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Handling a Break Up - 2/8/2005 8:28:08 AM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline
Being in this lifestyle for so many years a break up is never easy, especially when it comes with such a high emotional price. It doesn't matter if the dom was good or bad.

Recently I have rebounded because I allowed myself to fall in love with my dominant and we parted, I would say we were both at fault and spliting hair don't count for much. I tried to remember what was good and bad. I am not a foolish woman in fact I can extremely serious too much so.

I know where I am emotionally right now, I know physcially I am in a rather safe place and it easy to hide and lick my wounded heart. however there will have to be a day when I need to take a risk again, why because I am a masochist for love..lol

I really wish I could forget about him, he's not my first dominant. How do I move on when I still feel him?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/8/2005 8:32:24 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		ahhh, hugs to you Only time heals and I'm sure you've heard that before. I would collect all his things that remind you of him and trash them or send them back to him. Burn his pictures. This is a good therapy technique. Buy a pint of Haagen Daz. Get your friends over for a sleepover. You need all the support you can get right now. And, let yourself go with the talking; let it all out. Good luck.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/8/2005 8:51:39 AM   
Goodmix


Posts: 86
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		terah,
I agree with sweetpleaser, time is all it will take. IN the mean time, friends are a great comfort. That's one reason we should never forget our friends when we are in a "relationship".
IN addtion to what sweetleaser said..... if there is a song on the radio that reminds you of Him, turn the station, or turn it off.
Good luck,
Hugs,
Cheryl

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/8/2005 10:45:56 AM   
fire2heart


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm new to the lifestlye and am going through the same thing...

I wrote and wrote pages of thoughts about him and got a lot of hurt and anger out of my system. That helped a little to stop my obsessing over him, seeing my feelings in black and white took it out of my head long enough to see things more rational.

I loved your saying that you are a masochist for love! That is me in a nutshell with relationships!



_____________________________

fire2heart


(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/8/2005 11:11:12 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		When my ex Sir and I split up I played the song "Wasted Time" by the Eagles until I just couldn't cry anymore. Than I picked my ass up, called my girlfriend and said "Sister....I need to go out!". Keeping yourself occupied and pushing yourself to get out and do things that you don't really feel up to doing can go along way. It's ok to take a little time and just curl up....but don't let that last too long.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/9/2005 9:24:52 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		It just happened to me last sunday, it is hard after 3 yrs being with the Dom and out of the blue got an email to tell me that he was leaving the lifestyle and me.

I do agree with sweetpleaser, i got rid of things that reminds me of him so it hurts less. That doesnt mean that i will forget him, i wont cause he was very special to me.

All the best

softysub

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/9/2005 10:01:46 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Ahhh, hugs to you too softysub. Breakups are hell!! I forgot to mention writing a heartfelt letter and not sending it bit--very good idea fire2heart.
(I don't know if you sent yours but my theory is to not send the letter because you don't want to let him know you are hurting so bad, JMO pride and all).

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/9/2005 12:07:47 PM   
Goodmix


Posts: 86
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		Oh,
One more thing....althougth you are not out for revenge....rememeber
"The best revenge is living well" Get on with your life and make the most of it.
Hugs (again)
Cheryl

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 12:53:20 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: terah
Being in this lifestyle for so many years a break up is never easy, especially when it comes with such a high emotional price.

will have to be a day when I need to take a risk again, why because I am a masochist for love..lol

I'm sorry Terah about your breakup and the feelings...
I would probably take a day to fell sorry for self/cry, than do/see things/movies/comedies that make you laugh, and use the girlfriends/family to talk/hug/heal. Good luck, M

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 3:04:18 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, i replied to His email and i didnt get a reply from it. I do try to keep myself busy and all, but i see Him everywhere with His wonderful smile. What is hard is that it left me with so many questions as to why He did it via email and not to my face when W/we were together 2 days prior to the break up email. I questioned myself, i wasnt worth it or what?

I guess time is the only answer. I have a wonderful subbie friend helping me, but she can do so much as i have to do most of the work, but she is just great.

softysub

(in reply to sweetpleaser)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 7:58:24 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub
Unfortunately, i replied to His email and i didnt get a reply from it. I do try to keep myself busy and all, but i see Him everywhere with His wonderful smile. What is hard is that it left me with so many questions as to why He did it via email and not to my face when W/we were together 2 days prior to the break up email. I questioned myself, i wasnt worth it or what?
softysub

Hello there softy... I'm thinking that You should understand that although your mind is playing tricks on you reminding you of how wonderful his smile was, it's also hiding the part of your mind that says "he's probably an asshole that didn't deserve you, or he'd have more consideration for your feelings/respect for you as a person to have a conversation face to face about a relationship that was not working? Wasn't that mean/weak/evil of him? Did you want a weak Dom who treats you like that? I hope my words don't hurt/offend you, as it isn't my intent.

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 9:59:34 AM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		I am not sad about the break up, I just miss the relationship. This post was to get ideas on how other handle breakup.

(in reply to terah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 10:02:33 AM   
fire2heart


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpleaser

Ahhh, hugs to you too softysub. Breakups are hell!! I forgot to mention writing a heartfelt letter and not sending it bit--very good idea fire2heart.
(I don't know if you sent yours but my theory is to not send the letter because you don't want to let him know you are hurting so bad, JMO pride and all).


Some I sent to him and some I have kept to myself, and in retrospect, I would have kept them all to myself.
Thanks for the feedback!



_____________________________

fire2heart


(in reply to sweetpleaser)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 3:23:01 PM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		No offense taken Ma'am.....He always said to me that He wouldnt be able to give me what i wanted....as per Hi saying. He also told me that i deserved better than Him.

thank you :)

softysub

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 5:14:37 PM   
realophelia


Posts: 168
Status: offline
quote:

I'm thinking that You should understand that although your mind is playing tricks on you reminding you of how wonderful his smile was, it's also hiding the part of your mind that says "he's probably an asshole that didn't deserve you, or he'd have more consideration for your feelings/respect for you as a person to have a conversation face to face about a relationship that was not working?


I couldn't agree more. I used to say my old Dom was perfect. Even though he really didn't care about me very much. One day one of my sub friends asked if he had talked to me after we played and when I said no, she said, I guess he really isn't so perfect then, is he? Sounds like a mean comment, I know, but it really wasn't. It was one of those comments that rings true. I hope you are able to keep in mind that you do deserve better.

Best wishes,
Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 2/10/2005 6:26:38 PM >

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Handling a Break Up - 2/10/2005 10:38:44 PM   
LongRiverWolf


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Some people, men and women, just don't have the decency to face people, and they take the easy way out. I feel for you and hope you recover. I am new to this site and don't know much about navigating, but if you ever just want to chat and hang out i am open. Best Regards LTR

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 16
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