Has anyone dealt with this

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Has anyone dealt with this

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Has anyone dealt with this

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Has anyone dealt with this - 11/15/2006 4:57:52 PM

SeekingMine

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/29/2006
Status: offline

I am conversating with a male sub that I find thru chat only, to be compatible with me, the thought I am having is that he is indeed compatible with me, not that this is a problem,, of course it's not!! but I must admit it scares me or perhaps it is new to me that I would indeed talk with someone that is so compatible in most areas. I have had subs in the past and played with subs in realtime that have been absolutely wonderful to session with but the relationship part for whatever reason, no blame placed, didnt occur, which is why I may be somewhat pessimistic. There have been the "no shows" the i changed my mind not ready for the next step", no sex, you can't be real" subs".
I am wondering has anyone else been thru this, where you feel so compatible with someone but are afraid somewhere along the way something will happen to change that? Of course, not enough time has passed, we have not met realtime or even talked by phone as of yet, am I worrying unnecessarily?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/15/2006 5:38:12 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingMine

I am conversating with a male sub that I find thru chat only, to be compatible with me, the thought I am having is that he is indeed compatible with me, not that this is a problem,, of course it's not!! but I must admit it scares me or perhaps it is new to me that I would indeed talk with someone that is so compatible in most areas. I have had subs in the past and played with subs in realtime that have been absolutely wonderful to session with but the relationship part for whatever reason, no blame placed, didnt occur, which is why I may be somewhat pessimistic. There have been the "no shows" the i changed my mind not ready for the next step", no sex, you can't be real" subs".
I am wondering has anyone else been thru this, where you feel so compatible with someone but are afraid somewhere along the way something will happen to change that? Of course, not enough time has passed, we have not met realtime or even talked by phone as of yet, am I worrying unnecessarily?

Its possible that once a lil time goes by and you talk more you wont feel this way.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SeekingMine)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/15/2006 11:30:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

We are often afraid of success...relationship or otherwise. Look at WHY this brings up fear for you. Usually, deep down, its a expression of our fear that we're not worthy.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SeekingMine)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/15/2006 11:37:09 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Conversing with him is kool, but I would step back and keep myself together at least until we meet.
Not to rain on your parade, but I have had some wonderful conversations with men online and on the phone, but until he gets in the car/train/plane and sits accross from me, I don't tend to believe he is a real possibility, and I definitely cannot tell chemistry or potential at all.
Hope things go well for you. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 11/15/2006 11:38:00 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SeekingMine)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/15/2006 11:47:23 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Conversing with him is kool, but I would step back and keep myself together at least until we meet.
Not to rain on your parade, but I have had some wonderful conversations with men online and on the phone, but until he gets in the car/train/plane and sits accross from me, I don't tend to believe he is a real possibility, and I definitely cannot tell chemistry or potential at all.
Hope things go well for you. M

I echo all of this. I also hope things go well for you, but I also believe nobody is real until I meet them face to face. It saves on "virtual" emotional wear and tear.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 12:13:12 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingMine
I am wondering has anyone else been thru this, where you feel so compatible with someone but are afraid somewhere along the way something will happen to change that? Of course, not enough time has passed, we have not met realtime or even talked by phone as of yet, am I worrying unnecessarily?

Yes, I have felt that way several times when talking with someone online and by phone, but agree with the others who advised that you cannot know if someone is real (or if there is chemistry) until you actually meet them in person.

There was one sub recently who seemed ideal in every way and was local to Me. We had talked online and by phone and were getting along great--until I discovered he was a blatant liar. He had told Me he was strictly submissive--not a switch and no desire to be a dominant--then lo and behold, I ran across his "dominant" profile on here. A few other times, a sub seemed very personable and charming online and by phone and things seemed very promising, but when W/we met, there simply was no chemistry whatsoever. A few others who seemed like great possibilities pulled a disappearing act when the prospect of a real time meeting seemed imminent.

On a more positive note, I have had a strong feeling of compatibility and then gone on to have a successful long-term relationship with other subs in the past, so things can and do work out sometimes.

It sounds like you are off to a good start so far and getting to know this person by phone and in person will tell you if he's for real and if he's for You.

Good luck!

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 11/16/2006 12:16:49 AM >

(in reply to SeekingMine)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 7:46:42 AM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Conversing with him is kool, but I would step back and keep myself together at least until we meet.
Not to rain on your parade, but I have had some wonderful conversations with men online and on the phone, but until he gets in the car/train/plane and sits accross from me, I don't tend to believe he is a real possibility, and I definitely cannot tell chemistry or potential at all.
Hope things go well for you. M

Yup yup ... what BlkTallFullfig said.

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 8:20:35 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressWolfen

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Conversing with him is kool, but I would step back and keep myself together at least until we meet.
Not to rain on your parade, but I have had some wonderful conversations with men online and on the phone, but until he gets in the car/train/plane and sits accross from me, I don't tend to believe he is a real possibility, and I definitely cannot tell chemistry or potential at all.
Hope things go well for you. M

Yup yup ... what BlkTallFullfig said.

ditto

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressWolfen)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 8:52:18 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Unfortunately, even if ya meet him and all seems well; it might be good to do a background check before things go too far.

A couple years ago, I spent six 'wonderful' months with a guy I'd chatted with for several months pryor. We got quite close, he spent many, many weekends here (he lives 3 hours north); met my friends, said he was looking to be transfered or find new employement down this way. I thought all was well; only to discover (when he didn't want me to meet his 'whacko roommate' when I offered to bring chicken soup when he said he was ill) in said background check that he was MARRIED; the 'roommate' was his wife!!! <sigh>

I'll never cease to be amazed at what some people can do to another.

bearlee

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 9:33:38 AM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

*eek*... poor Bearlee... Well, just think of all the bad karma that numbnut is gonna get hurled back at himself....

To the OP, all I can say is hang in there, chat, and wait to meet. Ditto to what everyone else has already said. Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, let the rest of us know how it does/n't turn out ok? Just 'cause some of us are nosey-parkers and have little social life of our own.

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 10:23:02 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Unfortunately, even if ya meet him and all seems well; it might be good to do a background check before things go too far.

A couple years ago, I spent six 'wonderful' months with a guy I'd chatted with for several months pryor. We got quite close, he spent many, many weekends here (he lives 3 hours north); met my friends, said he was looking to be transfered or find new employement down this way. I thought all was well; only to discover (when he didn't want me to meet his 'whacko roommate' when I offered to bring chicken soup when he said he was ill) in said background check that he was MARRIED; the 'roommate' was his wife!!! <sigh>

I'll never cease to be amazed at what some people can do to another.

bearlee

OUCH!!

Many years ago... when I was about 20, I had a brief relationship with a man pulling off a great scam. The story I was fed was that he lived at home with his elderly parents & they weren't crazy about him inviting over a girlfriend & they weren't interested in meeting a girlfriend unless he was serious about her. With this said he spent a great deal of time at my apartment. As time went on it got to where he pretty much stayed with me during the week & only went home on weekends to help out his folks with things around the house... this all seemed quite reasonable.

One day while picking up a few grocery items for our dinner I was met by a furious woman ready to jump me in the middle of the store. She was freaked out & screaming that I was screwing around with her husband. I was shocked & said.. I'm not messing around with anyone's husband, my boyfriend of several months is at home right now as we speak. That is when she pulled out his picture. After I calmed her down a bit she explained to me that he had been telling her that he was working out of town & could only make it home on weekends.

I had her follow me home & promise that is she was going to spill his blood, do so once they were on the lawn because while she kicked the shit out of him I was going to be busy tossing his crap out of my home.

From that time I made it a point to never be involved with anyone seriously until I was able to see where they live. I typically make it a point to visit their home within the first 2 months. Not only does this show me that they don't have a wife (unless of course this is some sort of "home away from home set-up) & it also gives me a chance to see how they live. I deviated from this only one time since making this rule & found out the person was a complete slob when they moved in with me.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Bearlee)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 10:28:10 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingMine

I am conversating with a male sub that I find thru chat only, to be compatible with me, the thought I am having is that he is indeed compatible with me, not that this is a problem,, of course it's not!! but I must admit it scares me or perhaps it is new to me that I would indeed talk with someone that is so compatible in most areas. I have had subs in the past and played with subs in realtime that have been absolutely wonderful to session with but the relationship part for whatever reason, no blame placed, didnt occur, which is why I may be somewhat pessimistic. There have been the "no shows" the i changed my mind not ready for the next step", no sex, you can't be real" subs".
I am wondering has anyone else been thru this, where you feel so compatible with someone but are afraid somewhere along the way something will happen to change that? Of course, not enough time has passed, we have not met realtime or even talked by phone as of yet, am I worrying unnecessarily?

I wouldn't worry about such things until you have had a chance to know this person for real. I know a lot of people will express that being online is real but if it is a real time, potential full time relationship with someone, you really don't know them until you are actually seeing each other.

It is easy to find yourself absolutely head over heels with the person of your dreams when online. Be careful because if this is a bubble of illusion & it bursts it can be devastating.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to SeekingMine)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Has anyone dealt with this - 11/16/2006 6:15:16 PM

SeekingMine

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/29/2006
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone that responded... it is all very good advice... I will see where it leads... right now.. it feels right.. but I totally agree and from past experiences also know until he is in my presence that it is cyber courting lol... if there is such a thing.

Mikal, I will certainly report back when or if it becomes realtime.. again thank you all!!

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Profile

Post #: 13