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anyone else? - 11/20/2006 4:49:11 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		i am a sub to my master who is aslo my fiance, we dont have any set limits/times when i am his little pet or his fiancee, sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to, but on the whole i am always happily below him in everyday life. just wondered if anyone else was like this :)
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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 4:58:08 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I think you may have lost your way young miss... we only discuss botany here.



Welcome to the boards



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MstrssPassion


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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 5:01:03 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		lol thankyou mistress

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 5:57:36 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

I think you may have lost your way young miss... we only discuss botany here.



Welcome to the boards




LOL very cute!!!


As long as you arent doing anything overtly BDSM in the venilla world (like him leading you by a leash in the mall) then heck if no one els knows what you are doing is spillover from BDSM who cares.. Me and Master are always Master and slave just sometimes we have to hide it a little bit better, but it doesnt change who and what we are!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 6:32:38 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i am a sub to my master who is aslo my fiance, we dont have any set limits/times when i am his little pet or his fiancee, sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to, but on the whole i am always happily below him in everyday life. just wondered if anyone else was like this :)


It sounds to me like you are trying to say you live the lifestyle on a day to day basis but you only practice kink now and then?  Kink isn't he lifestyle, the power exchange you share is...at least in my opinion.
Don't know, but my dom and I practice total power exchange all of the time.  About the only time we do not is when he is sick or something and I need to take control of the situation for our best interest.
Which is quite rare. 
Play....well it isn't quite as important as who we are on a day to day basis.  Though when we do play I guess it does fall over into our regular lifestyle relationship.

Are you trying to ask if sometimes we play when we don't want to, to please our dominants?

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 6:52:45 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		If you are taking control when he is ill, isn't that still a form of servitude? *s*

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Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 7:08:47 AM   
Hisgirlforever


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to,


I am not sure what this means?  I am submissive to my husband and defer to him in all matters concerning our family.  My husband is also my Daddy and he makes the final decisions and I am to follow certain rules that he has laid out on a daily basis, I receive punishment if I do not follow the rules or make Daddy angry.  We are incorporating more submissive rituals into our daily home life like I now have a special cushion for me to sit on at Daddy's feet as when we watch TV, wearing my collar at home.  When we go out in public Daddy opens the car door for me and doors, he will do up my jacket if he thinks it is too cold for me, he orders my food for me and fixes it if it is not right, holds my hand as we cross the street (that is a rule)  I love those things, they keep me feeling submissive and remind me of how much Daddy loves me and looks after me and they do not offend anyone in the vanilla world.  The more outwardly my husband shows his dominance the more submissive I become and the more complete and happy I am.  Anyway I hope this answers your question

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 7:22:34 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i am a sub to my master who is aslo my fiance, we dont have any set limits/times when i am his little pet or his fiancee, sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to, but on the whole i am always happily below him in everyday life. just wondered if anyone else was like this :)


If things are happening when you prefer they wouldn't I recommend you do two things.

First, by yourself try to sort through what you are feeling.

Second set up a time to talk to your partner outside of any Ds dynamic. Share with him what you are feeling and why. Try to figure out why things are bleeding over into your vanilla life.

After you've done this (and it isn't going to happen in a day or two likely) then you both need to make a choice: do you want it to extend into the vanilla world or not?

You both need to be in agreement here or you risk starting a situation that could build up in resentment and anger, both killers to any relationships.

If you decide that you need to stop allowing it to bleed over then you will need to set up limits and time periods for being in scene. I highly recommend rituals and symbols to help with these boundaries.

If you decide you want to expand into the vanilla world then you also need to set up some ground rules about what language and behaviors are safe and appropriate for you both.

I speak from experience here. With Fox, during his 9 months of training our Ds started to bleed over into non-scene time. However even though we tried to set up boundaries it wasn't meant to be and we are not 24/7 but we needed to realize that what we want is not necessary appropriate for all vanilla or public situations so we set up rules for how to be behave in those situations.

It could be the same situation for you or it could just be not really thinking about and being aware of your behavior. Only you and he can figure it out for yourselves. It will change over time as you both change but please go along with your eyes and minds wide open.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 10:58:14 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		i think it justs annoys me when we are just us and i am cheeky and whack i get a smack or if i start a row and he dominates me

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 11:15:56 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I don't think I am really able to understand what you are attempting to explain to us here & I don't even want to jump to conclusions & assume anything.



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MstrssPassion


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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 11:41:19 AM   
Lenis


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like you need to talk to him about when you should be expected to be submissive.  Some people are always like that but some people have other levels of relationships with their Dominants.  My Master is also my boyfriend, so I learned to pick up on what mood He was in.  Though I don't know what I would think if He smacked me out of the blue for starting a row.  I usually just get a warning voice first.

~crissy

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 11:41:19 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		we have 2 sides to us, the d/s and nilla, its obvious normally what side is being shown but every now and then he surprises me and turns to his dom side without any prior warning, norm when im doing summat that in a d/s mode wouldnt be allowed,

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 11:42:33 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		thats the point crissy, a few times theres been no warning, but it has been when i have been a real brat

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 12:16:30 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i am a sub to my master who is aslo my fiance, we dont have any set limits/times when i am his little pet or his fiancee, sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to, but on the whole i am always happily below him in everyday life. just wondered if anyone else was like this :)


I can see where it would be a delicate, difficult situation.  It sounds to me like what you are saying is that there is a "play" time for you.  During this time, he is dominant and you are submissive.  However, you are not yet...and may not choose to be...involved in a 24/7 dominant/submissive mode.  Because of that, you do not ....appreciate...when he chooses to exert dominance at a time when you are being vanilla. 

If what I've said above fits you, then here's my feelings on it:
If he disciplines you when you are in vanilla mode and this correction is not something you would allow from him, then it is possible he is using the D/s mode to make you do what he wants during a time when you do not feel that you should.  Of course, I will also play the devil's advocate here and state that it is possible that something may be occurring during the D/s mode that makes you decide to "act up" once the D/s mode is over.  Or that you could be acting up and stating that the D/s mode is over and he was not aware that it was. 

See all the confusing things that can happen?  Try to make it simpler.  If you are going to live  a "divided" life, then specify where one ends and the other begins.  If he has full control of you when you are in a D/s BDSM mode but not when in vanilla mode, it is especially important tht you define a line and have some sort of signal with each other when one begins and when one ends.  There should also be some rules...what they would be for you, I am not sure.  If I was to enter into a part time D/s and part time vanilla relationship with a submissive partner and part of that negotiation included the (extreme example here) agreed to concession that in D/s mode, she would submit to "anything" in terms of orders and then, when we are in D/s mode I give her an order and she says "Wait...I am not in D/s mode now", that would have me upset.  Or if she followed through on the order but, because she didn't like it or thought I had been  unfair to give it, waited until we were back in vanilla mode and then set about "pay back". 

I think your post is very good evidence for those whole ideas, expressed on here before, of communication and clearly defined boundaries.

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 12:26:00 PM   
Chatt22nooga


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline 		EVERYTHING BALANCES OUT,UNLESS YOU CAN BE SOLD OR RENTED OUT

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"Same Play.Just a Different Cast of Characters"

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 12:29:49 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

we have 2 sides to us, the d/s and nilla, its obvious normally what side is being shown but every now and then he surprises me and turns to his dom side without any prior warning, norm when im doing summat that in a d/s mode wouldnt be allowed,


You need to sit down and figure out exactly when you are going to play at BDSM and when you aren't. If it's only going to be a sometime thing then y'all need to work out a schedule. If it's only in the bedroom on Friday and Saturday nights from 8 - 10:30 then that is wha tneeds to be set out.

One thing to watch for is that actions from when you are not in BDSM "role" are not carried over into your BDSM play time and become punishable events. Could lead to some harsh resentment.

I'm not sure how well being D/s sometimes works, but good luck =)

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 12:46:04 PM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir and i are essentially 24/7, although there are definately times when i can get away with more than if we were, say, in the middle of a scene. As far as anything spilling over, it's mostly when i slip and call him Sir in public, or he can't fight his urge and we'll look and each other, make sure no one's watching, and then he'll hit me in the chest or something... which makes me swoon and drop (mentally) instantly, because i'm weird like that. 

Otherwise, we usually have a set time for having a "real" scene - either it's at night when we're in our room and have nothing to do the rest of the night (so it doesn't matter how long it takes), or we go out to a club.  i'd suggest talking to your dom and figure out something that works better for you - if him being too domly outside of the bedroom is too much for you, he should know that.

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 3:25:12 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

i think it justs annoys me when we are just us and i am cheeky and whack i get a smack or if i start a row and he dominates me


Sounds like communication is the key here.  You need to know what your boundaries are and then be able to communicate them to him.  He needs to know what his boundaries are and communicate them to you.  It doesn't sound like you want a 24/7 D/s relationship, but that you want D/s time in your relationship.  There is a difference, and finding that balance is important.  Sit down and discuss it.  Communication is huge!  Some people use signs for when BDSM is in play and for when it's not.  I am sure you both will find what is right  for you.

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oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 5:42:35 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: briska
or he can't fight his urge and we'll look and each other, make sure no one's watching, and then he'll hit me in the chest or something... which makes me swoon and drop (mentally) instantly, because i'm weird like that. 

I love this!! There are times when Daddy gives me a short jab to the ribs, when I'm really outbounds, and it brings me right back to proper form.... so glad not to hear I'm the only sicko with this kink lol so few seem to enjoy a good punch.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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RE: anyone else? - 11/20/2006 5:51:22 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i am a sub to my master who is aslo my fiance, we dont have any set limits/times when i am his little pet or his fiancee, sometimes playing can go over into the vanilla time in our life when i would prefer it not to, but on the whole i am always happily below him in everyday life. just wondered if anyone else was like this :)

I will just chime along with everyone when I say, you really need to set limits. It seems to me that your boundries are already set by when you said "But on the whole I am always happily below him in everydaylife." Sounds like He wants this 24/7 and you unknowingly gave your consent to this, now he is just takinig it oine step further with the punishments. I think it is a form of grooming you to accept the bit of submission, which isn't abad thing IMO. Examine yourself and your inner desire, btw there is nothing that says a *s* can't be cheeky or speak their own mind, it is just tone the *D* cares about. your situation speaks to me, this is how Daddy and i started before i really knew what He was or what He desired frm me....... even now 2 years later i still cross my boundries (we call that personality Impreveasa) and get put right back in my place, all with in my limits. SO now I am rambling and i really only wanted to say like half this lol. Best of luck to you and if nothing else enjoy the self discovery.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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