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RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 6:01:05 PM

MstrsOrlando

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

1. Labels do not make you a submissive or slave - actions do.
2. In My humble opinion a bottom is all about sex...a submissive is about submitting to the needs of another that you trust...their needs!
3. Sounds like you don't want the responsibility of what you want. As a bottom/sub or slave - you must own up, as it were, to what you want and to stand by it...but having someone "take you down" or "make you submit" is not stepping up to the plate. In D/s you have to be responsible for your needs and not put the owness on the other.
4." I want to be sexually submissive but my character can be over powering." - as if someone were to make your character submissive...you have to be responsible for your needs and keep your character as it is, in check. Not an easy thing to do and quite frankly, most Dom's don't know how to teach a sub or slave to be one. My suggestion...read Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin and picks what works for you.
5. "In relationships in the past i played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn etc" - then you lied to the person you were involved with...and more importantly to yourself. The paradox of this lifestyle is that as a submissive you must know what you want and be able to express those needs honestly. Also...you should know how you tick in order to communicate that to another top/Dom or Master/Mistress
6. DON'T QUIT.....keep digging and being honest with yourself. I suggest you read - Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin....and go directly to the essay called Killer Bottoms! Don't be one!

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 21

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 9:21:11 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Dear god I'm starting to hate this place.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MstrsOrlando)

Post #: 22

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 10:36:21 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

msjtrx should read what i said again, on the internet we go by assumptions too much as dont know any other details to the little supplied. bdsm with all the rules doesnt really inspire me, but the fetish does. Not sure if i want the kink want to play a role or this lifestyle does nothing for me. i am not sure. also to finish this it feels weird talking to strangers on the internet about it, better in real life. Thanks for the advice all. cya

Hey, if you are gonna go, am I the only one that noticed you've been here since 2004???? Long time to stay when you see nothing in it........

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 23

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 10:37:26 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Dear god I'm starting to hate this place.

We wuv you though, joyinslavery!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 24

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 10:51:36 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Dear god I'm starting to hate this place.

We wuv you though, joyinslavery!!

SMOOCH!

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 25

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/17/2006 10:45:11 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

You really sound as though you've had your mind made up from the OP though.... We're ALL giving you answers, but it's not the answers YOU desire or what you want to hear. That's your choice, as is your departure, your assessment that we all play petty mind games, etc. Sorry, you've come to the wrong person if you expect me to try and convince you to stay.

Pandora, Didn't you get the memo? We're supposed to collar the angry newbies immediately and chain them in the lobby for later. We wouldn't want any of the angry fresh meat getting away, I mean we are all "emotionally crippled women" after all.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 26

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/17/2006 1:11:51 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Pandora, Didn't you get the memo? We're supposed to collar the angry newbies immediately and chain them in the lobby for later. We wouldn't want any of the angry fresh meat getting away, I mean we are all "emotionally crippled women" after all.

Oh hell no. If that's our new job, I quit.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 27

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/20/2006 5:34:53 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi again, i didnt expect anything just some general views. Yeah the mind games don't interest me. I been there done that, gone from fantasy to full blown Bdsm relationships then discovered the so called Dommes were not as they appeared to be. They had other intentions for me to be a responcible man look after them or father their kids. That isnt me. I, to be honest just want to play i don't really care about Domme womens emotional problems or how lost they are in this lifestyle.

As for the rest of it, i am still learning. Although this ying yang of wanting to be submissive but not wanting to act like one is kind of hard. Anyway i am rarely online its way too addictive but any responces i try and respond in the coming days/weeks.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 28

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/21/2006 4:04:35 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

They had other intentions for me to be a responcible man look after them or father their kids. That isnt me. I, to be honest just want to play i don't really care about Domme womens emotional problems or how lost they are in this lifestyle.

Gotcha.

You don't care that there's a human being on the other end of the whip.

Do you really HAVE to ask if you're submissive?

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 29

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/21/2006 4:11:14 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

Alright...first of all then I can't find a single submissive bone in you from your description; so here's my description of you:
You are a vanilla one-night-stand-guy with a hint of sexual kink.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 30

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/21/2006 4:32:52 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

Hi again, i didnt expect anything just some general views. Yeah the mind games don't interest me. I been there done that, gone from fantasy to full blown Bdsm relationships then discovered the so called Dommes were not as they appeared to be.

What!? You mean they were people underneath all that black leather!?

They had other intentions for me to be a responcible man look after them or father their kids. That isnt me. I, to be honest just want to play i don't really care about Domme womens emotional problems or how lost they are in this lifestyle.

So, you want everything you want, and nothing she wants? Sounds like a good basis for any relationship that.

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 31

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/26/2006 1:12:15 AM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi again no i am discovering what i am, as you know this is complex.

"So, you want everything you want, and nothing she wants? Sounds like a good basis for any relationship that. "

That depends on the wants.

"You are a vanilla one-night-stand-guy with a hint of sexual kink. "

Sterotypical psychology aside. For online chat communicating what we are on text is different. But we all want something.

Do you really HAVE to ask if you're submissive? That is what i want to find out. In the context of this lifestyle the rules bore me but the kink excites me. From the replies i find no answers here but thanks.

< Message edited by marksl -- 11/26/2006 1:13:14 AM >

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 32

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/26/2006 7:54:39 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

Hi, bdsm interests me but i am so unsure who or what want to be. I want to be sexually submissive but my character can be over powering. in relationships in the past i played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn etc...

I dont fit easily into the "male submissive box" yet it excites me at the same time although the way i am it can be self destructive. So the question i have is bdsm something in time i can fit into or quit now.

Here's an easy solution.

Only be submissive in the bedroom. You can probably find a nice vanilla lady who'd love to have someone focus on her orgasm and bringing her pleasure first.

But if you want more kinky than that, find someone who is also interested in just some spice in the bedroom. Kinsey surveys suggest this is a lot of people in America at least.

Odds are that you won't find such a person on a site like this though because I think most folks who come to these sites and stay are interested in more than bedroom kink.

Look for someone adventuresome who likes to be in charge in the bedroom. That should probably find you a lot more potential partners than someone who identifies as kinky.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 33

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/28/2006 9:19:54 PM

chastityboyinOzz

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline

i'll have a stab.

it seems that Collarme has rules and regulations about what makes a BDSM lifestyle a reality for a male submissive and FemDom, and i think what Mark is trying to say, is that although he likes the kink, he doesn't quite agree with rules in the context of a FemDom lifestyle.

the truth is, you have to try it. i;m in a similar position- been here awhile on collarme, but never lived in any BDSM environment way shape or form.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 34

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/12/2006 5:24:39 AM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

tammy jo you hit the nail on the head there. I never get used to the rules i find them petty. Why live by them? I am way too stubborn to even pretend which when i have in the past it never lasted long. Why so many silly rules of complaince. Although that is part of this "lifestyle" does anyone take this seriously or just me finds this attractive but no use for the rules.,

chasity thanks given me some food for thought. If i have to live by rules i make them on my terms other than that i play with this in real life, online takes too long.

(in reply to chastityboyinOzz)

Post #: 35

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/19/2006 6:22:04 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Then in my opnion no, you're not a sub if you're only in it for fetish wear and your sexual kink and satisfaction and fantasy. control and submission and giving yourself to the will of a dominant, is not " petty mind games" It's what submissives do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

the control doesnt interest me,

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 36

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/19/2006 6:29:09 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Now that is your opnion, but it's not always correct of all bottoms, I bottom to a lot of people and my bottoming has never included sex, it means we do the scene he beats my ass puts me in subspace and after it's over I don't owe him anything and he or she don't owe me anything. end of story and if it was a casual thing end of the "aquantince"

In My humble opinion a bottom is all about sex...

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 37

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/19/2006 6:58:44 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear marksl, Ladies and Gentlemen;

First, I must state my sincere concern about the first paragraph, to which you wrote; ... "in relationships in the past I played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn, etc." My focus is on the words... "I played the game."

To some of us, this isn't a game, especially when attempting to find a partner that will last beyond a 'game' period, such as role play and or somebody acting what they are not, in order to gain self satisfaction, which I see as a manipulation. It really isn't being honest to others when you make sport of something people take serious, unless you associate with like minded individuals to where it is all a huge game, like a match/game/fun and frolic and then part ways to be who you are sort of thing.

The other key words I focused on your original post; was in both paragraphs. One, "...I want to be sexually submissive but, my character is over powering;" The other key words, "...I don't fit easily into the male submissive box, yet it excites me at the same time." It is my belief that your judgment at this time is that being male submissive is sexually exciting and it is short lived."

The "general" philosophy in male submission, is not just within the areas of sex acts, sex excitement/arrousals. It is the whole attitude and behavior in other interactions with another, not exclusively for sex.

As for being stubborn, difficult and such--the paragraphs in the original post has a lot of "I want" in them. In not seeing that you like to manipulate a painful response, I do not see that you would be a masochist. Being difficult might be more manipulation and control then anything else, especially when you got the reward of kinky sex, you don't want to 'play' fair and give the other partner what they want/need, so being difficult is TOPPING from the bottom; as to have the other person quit/give up and or ignore you.

In my mind's eyes I see, even those who bottom will be gracious enough to return some form of appreciation for that brief 'dance' in D/s. It is understood that both partners have needs and wants. It isn't just one sided or something to the tune of "Do me."

I can not tell you to quit or to stay--just consider. The choice must be yours to make, just as it would be my choice and or anybody else's choice would be--you must do choices as to fit yourself.

That said, given what you have offered the readers, to which the focus has only been sexual; I find bottoms will at least be submissive for a while longer and appreciate the other partner. I am not sure if you would fall under that definition, given what was offered in your first and original post.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 38

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/20/2006 6:17:58 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

tammy jo you hit the nail on the head there. I never get used to the rules i find them petty. Why live by them? I am way too stubborn to even pretend which when i have in the past it never lasted long. Why so many silly rules of complaince. Although that is part of this "lifestyle" does anyone take this seriously or just me finds this attractive but no use for the rules.,

chasity thanks given me some food for thought. If i have to live by rules i make them on my terms other than that i play with this in real life, online takes too long.

I don't know what "rules" these are because I think each dom has her own ideas about protocols, rules, or rituals. Relationships only work then when both people find these to be useful and realistic for them.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 39

RE: Am i really sub? - 12/27/2006 5:56:40 AM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I am ending this now. This whole enviroment i can't handle. I am way too destructive at the moment. Going to take a long time away from online and bdsm.

This excites me but doesn't movtivate me enough i end up hurting people which isnt my intention. I need something more to slow me down. A woman into bdsm can't do that, clubs and drugs might. Thanks for all the help.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 40

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