RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (Full Version)

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LadyShoshin -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 3:47:22 PM)

I am sure someone read my post about folks from other countries and how I answer them. I guess he now knows I was serious. *exasperated sigh*, an email full of sexual offers. Ho Hum.

Just shows to go ya.



strongnsubmissiv -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 3:52:43 PM)

I say bring on the idiots, players and hngs... the more of them there are, the better i look.

[:D]



MistressFire70 -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 4:08:09 PM)

I could be wrong, but I think the complaint isn't about the kinky sex aspect in general, but how people perceive us as "easy lays" because we're kinky to begin with. Especially when magazines, I think it was Maxim several years ago, actually tell their readers to find a Female Dominant if they want a hot woman in bed. *rolls eyes*.

My end of the conversation during that time usually went:

“Yes, I AM a hot woman in bed, thank you.”

“No, I don’t want to tie you up and fuck you on a date. There’s just SO much more to it than that for me and you haven’t earned the privilege.”

“Yes, I am a bitch. Thank you.”



Fire



ShadeDiva -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 4:37:27 PM)

Some folks just see is as a fresh meat on a platter that's easy and ready for the kill.

<shrug>

I don't assoicate with those I find would bring something negative or not pleasant to my *coff* sensabilities, and I trust that others do the same in their lives, or will eventually get that lesson down.

The issue really stems down to compatability.

Those that get taken for a ride were missing a cue or a few - and that bad/negative/unpleasant experience, if they are paying attention and looking for it - will provide them experience to learn from and make better choices. They most likely didn't spend as much time as they *should* in determining who the other person REALLY was - not who they were presenting themselves as, and if they really are a good and healthy match.

I've found that most often, those that get stuck in unsavory situations were rushing, got all caught up in *their* heads and started seeing things - not as they ARE - but as they'd LIKE them to be. Which is dangerous sometimes. Once you start allowing your fantasy to cloud your reality - well it's just asking for life to pummel you with lessons until you learn or are beaten down.

Do they need to go away? Maybe.

Some people - quite frankly - really have NO business practicing BDSM or even spouting off about it.

But the ONLY police I will EVER be in the scene is my own personal sheriff. I'll police the contacts I allow to affect my life and allow others to choose to do the same ... or not. And hoepfully I'll be able to maintain that mindset. Or at least, get back on track quickly if I go astray.

Just my 2 cents.

~ShadeDiva



Voltare -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 4:48:54 PM)

To be fair, pickings are just about as slim in the vanilla world as they are in the BDSM world. It isn't a shock to me that there are freaks, sex addicts, and down right weird people who have invaded the lifestyle. Fortunately, online and off, they are extremely easy to deal with. Online, a block button is usually enough. Offline, being rather careful about who I give my phone number or address to usually does the trick.

At the same time, the 'casual sex' cruisers aren't necessarily a bad thing. I can think of a friend or two I have made online who got involved in the scene specifically because they were looking for sex, but found something different. As long as people are honest and up front about what they want, I say it's all good. Even when the fakes and players (male and female alike) lie, it usually takes about ten seconds to figure them out for who they are and move on to the next.

Stephan



ShadeDiva -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 5:01:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare
At the same time, the 'casual sex' cruisers aren't necessarily a bad thing.


I'd agree, and I certainly didn't mean to imply that they were a problem.

~ShadeDiva



LordODiscipline -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 5:07:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

...that don't get my johnson in a knot


There is an obvious question here.

;)

~J



MizSuz -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 5:11:47 PM)

quote:

NO ONE WANTS YOU. GO AWAY.

RANT OVER.



Can't say that I haven't felt that way before. But the truth is that to some extent most of us have been at varying places on the continuum. I was a young sexual deviant who manifested her domination (and to some extent sado-masochism) in dysfunctional vanilla relationships. Getting functional had an effect on the way I see everything and it allowed me to evolve into a bdsm that I find more satisfying. It allowed me to express myself in positive ways in my relationships. Where I am now is nothing like where I was then, nor where I've been since. Where I am now will probably not be where I always am or what I'll always want.

One man's trash is another's treasure. I kinda like it that way.

Although if you catch me after about the 13th straight "mistress may I serve you?" you might get an entirely different attitude from me.



FangsNfeet -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 6:33:11 PM)

Well Darthbetta, pardon the put but all I can will say to in reponse to your post is that every BUCKET as a few bad apples.

[image]local://upfiles/68772/72D4A90602C148FFBC919AE6CEB6B4AF.jpg[/image]



Darthbetta -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 6:47:04 PM)

BBHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAH

:snif:

Thanks FIF..

thanks.....

It is why I wear teh bucket on my head... it keeps the bad apples from "collecting"... although if they fall from the tree, and tap e on mi noggin, it resounds with a loud "BONGGGGGGG"



GentleLady -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 6:55:02 PM)


*throws My two cents worth into the pot* Personally I am just tickled pink that the BDSM Lifestyle has achieved enough mainstream status that it is attracting the "kinksters"...however Y/you wish to define that word. Ever notice how many commercials/movies/jokes/etc now have some reference to a BDSM related activity? Even CSI has episodes set in a dungeon and treats the Lifestyle as mainstream and acceptable. W/we have come a long way baby (to quote a well known phrase).



ashia -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 6:56:42 PM)

this one was in a D/s relationship when she first started... she was to be tranied but unfortunately that isnot what happened. Was with a Player whom was not just a player but a liar also.. all this one did was tell the people she knew to be careful of that Dom and word of mouth is better than any advertisement and he did leave the Lifestyle from knowing that A/all knew him as a liar and player...

thanks

ashia



nella -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 7:26:15 PM)

I had this this conversation aboute magick not that long ago. Some occultist was complaing aboute the pepole that just belived witchcraft was cool, dressed in blank and got themself a set of tarot cards to play whit, oh they said, they should just go away, for they are not serious, i answerd somthing like this:

i do not see the problem. either they are enyoying their pleying around, and no harm is done, or they go tired and leve it alone, and no harm is done, or they become more interested and go deeper, no harm is done. Not all wish to become occultist devoting their lives to the study, some just want to peek at it for intrest, or fashion, and if they enyoy that, let them.

The same here, some just get a kik out of tying up their girlfrind, if so, let them, some like deep comitting relationships, some dont, we are all different.



liltxsubby -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 7:32:26 PM)

Gee thanks proudsub, now you passed it on and it's stuck in my head. [;)]



NoPinkBalloons -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/7/2005 11:46:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: match2u

of course they are players here - like everywhere too

but at least imo where should be the line to define thats nilla and thats bdsm?



This comment made me laugh, because Saturday night we were having a conversation about how terminology and "the scene" had changed so much over the years. We were reminiscing about when being a "player" was a good thing - it meant you were actually DOING as opposed to just talking about it. To this day, when people call me a player, I take it as a compliment.

It's not all about d/s, nor should it all be. If what floats your boat is kinky sex, then why should that be a bad thing? I LIKE kinky sex (though I do a lot more SM that's not overtly sexual and doesn't include PIV-style sex at all). And yeah, "back in the day" a lot of the scene was about kinky sex. You weren't held in disdain for liking to tie up and fuck your partner. Things have become increasingly sanitized (often for good reason), and this is yet another thing we were reminiscing about at the party on Saturday.



topcat -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/8/2005 5:21:47 AM)

quote:

There is an obvious question here.


an ashley stopper, usually...



Moleculor -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/8/2005 6:44:08 AM)

Ok, sure, if I knew someone that had struck out in the vanilla world and was here because they thought they could get sex easily, yeah, that'd bother me.

Thing is, I don't know anyone like that. Certainly, I know people who are here for just the kinky sex (like me), but I don't know anyone who's here because they can't get laid elsewhere. (And I'm betting that those who are here for that, if they exist, quickly find that they have a harder time getting laid here.)



sting516 -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/8/2005 11:40:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily


What I find problematic is this idea that people show up here, drop an intro that basically says "Ok, this looks (insert adjective here) and I'd like to try it. I'm new, so please spoon feed me all the basics so I can go find a Dom/me or sub and be 'lifestyle'.

I don't mind helping someone out. What I do mind is being expected to be the Albert Schweizer of kink and lay out the compendeum here.

Lily


my reply to this would be, then don't spoon feed the person...but let them seek out who they wish in what is a public forum without demeaning them...at first, many who come upon a site such as this only want attention anyway...making a point of replying, even in a negative way, just feeds them the attention they crave...also..maybe the person they're looking for is out here...let them find each other..if they email you, delete it...but again...keep the judgments to yourself, is all i'm saying.


sting



Alexander -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/8/2005 2:05:37 PM)

I prefer people who are just trying it on for size and experimenting in the lifestye to people who believe they know everything about the lifestyle and keep potential lovers and mates at arms length. even though those women may represent literally months or years of personal time invested with success elusive. (this may sound like its directed at someone here, its absolutely not. )

I only just joined a few days ago. Im coming out of a longterm relationship where I had to release a woman who submit to be owned. She found out who she really was and that she couldnt keep the promises she made. For me its like coming out of a fog and now as I get back into 'the world' I still see all the game playing and protective tricks we all play. I think about all the new people who are coming to explore it with us. Many of them won't make it to the dream. But doesnt this beat the old reality? the one where you date people with no clue to their inner selves whether dominant or submissive then drop the bomb on them about your own nature only to have them just freak out completely?

Alex
can you forget how to lie?



Voltare -> RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. (2/8/2005 3:26:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva


quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare
At the same time, the 'casual sex' cruisers aren't necessarily a bad thing.


I'd agree, and I certainly didn't mean to imply that they were a problem.

~ShadeDiva


ShadeDiva,

I wasn't trying to point fingers at anyone at my post, and didn't take your comments that way at all. Rather, it just seems that there's so much frustration caused by what amounts to spamballs online (people who's emails in your collerme boxes are no better then spam) and the damage that certain individuals do seem to spoil what could be seen as a virtual cyber-paradise without them. I used to get the same way, till I came to the realization that the time and energy I spent getting frustrated at these people were actually because I was spending too much time myself online, and didn't feel like I was 'getting anywhere.' In the end, my frustration wasn't with people who didn't belong, but rather because I was spending too much time online in the first place.

Stephan



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