave to keep locked up 24/7 is the first step. If you're looking for a romantic relationship, then meeting other new submissives isn't a bad way to start, as you can 'grow' together. If you're just looking for kinky sex, you might want to find a submissive with a fair bit of experience, or even a Ds couple willing to mentor you (Male/male Ds type couples abound in most large cities I understand, though I've never gone looking myself.) The easiest way for you to establish credibility would be to visit some munches and make a few friends. Those friends can point you in the right direction and give you a lot of information.

Websites can also be a good source of information - the more you know, the easier it becomes to establish yourself. Keep in mind, what you read online is only as good as the person who wrote it.

Best of luck!

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to SirD2)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 5:54:52 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Time.

Effort.

Consistency.

Level head.

Calm demeanor.

Time.

More time.

Add some more time onto that.

And then a little more time.

There isn't a fast and quick way to do this, and there are no shortcuts.

Just relax, remember everyone started somewhere, and start slowly.

JMO.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Voltare)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/7/2005 6:55:29 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		First off always be confident in yourself. I myself never had to post a resume except when making a profile for a web site. Keep reading and learning. Also most doms will show you what they know to keep you from causing major damage to someone you may care about.

2nd, since you live in houston go ahead and get on the HPEP and EROS mailing list so you know about events and meetings.

Partice on inanimate objects with a garbage bag on top of it. If the bag end us with tears, then you might want to rethink a technique or two.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/8/2005 9:40:06 AM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva

Time.

Effort.

Consistency.

Level head.

Calm demeanor.

Time.

More time.

Add some more time onto that.

And then a little more time.

There isn't a fast and quick way to do this, and there are no shortcuts.

Just relax, remember everyone started somewhere, and start slowly.

JMO.

~ShadeDiva


yeah shes right, but eventually I hope that people will someday start realising that this is just dating. All we are doing is getting that horrible moment out of the way where you have to tell the woman you are very interested in "hey by the way I am a dominant" and then watch them freak out or wonder what the hell you're talking about. If we all simply accepted that we are dating like normal people looing for those trust relationships with our D/s side up front we would have a lot less to worry about. Girls sometimes think they are signing up for the long haul with the caneing attached just by agreeing to meet for coffee. Thats not right. Men need to slow down and get back to basics. We are courting these women. We are bidding on them with our integrity. Just get to work being a good man and everything else follows.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/8/2005 10:09:06 AM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirD2

Anewb establishes credit when it is determine that they truely want to serve. Of course you are looking for someone to serve but without proper training how can anyone know your true worth

Well
Did you actually read the OP?

last I knew, Doms don't serve.
or am I missing another fucking page in the handbook?

(in reply to SirD2)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/8/2005 1:39:01 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfspet
last I knew, Doms don't serve.
or am I missing another fucking page in the handbook?


You're sick. Puking your guts out even. Your top

A) Kicks you to the curb.
B) Brings you soup.

Pick which you think is most likely, then tell me tops don't serve from time to time.

That said, SirD2 was obviously having a dyslexic yad(sic). Or he assumed entirely too much.

(in reply to Wolfspet)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/8/2005 6:34:13 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexander
yeah shes right, but eventually I hope that people will someday start realising that this is just dating. All we are doing is getting that horrible moment out of the way where you have to tell the woman you are very interested in "hey by the way I am a dominant" and then watch them freak out or wonder what the hell you're talking about.


I'd disagree. I think you completely missed what I was saying.

I am talking about how someone deals with gaining creditability within the scene itself - not within the vanilla realm, nor am I referring to announcing to someone that you are kinky or what power identification you feel drawn to. Hell, I wasn't even remotely referring to a how someone starts a relationship of any type, I *was* referring to how you gain creditability amidst others in your local scene - not about how one starts up a dialgue in hopes of finding or gaining a BDSM partner in the vanilla arena.

Obviously there is no horrible moment when you already *know* the people you are dealing with and interacting with are kinky.

And no, I wasn't speaking about dating - or courting for that matter either.

I *was* speaking about how someone gets to the point where their character is established within the scene they are in. It means not being lazy, making an effort, being consistent in your dealings with other people in the scene, showing you are mature by not wigging out in a domlet-pissing match - but retaining a level head and cool demeanor, and LOTS and LOTS of time to show that you are in fact what you present yourself to be in numerous situations and instances that will crop up over the course of time.

There simply is *no* shortcut to establish creditability.

~ShadeDiva

< Message edited by ShadeDiva -- 2/8/2005 6:37:53 PM >

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Alexander)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/9/2005 6:15:48 AM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Mol, are we starting already

You forgot Wolf also serves the same thing I do.
Our relationship. That is what really is in control.

And although you answers are accurate, they were not in the context of the question

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/9/2005 2:30:45 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, he's a top. He'll have to learn sooner or later that it ain't all whips and chains. Sometimes it's bile seeping through your socks. And I figure learning that'll get 'im a bit more credibility with the sane people out there.

(in reply to Wolfspet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/9/2005 7:53:18 PM   
wernturn


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for the advice.

The topic was a pun, but also regarding a typo that Jay Leno had mentioned on the tonight show. I thought it fit well as a humorous, but true topic. Perhaps not.

Regardless, I will be taking everyone's advice and finding an organization in my area. Thank you Voltare (such insight) and sub4hire (great information) and ShadeDiva (short sweet, to the point; I think I might print them out and keep them around).

Trying to define what interests me has been a little difficult. I have read several books and visited some great web sites and each topic tends to have me rethink my old impressions about things. Not to mention that 'book learning' is no substitute for 'on the spot' training.

I have a couple questions though:

I have planned for an initial 'getting to know' lunch meeting with a person very soon. I am extremely nervous. I'm not sure why really. I believe the nervousness is from my uncertainty that they might be an experienced sub or expect more than I can give. I am planning on being myself, but could any of you give insights from your initial meetings? It's just a lunch so I think I will be okay, however it would be nice to know how others operate.

Finally, there is a group in my city called TNG. I believe it stands for The Next Generation. They said they are a local chapter of a national group. Does anyone know about this group?

Thanks again everyone,


(in reply to wernturn)
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RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/9/2005 7:57:36 PM   
wernturn


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Please disregard my request for nerviousness advice I found a very good column about this.

Have a great one.

(in reply to wernturn)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Got bed credit? (how do I establish credibility) - 2/10/2005 1:57:04 AM   
Zensee


Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		Credibility isn't a currency you accumulate to buy friends with - it is a measure of your alignment with and dedication to what is most important to you.

Before you go looking for something out there, find out what is really inside. It is so tempting to hit the clubs and the munches and the boards looking for answers or, god forbid... the "One" (and the 'next one' and the 'next one'...)

Until you have really figured out some core truths about what you are, chances are you will be diverted by convenience and romantic folly.

Every compromise you make to seduce potential partner, will grow up, come back and bite your dangly bits really friggin' hard. But if you seek and cultivate the truth of yourself you will always act in accord with what you are and what you need. That honesty will naturally attract the right people to you.

This doesn't mean you should stay home and meditate, just don't go out with a result in mind. Like ShadeDiva said, time and more time. Watch, listen, play, flirt, engage but stay detached.


*takes his 3 cents change.

Z.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

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