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approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 12:48:38 PM

backinthesaddle

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

hello all, need some advice. i have 2 years experience in a D/s relationship but new to collarme.com how do i approach online mistresses? do i read over their profile and contact them. or am i to make a detailed profile of myself and wait for them to contact me? thanks for the help

Post #: 1

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 1:21:12 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Read FemDom profiles, follow instructions and make contact by putting your best foot forward and paying attention. You might notice that many FemDoms do not make contact and say so in their profiles. They expect to be contacted in the appropriate manner by the interested submissive boy. It is good, though to have a well. thought out profile and a photo (or send the photo along with your letter of intro), as most do look at profiles and hope for a nice G-rated pic when we receive a nice email. Don't copy and paste that profile into your letter of introduction. Most of us consider that a waste of time
And don't assume that because a Lady has an ad online, she is looking for or will entertain the idea of an online relationship. I am not sure if I am misreading your question. For example, I have an ad online, but no interest in an online relationship.
Good luck and welcome to the boards. Stick around....often participation here will get you noticed (for good or bad! *Smile*) faster than sending out lots of indicriminate email. And there's lots of good reading, too!

Edited because I seem to be having trouble with My "r's" today.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/20/2006 1:23:57 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 2

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 1:27:26 PM

backinthesaddle

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

i am looking for real time not just a online relationship

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 3

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 1:33:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backinthesaddle

i am looking for real time not just a online relationship

This clarification that you've made is an example of why it'd be good for you to have a detailed profile of your own. It can save you a lot of time.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 4

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 2:35:50 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backinthesaddle

hello all, need some advice. i have 2 years experience in a D/s relationship but new to collarme.com how do i approach online mistresses? do i read over their profile and contact them. or am i to make a detailed profile of myself and wait for them to contact me? thanks for the help

How did you approach girls in high school, during college, after college, at church, at a party, at a bar, etc., etc? Trust me.... they're no different and they don't like ultra passive behavior.

- R

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 5

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 3:28:54 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Contact them.

Get on the phone soon as possible so you know the one you're interested in is in fact a woman and not a man.

Good luck

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 6

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 3:44:35 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

First off, initiate, don't wait. If you wait, you may be waiting a LONG time.

Second, with a 2 year D/s relationship under your belt, I would imagine you are more qualified than most to know how to approach a Domme.

Then again, I could be wrong (?).

Edited to add: It's a small thing but check your punctuation. It might matter.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 11/20/2006 3:52:55 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 7

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/20/2006 8:36:48 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backinthesaddle

hello all, need some advice. i have 2 years experience in a D/s relationship but new to collarme.com how do i approach online mistresses? do i read over their profile and contact them. or am i to make a detailed profile of myself and wait for them to contact me? thanks for the help

I think it is important to make a semi-detailed profile about yourself that reflects your personality and your interests. Think of it as a brief commercial that gives the highlights, but not all the details about yourself. You might think of your profile as a starting point. It provides enough information about you for another to determine if there's enough compatibility between the two of you for them to want to know more about you. When people see you post here, often they'll look at your profile, just to see who you are and learn a bit more about you. That in and of itself could net you an email from that special Domme you might be looking for.

Make certain you include a nice photo of yourself with your profile; one that clearly shows your face and puts your best foot forward so to speak.

Remember that much of the info that CM asks you to complete, you obviously don't need to repeat in the written portion of your profile unless its particularly important to you.

When you do contact a woman that interests you here on CM, make certain you've read her complete profile before you do! NOTHING angers a woman (or a man for that matter) than seeing that you've obviously not read her profile before writing (I've seen some that even put a test in their profile to see if you have done this). So try and write at least something in your message to let her know that you've read it by commenting on something that perhaps the two of you share in common. And BTW, most women still greatly appreciate a man who makes a point of complimenting them. They also like to be flirted with in some fashion that's not too obvious, perhaps by using subtle double entendres. Try not to be too overt... Make a point to show her the respect she's due and expects from a gentleman; particularly one she hasn't met and has just been approached by for the very first time.

Unless she has specific instructions to follow listed in her profile (another good reason you should take the time to read it thoroughly), I'd highly recommend that you entirely avoid the subject of D/s, sex or BDSM in the first contact (you both already know what you are). Instead, focus on asking her about her other interests and those which you might share with her. Remember that she's a woman first, and then a Domme. It's the woman & person inside her that you want to get to know and you also want to allow her to know you as a man and not a sniveling sub begging at her feet for her attention. If you have nothing to offer her as a companion and a man, why on earth would she be interested in having you around? In that sense its no different than starting a vanilla relationship. When she's ready to talk about other things, remember that she's a Domme and will have no problem letting you know by turning the conversation in that direction and asking you what she wants to know (trust me on this one!). And most of what she wants to know in that regard should already be in your profile for her to read!

A final couple of notes: although some women appreciate long emails, I'd recommend that your initial email be just long enough to start a dialogue and to capture her interest without writing a 'tome'. Also try to make the email about HER and not about yourself, unless its PARTLY about what you might have to offer as a companion or how your interests fit with HERS. DO NOT write an email that is all about yourself and your wants. Instead make HER and HER interests the primary focus of the email and intermix you and your interests or how they fit with HERS into it.

Remember that more than anything, all you're really trying to do at this point is to get her to write you back with an answer to a question or two that you can respond to with more questions and get a dialogue going to build further interests and establish some common interests to build upon. Contrary to popular belief, one email isn't going to do it all for you.

I hope you've found this of some use. Welcome to the boards and best of luck to you!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 8

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/21/2006 1:13:49 AM

backinthesaddle

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

thank you all. your responses have helped alot.

keep them coming!

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 9

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 11/21/2006 5:45:32 AM

theGuideGoddess

Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Have patience in waiting for a response. Do not assume that because she didn't read your mail immediately or she didn't respond that she is ignoring you.

To better understand, I'll expand my perspective: My profile was created and posted and in a very short time I had over six pages of email. Being overwhelmed and finding myself unable to thoughtfully respond to each. It is important to me that I read each email and review each profile before responding. It all takes time. In an effort to mitigate the incoming email I turned my profile off. The attractiveness of your presentation, as with all of life, will be strictly dependant upon the receiver. Being respectful is important. First impressions can not be taken back, so put your best foot forward. Make sure that it is YOUR foot you are putting forward. So many present what they are not in an effort to be more than what they are and destroy a relationship before it has even begun. Be honest and open and you may be plesantly surprised

The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 10

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 8:30:46 AM

GirlyDevil

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Make a profile of yourself and who you are. Than go out and start contacting dommes that your interested in.

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 11

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 8:41:39 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Don't send dumb ass one liners.

Diane

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 12

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 9:50:45 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

If you do contact them with a polite & well written note that compliments them... don't delete your profile right after sending it.

Just got one of those... sent less than 20 mins ago & the profile already went **poof**

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 13

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 3:36:13 PM

MistrssM

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

If you are truly serious about serving, here is my advice on what to put in an introduction e-mail to a dominant.

First off think of it as a job resume or application, you want to show your best very first impression. You also do not already have the job so don't assume you do by "kneeling" at her feet, calling yourself her slave, or any other such nonsense.

1. During and after your writing Spell and Grammar check- Take time to proofread. Never use online abbreviations - "hi how r u, asl?" does not cut it. Use the whole alphabet. Take the time to consider your words. If you can't take the time to write a personal e-mail to her then you do not have the time to serve anyone.
2. Begin by telling in one sentence how you found the Dominant and why specifically you are approaching her. What is it about her or her profile that drew your attention?
3. Give some basic info about yourself, about 2 or 3 sentences, location, age, marital status, general profession. You can give a brief g-rated physical description if you want but it's not necessary. Stay away from calling yourself handsome, successful, studly, hung, etc. Most men who brag about such things online rarely are. Don't send a picture unless you are asked.
4. Give a sentence or two about your general DS experience and how you are interested in serving her. Do NOT write a novel here, do NOT go into graphic detail about your fantasies, do NOT give a laundry list of all the kinky things you have done or want done to you. If you are a novice say you are and how much ( a novice is someone with little to no experience, if you have had a Mistress you are no longer a novice), if you have experience say so briefly and how much. Do NOT lie in this area. Those who do are figured out pretty fast.
5. Give one sentence about your main fetishes. Crossdressing, foot worship, leather, bondage, chastity etc. Do NOT go on and on or get graphic. The Domme will ask you for details if she is interested.
6. Finish how you started by again focusing on the Domme. Compliment her page, pics, or profile, give an example of something you liked on it. Something that drew your attention. This personal treatment is important in order to make your letter not sound like some form letter you send to everyone. You begin by discussing her, you end by discussing her. There is nothing worse then a form letter intro that is nothing but "I want, I have , I need" , and not one specific word about the Domme. Personally I delete those instantly. I am a special woman, you will write a special letter just for me if you want my attention.

Bottom line your intro is just that.. an introduction. A brief statement about you. It's not a novel, and it's not a sentence. Your intro should be no longer the 10 sentences, and no shorter then 5. Remember Mistresses get dozens of these. They want to read them, get the basic info, and then decide if they want to know more. Be polite, patient in waiting for a response, and follow these steps and you will make a much better first impression.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 14

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 5:00:47 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I believe Pixelslave nailed this advice perfectly, and if you follow it, I bet you will have a better than average response/success wooing your intended domina. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to backinthesaddle)

Post #: 15

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 7:39:25 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Another important note (which may have been mentioned - sorry, but eyes are hurting so I didn't read all the long posts)

If you are rejected, for any reason, do not get verbally abusive towards the Domme who has rejected you - we do talk to each other, you know, it will get around if you react in such a way and it will definitely hurt your chances.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 16

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 9:45:56 PM

MistressYlwa

Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

Listen to pixelslave. Gives you exactly what I want from an email and don't think I am different from most dommes.

Do NOT tell me your fantasy of what I will do to you. Do NOT send a one liner. Do NOT write me a book of your experiences.

You have come to the right place for advice. The forums give you a wide variety of information, from a large and, on occasion varied, point of view.

Mistress Ylwa

_____________________________

Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 17

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/16/2006 9:52:29 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Pixel and MstressM have covered about everything. The one bit I would add is to read the profile all the way through. I get tons of mail from boys that have obviously not read the profile, but who tell me what an intriguing profile I have. Selective reading is not acceptable, dont just read the parts you like. And do not (no matter how tempting the idea might seem) try and convince a Domme that even though she has someone and isnt looking that she might want to make an exception for you. That always looks so bad.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MistressYlwa)

Post #: 18

RE: approaching a mistress on line - 12/17/2006 11:09:11 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I believe Pixelslave nailed this advice perfectly, and if you follow it, I bet you will have a better than average response/success wooing your intended domina. M

Thank you for the compliment. Now if I could only remember to always follow my own advice!

Unfortunately, I often have difficulty being concise.

I've been told more than once, if you ask me what time it is, I might tell you how to build a watch!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 19

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