Involving others in "punishment"?

Involving others in "punishment"? (Full Version)

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BRNaughtyAngel -> Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:19:43 PM)
Okay, I don't know if there's a name for the phase we're in, but a Dom and I have been talking to, and getting to know each other for a couple of weeks. I guess maybe it could be considered a courting/training phase? LOL! I dunno..... [8\|] Anyway, I was instructed to do something for him yesterday and didn't do it exactly as he wished, so now I have a punishment coming. He knows I get embarassed about some things, and he pushes me to overcome anxieties I have about those things. Well one of them is, involving anyone else in what we are doing. And he knows I am adamantly straight, have no interest in women sexually, although I appreciate the inner/outer beauty of other women. So my punishment is to find Domme's I find attractive and ask them if they'd like to see me on webcam (excuse me while I just DIE from embarassment here! [&o]) and have them contact him. I understand the mental games and training that go on, especially in a young BDSM relationship, but I don't like involving others in what we're doing. He knows that, and I'm sure it's just a test to see if I'll do as he asks, but I'm still dying of embarssment when thinking of contacting a total stranger and telling them this. [:o] Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of thing, where you were required to involve others in your "training" or play? If so, how did you handle it? Maybe I'm just procrastinating, but any insights (preferably not mean ones) would be appreciated.

juliaoceania -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:30:52 PM)
I know different people have different things that appeal to them. I would not consider this a punishment to be honest. I would feel as though I was providing masturbatory fuel for someone, meaning the dominant that was "punishing" me. I have no experience with such things. My former dominant was not into giving me sexual instructions as a form of punishment, and my Daddy does not do such things either. It sounds more like erotic play.

mnottertail -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:33:23 PM)
Uhhhhhh........ It would be interesting to see this in Ask A Misstress, this very thing was discussed there, if LA doesn't come along to find it you might like ask MisPandora to look at this, I believe she spoke to that there. If You didn't MP, I am sorry. Ron but I would find it unusual for a Dominatrix to be part of a punishment for someone else, they have enough little disobediant slaves of their own to consider punishment for I think.

smilezz -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:35:43 PM)
I guess my question is: why are you doing this in the first place? If you are just in "the talking" phase of getting to know him, you have not talked about negotiation or submitting to him yet. Unless you are way past the talking phase of "just getting to know you" and have already chosen to submit to him.....what kind of negotiations have you and he talked about? have you spoke to him about any potential hard limits you may have? what kind of training is he offering? what kind of training are you seeking? It all boils down to, you have only been speaking to this person for what? few weeks? if you have already chosen to submit to this person....if you have already negotiated with this person. What is there to handle? do what he has told you to do, get it over with, be done with it. If you have not gone through any of those phases yet.....you have not submitted to him.....you have no reason to follow/do anything he says. Happy Sunday! ~smilezz~

BitaTruble -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:41:14 PM)
Is there something about him which makes you feel the need to follow his instructions then accept punishment after only a few weeks? Was it one of those instant connections and it all just feels right? Have you met face to face yet? Do you think you're moving too quickly? Do you think he's moving too quickly? How do you think he would feel about your posting at this particular time? Did you ask him if you could post? If not, why not since you are already following an authority dynamic? Do you think a Domme would feel insulted to be used in the manner in which he is requiring? I'm not saying this to be mean, truly. Just some question to ask yourself. Personally, for me, I've never been asked to involve other people in a punishment. If Himself required it, I would do so, but such would not be the way in which I best learn so I don't know how effective it would be. It seems you did make an attempt to carry out his wishes, but failed to carry it out perfectly, so is the punishment meant to change the behavior you've demonstrated or just a reason to have some fun? I'd look to that motivation as well. This is not meant as any offense at all to you.. but that particular punishment seems like he's trying to make you appear as if you are a HNG .. I'm not surprised your embarrassed. I do think it would probably be a good idea to realize that the vast majority of Dommes who would go along with his little punishment scenario are probably going to be of the HNG variety as well. It's all good.. I mean, whatever floats your boat, just wanted to put an objective reality check out there for you to consider. Celeste

slavejali -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:51:17 PM)
I'll check out your webcam so you can fulfill your punishment NaughtyAngel [;)] Seriously, I agree with what others are saying, besides anything else, it seems a little early to be playing around with pushing you into areas your uncomfortable with. Which would kinda point in the direction of me thinking "Does this Dom really have your best interest at heart, or is he just using you to get off?" Saying that.... I don't see anything wrong with using the internet for fun. It's kinda like an interactive book. Just as when your reading a good novel, your thoughts and feelings can become invested in the storyline...if its fun for you cool, if not, don't do it. I think given the fact you have only been communicating for a few weeks...this is where/how you should be looking at it at this point. I also don't see anything wrong with a dominant using anything (including the internet) as a tool (or toy) for relationship......(but I'm talking about within an established relationship).

dixicritter -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 12:53:13 PM)
BRNaughtyAngel, if you're just getting to know this Dom and still just in the talking stage why would you feel the need to blindly follow these orders? Is there more you've not shared? Have you committed to be his sub? Personally, I would have a hard time having much faith in Daddy if he needed someone else to help him punish me honestly. I know I have nothing to worry about there. I can see by what you've said that this involving someone else is bothering you a great deal too. You do have a right to speak up and say so (that's what limits are all about [;)] ). Good luck to you.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 1:01:39 PM)
Yes, I've chosen to submit to him. There was an instant connection, and I understand about moving too quickly and being vulnerable (sub frenzy etc). We haven't met face to face yet, but without getting into specifics, I am completely comfortable with moving this quickly with him. However, it's not easy for me to "just do" everything he tells me to do. He knows my limits and he knows what makes me uncomfortable, and he's respecting the limits and pushing the uncomfortables. I have the hardest time with anything that involves other people in our activities. I don't feel right "using" other people in our activities. Someone must remember what it was like when you were a new submissive, trying to overcome decades of old behaviors and fears...? Oh and no, he doesn't read the boards, so doesn't know I'm posting this. looks around wondering And I guess that's another issue I have to overcome, because I tend to analyze everything (I'm a Virgo) and I've got to learn to "do". Oh and juliaoceania, it's probably erotic to him, but for me, at this point, it's not erotic, it's just plain embarassing. [&o] I guess this is more of a mental punishment than anything, because he knows how embarassed I get about some stuff.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 1:11:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel However, it's not easy for me to "just do" everything he tells me to do. He knows my limits and he knows what makes me uncomfortable, and he's respecting the limits and pushing the uncomfortables. I have the hardest time with anything that involves other people in our activities. I don't feel right "using" other people in our activities. Someone must remember what it was like when you were a new submissive, trying to overcome decades of old behaviors and fears...? Oh and no, he doesn't read the boards, so doesn't know I'm posting this. looks around wondering And I guess that's another issue I have to overcome, because I tend to analyze everything (I'm a Virgo) and I've got to learn to "do". Oh and juliaoceania, it's probably erotic to him, but for me, at this point, it's not erotic, it's just plain embarassing. [&o] I guess this is more of a mental punishment than anything, because he knows how embarassed I get about some stuff. Personally I see it as more of humiliation than punishment. Seem like its more for him than you. I personally do not see this as punishment. Plus you haven't met face to face yet so that makes me concerned as well. If you have not had a real life connection yet what are you submitting to him. Is it just online? If so, I see this as something he just wants to get off on. The whole thing sounds fishy to me.

smilezz -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 1:12:14 PM)
I wish you much luck and peace.... ~smilezz~

happypervert -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 1:45:31 PM)
IMO, if he had a domina friend who was interested in indulging you two with this punishment, then that would be fine. However, I think it is asinine and ignorant to order you to disturb total strangers with this odd request.

littleone35 -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 2:03:00 PM)
Naughtyangel i ind this a somewhat odd request, i would think he wuld want to administer the punishment himself No one else inolved in our relationship either on cam or r/l is one o my hard limits with Master. If it bothers you this much maybe you can think about making it a hard limit also? Does he know how muh tgis is stressing you out have you told him? I not maybe you should talk to him. Good luck Matt's littleone

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 2:10:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert IMO, if he had a domina friend who was interested in indulging you two with this punishment, then that would be fine. However, I think it is asinine and ignorant to order you to disturb total strangers with this odd request. Well I respect your opinion HP, and even though I don't agree with involving others, he has a reason for it, so I've done as he ordered. I've read a lot of things here that subs/slaves have posted about that they're required to do by their Masters/Mistresses that made me cringe, but if it works for them and their relationship, who am I to judge? [&:]

MagiksSlave -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 2:12:13 PM)
OK I have no problem with involving others as long as ALL partys consent... A few weeks ago at Paddles after Master had played with me he saw a Dom an experiansed man in the paddling area and he was looking for someone to paddle... Master hasnt yet padled me (dont get me wrong he has spanked me whiped me belted me just never used a a paddle) as He has never really used a paddle but knows I hate beeing paddled very much so he gave me over to this Dom and asked him to paddle me and told me that it would count as the punishment that I had comeing anyway... Knowing it was someone els spanking me and not Master added a lot to the punishment scared me too even though Master was watching every move the other Dom made, This Dom spanked very hard!!!! Magik's slave

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 2:30:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave OK I have no problem with involving others as long as ALL partys consent... A few weeks ago at Paddles after Master had played with me he saw a Dom an experiansed man in the paddling area and he was looking for someone to paddle... Master hasnt yet padled me (dont get me wrong he has spanked me whiped me belted me just never used a a paddle) as He has never really used a paddle but knows I hate beeing paddled very much so he gave me over to this Dom and asked him to paddle me and told me that it would count as the punishment that I had comeing anyway... Knowing it was someone els spanking me and not Master added a lot to the punishment scared me too even though Master was watching every move the other Dom made, This Dom spanked very hard!!!! Magik's slave I understand and feel the same. But obviously a Domme would have to agree to it, so she would be consenting. And the punishment is my humiliation at having to play on webcam for her.... she would not be administering punishment, which I can't imagine is possible in a cyber world, but who knows. Although, just making me contact them is humiliating enough. [&o] But I've done as he ordered, and we will talk more about my feelings of involving others. Thank you all for your replies.

SirGordonslil -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 3:51:08 PM)
[:D] Punnishment is something my Master and i do alone, no one else is involved, even if its someone else that ive had a misshap with, if ive offended anyone else they tell my Master and He decides on the punnishment, it may be that i just have to appologize to said person or it may warrant more punnishment, in essence though all my punnishment is personally done by Master especially corporal punnishments. i too dont think it to be punnishment what your Dom has asked, and yes maybe a test. i also feel if you have limits they should be adhered to, if you truely dont wish to cam with other women then dont. Master has given me a task before to search out other Dom's that might be appropriate for scening with but was more a task to see what appeals to me, nothing eventuated from it but the knowledge of what catches my eye, plus im quite shy when it comes to things like that... lol @ shy.. can you believe that lol ... honnest [:)]

juliaoceania -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 5:36:16 PM)
I am not going to comment on the feelings that you share with this person or how quickly things are progressing, but I will make a comment on the "uncomfortables" thing. I wonder why he would use your soft limits to punish you, it just does not make sense. It seems to me it would be a recipe to turn a soft limit into a hard limit. He may be into edge play and using punishment to fulfill this kink. If this does it for you, more power to you, but I was unaware that soft limits were pushed as a punishment in order to satisfy a kink for a moment of time for a dom. It would make me extremely distrustful if I thought for one moment my fears were giving someone I had never met a hard-on. He is not going to be in the same room with you to pick up the pieces if you feel badly after you are done. This is why I am against online submission for myself, because before I met my former dom I injured myself playing on webcam. It was not a terrible injury, but at the same time it was an unnecessary one. He was not pushing my limits either. I would have serious reservations about someone pushing my soft limits when they were not going to be around to be responsible for the outcome... that to me is just wrong on a lot of levels... but people do as they want and it is your life, your emotional states, your dynamic. I wish you well and only good outcomes.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 5:43:26 PM)
julia, thank you for posting that. I agree wholeheartedly with this aspect of online domination. It always bothers me when people dont take into the account the possibility of aftercare. Esp when it comes to the emotional states.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 6:04:26 PM)
Well I understand that everyone has a different view on what's acceptable. I was simply seeking input if anyone else had been required to do this. I probably shoulda kept my mouth shut. Live and learn, eh? [;)] Obviously, from what I've read in other threads, there are Dom/Domme's requiring some pretty shocking things from their subs/slaves that I would deem totatlly unacceptable, but to each his own. We all start somewhere and work to figure it out as we go, being tested, testing ourselves and so forth. He and I will be discussing this further. Thank you all again for your input.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Involving others in "punishment"? (11/19/2006 6:06:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave julia, thank you for posting that. I agree wholeheartedly with this aspect of online domination. It always bothers me when people dont take into the account the possibility of aftercare. Esp when it comes to the emotional states. Good point both of you..... thank you for bringing this up.

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