Dominant Switches?

Dominant Switches? (Full Version)

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sub4hire -> Dominant Switches? (2/7/2005 7:10:58 PM)
Ok, I was talking to someone I consider a friend today. Anyway, we were talking about people who were born into the lifestyle. Their parents were dominant or submissive. Most of these people will tell you they grew up as slaves or submissives. Now here we are at adulthood and they are now dominants. Doesn't this make them switches? Both sides of the coin.

mistoferin -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/7/2005 7:17:21 PM)
I have often wondered the same thing about Dominants who state that their formal training in the lifestyle started as a bottom/sub/slave. I know there are people who swear that those environments produce the best Dominants. I am not to say that they are wrong. As I look at my Sir though, and many other Dominants that I know and respect greatly, I can not even imagine any one of them in a position of submission. BAd, bad, bad visual there.

ShadeDiva -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/7/2005 7:18:24 PM)
I guess it would depend mostly on your definition of switch. If you define it as EVER having explored both ends of the power spectrum and that makes you a switch, then yes. If you define it as what you have explored on a conscious level as an adult - maybe not. I personally think we at various ponts in our lives have to take on both power identifications, so in essence, I sorta view everyone as having switch moments, though I wouldn't say that would confine nor define them within a BDSM context and lifestyle. ~ShadeDiva

Shayna -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 5:16:30 AM)
I am attracted to people who have a little mixture of both energies - probably because I've never identified as 100% anything. I'm fascinated by "the other". My first Master said he was 80% Dom, 20% sub and that he had bottomed a couple of times to have the experience. I like that sense of adventure and willingness to explore other positions.

DeadofKnight -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 7:25:29 AM)
Hello again, If you take the stance that dominants that have experienced the submissive/bottom side, then the Olde Gaurd Masters are switches. It was back then that it was mandatory for them to start as such as part of their training. I started on this side as well. I very quickly found that it was not for me, just not my thing. I guess I'd say I am 95% Dom and 5% botton. Maybe even lower on the bottom issue. But I do admitt it. DoK

knkywch -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 11:53:36 AM)
I agree with the folks who essentially position the label as dependent on what definition you give for it. As for me, I believe that it's important for those who identify as a top to experience what it is to bottom, though I don't believe it is that important for someone who identifies as a bottom to experience what it is to top. I believe the power in identifying labels comes from self-knowledge and self-identification. I know a man who is SUCH a top, SUCH a dominant! And, he has bottomed and through the bottoming experiences expanded his mind, his emotional understanding, and his heart. My first master once told me something that has stuck with me years later. Essentially, he said that EVERYONE needs to bottom. And, by bottom, I think he meant relax or surrender to someone/something rather than be submissive or tied up and beaten. While both roles require the ability to be responsible, honest, and effective in communication and empathy skills, it seems to me that the top role demands more leadership and creativity (planning, strategizing, initializing) while the bottom role requires the courage to trust, surrender, let go, receive, relax, respond, and accept consequences. Despite the overlap, the different roles clearly have some different skill sets. So, to me someone who identifies as a switch would delight in, embrace, and be energized in either role AND have the skills to act effectively in either role. [:D] My two pennies... kw

Mercnbeth -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 12:10:36 PM)
quote: then the Olde Gaurd Masters are switches. It was back then that it was mandatory for them to start as such as part of their training. I started on this side as well. Glad you posted this and have experience. You can be a great source of information if you can reference the source of this, and document the "mandatory" experience requirement. Is it published or documented anywhere? If so, it would solve a lot of the questions and issues that often come up here regarding "old guard". Thanks!

sub4hire -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 3:49:37 PM)
quote: It was back then that it was mandatory for them to start as such as part of their training. To be accurate you also need to point out this was not the case for all old guard. Only certain ones.

songbird26 -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/8/2005 4:20:16 PM)
Oh, I don't know. I think it's good to experience lots of different sides of every coin, so you know you're not landing on one side or the other just by default, and that kind of experience doesn't necessarily change one's orientation or mindset or self-identification. For example, I've slept with women, and in doing so discovered that I'm straight as a board. grin I've met self-identified dominants who I imagined would have found some real joy in submitting, and some subs who, I felt, might have been much more fulfilled and effective on the other side of the flogger. But in the end, it comes down to what a person feels is right for themselves, and if they're comfortable exploring, grand, and if not, well, that's their legitimate choice as well. Grew up a bottom, happier now as a top? Then I'd guess they'd just moved on the spectrum, and instead of stopping in the middle (in Switchland) they traveled all the way to from Subsville to Domopolis. And there they now happily reside.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/11/2005 4:41:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire Ok, I was talking to someone I consider a friend today. Anyway, we were talking about people who were born into the lifestyle. Their parents were dominant or submissive. Most of these people will tell you they grew up as slaves or submissives. Now here we are at adulthood and they are now dominants. Doesn't this make them switches? Both sides of the coin. I often wonder this myself. I was introduced to the D/s dynamic by a Dominant man to whom I attempted to submit. For a while, I explored both and now I would say that I identify as Domme. Now this may be opening up a whole can of worms but I believe that as much as I have tried to submit in a D/s dynamic throughout my life, I only truly managed to once or twice with one particular person. I can "act" the perfect sub. I can go through all the motions, batting eyelashes "please Sir, yes Miss", etc. In my mid 20s I had a relationship that was based on this, where I was technically sub and he was technically Dom. The thing is, he never had one ounce of control over me and the situation was in actuality very much the opposite. It was the ultimate in topping from the bottom through and through. And I can also have a whole lot of fun doing it. But am I truly submitting? I actually hold everything back. Sometimes I actually wish I could let go and truly surrender to it. The few times it happened it was truly mind blowing. So does this make me switch? Some would say yes, some would say no. I guess it all depends on people's criteria. Do I identify as switch? Not in a D/s context. I do in an S&M context however because of my maso desires. - LA

bluedogg7000 -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/11/2005 6:18:36 PM)
I must come down on the side of the Dominant Switch. I am about 85% Dominant but find a need to visit my sub side from time to time. When I do, it is with two specific things in mind. First, I use it to take a break from the stresses of being Dominant. It is nice to just relax and enjoy the sensations and freedom from being "on"as a Dom which I put alot of work and thought into. Subbing is a nice break that restores me. Second, and more importantly, I use my sub side to stay in touch with my sub's world. I never want to get so so Dominant oriented that I lose sight of the sub experience and what that means for my sub. I have to agree with the Old Guard belief that a good Dom is enhanced by a rich sub history. I guess my particular twist on this theory is that my bottom experience is ongoing. I find it works well for me. In the end, that is what is important....

DomButNotForgotn -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/12/2005 12:04:11 PM)
As a child, you MUST be submissive. You know almost nothing. Your parents or elders must protect you, and require your obedience to insure your survival. Look around you - it's worked that way for thousands and thousands of years. As we get older, we define ourselves, by our nature and by roles we see or adopt. Some might have sub parents and decide theny must be a sub, others will choose being dominant in some way or another, because that is what they want. Nobody - and I mean nobody is 100% Dom or sub, in my experience. The most Dom, macho guy can be a tender and caring parent, serving their child out of love or even duty. The most subbie person can be a business manager (and a strict one) yet choose to be sexually servient, or serve thier community, or a pro-dom/me as their house cleaner - what ever works for them! Some switches will be sub with one person, switch with another, and Dom/me with another - who cares? As long as the relationship works for the parties involved, I say bless their kinky hearts. My last GF was a switch, and we had a good relationship. I wanted to be a Dom with her, and was. She was a very good sub with me. On occasion, I let her take charge, but as she put it, "I'll always let you get me back", and indeed I always did! With relish! Peace. Out. Mark Malden, MA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/12/2005 9:50:12 PM)
quote: As a child, you MUST be submissive. I think my parents would tell you I fought that one tooth and nail ;) - LA

GentleLady -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/12/2005 10:37:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: As a child, you MUST be submissive. I think my parents would tell you I fought that one tooth and nail ;) - LA I bit the bullet a few years back and told My mother I was Dominant and in the BDSM Lifestyle. I waited for the explosion and shock. Her response ??......I always knew You were. She had more stories then you could shake at stick at showing how I was the One who organized the mischief we got up to as kids. My father was Dominant and he and I would go at it over every major issue.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/12/2005 11:45:23 PM)
Just remember, there's a large difference between being "submissive" being "a submissive" and having "a submissive personality" Everyone is submissive to something at some point in their life. Whether they are oriented as a submissive or not is different. Also, many submissives do not have submissive personalities, but that doesn't mean they are "a dominant" either.

stef -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/13/2005 4:27:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomButNotForgotn As a child, you MUST be submissive. You know almost nothing. Your parents or elders must protect you, and require your obedience to insure your survival. Dependent != submissive. ~stef

cuumsluut -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/13/2005 1:36:14 PM)
doesn't it make them abused by pedophiles?

MrThorns -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/13/2005 1:44:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire Ok, I was talking to someone I consider a friend today. Anyway, we were talking about people who were born into the lifestyle. Their parents were dominant or submissive. Most of these people will tell you they grew up as slaves or submissives. Now here we are at adulthood and they are now dominants. Doesn't this make them switches? I would say no. They are not switches by my definition.A switch, by my definition, enjoys being on both sides of the power spectrum. As a child, ate dirt, rarely showered, and hated mushrooms. Fortunately, I have changed a bit, but am I to be considered a dirt-eating mushroom-hating non-hygenic switch? I simply had some personal growth that changed my behaviors and attitudes towards the world and my part in it. ~Thorns

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dominant Switches? (2/14/2005 5:13:12 AM)
quote: Fortunately, I have changed a bit Fortunately for your slave I should say ;) - LA

DeadofKnight -> RE: Dominant Switches? (3/5/2005 9:03:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: then the Olde Gaurd Masters are switches. It was back then that it was mandatory for them to start as such as part of their training. I started on this side as well. Glad you posted this and have experience. You can be a great source of information if you can reference the source of this, and document the "mandatory" experience requirement. Is it published or documented anywhere? If so, it would solve a lot of the questions and issues that often come up here regarding "old guard". Thanks! Mercnbeth, Actually, I meant 'Olde School', not 'Olde Gaurd'. I tried to find where I had read this, to no avail. I believe it was at this site, Mistress Steel In the 'Chambers' section, but I could not find it. I, also, checked many other sites that I had read in my early days, with the same results. But, I do remember it and have always thought it was something that Tops, of any form, should do to better understand that side of lifestyle. I do not judge those that don't or haven't. I did a little of this in finding my self, is all. Thank you for your query, I wish I could have been more help.

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