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RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/17/2006 6:51:37 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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Im just confused how in the same post you can say you are married and then say you want to go 24/7 with the Dom that isnt your husband! It doesnt make sence wouldnt you have to leave your husband for that... I feel bad your husband is giveing you the freedom to explore this life because he doesnt want to and it is his right not to want to and here you are saying you want to go 24/7 with this other Dom.. I dont know it just doesnt sound right to me!!

Oh and LaM wouldnt that mean you give terrable advise too LOL

Magik's slave

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RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/17/2006 9:37:58 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He approves of my D as a Dom., playmate and friend. He does trust him with me. But, my husband is still unsure of the D/s LS.

Is he going to feel that way when you come home with bruises from heavy play?

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Post #: 22

RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/18/2006 2:53:32 AM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherrygirl74

At this point the love for my husband and family is stronger..... No my husband is not aware of my feelings, and since I don't fully understand my love for him (my Dom) I am not going to go telling my husband that my love for him is anything more than as a friend and playmate.

If your relationship with your husband was truly open you would not hide your feeling for this Dom from him. The fact you state you love the Dom and are hiding that from your husband is, in my opinion, cheating.

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RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/18/2006 5:53:38 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Ok. maybe I am being completely dense, but what's the issue? You and your husband are swingers...he knows about your situation. He's either good with it or he's not. If he's good with it, then have your dom move in and you actually CAN have your cake and eat it to (so to speak). If he's not, but he knows about your Dom...well, I still don't see the issue. What's your complaint again?

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Post #: 24

RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/18/2006 9:07:24 AM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherrygirl74

I just recently have become a sub for my Dom, we have been doing this for about 2-3 months now. I am addicted to being Dom'd and don't think I could ever turn away from this LS. I am married to another man, who is very against this LS and could and wonld never do what my Dom does for me.

I find that I behave and submit for the most part very well around my Dom, but when I am away from him I have moments that I don't follow his orders.... I know I'm disobeying him, yet I still do it.... Why??? I do not enjoy my punishments and I do not want him to drop me as a sub. I fear that my immature actions will cause me to loose my loving Dom..... I am in love with him, and wish so much for one day to be his 24/7.

Anyone else have this similar issue? Why do I act out? I get lots of attention from my Dom, I just don't understand my actions at times.....

Thank you....
Cherry

Well, i'll take a stab at this.....and this is really just a wild guess based on the information you have provided. Maybe you are acting out because you are 'in the middle' right now. i mean, you are in a vanilla marriage where you have probably been, for the most part, an equal. No real orders there....no issue with obeying.

On the other side, you have just started experiencing 'obedience'. i know when i first started out, it was kind of tricky because i was pretty dominant in my vanilla life (kids, work, etc). And not living with the dom, where you are exposed to the domination and consequences on a regular basis, doesn't help. Who knows....maybe if you were living together or spending more time together, you wouldn't act out so much?

But obviously, this doesn't sound possible right now. If it were me, i would just give it more time. Your D/s experience is limited....no need to jump into something further without giving it some more time. If you were single, it would probably be different....but you do have a husband to think about...and you really don't want to hurt him right?

And i realize the whole thing feels like 'love' right now....but there is a newness to it....and because you can't be with him all the time, there probably is the 'wanton desire' there. Just try not to get carried away with your emotions because they may be fleeting....but your marriage is not.

Best wishes to you in figuring all of this out

Daddysgirl

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RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/18/2006 5:53:56 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Ok. maybe I am being completely dense, but what's the issue? You and your husband are swingers...he knows about your situation. He's either good with it or he's not. If he's good with it, then have your dom move in and you actually CAN have your cake and eat it to (so to speak). If he's not, but he knows about your Dom...well, I still don't see the issue. What's your complaint again?

Well I think the main complaint is that her Dom is not spending time with her, and instead is spending time with his wife (and possibly kids?). This makes it hard for her Dom to move in with her and her husband, unless his wife is also aware of the situation and I tend to think she isnt. My main concern for her partner would be that although he is aware she is playing with this Dom, he isnt aware that she has feelings of love for the Dom.

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Post #: 26

RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/20/2006 11:29:24 PM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Welcome to the boards, Cherry.

Struggling is common when you have an expectation that submission comes from an outside source. You push boundaries and seize control. It's not uncommon and it's what you've been doing for your whole life so it's comfortable for you. The struggle comes about because you've become aware that seizing control and misbehaving isn't the path you want to take and you, now, have to figure out how to turn your feet in a different direction and that's something that has to come from the inside.

When you are able to let go of your long held beliefs and embrace your submission, you may, one day, get to the point where you realize that submitting where, when and how your dominant requires rather than as you believe you should, you won't act out anymore.

Everything right now is new and shiny .. its been fun to bottom and have that illicit little thrill that society frowns upon. It starts out that way for a lot of us. For the ones for whom it's a game, it stays that way. A little thrill, a little fun, a slap and giggle and then it gets boring and they move on to something else, adding the BDSM games to the resume of their life.

Others though, like you, begin to struggle because they have found their 'niche' and it bothers them when they don't fit into the mold of their own making. You are unhappy with your submission, simply because you are not submitting and you desparately want to .. so make the choice to do so, then take the actions that best fit in with your choices.

Stop and think. Slow down in movement and action. Reflect before you engage.. learn to question yourself before you give yourself the chance to regret what you've done.

If you just want to have fun, continue to do what you've been doing. Laugh a lot, wiggle a lot, cast sly glances and smiles and you can have a very full life as a bottom or bedroom submissive and that, too, can be lasting or fleeting depending on how seriously you take it. If, however, you want to learn and grow, embrace submission because you 'have' to in order to be fullfilled, then internalize and realize that you don't test your dominant when you act out.. you test yourself .. and right now, you're giving yourself a failing grade. Is that what you want?

Good luck to you,

Celeste

Celeste,

I'm absolutely appalled.

Appalled that this response has not yet been made a sticky, and part of the guidelines on how to respond directly, respectfully and honestly to people who come here, all confused, asking for advice.

Frame this sucker, people!

(sweeps arm to the front, and bows deeply)

"Bravo!"

Excellent reply, Celeste, and thank you for showing some others (not necessarily anyone in this thread) on "how to do it".

FirmKY

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Post #: 27

RE: Why do I act this way.... - 11/22/2006 5:04:34 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

I just read your post and none of the replies. All I can say is 2-3 months of fun is equivalent to a little fanatasy world in your situation. You are not fooling anyone except yourself. Your acting out means nothing. Your "acting" means everything. What do you want?

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Post #: 28