More on the weight thing... (Full Version)

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knkywch -> More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:06:12 PM)

This post isn't in the same vein as the "Mistress to Fat Ratio" post a little earlier. However, it did sort of appear after I saw a great film last night called "Born in a Barn" at the SF Indie Film Festival. Fascinating and well-made documentary on pony play and pony players. Before the main film, they showed a 30-minute short called "Liberty in Restraint" which was a look inside fetish photography.

The fetish photography film seemed to focus on the community in Australia (Sydney, in particular) while the pony play film took place around the east coast of the U.S. (Washington D.C, Maryland...). In both movies, there were more than just a handful of folks whose body shape and size were larger than average (from overweight to grossly obese). In the fetish film, the photographer and a few others were seemed either "normal" or "skinny/lanky". I cannot remember ANYONE in the pony play film who was skinny or normal. (Interestingly, the filmmaker and composer for the film's music were present at the showing and they both were lanky...).

THEN, there was the almost full house for the film, sitting in a theatre in San Francisco... Again, more than a handful of heavier folks (including me, as I place myself in the overweight category for sure) balanced interestingly against groups of normal, skinny (and of course the SF stereotype look of tall and lanky with funky glasses) folks.

In just those little samples, it seems that there is an abundance of all body shapes and sizes -- including those carrying more adipose cells than others. Overweight to obese is NOT a minority. And, given the plethora of statistics stated in the thread I reference above, I can see how the world might be perceiving obesity as an epidemic in (at least ) the U.S.

Thing is, I believe there are LOTS of reasons why our bodies take on the shape, size, and weight they do. Some of us binge or binge/purge or starve ourselves. Some of us are anal retentive about diet and exercise. Some have lucky genes while others do not. Some have thyroid or other medical issues that predispose their bodies to morph bigger or smaller. There's stress and smoking and addiction. There's hedonism and control-freakiness... All sorts of reasons.

Some folks are BBW avoiders while others are BBW worshippers. Some don't have preconceived notions about body shape, size, and weight, seeking the chemistry, the energy... while others are utterly fixated on a certain "look" to get them off.

But with regard to the BDSM population, just from my little samples, it DOES seem as if a significant number of us are heavier. Luckily, I am one of those people who doesn't have a fixed "type" -- I'm an energy/chemistry seeker.

Anyways, that's just me and my little window on the world. What have YOU noticed?

Peace,
kw




Darthbetta -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:14:05 PM)

"Fat and Skinny were laying in bed...."

"Fat rolled over... and Skinny was dead..."

I dont' care if people are "large"....... what gets me is the people who are "large" yet chase after the thin young things and ignore the similary sized/ weight people.

Think about it from the same perspective of a "thin" person.. woud they chase after a "large" person ?

What does that say ?



the jury is still "out" on that one.



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:22:34 PM)

so what if a large person only dates skinny people, or if a skinny person only dates large ones...to each his own...everyone has different tastes and the right to be choosy when it comes to who they date, live with, marry, etc....



Darthbetta -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:33:19 PM)

a lot of the discord is from "Young, Thin and Attractive" beng hounded by "Old, Fat and Ugly". at least that is the way it seems in a lot of profiles and post on personals boards and profiles.

Just an observation :)



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:48:43 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

a lot of the discord is from "Young, Thin and Attractive" beng hounded by "Old, Fat and Ugly". at least that is the way it seems in a lot of profiles and post on personals boards and profiles.

Just an observation :)



the same could be said for the skinny chubby chasers.... i am personally not attracted to skinny people, when i have been approached by skinny men i don't feel as if i am being "hounded", i can simply say thanks but no thanks and move along....btw, why is it that you automatically assume that thin=attractive and fat=ugly.... i see as many ugly thin people as i see ugly fat people..... and vice versa.




ProtagonistLily -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 12:58:09 PM)

quote:

btw, why is it that you automatically assume that thin=attractive and fat=ugly.... i see as many ugly thin people as i see ugly fat people..... and vice versa.


Yeah.

L



nella -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 1:04:17 PM)

why are most of the pepole i meet either fat is good more more. And no ofence, many of the overweight pepole on this site are werry butiful indeed, while others is skinny, skinny skinny is good. I like the middel part and there is where i wish to be. A bit chobby but not fat, and that is what i am aming at whit my current diet.



MizSuz -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 1:26:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

...btw, why is it that you automatically assume that thin=attractive and fat=ugly.... i see as many ugly thin people as i see ugly fat people..... and vice versa.




Therein lay the rub. It's one thing to say "I'm not attracted to large/obese/fat people" but it's another thing entirely to say "Obese people are cows/pigs/dirty/ugly." I wonder if there are similar derogatories for thin people in cultures in which the socially desirable are large.

I've been both and I can tell you there is a marked difference in the way strangers treat large women vs. thin women. Thing is, once a woman's been large for any length of time and then gets thin - you can believe she's going to raise the bar regarding the internal fortitude and character of the people she lets close to her. She's seen too much ugliness from people regarding weight stereotypes. Proving to her that you are worth her time will be a real challenge (whether she's thin at the time or not). She's also much less likely to take any chasing her you may choose to do seriously, especially if she knows you're not the same guy with large women. Not enough depth.

Been there, done that, will probably do it again (soon). I agree with sherria (nopinkballoons) on the previous thread. The scene is a cross section of society at large and that means all body types and yeah, we're an overweight country (this is not news).




ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 1:28:05 PM)

same here nella...i have never been "skinny" yet i have never been this heavy before either...however, i have no desire to be "thin" while i want to lose weight, i would be very content with being a little on the chubby side or average. Just thin enough that i can be a lot more flexible and healthy, and look really good for my Master. : )



knkywch -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 1:40:08 PM)

Of course, we can pontificate on trends "out there" in the world, in the community, on the boards, in the profiles all we want. But really, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. We are attracted or put off for a myriad of reasons... And of course reasons opens up another can o worms, doesn't it? Biological? Socialized? Combination of nature and nurture? Something else altogether??

Since I was a child, I have NOT liked the taste of liver. Or of uncooked onions, lima beans, mustard, cabbage, and hot spicy things like peppers. I've tried. I have. Over the years, I regularly give these things a taste just to see if anything has changed since I was a kid. And mostly, no changes. The bulk of those substances make me gag every freakin' time. (Interestingly, a few years ago I found out that yellow mustard had moved from the "gag me" column to the "hmm, it's okay on a sandwich" column.)

And then there is chocolate... <insert a Homer Simpson-like drool and intonation> Mmmm, chocolate... Ever since I first tasted it, nirvana. Same for a perfectly broiled steak or fried matzo or grilled salmon or spinach or a roasted ear of white corn. Mmmm! I am naturally attracted to certain substances and repulsed/repelled by others. I prefer certain colors and shapes and sounds and smells too. I have a dear friend who LOVES the smell of skunk spray! Since most everyone in my family loves liver and lima beans and mustard, I'm guessing my prefs come from nature 'cause no amount of nurture is EVER getting me to eat liver without blowing chunks...

When I was a romantic teenager, I used to have a vision of what my Prince Charming would look like. Luckily, I did not stay narrow-mindedly invested in that vision. Like experimenting with my like/dislike food list, I experimented with being open to other physical configurations -- and ended up married to the love of my life who happens to NOT fit my initial vision. Nature or nurture? Natural attraction to certain things, sure -- but also LOTS of media to influence me... <shrug> Who knows? I suppose my job is to respect and stay aware of my likes/dislikes and continually be open to seeing if anything shifts.

There are some people in the world that I think are gorgeous, beautiful, hot, attractive (and they look so different from each other!). Yet other people might disagree with what/who I consider gorgeous. <shrug> I know folks who hate all sweets, especially chocolate. I know others who cannot stand steak and won't eat fish. It's all subjective.

So, trends schmends... Shakespeare summed it up for me quite nicely - To thine own self be true.

I figure to everyone else, I can at least attempt to be kind and polite. And hopefully keep my harsher judgments to myself. <g>

Peace,
kw



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 1:52:19 PM)

wow, what a great post that was! : )



Darthbetta -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 2:12:56 PM)

Don't get me wrong here, Thin people are culprits of "hate" too.

I'm thin, but not happy with exactly how thin I am.... I would like another 20 pounds, but I can't gain it.

Am I "lucky" ? perhaps, but I also was an "ugly duckling" as a youth, so I know about the kettle and the pot scenario and well versed in that conversational mishap.

Just be happy in the skin you have, and if you don't like it, WILL POWER is what you need to change it...... cept with me... my damn metabolizm gets in the way despite my 12 ounce curls and carbaholic ways.



mistoferin -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 3:41:38 PM)

I can tell you that here in the Midwest where we are "corn fed" I have noticed that there is an unusually high percentage of larger folks both in the lifestyle and out. I am not normally the kind of person who notices someone's weight unless it is to an extreme either way.

I myself consider myself to be overweight, although when I attend a play party I am usually considered to be a member of the "thin and cute" crowd. I am 5ft 2in and currently am around 160lbs. Now to some this may not seem extreme, but having been 85 lbs most of my life it is a huge change for me. I gained this weight only a few short years ago due to a major illness.

Now the funny thing is that when I was 85 lbs I saw myself as fat. I was constantly on a diet, excercising like crazy. I felt awful all of the time and had no real energy level. Now that I am 160, I know this will sound odd, but I feel more normal. I look at the pictures of myself from that time and I looked like I was dying, whereas now I at least look healthy(not to mention that I know have boobs which was something I never had before!!!).

There are problem areas that I need to work on of course, but if I had to make a choice to either go back to being 85 lbs again or stay at this size forever....well I would just leave well enough alone.



Shayna -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 3:53:26 PM)

quote:

Thing is, once a woman's been large for any length of time and then gets thin - you can believe she's going to raise the bar regarding the internal fortitude and character of the people she lets close to her. She's seen too much ugliness from people regarding weight stereotypes. Proving to her that you are worth her time will be a real challenge (whether she's thin at the time or not). She's also much less likely to take any chasing her you may choose to do seriously, especially if she knows you're not the same guy with large women. Not enough depth.


NO SHIT! My life story :)

I'm not "thin" but I'm a whole bunch smaller than I used to be. It goes through my mind alot how some new guy I just met would have treated me if I was in my former body. I'm really turned off by a guy commenting negatively about larger women who are playing publically; I think they are beautiful.




SecretDomme -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 5:34:51 PM)

I'm a BBW and I am a happy person. I have worked to accept myself as the person I am, whether I am larger or smaller. I can always lose weight or gain weight, but my happiness is not based on that. It would be nice to see more posts from people who seek happiness from within...

Be well,
Julie



FangsNfeet -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 7:25:08 PM)

Once again I like having cushin for the pushin and I like to do corsett training as well.




CTclay -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 8:39:13 PM)

quote:

I suppose my job is to respect and stay aware of my likes/dislikes and continually be open to seeing if anything shifts.


PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECISELY!!

I personally prefer thin women, but my first domme was, well -- triple-sized. My preference never changed -- I just found it wasn't important enough to prevent (or even burden) the relationship.

With anything emotional, you can never really tell what you'll like or dislike (or how much) till you try it. I find that's especially true with anything having to do with romance, relationships, sex and BDSM.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 8:49:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretDomme
It would be nice to see more posts from people who seek happiness from within...
Be well,
Julie[/color]

I applaud your finding your comfort zone...
I believe I have too, and am these days feel better than ever, since I made the choice to strive and make self a better human being, not a more perfectly appearing human being.
I hope my posts have more substance in that regard, than the "he must look just so (though I need to be attracted too)... M



caitlyn -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 9:44:11 PM)

What does it matter if a person is thin or fat?

I used to be chubby (to say the least), and now I'm slender.

Who really cares?

I used to think I was insecure and unhappy, because I had a weight problem. Guess what? I was insecure and unhappy, because I was insecure and unhappy, and weight didn't have anything to do with it.

About the only difference is that now I can date hot guys. Unfortunately, most hot guys my age are not really worth dating. [;)]

caitlyn



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: More on the weight thing... (2/10/2005 9:47:41 PM)

quote:

PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECISELY!!

I personally prefer thin women, but my first domme was, well -- triple-sized. My preference never changed -- I just found it wasn't important enough to prevent (or even burden) the relationship.

With anything emotional, you can never really tell what you'll like or dislike (or how much) till you try it. I find that's especially true with anything having to do with romance, relationships, sex and BDSM.


Exactly....look, we all have our preferences. But if being involved in the lifestyle has taught us anything at all, it's that we none of us fit into cookie cutter little boxes. Having a personal preference is not a free ticket to dis anyone that doesn't fit into it.

And if you find that there's just nothing out there that fits your ideal? Then sit yourself down and do some serious thinking about where you are willing to be flexible. Can you be honest with yourself and divide that ideal up into what you really need, and what would just be a bonus? If you're not...then you're probably not going to find someone. If you can be...well, then you have a lot more possibilities open to you.



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