ShadeDiva
Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
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Try instead handing them a copy of this book:
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
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The Reviews:
Styled after the homosexual and bisexual support books for those who love "non-traditional" people, this book is the first of its kind addressing the question of "kinky" or BDSM practicioners and those who love them. The book is best read as it suggests: with at least two readers, the kinky person and the person who loves him/her. The takes care of the not surprising conflicting emotions for those who have discovered a loved one's kinkiness while supporting the kinky person too. My only concerns are that it is could be much larger, but then then I think the purpose is to be general, not definative, and that the language may at times seem patronizing. Both of these concern can, of course, be dealt with by reading it together. Overall, an excellent way to start talking to those you love and to stop hiding.
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One of the hardest things about being "kinky" is trying to find a way to tell your friends, relatives, lovers, etc about your "alternative lifestyle." Some of choose not to, because of the fear they will be ridiculed or ostracized by those close to them. So some that are into "kink" choose to keep it a secret.
When Someone You Love Is Kinky is a wonderful book to give to a friend or lover to explain to them some of the reasons why you enjoy this lifestyle. The authors take a calm and understanding approach in this book, perfect for non-kinky readers who might wonder why their otherwise "normal-looking" relative takes such delight in activities they themselves may be uncomfortable with.
The first couple of chapters deal with how a non-kinky person (such as your partner or best friend) might be feeling after finding out that their friend or lover likes to be spanked, whipped, tied up or "whatever." The authors obviously have been down this road many times of explaining their kink to so-called "vanilla people" and dealt with either hostile or indifferent reactions. Subsequent chapters explain more about the "world of kink," how we manage to keep all our activites consensual, and how to better accept your friend's kink. There's a chapter at the end of the book that explains how to deal with finding out it's your partner that is "kinky."
If you've been searching for ways to explain your "kink" to a "non-kinky" person, this book is a great place to start.
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I bought this book to give to my sister. I ended up buying a second copy to keep for myself.
I don't think any book can be a substitute for an honest, thoughtful conversation, but this book certainly helps with those difficult questions that come up. It is very honest but gentle. It is easy to read, and full of compassion for both the nonkinky reader and the kinky person.
The surprise for me was how much I appreciated the book for myself. It includes a number of "coming out" letters the authors collected--letters kinky people wrote and wished they dared to send to their families and friends. Some of these were deeply touching.
There is such a sense of dignity and honesty in this book, it kept reminding me of reasons why being kinky person is something to be proud of. I ended up holding my head a little higher, feeling a little more confident and comfortable with myself.
And my sister loved the book too!
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Discussing alternative and controversial sexualities is the raison detre of Greenery Press. This one goes further by directly addressing those not already in the choir (whether in or out of the closet). What a challenge! Even the authors acknowledge that they're so immersed in kink culture that they've lost a certain amount of objectivity.
The chapters follow the classic recipe for a successful scene: start slower than slow, lighter than light, and build up from there. A gentle introduction is followed by a check-in, with reminders to breathe and relax. Terms are defined, practices are described, and safety issues are given high priority. For the reader left wanting more, there's a resources guide.
Keeping in mind the reactionary skepticism I felt when one of my friends joined a religious cult, I wondered how effective this book would be in soothing a non-kinkster. Some of the more explicit passages - such as a lighthearted description of a birthday kidnapping orgy - might have Aunt Matilda calling for the funny wagon. This book would best be preceded by some deep heart-to-heart conversations between the loved ones, rather than offered as the initial coming out gesture. Perhaps it doesn't need saying, but I would recommend that the person coming out would benefit by reading the entire thing before offering it to Dad. Which brings me to an important point.
Easton and Liszt specifically address family, friends, mates, and health practitioners throughout the book. An unexpected side-effect was that I - an emerging-from-the-closet kinkster - found a deeper understanding and acceptance of myself and my desires. This could be the best BDSM introduction yet
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The spectrum of human sexuality and behavior is culturally defined, shaped, and sanctioned. Some acts and relationships being within the norm, others being viewed as extreme or deviant. In every society, consenting adult sexual practices can vary widely as to whether they are normative or "kinky". These practices include bondage, spanking, cross-dressing, erotic role-playing, fetishism, and related activities. Marriage and family counselor Dossie Easton and writer/educator Catherine A. Liszt wrote When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support. A highly recommended addition to personal, academic, and community library human sexuality reference collections, When Someone You Love Is Kinky is sound, appropriate, informative, and serious reading.
I've read it, and I'd agree with the reviews listed above.
You can buy them second-hand, and I think you'd find it very helpful!
~ShadeDiva
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~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld
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Thoughts on submission - 
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