Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

ChastemanFriday -> Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:27:45 AM)

Well I'd swapped a couple of emails with this lady, no names, no packdrill, who was projecting a desire to be Motherly and dominant.

After two each way, it was clear that there had been some doubt in our minds. So I simply explained how my previous relationships had been, in a effort to be clear, so that she could make a value judgement.

I was discreet, and honest, and nothing more discusting than mention of a nappy was used!

My reply was scary:'YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT I WANT. I AM SICKENED BY WHAT YOU WROTE'.

Here's the problem. Firstly I took the trouble to describe more fully where I was coming from. Erm, even if you don't like it, how about 'Thanks for being so clear, but I don't think we'd be suited'.

Secondly, this 'YOU SICKEN ME' (we're talking about nothing more than mentioning a bit of roleplay, I mentioned baby, maid and schoolgirl) attitood is what makes BDSM such a forlorn place. The same bitch who makes such stupid remarks reflects exactly the problem we have with how vanilla society sees us.

Based on this lady's behaviour, she is in the wrong place.

This saddens me. What should we think when people who come here, actively looking, express themselves like skinhead right-wing boors shouting YOU SICKEN ME whenever they see people doing their thing.

I doubt that Tolerance can be taught to people like this self-proclaimed Motherly-like woman, but we'd all be so much better off if she just accepted her vanilla-ness and left us alone.

Thanks for reading this, I hope your views are supportive, as I expect better of this community.

CF



drawntothedark -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:35:28 AM)

Don't take it to heart. It takes all kinds in this life, and when someone sends me a rude email I delete said email. Just let it roll off your back.



RayvenGoddess -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:40:39 AM)

The way she handled this was not kind at all.  Yet she was honest.  Prehaps this isnt the right place for her if she cannot conduct herself in a nice manner when she comes across somethng that she doesn't like; or perhaps this site isn't right for you if you can't handle the numerous jerks and closed-minded kinksters who are here as well?

We all have to deal with these people.  We have all already had at least one experience I'm sure.  They aren't always close-minded about kinks.  Sometimes it's about body type, age, race or religion.  Yes she was rude, but you should have just left it alone after that response.  It was obivious that she was not right for you and you have no need to explain yourself to anyone.  By writing to her again, you are only asking to be hurt again because she will see you as being rude and trying to force your kink on her.



ChastemanFriday -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:42:43 AM)

Yes, you're right, and of course I have. It's the principle I find upsetting.

In general, I find, people here and in BDSM generally are brimming with Tolerance. Which is good! But makes it all the more disappointing when it rears its ugly head here.

Thanks for the supportive touch.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:44:16 AM)

I'm surprised that people get so surprised when kinky people act like everyone else.

OK not so surprised, it surprised me at first also.

Illusion destroyed- let reality reign.  Kinky people suck just as much as non-kinky people.



ChastemanFriday -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:45:31 AM)

Thanks RayvenGoddess.

I haven't written back to her since receiving that comment! No way Pedro.

Good point, I guess I expect too much sometimes ... don't we all expect others to behave as we do? I'll learn!

Have a great evening.




Lieren -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:59:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChastemanFriday

Good point, I guess I expect too much sometimes ... don't we all expect others to behave as we do? I'll learn!



Just don't equate "learning" with becoming jaded... being authentic and honest is ALWAYS the right path, in my humble opinion :) 



ChastemanFriday -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 10:59:35 AM)

Indeed, Emeraldish one, indeed. Illusion destroyed.

Lesson learned, the brief naivety in thinking that those first against the wall would not be first to put others like them there...

I think I'll try and cling to my naivety though. Much as Lieren is nudging me too (thanks!)

CF



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 11:10:37 AM)

I've learned the good part about reality is that you DO get pleasantly surprised on occasion.



justheather -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 1:45:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm surprised that people get so surprised when kinky people act like everyone else.

OK not so surprised, it surprised me at first also.

Illusion destroyed- let reality reign.  Kinky people suck just as much as non-kinky people.




What a sad commentary it is when people shirk of rude, thoughtless, inappropriate behaviors, subjecting another to rants because of beliefs that don't align, the faking of one's own death, lying about marital or relationship status, leading people on, cheating, and otherwise deceitful behaviors by saying "Well, everyone is like that. Why did you expect kinky people to be any different?"

Maybe Im just lucky, but most of the people I know don't suck.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 1:58:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather
What a sad commentary it is when people shirk of rude, thoughtless, inappropriate behaviors, subjecting another to rants because of beliefs that don't align, the faking of one's own death, lying about marital or relationship status, leading people on, cheating, and otherwise deceitful behaviors by saying "Well, everyone is like that. Why did you expect kinky people to be any different?"

I'm confused by your use of "shirk of"?  Did you mean "shirk off"?

I didn't shirk off their rudeness- they were rude and would be and have been handled appropriately when they are rude to me.  But the fact is that rude people DO exist, there's nothing one can do to change that, and certainly being kinky doesn't make a person polite or tolerant.

I wasn't saying "It's ok to be rude" I was saying "Rude people are everywhere, don't expect otherwise."

quote:

Maybe Im just lucky, but most of the people I know don't suck.

Most of the people I *know* are normal people.  They have their quirks and mishaps.  Most of us are polite most of the time.  But in my years in the scene and in "normal" life, I've bumped against plenty who wouldn't know what polite behavior was if it smashed into their head.



Arpig -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:21:14 PM)

Hmmmm, your kink squicked her out, and she said so...what exactly is the problem?



Morrigel -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:38:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Hmmmm, your kink squicked her out, and she said so...what exactly is the problem?


That she had to be abusive and judgmental about it.

Experienced people in BDSM need to learn to deal with their squicks with a little less bombastic melodrama and a little more courtesy and consideration.  A person's feelings are already more than bruised enough when they are rejected due to incompatible kink.  You don't need to babble on about how "sickened" you are by scenes or ideas which turn them on or have been fun for them in the past.

--M



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:44:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
judgmental

Judgemental is a good thing.  Stop using "judgemental" like it's a bad word- it's not.

quote:

Experienced people in BDSM need to learn to deal with their squicks with a little less bombastic melodrama and a little more courtesy and consideration.  A person's feelings are already more than bruised enough when they are rejected due to incompatible kink.  You don't need to babble on about how "sickened" you are by scenes or ideas which turn them on or have been fun for them in the past.

--M

It depends on the context.  In this case, yes I think the person was unnecessarily immature in their response.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:50:13 PM)

I was first shocked at this sort of response some time ago when I was very, VERY active in the bdsm community. At the time, I was living in San Francisco, and there was somewhat of an unspoken comraderie between the gay/lesbian community and the bdsm community. As such, I spent a great deal of outreach time backing up a lot of issues that were being fought in the gay/lesbian community, even though I didn't identify as either. I had a lot of friends I acquired by these outreaches. Often, it consisted of writing poignant letters to non-community local leaders or just coordinating responses from people that had a lot of influences in areas people might not have suspected when they thought it was easy to go after a pariah community, not realizing that they also have a lot of contacts as well.

The surprise for me came when the bdsm community came under attack about a decade or so ago, and those same people who we had assisted in the gay/lesbian issues were completely silent. People I had known and fought for had no problem condemning the very actions that those who came to their defense were conducting. While pursuing my Ph.D., I came across the same type of activity when women assisted the African-American population in earlier efforts concerning franchisement, but when it came to the women's movement, the African-American community fell back into men versus women rather than recognizing the original support they had received from the women's movement that decided to focus on franchisement for African-Americans before focusing on their own. Not surprisingly, both sides managed to finally achieve their goals, but that support between them is fragile, if even still there.

I see the same thing here from what you are talking about. Bdsm is so out there these days that different types of bdsm are now competing with each other, when you would think that they shouldn't be. What is one person's fantasy turns someone else off completely. I even found myself thinking that the other day with the whole brown shower thing (or whatever name it gets these days). It's not my thing, and I've often wondered what kind of reaction I would have if THAT was the thing people were complaining about concerning bdsm. I'd like to think I'd support the activity because the people participating are part of my community, but seeing how fractured the community can be at times, I wonder how it would really play out.



Morrigel -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:53:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Judgemental is a good thing.  Stop using "judgemental" like it's a bad word- it's not.


Your point of view.  One with which I violently disagree, for a number of reasons.  Judgment implies both authority and superiority to the judged; in 999,999 cases out a million, the person passing judgment has neither attribute, and is in fact nothing but a despicable hypocrite.

You are more than welcome to discriminate, in terms of who you select for your partners, friends, and playmates.  But before you judge, you'd best be wearing a robe and carrying a gavel.  Otherwise, you're probably not qualified.  [;)]

--M



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:57:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
Your point of view.  One with which I violently disagree, for a number of reasons.  Judgment implies both authority and superiority to the judged; in 999,999 cases out a million, the person passing judgment has neither attribute, and is in fact nothing but a despicable hypocrite.

But you're judging me as wrong about my ideas with this very paragraph.



Morrigel -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 2:59:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But you're judging me as wrong about my ideas with this very paragraph.


No, I'm disagreeing with you.  The fact that we have incompatible definitions of the word "judgment" doesn't entitle me to say that you are an idiot because we disagree, that you sicken me, that your ignorance of the "proper" definitions of words makes you my inferior, and that a person like you should be forced to wear a funny hat.

See the difference?  [;)]

--M



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 3:05:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
No, I'm disagreeing with you.  The fact that we have incompatible definitions of the word "judgment" doesn't entitle me to say that you are an idiot because we disagree, that you sicken me, that your ignorance of the "proper" definitions of words makes you my inferior, and that a person like you should be forced to wear a funny hat.

See the difference? 

--M

Now, i'll agree that terms like "slave in a Ms context" can have internal definitions.

I'm not sure I'll go along with "judgement" lacking a fixed definition.

Judging someone as wrong is indeed not the same as judging them as stupid and is indeed not the same as judging them to disagree and is indeed not the same as judging them as not right for you.

But they are all indeed judgements.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Mother's love? When we are as bad as those who persecute the BDSM community (11/21/2006 3:06:41 PM)

If a slave is unowned, is she really a slave?



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125