RE: Real life "mentoring"

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Real life "mentoring"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Real life "mentoring"

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/15/2006 3:51:45 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear CrazyC, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do identify as a mentor. I also identify as an educator. I also identify as being a helpful person, when asked.

That said; there are those who will abuse a position of trust, regardless and that I agree to being disturbed by such but, each needs to be judged on an independent basis.

I also identify as a dominant. But, as a dominant--I do not confuse the focus as dominant with the role of educator and or mentor.

As a mentor, I am not in a dominant position or 'intent.' In a mentoring role, I find my heart, mind and soul as a big sister or skills master, showing skills and or knowledge exchanges and or problem solvers. I don't play match-maker. I also do not 'date' and or have 'intimate' relationships with those asking me to mentor them. I see myself working along side someone, to experience what my mind's eyes I see as to educate their own mind's eyes. Mentoring in my mind's eyes are strictly educational on a one-on-one basis.

True, I do mentor more times than not, dominants. However, I will not turn away slaves if they ask for something specific for me to mentor them in; such as table settings, etiquette and or something like that. But, I do not consider myself a person who does mentoring as to get into somebody's panties/boxers/thongs/athletic cups, etc.

My most latest mentoring, was Saturday, November 11th. In conversation with a delightful lady, the discussion of single tails came about and went to my 'domme mobile' and removed 6 single tails and spent time with that person. Giving my experiences with them, the whys of how things respond, training the ear to listen to the whip speak, as well as the difference between a 9 year old whip verses a 3 month old whip, identical in every way; to include different single tails and lengths; 3 foot and 4 foot, snakes and signal whips. The different strokes, Eastcoast and Westcoast, hand holding techniques and how the body and eyes of a dominant at times gives false reads.
Loaning a single tail in my collection to practice with-- that to me is mentoring. There was nothing sexual about it but, giving from my wealth of knowledge and investing into another; to me is what mentoring is all about. It warms my soul, to know that the person entered and exited with more than they came in with. Something that lady will keep and has earned rightfully so.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to CrazyC)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/15/2006 10:44:43 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

I really am tired of tussling, but c'mon, folks....

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear emdoub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Um... is there a reason I don't fit into either of the other categories?

Maybe you know me Real Life(tm)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Me, I guess...
Ain't it lovelerly, when you see someone either dominating or proto-domming (collar of protection, collar of consideration, testing collar, collar of the week) someone whom they obviously respect and hold in high regard?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
I need to respond as far as the 'collar of consideration.' I'm from the Old School way of doing things, which wasn't a velcro and or collar to be taken lightly. It was the first stage of obtaining the slave collar.
That said, there are personality changes when it is in the courting stage and or dating slave into a serious relationship, with the intent of becoming a slave that lives within someone's home 24/7. There have been times slaves think that 24/7 is for them and when they are exposed to such experiences--not always is it what they think it is. The fantasy myth and or imagination bubble is broken. This is why consideration was used in my day. Exporing the reality takes steps.
Although the collar of consideration is of a time and mind of a different era; it should be said that some of us who use the Collar of Consideration in the process of creating and making a concrete relationship will find being in with the testing collar and collar of the week rather uncomfortable. But, like with anything--even collars; they are subjected to abuse like everything in life.

Intending no disrespect, Lady Hugs, but I've been around for a bit, and the first I ever heard of 'collar of consideration' was in about '99 or so.

Until then, there were simply two types of collar - those with buckles (or snaps, or velcro, or whatever fastener worked), and those without - the ones that wouldn't come off intact. The permanant collar showed a tad more faith and commitment, but they were respected pretty much equally.

What a collar meant was "they're mine, dammit". Finis. The collar may stay on for a scene, or a date, or a weekend, or a year - but while it was on, it meant one thing.

Then, in spitting distance of 2000 (the year before the turn of the millennium), there came up specific collars. Training, consideration, protection, what have you.

Now, a training collar, I can sort of understand - "I act as if I own them for purposes of training them in ______" - an intentionally finite relationship, no matter how well it goes. The rest of them say to me "I wanna act as if I own 'em, but without the responsibility that entails" - which is not a stance I have a whole lot of respect for.

If that's what works for you and yours, fine - nuna my bidness, and I hope y'all have a wonderful time doing things in ways different from me. But please don't give me this 'oldtimer' routine, explaining how the Olde Guard did things - because while I'm not Olde Guarde my ownself, I know several of 'em - and I've never known any of them to use any collar that needed a name.

Now, if you have something that'll show me to be wrong, I'd be happy to see it - learning new things is fun, mostly. Or maybe you just use the word 'era' differently than I do - in which case, I'd like to be enlightened.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/15/2006 11:30:12 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Intending no disrespect, Lady Hugs, but I've been around for a bit, and the first I ever heard of 'collar of consideration' was in about '99 or so.

Until then, there were simply two types of collar - those with buckles (or snaps, or velcro, or whatever fastener worked), and those without - the ones that wouldn't come off intact. The permanant collar showed a tad more faith and commitment, but they were respected pretty much equally.

Collars of consideration were around well before 1999. They were used pretty extensively in the SF area since at least 1982 when I first entered the scene there. I don't know when the inception began, but I do know they were also used at Arizona Power Exchange since at least 1995 and possibly before and in Florida a few years before that when I visited and was fortunate to spend time with some of the members of that community many of whom embraced the idea of collars of consideration. I know of at least one former president of APEX who wore one herself and gave one later to her boy which was in the early to mid-90's. I also knew a lot of gay leather daddy's (SF was something of a mecca for those folks) and I didn't know many of them who 'didn't' utilize the collar of consideration, but SF is not MN so perhaps things were different here 24 years or so ago.

There may be some documentation in the Leather Archives. If I were interested, that would be where I would start my search.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to emdoub)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 1:45:06 AM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Dear crazy,
No one should ever make complete generalisations however there can be several reason why a Dom would do that for sub/slave. One possibility is that the s/s has made consistently bad selections of prior boyfriends and Masters. Another possibility is the s/s asked the Dom/Master to do it. you also need to remember that many slaves don't want to be empowered. Hope this helps.
Alan

(in reply to CrazyC)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 3:22:40 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

There are preditors out there and they generally dont say, "Hello, I'm a preditor." Instead they talk you into shit for blow jobs and a thrill.

I am not too into "collars of consideration," know someone who has been on it for months and is basically treated as a Slave, without being considered one and owned. I'd much rather go for a training collar then a full on Collar so you at least take responsibility for the person your bossing around.

If someone is making major decisions for someone else then sex shouldnt be a part of it, nor should any type of financial or personal gain. Thats not mentoring but it really depends on the situation and people involved.

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 6:51:20 AM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaOz

There are preditors out there and they generally dont say, "Hello, I'm a preditor." Instead they talk you into shit for blow jobs and a thrill.

And sometimes they aren't interested particularly in sex because they have issues...and this can make them harder to identify. They are looking strictly for control because there's so much in their life that they can't control. I know one of these guys...he calls himself a "mentor" and yeah....CM is where he casts his line.

As has been said....mentors help someone take care of their own life, empower the people they work with, they don't take over and micro-manage!

(in reply to ChaOz)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 11:50:46 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear emdoub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my day, when we addressed a particular person we wrote their name, as to address the particular letter, etc. Since others read this system; they are entitled to just as much respect as you, in my mind's eye.

It would be no different, as in addressing an assembly of people; Mr. President, Ladies and Gentlemen; in this case -- it is emdoub.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to emdoub)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 12:05:40 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear emdoub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In regard to your reference to Olde Guarde, I don't recall anything called anything but Old Guard, with the Gay Leather community.

I will again say, that I did earn my leathers in the Gay Leather Community, as well as holding an associate membership in a Gay Leather association. I will also say, that I also circulated in the Heterosexual community as well.

As for copyrighted/registered documentation of the "Collar of Consideration" being used on a regular basis in my personal experiences and written on such; it will be in "The Manual-How you give service" in 1997. A copy of this 'manual' is with the Leather Library with Vi Johnson (CD-Rom) disk. US Library of Congress; Certified and Registered 1997 - Registration/Certification # TXu 828-635. It will be under collar protocols. Slave collars were earned in stages.

Again--what works for others is fine. But, there are those across the the community that may still use the collar of consideration, which is not for the purpose of abuse but, more of a serious start to a relationship in a M/s and or D/s relationship.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to emdoub)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 12:28:16 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Collars of consideration were around well before 1999. They were used pretty extensively in the SF area since at least 1982 when I first entered the scene there. I don't know when the inception began, but I do know they were also used at Arizona Power Exchange since at least 1995 ...

Hokay - I don't know everything, it seems. Whatdda surprise.

I was at a party in SF (hosted by Lady Tanith) in the mid-late 90's, and recall that she had a 'boy' at the time - uncollared, but she was seriously considering collaring him. Mayhaps the 'collar of consideration' wasn't used as widely as you thought - or she knew of 'em, and just didn't use them. We fell out of contact some years back, so I can't say I know.

quote:

There may be some documentation in the Leather Archives. If I were interested, that would be where I would start my search.

Celeste

I'm not that interested, but thanks much for the data point.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 12:35:52 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emdoub

I was at a party in SF (hosted by Lady Tanith) in the mid-late 90's, and recall that she had a 'boy' at the time - uncollared, but she was seriously considering collaring him. Mayhaps the 'collar of consideration' wasn't used as widely as you thought - or she knew of 'em, and just didn't use them. We fell out of contact some years back, so I can't say I know.

quote:

There may be some documentation in the Leather Archives. If I were interested, that would be where I would start my search.

Celeste

I'm not that interested, but thanks much for the data point.

Midnight Writer

Opps.. actually, my bad. I should have specified it was used extensively around the 'gay' leather scene. I identified as a fem lez back then and that's the scene I spent most of my time in. I don't know what the het community was doing cuz straights were just icky. ::laughs::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to emdoub)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Real life "mentoring" - 11/16/2006 8:09:17 PM

SirDraven

Posts: 37
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Atlanta GA
Status: offline

If a woman came to me for consideration one of the first things I would look at is how strong she is. I want a submissive who can stand on her own. One who can unserstand what needs to be done and can make desissions on her own.

I think the oppertive word here is "protector" not mentor. As a protector I dont make any choices for the sub. I simply point how I feel about the situation and let her make hew own choice. I am also there for safe calls and guidence.

Mentoring is more like training. I have a mentor. I think all good Doms have had one at some point. I am extremely impressed when a sub askes if I have one.

I hope that helps.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Profile

Post #: 31