|
Esinn -> Here is your plan: (8/24/2009 10:39:24 PM)
|
quote:
Relationships develop at the speed of trust
Gah, while all advice good pop a Xanax, drink a shot or if you live in a country where it is legal, smoke a joint[:-]. Your fear prior to the meeting is well understood. . . approach anxiety.
Shyness is triggered because we feel we are being judged by others. Often we dwell on and overexaderate these feelings (triggers) and discount the good about ourselves; indulging into negative thought patterns(internal dialogue) - thoughts lead to actions putting us into a pattern of anxiety. It is fairly well accepted the true judge is not others but ourselves. Shyness is contained within 3 categories: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and
Here is the modern model on shyness(which is straight forward and easy to grasp):
http://www.socialanxietyassist.com.au/treatment/cognitive.shtml
Here is an interesting journal on it:
http://www.cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/35575.html
Here is a nifty article:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1820828,00.html
As shy people we tend to believe it is not ourselves making us shy but it is "them". It needs to be understood it is a self evaluation not a uhhh group one - we can identify, evaluate, understand and correct false beliefs or negative thoughts... You/we are shy because you feel you are under constant evaluation, "Spotlight Effect"(google it). These thought patterns of constant evaluation typically are in our minds therefor within our control.
Shy people tend to blunt their affect, I believe it is called. Lets define affect as emotional reactions to stimulation here. Meaning when you should look happy, consider your default picture, you do not. It is a concern people will evaluate or somehow know your emotions/thoughts/notice your anxiety or fear so they(feelings) are blunted(hidden?).
Here are classes of thoughts that add fire to anxiety, social phobia, panic attacks:
1)Over exaggerated or estimated thoughts(ought to define themselves?) 2) Mind reading. I do not mean mind reading in a supernatural way. Simply you believe you know what people think prior to asking 3) Should statements. The thoughts often negative leading to more anxiety:
I will fail and they will laugh
If people see me shake they will think I am odd
People stare all the time
If I need air people think I am not social
They think being over weight means I am lazy
When I need a break for air they watch
I should never show fear
People find me boring
I should never be uncomfortable
I should always get along with everyone.
Here is a not so detailed vicious cycle of anxiety:
http://www.erikbohlin.net/cycle_of_anxiety_edited.jpg
Here it 'all' is tied together:
http://www.leeds.ac.uk/lsmp/healthadvice/Shyness/circleanxiety.jpg
Here is how you deal with it(sorta):
http://www.troubled-minds.co.uk/images/anxiety.jpg
Shyness in the way you mentioned impacts us socially, sexually, mentally(emotionally) and physically.
The best way to destroy the enemy is to know it. There all kinds of directions you go. Take what everyone told you here - I guess. Most important keep a journal of triggers, thoughts and actions then review them critically. Stop negative thinking. There is a shit ton on female sexuality and shyness, I addressed a question like this but more relevant to 'sexuality' on yahoo answers - search me there if ya care. Evolutionary Psychology & shyness is cool. I think a leader in the field is something "Wilson"(Google: Dr/PHD wilson Evo Psychology shyness).
Happy thoughts, tiny steps, good people, a pen and paper and understanding. Medication helps plus it BE fun..
Edit:
Some dudes like big chicks
Some gals like small chicks
Some dudes like long hair
Some gals like short hair
Some guys like chocolate
So? So? So? So? So? We can not please everyone at every moment nor should it be our desire or intention(usually) - I know there are exceptions
The point this type of thinking leads to that bad thinking cycle millions are trapped in.
|
|
|
|
