RE: Talking to a therapist

RE: Talking to a therapist (Full Version)

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HollyS -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 8:38:57 PM)
Hi there, quote: ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl Also I don't really want to change therapists if I don't have too, I get alone well with the one I have and for me and particular issues (Borderline Personality) that's important. I've been seeing him for over 3 years, so he knows my individual pathology pretty well. He seems completely open to the idea of the lifestyle but he just doesn't know anything. I don't think he's going to blame all my problems on it, but given my diagnosis and the issues we've been discussing (the ending of a relationship where I was collared to my Daddy) it's important he understand what the hell I'm talking about. I agree with you that keeping your long-time therapist is probably in your best interests, given that you're comfortable with him and feel he's open to discussing your bdsm side objectively. Still, I think it might be best to not think about "educating" him about the lifestyle, but rather simply stick to what your relationship with your Daddy was like, how it was structured and what it meant to you. He'll adapt to you if he's good. Really, he doesn't need to know much about bdsm in order to treat you effectively - he just needs to know about you. If you read the boards for awhile, you'll find that there's little agreement about what "the lifestyle" is, so a book is likely to be of little help for understanding you. If he's interested, maybe he can ask questions or direct him to the Moser book Tammyjo suggested, but I wouldn't let his interest/education take up your valuable session time. That's your time to focus on you, not his lack of bdsm information. And, because I feel the need... quote: ORIGINAL: michaelofgeorgia: well, he "is" a man and men make terrible therapists. that's why i don't go any more. men are generally not very sympathetic about anything (unless it's crying over their favorite sporting team losing some damned game...LOL) Michael, men only make terrible therapists when your sublimated lust for them is allowed to fester. Come clean to your therapist, tell him or her how desperately you rail against your homoerotic urges. It's the only way to make peace with your own self-hatred. and... quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper: i don't understand how a licensed therapist could be "clueless" about D/s. Seems as if this sort of thing would have been taught in school; though i suppose He might be so old He's never been taught or forgotten. Not sure why you think that D/s education is part of a therapist's education, but believe me, it isn't taught. Not anywhere in any school, as far as I know. Most reputable schools will include some discussion of "alternative sexualities," but those discussions are usually focused on how to sensitively work with gay and lesbian clients. There's a reason why the NCSF maintains the KAP listings -- kink-aware professionals are, sadly enough, pretty rare. Now you know. ~Holly

MagiksSlave -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 8:56:54 PM)
Honeslty my feelings on bringing this stuff to therapy changed in the last few weeks as I muyself had just started talking about it with my therapist and let me just say it did so much more harm then good I left her room after a session soooo much wors off the n I went in... I got quoted the DSM and told how this was a mental illness and how this was just another way I could hurt myself blady blady blah.. I came to Master one time soo upset about a session I had and he had to pick up the peases and he almost ordered me to find a kink friendly therapist in fact the only reason he didnt was because of insurance issues!!!! So please be carfull if he isnt a kink friendly therapist you may end up even more confused and upset by what he has to say!! Magik's slave

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 9:08:08 PM)
quote: I know several gay-friendly therapists who I could direct you to. good, maybe you need to see one, since I AM NOT GAY, i have no need for such shit. please learn to listen and learn. i thought everyone here had some essence of intelligence. guess i was wrong. when will you and those select others finally except the fact that i am more straight than anyone here. <<EDITED TO ADD>> by the way, didn't MOD1 already put an end to these insults?

gooddogbenji -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 9:16:32 PM)
No, Mod1 only posted in one thread, which even I missed seeing because I left the thread for a few days. But, and I mean this to help, as long as you rant on and on about how much men suck at everything, people will see overcompensation, whether they have the suggestion from others or not. Yours, benji

ownedby1 -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 9:16:50 PM)
Am a little confused....aren't therapists schooled? Do they not learn something about alternative lifestylers before hanging their shingle? Understandable, they would still need to understand an individual's own personal "kinks". Was personally very vanilla until just a few years ago. In spite of not having been awakened earlier in life, this one had some vague understanding of BDSM, and only have a high school education. EGADS! In the time it took me to type out this original paragraph, my question was answered...blushing....thought i had read all the way thru the thread...sorry..... in my humblest of uneducated opinions..... ownedby1

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 9:21:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji No, Mod1 only posted in one thread, which even I missed seeing because I left the thread for a few days. But, and I mean this to help, as long as you rant on and on about how much men suck at everything, people will see overcompensation, whether they have the suggestion from others or not. Yours, benji but only ignorant people would believe that garbage.

stef -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 9:54:37 PM)
Only ignorant people would rant on ad infinitum about how they hate men and how horrible men are. Give it a rest Michael. ~stef

CandleInTheWind -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 10:18:28 PM)
well, he "is" a man and men make terrible therapists. that's why i don't go any more. men are generally not very sympathetic about anything (unless it's crying over their favorite sporting team losing some damned game...LOL) _____________________________ Are we having fun, yet? Micheal.....arent you a bit judgemental here??/ I personally prefer male therapists....i just work better with men on an intellectual level...I have mother issues Im sure buut well it just is in my opinion a bit off to group all men as therapists into a group...just as it is to group all women in a group of individuals...I for one am nothing like alot of other RN's [Mod Note: pasted images and formatting removed]

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/15/2006 10:24:51 PM)
moving right along...not going to drag this out any further...back to the regularly scheduled forum...

gooddogbenji -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 2:15:19 AM)
Then just ignore it.... Unless you thrive on drama, like I do. Yours, benji

mons -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 2:36:45 AM)
greetings i saw a theraispt for many years and i spoke to him about my ideals of being a dominant woman and being a christian yes it was hard for me and with his help i learn i was okay and i had become a domme through how i was rasie and also how the abuse made only trust throught dominantion i am now over that part and have move on with now seeing i did not need to use this as a key to having my way but this is who i am he was a great person and i think he did like hearing maybe a little to much but he was a true proffetional. his help and kindness was so great i can never repay him for helping me with problems with my pass. you may need to find another one, if you are just seeing him esplain what it is to him i did this with mine and he let me slowly talk he explain how why i choose white males my father was nuts my brother abuse me so my trust was in white males i had a three grade art teacher he was the first male who had treat me with kindness so it was good good luck mons

MisPandora -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 4:34:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl I have actually tried to find a Kink Aware therapist but there are none to be had. There are a number of KAPs who have GLBT and SM experience in the Philadelphia area. Please write me on the other side if you are interested in going this route.

JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 7:28:42 AM)
I have learned that alot of therapists assume you have issues because of your involvement in the lifestyle ..they don't nor do they want to understand.

drawntothedark -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 10:10:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Honeslty my feelings on bringing this stuff to therapy changed in the last few weeks as I muyself had just started talking about it with my therapist and let me just say it did so much more harm then good I left her room after a session soooo much wors off the n I went in... I got quoted the DSM and told how this was a mental illness and how this was just another way I could hurt myself blady blady blah.. I came to Master one time soo upset about a session I had and he had to pick up the peases and he almost ordered me to find a kink friendly therapist in fact the only reason he didnt was because of insurance issues!!!! So please be carfull if he isnt a kink friendly therapist you may end up even more confused and upset by what he has to say!! Magik's slave Yes, sadly I still think we in the lifestyle are looked at as victums or deviants to the general public.

darksdesire -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 10:12:59 AM)
Much of what psychologists are taught about bdsm comes from the DSM! lol. DSM is the Diagnostic Statistical manual for psychologists. It is a book of pure pathology, and lists all the different mental disorders and their symptoms. The manuals are updated all the time, and i don't have knowledge of the most recent version, but most of what we do will be listed under the section of sexual deviance. The DSM used to list homosexuality as a mental disorder but due to the strength of the homosexual community, that has been removed, and it is no longer "diagnosable". My last knowledge though, is that, according to the psychologists who put this book together, and those that rely on it as god's word would diagnose us as having a mental disorder Psychologists are rarely trained about BDSM, poly or other sexual preferences other than as a paraphelia. They are trained in cultural sensitivity and diversity, but this doesn't include the BDSM world. It may include gay and lesbian and transgender issues along with other cultural diversities, but we are so far left out of the loop as far as being "culturally different" as opposed to "mentally ill". This is a rant of mine, and something i hope to see change in the coming years. That being said, many therapists will view our chosen sexuality as a symptom of deep seated issues. But not all!. i ended up finding one by interviewing him on the phone. While there were no kink friendy therapists in my area, i did need to see someone, and needed to have the freedom to discuss my life without holding back. He was open minded, and it has turned out to work well. Unfortunatley, i did feel the need to train him to some degree, and he was very receptive to learning. The best thing i did was give him a copy of this wonderful article written by a woman psychologist called "the healthy submissive". i also directed him to browse a few websites that i believed represented the bdsm world in a realistic, responsible although varied light.. But i agree, be careful. The worst thing for me would have been to visit a counselor or therapist who decided what i did was sick and unhealthy and diagnosable. i don't think i'm strong enough to have not taken that on to some degree, and it would easily have cast doubts and confusion about myself, even if temporarily.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 10:19:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedby1 Am a little confused....aren't therapists schooled? Do they not learn something about alternative lifestylers before hanging their shingle? Understandable, they would still need to understand an individual's own personal "kinks". Was personally very vanilla until just a few years ago. In spite of not having been awakened earlier in life, this one had some vague understanding of BDSM, and only have a high school education. EGADS! In the time it took me to type out this original paragraph, my question was answered...blushing....thought i had read all the way thru the thread...sorry..... in my humblest of uneducated opinions..... ownedby1 :) it all good we dont all know this but BDSM is in the DSM as a form of mental illness so in fact trained psycs are trained that we who are into BDSM must be "Cured" of it because it is an illness, so in the case their schooling works against us :( Magik's slave

CrazyC -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 10:26:38 AM)
Yea BDSM isn't something taught in getting a degree for psychology or counciling. He doesnt really need to know about your sexual activity at all, just that you have a relationship with this guy. Though i do think, a educational class in BDSM should be tought for those going into sex therapy in a psychological understanding way.

MiLady2005a -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 10:49:42 AM)
I too have seen a therapist for years. I brought up the L/S during one of our sessions and she promptly began educating herself. She continued in her fabulous non-judgemental process of dealing with me. She has since left the field to write a book and has turned me over to her close associate. I miss her already

amativedame -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 11:02:02 AM)
Actually, BDSM isn't condemned in the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders for those of you who are unaware.) Unfortunately I don't actually have a copy right now in front of me (I can't justify spending $75 on a current addition when I may have to purchase a new edition when I finish my degree) so I can't tell you what it says exactly. ItI do know however that it does not however fully condemn this type of life or activity at all. Can some see it as such? Yes, after all everyone has their own opinions. Aparently the person you see has a different opinion. I don't know you and I am not saying you are one of them, but there are people (and I have seen them here on the boards of collarme) who seek this lifestyle for unhealthy reasons. So the idea isn't necessarily out of line nor ignorant. I posted about something similar in the a thread titled "Convincing the Psychologist" a while back where I said: quote: interesting... there is a section in the newest copy of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) that states that our lifestyle isn't a mental disorder. I haven't run into a full copy of it online, but who ever you are seeing should most certainly have a copy.... and your bookstore or local library would most likely have it as well. Informed Consent has a small mention of it on their site- where they state: "In the past, sadomasochistic activities and fantasies were regarded by most psychiatrists as pathological, but have been regarded as increasingly acceptable since at least the 1990s. Indeed, the DSM-IV asserts that "The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours" must "cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" in order for sexual sadism or masochism to be considered a disorder. People who practice BDSM tend to reject the view of their activities as disordered." ----- in theory if you should be able to point this out to him and explain that it doesn't cause you any distress or impairment and prove your point. If you can't... obviously you need to find a new therapist. edited after I saw another comment in a previous post I missed

Squeakers -> RE: Talking to a therapist (11/16/2006 11:16:19 AM)
In one psychology course I took BD/SM was listed under deviant sexual practices along with pedophilia. Many in the class didn't even know what BD/SM was---until I educated them with the simple definition 'people who like to get tied up and have their asses beat or people who like to tie others up and beat their asses' The majority commented about how 'sick' that is. No one asked how I knew, they probably just thought I was naturally smart. Seriously though, I think honestly it's lack of proper education which gets D/s or BD/SM tossed in with mental illness. It difficult enough to explain to uneducated 'vanilla' people why we do what we do let alone some one who has been educated with that knowledge that our chosen lifestyle practices are practices of the mentally inbalanced. If they have been taught that it is a mental illness, that is sort of ingrained and difficult to have them see it as anything but that. I am always one of these people that worry about things like that---like what if I get in a car wreck and my back side is covered with cane marks. How the hell would I explain that away? How quickly are the medical staff going to forget about my accident injuries and have a mental health profession or a domestic violence advocate at my bedside? Because of it's been ingrained that these practices are 'wrong' looking from their point of view, they are probably just assumming they are merely doing their job. Therefore is it any wonder why many keep their lifestyle practices to themselves?

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