LadyEllen
Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I think that when one no longer needs the outward trappings.. they have "arrived" at who they say they are.
When people can look at you and know where you are coming from only by your precence/aura- you are real.
For me, very true.
Looking back to when I transitioned, it seemed desperately important to wear the right clothes - ie, whatever would announce as loudly as possible to the world, that I was female and wanted to be taken as female. Not in the way some might imagine, (that is, not the freaky uber feminine stuff of the average CD!), but definitely skirt, blouse and heels.
But that didnt last that long. In fact, only about 2-3 months. By that time, it had been near on a year since I'd split with my ex, I was in a different town, alone, and became very depressed - suicidal in fact. I stopped making any effort at all, since there was no point, as I wasnt planning on living past my 34th birthday, a month or so on.
I have three uncouth yobs to thank for my own acceptance. I was down, and I mean down - not a little unhappy, not a bit under the weather, I mean ready to die, seriously. Still, life goes on, and I needed some milk. I walked to the supermarket, jeans, coat and trainers (sneakers), no make up, nothing.
As I walked across the car park of the store, these three yobs were there, kicking a can around. The sort of adolescent young men who gleefully insult and assault anyone they can, and especially anyone they perceive as odd, or weak. I looked at them, and what they shouted at me was simply wonderful.
"fuck off you stupid bitch!"
A simple five word imperative that meant more to me than they will ever know, for in that short phrase was the confirmation, that even looking like a tramp (and I did - one makes zero effort in depression), I passed as female.
It wasnt the end of the depression, but looking back I guess it gave me something to feel better about. Since then I no longer need those outward trappings, and most importantly I know that I dont need them to be accepted for who I am.
E
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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.
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RE: A Humbling Experience - 
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