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Participating In Events - 11/13/2006 11:34:27 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Keep in mind that the following post is taking very large amounts of testicular fortitude to write.  Admitting one's weaknesses publicly is always difficult.  Here we go...

Though I've been in the lifestyle for several years, and have somehow managed to attract a few friends in the lifestyle through sheer luck, I've never officially been to a munch or event.  I've been to play parties amongst friends where I knew everyone fairly well, but that's a far cry different from actually participating in public events, even if it is casual.  Here's the admission:  I'm scared shitless by it.  When I'm in my element (i.e.- with people I know) I'm anything but shy, but for some reason going out and doing new things alone scares the bejesus out of me.  I'm sure all of you have been where I'm at in some capacity, so advice would be fantastic.  Part of what frightens me is that there are so many groups out there.  It's hard to know where to start.  Any group that requires dues is right out as a group to start in.  It just seems so difficult to weed out which ones are legitimate.  It's also difficult to find groups that truly welcome switches.  Who knows?  Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.

I've already decided that I'll drag a friend or two along (one, at least, knows people from the GLLA crowd, so it's a starting place).  That should help with some of the shyness.  But when it comes time to cement plans I clam up.  What would all of you do in this situation?  And if you know of any legitimate events in the Indianapolis/ Lafayette area, I'm all ears.  Thanks!

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 12:15:12 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		I can't help you with recommendations in your neighborhood, but I can tell you what I did about my shyness.

Fake it until you make it. 

Roleplay, acting - whatever paradigm works for you, put on the false face of the extrovert who is never shy, and go do it.  It's tough - I know, but it works.

I never have gotten over my shyness - I still greatly prefer groups of a half-dozen or less, and I'm not comfortable if the group gets any larger than 12 or so.  I have gotten so good at the act that I can get up in front of a large Munch (60-120 people) every month and make the official announcements without breaking a sweat.  I don't like it, and don't expect I ever will - but I do it, and most people there think I'm kidding when I tell them that I'm shy.

Another suggestion is that you hit groups that you don't intend to join, strictly for the practice.  Pick on basis of size rather than legitimacy, and use them as trial runs.  Smaller groups are often easier, and you may find a gem where you'd expected a lump of coal.  After you've gotten some practice in your non-shy roleplay, it'll be easier in the larger groups.

Last suggestion - keep on telling yourself that the first 5 minutes are the worst, and that it'll get easier, steadily, once you're past that opening curtain.  It really does get easier.

Best of luck,

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 6:54:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		At this point, knowing you, I'd say just bite the bullet.

Go, see what it REALLY is and how you mesh with it.  I find that all groups have something really nice about them, and something really crappy about them.  You just have to discover for yourself whether their nice and crappy things mix with your nice and crappy things.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 9:02:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Try putting a lampshade on your head. Just walk around with a big smile and say hello. Someone will start up a conversation with you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 10:05:11 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i can understand your hesitation.  i was there a few months ago myself.  i was terrified (although in vanilla life i'm not particularlly shy).  i think what helped me the most was having a contact person.  if you can e-mail the group you might be able to get someone's name/e-mail and be able to interact in cyber space for a little bit first.  that way when you go the first time you'll already (sort of) know someone.  the group we picked was very welcoming.  the greeter made a point of finding out a little bit about us and introduced us to people with common interests.  its been fabulous ever since.  hope you have as wonderful of an experience as we have!  just do it

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 10:41:19 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline 		Howdy fellow hoosier.. My 2 cents is that if your content in your D/s situation, been to a few playpartys then be happy with it. I & My girl were regs for 6 years at the munch here in Indy. So unless your really into gossip, cliquishness and watchin others flame one another, Id say leave it alone. Otherwise you can either google for the site or hit Me up privately. Good luck

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 3:18:55 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLordTrainer

So unless your really into gossip, cliquishness and watchin others flame one another, Id say leave it alone. Otherwise you can either google for the site or hit Me up privately. Good luck



Is that what muches are all about?
I'm going to my first one this weekend. I'm excited about it. However, if that's the happenings at these get togethers..I'd rather not go. I can find that crap at work.

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 3:32:42 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I swear it sounds like you went to the same munch in Indy that we did. It only took us about a year to decide it wasn't worth the drive. In that length of time only a couple of people ever spoke to us.
 
But, we did find a munch group in Dayton where the people are great, very friendly and very welcoming... even to switchs.... lol
 
Just shop around NakedOnMyChain.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 4:32:48 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Fellow Hoosier here..well shoot! was also thinking of attending one soon as well but if munches here in Indianapolis are a cliquefest,and gossipy, as someone said I can get all that at work!..so now where can one go to in INdianapolis?....Tempting

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 5:35:20 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I think you should move to the Twin Cities and attend some of the munches here. There's going to be at least one you'll feel comfortable attending.

I'm very shy and just now becoming comfortable being in this lifestyle at all. In fact, my first initiation to more than one or two people was a play party held last year on Thanksgiving weekend. It was an *interesting* place to start my diving into the public part of the community.

I've been to TIES for the past few months. It's pretty easy to just sit and watch everyone. I'm pretty comfortable if I've got my back to the wall and can see an exit route. But that only happened the first couple of months. Now I still sit and watch more than anything else, but I've gotten to know people in the community and go to a couple of other munches. A "newbie" munch, at least hereabouts, is not about being completely new to the lifestyle as much as it's a place to meet other people in a safe environment.

IOW, go and try one out. Even if it's a dud of a munch at least you'll know what it's like and you might meet some really nice people.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 6:40:51 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone!  For some reason I'm only shy when it comes to organized events where everyone already knows everyone.  But, Lucky, I think your advice hits the nail on the head.  I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and stop procrastinating.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Participating In Events - 11/14/2006 10:39:52 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		Good luck NakedOnMyChain.
Hope you have a blast!

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Participating In Events - 11/15/2006 5:43:23 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Siona

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLordTrainer

So unless your really into gossip, cliquishness and watchin others flame one another, Id say leave it alone. Otherwise you can either google for the site or hit Me up privately. Good luck



Is that what muches are all about?
I'm going to my first one this weekend. I'm excited about it. However, if that's the happenings at these get togethers..I'd rather not go. I can find that crap at work.


Well not trying to discourage you necessarily Im only speaking in terms from My own experience with them, also in My own area. Other states munchs may not be as I described. you have to explore your own experiences and ultimately decide whats right for you.  Best

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to Siona)
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RE: Participating In Events - 11/15/2006 5:53:44 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I swear it sounds like you went to the same munch in Indy that we did. It only took us about a year to decide it wasn't worth the drive. In that length of time only a couple of people ever spoke to us.
 
But, we did find a munch group in Dayton where the people are great, very friendly and very welcoming... even to switchs.... lol
 
Just shop around NakedOnMyChain.
 
Jewel


Yep, Me and Scoot already talked about that and it is and was the same one. Ive heard theres a new crowd now but doesnt interest Me. I was fine before munches and doin well now without em. Now fetish events, playpartys or just hookin up with other likeminded F/folks, thats more to My liking.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Participating In Events - 11/15/2006 6:22:00 AM   
princessrn


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		 i went to my first munch  with a false face on  scared in side but acted in control of my shaking and ask "any one sitting here "with a smile pointing to an empty chair and sat down from there i met people talked and found some really nice people  , when going the BBB for the first time the people i had met from the munch offered me to go with them and so on to clubs and other munches  so the first biting of the bullet can open doors for other things....

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 15
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