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Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 8:46:09 AM

Wantachance

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline

I have a question, are there really people out there that would just want a playing relationship? Example: My owner can't give me what I really desire, to them release isn't an option, so the compromise would be to find me a play partner, where my owner can be in control of the situation so I don't get hurt, and my desires can be satisfied.

Is that something some people are interested in? Will it take away from the relationship with my owner in any way? Honest opinions please.

Post #: 1

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 8:48:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Plenty.

Whether it will take away from your relationship depends on how good all of you are at communication, prioritization, and multi-tasking. There's nothing inherent to the situation which would take anything away.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 2

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 8:51:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

For every situation you can imagine, there is a relationship out there to be an example. My girl and I live 2000 miles apart (until next Aug). she has a sexual Top as well as an SM Top in order to meet her needs. I have lovers and sometimes play partners as I see fit.

Any time there is an outside influence, it will affect your relationship. The key is to be open and honest about your feelings, both with your Owner and play partner. It might help to check out the Polyamory forums.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 3

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:12:04 AM

Wantachance

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the honest answers, another question that popped into my mind. Should I be honest with my owner about the things I want to try, as to what type of play partner I would want, or is that left up to my owner's decretion. I am still totally new to the play part of the lifestyle, and many things I would like to try.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:15:52 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

To answer your first question... yes... no... sometimes. Depends on who you ask really, there are those who just want to play and want no serious commitments. Others do want serious commitments and for some of those play (fetishes) may not even be a serious consideration. There is lots of variety out there... take your pick.

To answer your second question, yes you should be honest about things you have desires for, fantasies about, etc. What your owner does with that information is another question entirely.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 5

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:20:40 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Sure it is possible. I, myself, until shortly ago, was interested in nothing more than having pain inflicted on me with no actual relationship forming past that.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 6

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:26:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Why wouldn't you? Unless he's trained or told you not to be open or forthcoming, assume that you should.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 7

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:30:42 AM

Wantachance

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline

Well some of the things are stuff that my owner does with their pet, but since being sexually used by them wasn't ever suppose to happen I am afraid of starting a fight, because they start going on about how their pet likes this and that, and I will start to get upset. (the reason for this compromise of finding me a play partner)

< Message edited by Wantachance -- 11/20/2006 9:32:29 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:33:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantachance
Well some of the things are stuff that my owner does with their pet, but since being sexually used by them wasn't ever suppose to happen I am afraid of starting a fight, because they start going on about how their pet likes this and that, and I will start to get upset. (the reason for this compromise of finding me a play partner)

Well you aren't talking about the pet or what he does with his pet. This is about the things you want to do and finding someone who wants to do them with you while respecting your relationship to your master.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 9

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 9:51:43 AM

IntenseDesireNL

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline

To be honest you sound hopelessly confused in the entire situation.

Personally I think alot of the questions you've posed here would better be discussed with your owner. Everything depends on the relationship between the both of you and on both your personalities. Some have an open mind towards polyamory, others are completely against it. If either of you tends to be jealous it could definately be an uncomfortable situation. Or if you both have different ideas on who a play partner would be or what their role would be in your relationship.. could get messy.

Imo the only way to go when introducing others into a commited relationship is to speak about it extensively before even considering actually doing it. Consider everything, Men? Women? SM? No SM? Individual play or only together? Sex? No sex?

If you're unsure if your owner would appreciate your input on the topics, you could just ask him how He envisions the whole playpartner thing working. Just make sure you both know what you're getting into and what the limits are to avoid drama lateron.

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 10

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 10:20:29 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I agree that open communication and personal security in the core relationship are a must in this type of situation.
But, I'm curious to know why, if needs are not being met...that release is not an option?

(in reply to IntenseDesireNL)

Post #: 11

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 10:27:59 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Im totaly lost... So your Master wont have sex with you or do anything that involves you haveing sexual release??? And that is something you want???

I dont know something doesnt sound right to me or im just way confused!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 12

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 10:32:10 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantachance

Thanks for the honest answers, another question that popped into my mind. Should I be honest with my owner about the things I want to try, as to what type of play partner I would want, or is that left up to my owner's decretion. I am still totally new to the play part of the lifestyle, and many things I would like to try.

If you were mine, I'd want to know exactly what you wanted or felt that you needed. I would work to find, or help you find, what you needed...and hopefuly match what you wanted, too. Knowing what you're needing/wanting allows me to better look out for your safety. But, in the end, I'd have final say...For example, I don't allow permanent marks on my girl, but I do allow marks, like bruises and some scratches, that fade over time.

One of the things you want to watch for is the feelings of "being replaced" that all this will bring up in your Owner. Work to find what you need, not what yiou want, first...and ask your Owner to be specific about what you need to be doing in order to let him/her know s/he is still your Primary partner and your main focus.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 13

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 10:35:55 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantachance

Well some of the things are stuff that my owner does with their pet, but since being sexually used by them wasn't ever suppose to happen I am afraid of starting a fight, because they start going on about how their pet likes this and that, and I will start to get upset. (the reason for this compromise of finding me a play partner)

Ok, so this is REALLY about how you are trying to handle someone else getting what you want, if I'm reading this right. Is this correct?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 14

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/20/2006 10:53:39 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Gee, when I first came into this lifestyle…I met and became friends with several very experienced folks. I regularly played with a handful of Dom/mes and learned a whole bunch about me and BDSM. So yes, there are many folks out there who just play; no sex included.

My goal was to take my time meeting people and learning as much as I could. Of course, in a D/s relationship…like any other life-partner type relationship…sex becomes part of the equation.

beverly

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 15

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/21/2006 4:23:08 AM

SirLordTrainer

Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantachance

I have a question, are there really people out there that would just want a playing relationship? Example: My owner can't give me what I really desire, to them release isn't an option, so the compromise would be to find me a play partner, where my owner can be in control of the situation so I don't get hurt, and my desires can be satisfied.

Is that something some people are interested in? Will it take away from the relationship with my owner in any way? Honest opinions please.

When I think of Power-Exchange/Ownership its safe to say there should be at least some tangible structure relating to such. Im more inclined to want to know WHY your desires werent discussed and negotiated prior to you becoming owned. That couldve saved a whole lotta grief in the long run!

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 16

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/21/2006 5:49:12 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantachance

I have a question, are there really people out there that would just want a playing relationship? Example: My owner can't give me what I really desire, to them release isn't an option, so the compromise would be to find me a play partner, where my owner can be in control of the situation so I don't get hurt, and my desires can be satisfied.

Is that something some people are interested in? Will it take away from the relationship with my owner in any way? Honest opinions please.

Yes... there can be this type of relationship.... and it can be even more than just a Playing Relationship and not threaten your relationship with your owner.

My bottom denika is married to a wonderful man.... in fact he is one of my best friends! Her husband doesn't get off to much in doing the SM to the degree that denika seeks and craves. When she walked into my life we where strangers to each other. She was seeking very much the type of play that I do. When she first saw me play... she was rather captivated and was very much driven to want to experience play with me. She actually befriend alandra at the party and I also spent some time talking with her. Nothing specific about us playing together, but about my views and thoughts on the lifestyle... she had a million questions lol.

Not long after the play party, I had the enjoyment of meeting her husband. We spent a very nice evening getting to know each other as as individuals and a group. The next time we four where together... her husband watched me play denika. Well... alandra also made sure he was comfortable as well *G*

To make a long story short... we have developed into a very strong friendship and play is an important part of the interactions but our friendship is not dependent on the play occuring. The important thing to realize is that the primary relationships are respected and even supported by the secondaries. for example, I am very much secondary to denika compared to her husband. I very much support their relationship in a manner that helps them not hinders them. At the same time... they understand that they are secondaries to my girls alandra and kyra and do the same for me.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Wantachance)

Post #: 17

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/21/2006 10:13:30 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

Rob and I were very lucky in that I met the right person at the right time in our lives.
It really can work, but there has to be a healthy understanding of all parties.
The relationship I have with Knight and his girls enhances my relationship with Rob. As our friendship has developed over time ( lol I forgot about the hundred and one quiestions *s* I still do that don't I ?) the play is important but not the intrisnic drive of the relationship. Even tho I am a greedy pain slut---at least so I have ben told (Rob made me add that)
I seriously thought Rob was going to slip a bolt when he saw me played for the first time but I underestemated my husband.He understood, he was also enjoying the distraction *g*

It can work, and is something incredible when it does.

I'm a bit diffrent too in that I don't play casually with people, It's not about sex it's about the fact I am a masochist and unless I know and trust the person about to hurt me it's just not going to happen.

denika

< Message edited by denika -- 11/21/2006 10:23:08 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/21/2006 10:42:27 AM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

For me as a single submissive who is still some what new to the lifestyle play has become a very important part of my life. While I ultimately seek a 24/7 LTR finding what I seek is not so easy and I refuse to settle for less. That being said I have met many who are knowledgeable in the lifestyle and who are good at what they do. I have developed friendships with these people and play on a semi regular basis with many of them. Because of this I have been able to freely explore my likes & dislikes. To grow as a submissive. To get a better clue as to what styles of domination work better for me. To have opportunities to get better at expressing my wants/needs/desires. To practice negotiating a scene...something I still totally suck at.

If I could not have these "play" experiences I think I would go nuts. Being able to express myself in this way has very much become part of who I am. I find it very freeing. And it allows me to escape the stress of my everyday life for short periods of time and afterwords my mind is clearer and I am better able to deal with those stresses.

So yes I am one of those people who really does just wanna play. But I also in the end I want a 24/7 LTR. I also know I would not be happy in that LTR if I could not play with others on some level.

aurora

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 19

RE: Do people really just want to play? - 11/21/2006 3:24:13 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

Sure it is possible. I, myself, until shortly ago, was interested in nothing more than having pain inflicted on me with no actual relationship forming past that.

Pardon the intruption, but.......... WHOA Tikkiee!!
that is quite a change of heart, I wish you well!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 20

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