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jblack -> RE: novice (11/20/2006 9:48:57 PM)
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Okay, I should probably start by saying that I know nothing. I'm a novice, too. I think it's easier to present oneself as a novice when one is a sub (a lot of Doms are interested in "training" a newbie), but I would not guess that it's wise to say that you have no idea what you're doing as a Dom. You should be honest, of course, but you should consider how to articulate what you are looking for.
My guess (and this is just a guess, mind you) is that you haven't really thought this through yet. I would imagine that you have some attraction to BDSM, but you haven't really thought about what you want and why you want it. I would recommend getting to know other people who are kinky for conversations. See if there's a BDSM community in your area. It's pretty bold for me to advise finding a munch, considering that I haven't been to one myself, but I'd say it's a good starting point.
Instead of thinking about how to find a sub, be honest with yourself about what you hope to get from that relationship. If you're just looking for sex-without-arguments, then you've misunderstood the entire Master/sub dynamic. Quivver's point seems to suggest something similar: you would be drawn to the world if you were already Dominant, not the other way around. In other words, there's no sense in thinking, "Man, I wish I were a Dom" because your Dom desires will either assert themselves or they won't; they can't be summoned up from nowhere.
As a novice, I didn't arrive here because I thought, "Wow, BDSM sounds super-cool." I arrived here because my submissive fantasies drew me here. After years and years and years of thinking about what I wanted, I finally admitted that these desires weren't going to go away. So, I started trying to figure out what BDSM entailed by doing a lot of research. There are good books on the topic (Jay Wiseman's works are a good place to start), and you can learn a lot by communities like collarme. You don't need to start advertising for a sub right away but can learn by reading message boards, talking to other Doms, and discerning whether this is the right place for you.
It can be hard, I know, but I'd say that you have to start by learning more about what you want. You can't express what you want clearly until you have a better sense of what you really crave and need. I may not know much about this culture, but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Doms know what they want. They are confident about their own desires. And they understand that being dominant entails much, much, much more than attracting a sub.
Just the $.02 from a novice on the other side of the fence . . .
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