reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM

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thetammyjo -> reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 8:37:14 AM)
Ok, I'm sure most of us would agree that if you are raped or assulted you need to go to a doctor or hospital to get help. Some of us of us would say also call the police though I've seen thoughts against that in the general BDSM community. What about smaller crimes that are only slightly connected to BDSM? How do people think we should deal with that? I ask because I just had a police officer in my house this morning to report a theft but it took me some time to decide to do it given the nature of what was stolen. Background: I'm a book reviewer and while I would review any book, my work with KinyBooks means I primarily get books about human sexuality, especially alternative sexualities. Sometimes publishers or authors send me things directly. Last night my slave and I got home and he discovered between our storm and out front door an empty envelope/package that looked like it had been cut open. It was too late to call the post office but I contacted the publisher who said "I'll just send them again, don't worry about it". My slave and my husband both encouraged me to call the post office in the morning (this morning). I did they confirmed that they did not deliver an empty envelope to me and told me to contact the police. I paused. What if the publisher didn't want me to do that? It didn't occur to me to think about my family because we are all in agreement that when crimes happen you report them and if you are worried to do so because of your kinky then maybe you shouldn't be doing your kink. My pause lasted only one minute then I called the police. But it bothers me that I paused at all. The police officer looked at things, took notes, asked me questioned. He blinked at the titles of the book but made no obvious judgements. He asked nothing that didn't make sense for the crime. He told me I did the right thing but that it was unlikely they'd find the books. They would file the report though in case other thefts happened in the neighbor. He told me that I was a good citizen and we laughed a bit about what a surprise the thief may have gotten when he sat down to look at the books. (background over) Have any of you paused about reporting a crime when it was connected in some manner, however vague, to BDSM? Did it make you feel guilty that you did pause before reporting it?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 8:44:12 AM)
I'm lucky enough to have never needed to take things to that level but it is something I think about. It is indeed sad, but completely reasonable and understandable- the law is certainly not always blind, and kinky/sex stuff is one of its most common targets.

MisPandora -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 8:55:50 AM)
Yes, I didn't report my ex-fiancee and former slave (a NYC cop) stealing a LARGE amount of SM gear from me before I moved out of the house during our separation. Much of the stuff still had tags on it, as I'd purchased it at wholesale when I managed a fetish store and put it in storage. However, some of it had profound sentimental value that regardless of who I call -- it's not going to be replaced except were he to own up to his dirty deed and send me what he took out of spite. He was hurt and in a really bad place in his life. He was depressed and was facing possibly never going back to work as a cop (his identity.) My decision was karmically based. I'd have no qualms about calling my local PD and telling them that someone stole something out of my playspace or car, and have done so in the past (Philly PD were great, too!) My problem with that specific incident was that my reporting the theft would cause real damage to his life and his ability to exist as a person, and might even put him in jail where people he arrested for many, many years ended up. I had to trust the universe that he would be dealt with appropriately and fairly, and at a time when it was just. He also had to live with the fact that I knew, and that I had photographs of EVERYTHING with a date only a few days before it all went missing. He can't say that I was careless and left it all in a club.....

Emperor1956 -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 8:57:26 AM)
TammyJo, your post raises a number of interesting issues. Here are some thoughts: First: quote: Ok, I'm sure most of us would agree that if you are raped or assulted you need to go to a doctor or hospital to get help. Some of us of us would say also call the police though I've seen thoughts against that in the general BDSM community. A point of law -- In most US jurisdictions there is a statute compelling "First treaters" to report rape, sexual assault and (sometimes) violence to a person, and the consequence of failing to report is loss of a medical or nursing license. Ditto reporting gunshot wounds. So if a person goes to a physician or a hospital to receive treatment after rape or an assault, there almost certainly will be a prompt police report made and subsequently there will be a police investigation. Second: quote: Have any of you paused about reporting a crime when it was connected in some manner, however vague, to BDSM? Did it make you feel guilty that you did pause before reporting it? I have decided not to report crimes involving B/D/S/M people of which I was aware. These were financial crimes (theft of services and theft of property) and I was not the victim. I counselled the victims (as a friend, not as a lawyer) as to their obligations and liabilities if they chose to report. I do not know if they reported the crimes. I have never felt guilty about not reporting the crimes; I believe that I made the correct personal choice. And Finally: In general, when I have worked with police on matters involving B/D/S/M practices, the issues raised were related to the alleged criminal conduct and not the "kink" of the persons involved. Most police officers are pretty immune to getting the giggles or the nasties when a victim or witness is kinky and that kink is part of the investigation. Note I said "most". There are bad apples. There are also racist, anti-Semetic, homophobic and misogynistic cops. You take the hand you are dealt in that instance, but you surely don't fail to report a crime you want to report because you are afraid of the police response to the content of the books stolen, or the sexual orientations or behaviors of the parties. E.

Morrigel -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 9:03:48 AM)
Don't feel bad about the hesitation. It just means that you are capable of thinking about the implications of your actions before you act. Unfortunately, there is more than one community in North America where people have to hesitate before they call the secular authorities. Secular authorities in our society represent the values of the majority group--which in North America is basically white, basically straight, basically vanilla, basically Christian, etc.. If you are the wrong race or ethnic group, the wrong religion, the wrong sexual preference, etc., you sometimes have to think twice before you bring the secular authorities into your life or your community. The consequences can be far-reaching and you often find that the police are not interested in protecting you; in fact, they often represent the interests of those who commit crimes against you, and you can find yourself hurt far more than helped. --M

MisPandora -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 9:39:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel Don't feel bad about the hesitation. It just means that you are capable of thinking about the implications of your actions before you act. I didn't feel bad at all. In fact, I was with his captain when I figured out one of the items was missing and told him so. He asked me if I wanted to file, and I told him to sit on it. We both knew what a bad place he was in. Bonafiotti has no idea to this day that it was over $4K wholesale worth of merchandise that disappeared, some of it custom-made, one-of-a-kind articles that he can't even use outside of a private residence because of how easily identifiable it is to others in that community! quote: The consequences can be far-reaching and you often find that the police are not interested in protecting you; in fact, they often represent the interests of those who commit crimes against you, and you can find yourself hurt far more than helped. I fortunately have not had that experience. I find if you're honest and up front with them, and present with objective truths rather than subjective feelings and beliefs, you'll get further with the 5-Oh and they'll actually take your side on a majority of crimes against property. Evidence always has a way of speaking for itself, especially when it's found in the possession of the offending party.

gypsygrl -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 10:58:41 AM)
Yeah, I'm one of those people who is just hesitant to call the cops, period. This, for a lot of reasons. I was in a situation where I ended up calling the cops because I had been involved with someone in a D/s relationship and when I decided to end it, he wouldn't let go and he was starting to do bizarre things. I went through a long process before actually filing a police report that included discussing the situation with my ex-husband, as my kids father, going to my University's LGBT resource center to see if they had any information concerning the law as it applied to relationship abuse and bd/sm (they didn't nor could they refer me to anyone), consulting informally with a friend who was also a mental health professional (by this time I was well on my way to crazy and needed to stabilize and she really held my hand and walked me through this whole thing), talking it out with the organizer of a local bd/sm social group, talking to my neighbors and asking them to watch my back and finally, working closely with an agency that supports people dealing with relationship abuse. I was careful for a couple reasons. I had already stopped trusting my own judgement, and if it weren't for my kids, am sure that I never would have been able to stand up to him. Another reason was that he was a former cop, and, as he told it, was very well connected. I was also worried about the impact my filing a report would have on his family. Plus, I dreaded talking to some strange cop about my kink. I took the most conservative route possible with my only goal being to stop him from making contact. I did file a report and was actually impressed with the way the cop who answered the call handled it. He was extremely professional, gave me his perspective on "the law" and why he couldn't make an arrest in this case but assured me that calling was the right thing to do and that if there was any more trouble, I should call again. I live in the sort of neighborhood where if I look hard enough I'm gonna see a crime. I have uncles, a brother, cousins, and aquaintences who have been involved in various sorts of crimes, and I learned early on that if it doesn't involve me, don't get involved. What's not my business isn't my business was something my father drilled into my head as a kid. But, I'm not going to roll over and let myself become a victim, either. Edited to add as an afterthought: One of the reasons I've never closeted myself is because I've felt closeting and vulnerability to abuse are closely related. Its also why I've decided I'm not compatible with closeted people. I respect other people's wishes to protect their privacy, but I won't get myself in a situation where I become vulnerable because I'm torn by the choice between protecting myself and protecting someone else's secret life.

QuietDom -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 5:13:04 PM)
If CSI is to be trusted, at least half of all criminal investigations turn out to involve some flavour of kink, somehow. If the police officer you deal with can't act professionally with regards to kink, ask to talk to Gil Grissom instead -- he'll only do that little quizzical eyebrow-raise and then make a bland comment.

orfunboi -> RE: reporting Crimes when they are "connected" to BDSM (11/14/2006 5:26:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: QuietDom If CSI is to be trusted, at least half of all criminal investigations turn out to involve some flavour of kink, somehow. If the police officer you deal with can't act professionally with regards to kink, ask to talk to Gil Grissom instead -- he'll only do that little quizzical eyebrow-raise and then make a bland comment. Oh, yes, call Gil, maybe he will bring Lady Heather along to help....i'm drooling already. [sm=crop.gif]

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