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Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 6:36:08 PM

mistoferin

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There are as many different styles of play as there are people in this lifestyle I believe. Some folks play very lightly, then there is a more mainstream style of play and finally those who play on the heavy end. I have watched scenes where to be honest, for myself, the entire scene would have been little more than just a tease for me, and on the other end of the spectrum I have watched people play that gave me new respect for just what the human body can endure.

Sir is a sadist and I am a masochist, so when we play we tend to be on the heavier end of the spectrum. Sir loves my tolerance level and also loves to show it off. I don't mind this at all because of course the farther he goes the harder I fly. Sir is all about hurting me....but I need to stress.....He would NEVER harm me.

I have gotten a few comments recently on our style of play. Just yesterday I got an email(anonymous) from someone who said that I am sick to like that kind of play and they suggested I get a psychiatrist....LOL. They said that our style of play is just wrong and is actually abusive. Now I should say that we do not engage in any style of play that I would have thought would get a reaction like this from anyone. When we play publicly, it is generally just a good ol' fashioned whooping, maybe a bit more intense than some, or a bit longer, but certainly nothing that should be shocking.

As I said earlier, I have seen others play that seemed far more extreme to me. I would never however, go to that sub/slave and tell her that I thought that their play style was wrong or abusive. Am I wrong to think that it's to each's own, what floats their boat may not float mine, but does that give me a right to step in and be critical of their style? What ever happened to respecting "Your kink is your kink....even if it isn't mine".

My question is, do any of you ever get this type of negative commentary on your play styles? Do you make these kinds of judgements about others' play? How do you deal with such comments?

It would have been much easier for me to address the email sent to me yesterday had the person sending it done it in a way that I had an avenue to reply(although they did mention that they follow my posts here on collarme). In my opinion, this was just yellow bellied gutless, not to mention just outright rude.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 6:41:54 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

My question is, do any of you ever get this type of negative commentary on your play styles? Do you make these kinds of judgements about others' play? How do you deal with such comments?

Ignore them. Whenever there is a post on fire play here on the board's I usually get some sort of hate mail via collarme. In my mind fire play is 100% safe. There is no chance I can ever get burnt. Doug has me hold the damp cloth. At any given time I can put out the fire. This is not the case with many. I've seen demo's where the submissives are tied down. Their way vs our way. Our way works for us.
I feel we are on the lighter side of the spectrum overall. I'm really not into any kind of pain. He really doesn't want to hurt me for the sake of hurting me.
Yet, I have DM'd at parties where the people go way beyond something I would consider safe and not stopped it. Because I've spoken to both parties beforehand and known they were going to take it that far.
Basically we all have different kinks. I may not understand yours and you may not understand mine. That doesn't mean either one of us are wrong.
I generally try to ignore the statements. Consider the source. If a person is truly that concerned then why are'nt they talking to you trying to understand your view on things?

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 7:49:14 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Do you make these kinds of judgements about others' play? How do you deal with such comments?
In my opinion, this was just yellow bellied gutless, not to mention just outright rude.

Absolutely not... I agree it's gutless and rude, because if the person had courage and felt strongly about it, he/she should have asked for a way to address your Master.
I love the quote at the end of your post "there are no victims, only volunteers", and to me, that should be your reply to anyone who tries to judge you and tell you what to do.
How you live/play is no one else's biz as long as you are enjoying it and not complaining about hurt; so carry on with the fun and ignore the people who know what's best for everyone. M

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 8:04:09 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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Whatever floats the boat. If it ain't broke don't fix it. If they both look happy then why bother?

I only critique others when asked. Other than that I let others learn from me when I scene with a submissive.

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 8:20:47 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I've had self appointed DMs (in my OWN dungeon) step into my scene because they thought there was blood present. IN MY OWN DUNGEON. Note I said SELF appointed. I don't post DMs and try to eschew most places that make a big fuss about them. Of note is that in this particular instance there was no blood (although sherri and I do a spiked paddle scene in which anyone standing near would be well advised to wear safety glasses because the blood will spatter all over the damned place).

Yes, I've gotten all kinds of email. Yes, I've had subs say "I've been wanting to talk to you for years but thought you were too much for me to handle."

I've responded to threads on edge play and effectively killed the thread by simply talking about play that I find common place.

I've had my words twisted and turned into nothing resembling the truth for the sake of demonizing me - repetitively (usually by the same person).

I've gotten email in which I was told I was sick by people who knew nothing more about me than I am into BDSM.

I've never had anyone I played with complain, though (at least not unless that's the way I intended it).

As SherriA would say "Feh!"

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 8:41:36 PM

knkywch

Posts: 53
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Cal-iFORN-eye-yay
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

There are as many different styles of play as there are people in this lifestyle I believe. <snip>

I have gotten a few comments recently on our style of play. Just yesterday I got an email(anonymous) from someone who said that I am sick to like that kind of play and they suggested I get a psychiatrist <snip> They said that our style of play is just wrong and is actually abusive.

My question is, do any of you ever get this type of negative commentary on your play styles? Do you make these kinds of judgements about others' play? How do you deal with such comments?

While I agree with the response Gloria gave to ignore them, you have other alternatives. Depends on how much energy you want to give the folks who are dumping their judgements on you. Certainly, you could engage them in dialogue. You could explain and clarify. You could ask for them to be more specific about what is ruffling their feathers. Lots of choices if you want to engage the other(s) on the topic of your play style. But Gloria's response seems to conserve the most energy and time. Depends on what you WANT to do. If you think you will get value from a dialogue, go for it. Some people use this kind of thing as a teaching opportunity because that is where their passions reside. For others, it could result in more frustration and upset.

I've never received negative comments on my play, but then I am not a huge public space player either. I have heard comments about other people's styles. Everything from judging the players as "lite" or "wimpy" to outright dangerous and highly disturbed. Usually the folks making the comments are forming judgments based on only one level of information. In my experience, most of these people do not attempt to understand the players, their history, their style, or any other clarifying context.

As humans, we all make judgments and this is a useful thing to do. We value some things and not others. We like/want/pursue one person and not another. It's when we're stuck in judgment and consumed by arrogance about what is "right" and what is "wrong" so that we force our opinon down others' throats that we separate ourselves and offend others.

As for me, if I'd received comments like that from strangers, I'd ignore them. If I received those kinds of comments from folks with whom I was in r/l acquainted or friends, I think I'd engage them to see if I could provide some clarity... knowing full well that I may not be able to detach them from the harsh judgments and might have to reevaluate my relationship with those persons.

Regards,
kw

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 8:56:08 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

As for me, if I'd received comments like that from strangers, I'd ignore them. If I received those kinds of comments from folks with whom I was in r/l acquainted or friends, I think I'd engage them to see if I could provide some clarity

When I have received comments from people that I know, I do talk it over with them. Generally they have come from someone who is newer to the lifestyle who does not yet understand how much one can grow on this path. I generally tell them that had they told me 25 years ago that I would ever be into such heavy play I would have told them they were crazy. But the reality is that with time we grow and our limits change, sometimes day to day. Of course I play harder today than I did 25 years ago, but that doesn't mean it is wrong.......nor does it mean that their lighter play is wrong. It is whatever is right for the people involved.

Unfortunately in this latest incident, I can not go back to the person and discuss this. The email was sent anonymously and when I tried to reply my mail was returned saying that the email address was invalid. Obviously someone felt strongly enough to go through the bother of creating a fictional account and then deactivating it just for the purpose of sending me this bit of wisdom. I wish they had left the avenue open, I would have been less offended and one of us may have actually learned something.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 8:59:54 PM

GentleLady

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Joined: 2/1/2005
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Please don't laugh....I got hate e-mails and posts from a couple of people simply because I used tweezers to remove hairs left behind after the male submissive shaved his cock and balls...go figure...and nothing when I flogged and caned the same submissive

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RE: Differing styles of play - 2/7/2005 9:05:46 PM

GentleLady

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Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It would have been much easier for me to address the email sent to me yesterday had the person sending it done it in a way that I had an avenue to reply(although they did mention that they follow my posts here on collarme).

quote:

I wish they had left the avenue open, I would have been less offended and one of us may have actually learned something.

All things considered you may have gotten your point across to the person sending you the e-mail.

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