A Blessing In Disguise

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JerseyKrissi72 -> A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 6:00:41 AM)
Growing up I had a very difficult childhood...My mother was involved with drugs, alcohol and I was left to be raised by my grandmother which I have no regrets for ...she was a wonderful, Christian woman who treated me like I was her very own daughter...I was spoiled...When she passed away I was 8 years old left to be raised by my mom and stepfather and life was hell for many years...When I was in highschool I was kicked out of the house because I just couldn't take the abuse anymore and I acted out...I met my now ex husband and went on to have four beautiful children...My mother was not there for me during my pregnancies even though I tried my best to mend the bridges so to speak...I went 9 years without speaking to my mother until the day my Master was being taken off life support, I called her...she was there within twenty minutes to support me through that most difficult time..since then, we have made alot of progress......My mother told me that when she had ovarian cancer and almost lost her life she realized how messed up our family was....she told me that she will do anything to make this family work and she has kept her word...she emails me every day, calls me, takes her grandchildren places and I finally have the family I always dreamed of.....It is difficult at times because I do have alot of anger inside of me because I was denied a normal child hood....My Master passing away was the most horrible thing to ever happen to me but where one door closes another opens...I never would have called my mother if I hadn't been put in such a difficult situation that day....My question is, have you ever had a very bad thing happen in your life that opened the door to something positive happening in your life? Any advice on how to get through this anger I feel and work on forgiveness??? thankyou.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 8:33:29 AM)
I also have some resentments towards my mother. We get along fine now but there's always just a bit of resentment still inside me? The way I try and deal with it is too look at the past (my childhood) and always TRY and realize that my Mom did the best that she knew how to do at that time? Nobody is perfect....she screwed up but we all do? She just didn't know any better at that time. So as long as I keep that in mind.....the resentment seems to stay way down.

LaTigresse -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 8:53:51 AM)
This reminds me of one of my most favourite movie quotes "there is no normal life, there's just life. ya live it" It reflects in many ways how I feel and what I used to tell my kids when they would try to use the events of their less than perfect life as an excuse for screwing shit up. It is the tough shit we deal with in life that either makes or breaks us. My life has been far from perfect. If I wrote a book about it I would have to lie and say it is fiction because no one would believe half the story. Some of it has been amazingly wonderful and alot of it has really sucked green slimey stanky swamp water. I know that I have learned more from the stanky stuff and gotten stronger because of it. The easy stuff is just a treat to get us thru the other. Everyone, even those that do not appear to, has nasty stuff they have had to deal with. I have met some of the wealthiest, prettiest, most envied, people in the world, and they have to deal with the crapola of life too. We just hear more about their lack of ability to deal with it than we do the dude in the small town in Iowa that had a "hunting or car accident". As far as family stuff, there are two theories on that reflected in these two quotes. "you can chose your friends but not your family"...my favourite. And "blood is thicker than water".....which I disagree with. I don't think we should feel obligated to maintain a poisonous relationship regardless of who they are. On the flip side I don't think we should allow the negative emotions to fester and ruin our health both physically and mentally either. If you can forgive and regain a relationship on a different level, great. If you just need to let go of the bad feelings AND the person, that is okay too.

LotusSong -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 9:06:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72 Any advice on how to get through this anger I feel and work on forgiveness??? thankyou. Here is a saying that put things in perspective for me on the subject of forgiveness: "Forgiveness is giving up any hope of different past". You begin to see the futility in it all. You can't change the past. In fact, write a list of what your mother would have to do to "make it all up to you". You will find there is NOTHING ANYONE can do to make it up to you. She has had her demons as you have had yours, Do not ruin your future by hanging on to your past. See the TRAINS link I have below.

fergus -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 9:19:05 AM)
This is sincerely a time to think about professional therapy. Being able to vent about it to your support network (friends, loved ones, the CM boards) is a great thing - you shgould continue to do this, because it helps to have a support network, and your friends are a built-in cheering section for you. But the things you are looking for will require real work and this sort of growth can be painful (though the rewards are VERY worth it, and so are you!) While you might have a broken leg, and come here for the CM people to say "wow, that's terrible!" (and you should, we all need that support). You may need a doctor to set the broken leg. In dealing with your anger, you will probably want the advice of professionsals, and for that you should probably look into a good therapist and a good clergy person within your spiritual community. Now, there are a lot of reasons why people DON'T seek this sort of help - some of it is ego (I can do it myself!) - you probably can't set your own broken leg. Someof it is shame (what if people think I am crazy?) - there really is no stigma for this sort of thing anymore - we have ALL been through trauma of one sort or another. Or the Dreaded money issue (I can't afford it) - that why they have free clionics to help, -OR- a good 12 step program, and in your case, I might recommend Alanon - because you are not an alocoholoc (that I know of) but have been the product of that environment and may need that love and suport of people who have gone through the same experiences. Whatever path you walk, I offer my DEEPEST symapthies, well wishes, prayers, and support. fergus

Arpig -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 11:58:19 AM)
Forgiveness is not something to work on. It either is there, or it isn't. If you do not forgive now, you don't. There is no way to make yourself forgive.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 2:20:28 PM)
I learned that the anger I had inside me when I was going through my divorce, was only hurting me, not him, Me. I did let it go in time, but its not something that is easy to do...time will take care of it....I know its not the same thing as your mother, but anger Is anger.

JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/16/2006 2:40:51 PM)
Thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice. I AM in counseling and it does help ...I guess anger is only natural...It's not healthy for us to hold in such anger I know, I am working on it..

Owned1 -> RE: A Blessing In Disguise (11/17/2006 10:59:45 PM)
The past we cannot change, we can only move forward. You are moving in the right direction and I am happy for you that the doors that were closed are now opening again. My only thought would be perhaps if you wrote a letter to your Mother letting it all out, saying exactly how you felt, and feel now ~~ then seal the letter in an envelope and burn it. As it burns visualize all the feelings of anger you have go with the flames into the sky away. Do this when you are alone, let the feelings flow, cry, yell, curse whatever makes you feel better. Rather than keeping everything inside just let it all burn and float away. Just a thought it might work or not but where is the harm in trying? Either way all the best in working through the pain you have and continuing on with the rebuilding of the relationship Owned

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